Stages of grief

[Spinderella]

Hi,

Spinderella here again,

I do appreciate reading all the posts. It helps me realize I am not alone. How long does it take to get through this pain? I'm in the process of getting my house ready for sale and finding somewhere for me and my girls to live. It's so sad, giving this all up. My stbex seems to be having a blast. He's tells people that we broke up because of a generational curse, and that God has told him that he shouldn't see his kids and he's at peace. The girls (2 and 4) miss him, especially to younger one. I know he's not well mentally but wow, it really hurt to hear that.

Spinderella

 

[SnowBelle]

Hi Spinderella

You are not alone...there seems to be many of us here in the same boat.
My husband has just recently up and left also.
And it sounds like we are in this for the long haul. I know that is not what you want to hear...I would love to just have a normal day again...if there ever was such a thing as normal!
But it does get easier and then worst and then easier!
But I know that the main thing for me to do now is draw closer to God...closer then I ever was before!!
Soak up the Word of God ...it is your life preserver!!

I have a new husband now! His name is GOD!!!!
And that is where God wants me...in that special place worshipping Him.

Spend time with your real Bridegroom(God)...you are the beautiful bride and he is a jealous Bridegroom!

Hang in there girl...with God we will make it through!!

God Bless and Huggles!!

Psa 119:143 Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delights.

 

[Spinderella]

Thanks Snowbell,

That really encouraged me. I had a super rough weekend, my stbex came over and told my four year old that he wasn't going to see her anymore except for birthdays and Christmas. She was so hurt and I was furious. He believed that God has told him he shouldn't see his kids anymore, and he is at peace with this. I don't understand how he could do something so cold and callous. She cried for about half an hour after this. I know he is mentally ill, but how much can one stand?
I had a wonderful time at church today. It really gave me hope. I don't know how I would survive through this if I didn't have faith in the goodness and mercy of my heavenly Father.

Blessings to you! You have the best husband now and so do I.

Peace and Love, thanks for responding.

Spinderella

 

[SnowBelle]

I had a wonderful time at church today. It really gave me hope. I don't know how I would survive through this if I didn't have faith in the goodness and mercy of my heavenly Father.

Blessings to you! You have the best husband now and so do I.

Stick close with your church family ...you need them at this time!

Yes God is soooooooooo good!!

Here is scripture that God gave me last night...didn't even know it existed...can't believe that someone did't tell me about it before...all in God's timing!

Isaiah 54:4-8 CEV Don't be afraid or ashamed and don't be discouraged. You won't be disappointed. Forget how sinful you were when you were young; stop feeling ashamed for being left a widow.
(5) The LORD All-Powerful, the Holy God of Israel, rules all the earth. He is your Creator and husband, and he will rescue you.
(6) You were like a young wife, brokenhearted and crying because her husband had divorced her. But the LORD your God says, "I am taking you back!
(7) I rejected you for a while, but with love and tenderness I will embrace you again.
(8) For a while, I turned away in furious anger. Now I will have mercy and love you forever! I, your protector and LORD, make this promise."


God Bless You!!

 

[TealTuesday]

you have a shoulder here to use if need be as I am also seeing my soon to be ex as' Mr I'm wild and free" and letting it all go to his head so you're not alone girl. I am here for u. this is crazy for all of us.we need to support eachother.

 

[BrBob]

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross came up with the five stages of grief that we are familiar with now. They apply to any situation in which a person finds himself grieving. The loss of a marriage is much like a death, especially for we who believe that marriage creats a one-flesh relationship. That one-flesh is a real person and when it is broken, there is death.

Allow yourself to feel. My wife's parents broke up after 32 years of marriage and we watched it happen. She said that it was strange because she was experiencing the stages of grief and watching it happen at the same time.

The stages are:

1. Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my child(ren) graduate."
4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

God Bless you!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[TealTuesday]

it's like someone has died. Inside,I think I have some.

 

[SnowBelle]

it's like someone has died. Inside,I think I have some.

It is a tearing apart...we are torn and we have open wounds that will take a long time to heal. Divorce I believe is worse than death. It is so hard to deal with all the rejection and hurt!

I have learned a lot from Divorce Care daily emails.
Here is the website...sign up for the "One day at a time daily email" They have really helped me! Check and see if they have actual support groups in your area!

http://www.divorcecare.org/

Remember you are not the only one out there...we need to try to be here for each other.

If you ever want to talk...just PM me!!

 

[SnowBelle]

Spinderella how are you doing??

Hope you will be back again!

Love and HUGGLES to you!!

