Stages of falling in love

[CRCDude]

Interesting, if this is a choice between eye candy and personality/character. Then we should consider that eye candy is just that, candy and candy doesn't have much substance to it. It may satisfy for a short period, but what really counts in a long term relationship is character. I don't deny that the first thing most people, including myself, notice is the outside appearance, but I for one would never start a relationship based on the outside appearance. I doubt anyone would do such a foolish thing. Then the question becomes would I reject someone that may have a good character based on what she looks like. I would have to say no I wouldn't. I might not be immediately attracted to that person, but if she had a truly Godly character I believe I would grow to love her totally making what she looks like irrelevant, and that my friends would be a love that I know would last through old age and any other affliction that may befall.

 

[WITNESS8]

Hmmm...

 

[the_man]

I guess if its worked for you all this time...

I do not think that was necessary.

 

[JPPT1974]

Would a mental/psychiatric ward experience similar things?

No but maybe for people like us!

 

[Fatolia]

I'm fighting a crush when I witness a guy willing to get goofy with my Sunday School kids or showing genuine compassion for the youth. That's really the point when my mind registers looks, and I have yet to come across an unattractive person.

Aye, where are the ladies like you over here in K-town?

 

[Fatolia]

Interesting, if this is a choice between eye candy and personality/character. Then we should consider that eye candy is just that, candy and candy doesn't have much substance to it. It may satisfy for a short period, but what really counts in a long term relationship is character. I don't deny that the first thing most people, including myself, notice is the outside appearance, but I for one would never start a relationship based on the outside appearance. I doubt anyone would do such a foolish thing. Then the question becomes would I reject someone that may have a good character based on what she looks like. I would have to say no I wouldn't. I might not be immediately attracted to that person, but if she had a truly Godly character I believe I would grow to love her totally making what she looks like irrelevant, and that my friends would be a love that I know would last through old age and any other affliction that may befall.

Ding ding ding! We haaaaaaaaave a winner!

 

[mina]

I'll admit that i'm not physically attractive. I've pretty much been made fun of all my life or people ignore me like they can't deal with the fact that i'm ugly. That said , I don't want someone to say i wouldn't be a good mate b/c i'm ugly. If I could be beautiful I would, but there are some things you just can't change. I would hope someone would look at the beauty of my character, but i guess the world just doesn't work that way, no matter if you are a Chrisitan or not. It makes me sad and it makes me feel like a bad person- that I have nothing to offer.

If I may be really honest, it hurts very badly to know that a man will probably not love me because he will not be attracted to me based on looks and that my character really means nothing in this area- unless I was cute. I know that different men find different things attractive, but i have never known a guy to ever seriously have been attracted to my looks. It can be quite upsetting.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Everyone has something to offer this earth and more importantly to someone else. That fact that some people believe that its important to place an emphasis on a person's character doesn't mean that they themselves are ugly, suffer from low self esteem, or are in some physical way undesireable. That's like saying that people who place an emphasis on looks are all beautiful and handsome and we all know that's not true

The bible speaks on APPEARANCES many times...not just in terms of selecting a mate, but also when it comes to selecting friends and recognizing the tricks of the enemy (and knowing WHO is meaning to do you harm). Its all about looking beyond what the eyes see. So to assume that people who chose to follow this advice in other aspects of their life are "unattractive" or lacking in some physical ways is ignorant and most certainly ungodly to say the least.

The bible is God's promises to us. Don't let people deter you. Its like i say all the time, listening to man and you'll end up hurt everytime. Do what the word says and follow that.

I do think CRDude made a great point about giving people a chance...making an effort to get to know someone as opposed to just immediately writting them off because they do not have ** insert a physical feature here** which is what you usually go for.

 

[Fatolia]

I'll admit that i'm not physically attractive. I've pretty much been made fun of all my life or people ignore me like they can't deal with the fact that i'm ugly. That said , I don't want someone to say i wouldn't be a good mate b/c i'm ugly. If I could be beautiful I would, but there are some things you just can't change. I would hope someone would look at the beauty of my character, but i guess the world just doesn't work that way, no matter if you are a Chrisitan or not. It makes me sad and it makes me feel like a bad person- that I have nothing to offer.

If I may be really honest, it hurts very badly to know that a man will probably not love me because he will not be attracted to me based on looks and that my character really means nothing in this area- unless I was cute. I know that different men find different things attractive, but i have never known a guy to ever seriously have been attracted to my looks. It can be quite upsetting.

This is the very reason I started this thread, to assess this problem.

 

[mina]

and the conclusion is???? I don't know the answer to this problem. I tend to think negatively, skeptically, cynically about romance, so to me it seems pretty hopeless. It's pretty frustrating.

 

[Fatolia]

Mina, you keep saying how you're ugly. This greatly disturbs me. What is it that you think makes you so physically unattractive?

 

[mina]

Why does that disturb you? I'm trying to be realistic and honest. I'm not going to pretend that i'm some beauty, b/c I know i'm not. I mean it doesn't make me feel that good, but I didn't get to pick how I looked. At least I know where i stand.

 

[the_man]

Why does that disturb you? I'm trying to be realistic and honest. I'm not going to pretend that i'm some beauty, b/c I know i'm not. I mean it doesn't make me feel that good, but I didn't get to pick how I looked. At least I know where i stand.

I'd like to know the answer to Fatolia's question and this wasn't it. Who told you that you were not beautiful?

 

[mina]

lots of people have told me that. Lots of Christians have told me that; people who have seen me in person. And i'm not stupid, i can look in the mirror and know. I see some good about me too, but on the whole altogether it's not a great picture.

 

[JPPT1974]

I would much rather have people see me from the inside than the outside.
What if the person is pretty or handsome on the outside but "ugly" on the inside.
IMO, that is what counts is peoples' characters, behaviors, and kindness.

 

[the_man]

lots of people have told me that. Lots of Christians have told me that; people who have seen me in person. And i'm not stupid, i can look in the mirror and know. I see some good about me too, but on the whole altogether it's not a great picture.

That is truly unfortunate.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I can sympathize with Mina. I've gone through similar treatment. Nowadays though, it's not words, but actions....most 'christians' simply ignore me altogether....not even superficial 'church love' is acceptable. Sorry, this may be a little off topic.

As for the topic at hand, I know in the past I've developed feelings for guys who others may not find 'attractive' because their hilarious sense of humour or genuine nice personality. Of course, I would never have let them know for fear of finding out they are like everyone else....freaked out by the prospect of a weirdo like me being attracted to them.

 

[Tink]

I love both of you girls. Honestly. I know, I'm not a guy. Sorry!

I used to really talk about how ugly I was. Then a friend told me to use my spiritual eyes, instead of my physical ones. Once I started truly looking to see myself the way God sees me, I decided that ugly or not (to man), He thinks I'm beautiful. And His opinion is the only one I care about!!

(((((