 

[TealTuesday]

I'm in constant prayer right now when not caring for the 2 at home here or on this forum. Jesus has heard me,things are blooming.My heart is open and my anger is not there.No fear and I have a new fire for God.He does answer us.ok? I believe in myself again and I believe in miracles!

 

[jiggerpolebill]

i think divorce is far worse than death. when someone dies, we mourn, but come to accept it. and if that person was a christian, then we accept that they are better off than us and in a better place.

for me, the mourning of divorce just never seems to end. it's been over 2 years since i found out about my ex's affair and tonight, its just like i found out all over again. the pain and depression are killing me and it seems that it will never end.

 

[Spinderella]

Thanks so much for all your posts. I just read them today and they comforted me. It's been tough. I think I'm in the depressed phase. But I have glimpses of hope. STBEx has changed his mind about seeing the girls and he is coming over ocassionally. I don't bother to tell them (my girls) when he is coming because alot of time he just won't show up. He has to see them under supervision (me), however it's very uncomfortable. He seems to be having the time of his life "free and single" while I am wallowing in self pity, and really feeling like a victim which is really hate to say. I am finding it very difficult as a single mom, the house is a mess, I am trying to pack to move, and sell the house, and taking care of two little girls who need lots of love and attention from me. They are also showing signs of separation anxiety. I am battling with anger towards him because he doesn't even seem to care. His mom blames me for his behaviour (internet addiction) and has threated to take my kids from me, yes I know it's ridiculous but it just adds fuel to the fire and more stress. She was harrassing me via voice mail a few months back, and STBEx would not put a stop to it so I called in the boys in blue, and they went over to her upscale neigbourhood and gave her the shake down (I do exaggerate), Thinking about it makes me laugh though, much needed comic relief!

His parents have not seen the kids for almost six months and they want to know what the girls need for Christmas. I told the STBex that they need nothing from them. Even before the voice mail fiasco, they never called to see how they were doing, even when the baby was sick in hopsital. They are very uncaring people. They think that a gift will make it all better.

When he does come over, it's like I'm being stabbed all over again. It hurts so much to see him, it's like when will I ever heal? Divorce is so ugly, but sometimes necessary. I geuss I can't stand to think that he is so happy after destroying our marriage, and I am wallowing in self pity. My self esteem has really taken a beating.

I am blessed with a suportive family. They are wonderful. My mom, dad, sister and bil are there for me. They are very angry with him and can't understand how I can stand to be around him. I have to for the kids sake. They still love their dad, and deep down inside of me I still do to.

Yes it's pathetic, but I do feel that this has been worse than a death. At least with death there is closure. I dont' have that. The wounds reopen whenever he comes over to see the kids.

Gotta go, getting sleepy.

Thanks again for listening, it's so good to vent.

 

[pammer]

You are in my prayers.

 

[Demi4God]

The stages of discontent ease when things are done and final.I'm doing very well with things but I have an abundant support system.Hoping you all find someone to lean on.

 

[lbclvsrjc]

Hey, everyone. I do not know how I missed this Forum since I joined. I won't go through the whole story, like I posted in the Intro Forum, but I know the feelings everyone in this forum is having....
Did I get them all?? My husband left 6 weeks ago and we were arguing, but nothing different than the last years we were together. I didn't know the way I argued and words spoken only in anger hurt him so bad....when I realized it did it devastated me...but now he says it's not me so much anymore, its him...something snapped and he has to get it fixed. He has not come back home, he does check on me through text messages...he doesn't want to talk because he can't answer questions...says he loves me and wants our marriage, but once he gets himself figured out he doesn't know. So, I send lots and lots of s, to all of you. You are in my prayers and thoughts! Lots of love and PM anytime!!!

 

[TealTuesday]

my emotions are usually running high these days and nights. stages of up and down ALOT.
bill it's a heart ache but don't give up.

 

[Exiled]

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross came up with the five stages of grief that we are familiar with now. They apply to any situation in which a person finds himself grieving. The loss of a marriage is much like a death, especially for we who believe that marriage creats a one-flesh relationship. That one-flesh is a real person and when it is broken, there is death.

Allow yourself to feel. My wife's parents broke up after 32 years of marriage and we watched it happen. She said that it was strange because she was experiencing the stages of grief and watching it happen at the same time.


God Bless you!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

Thank you so much for this information. I'm sure this is helpful to all of us who read posts in this section. My outlook changes as days go by. Some days I miss the friend I once had in my soon-to-be ex wife, and sometimes I can accept those nice times as something we once shared together, but they no longer exist. I seem to be in between stages. I'll keep these in mind. Thank you. Peace to all of you!

 

[RJAZ]

it's a hurt i won't go through again. it's also a hurt that makes me more human. you're not the only one hurting usually.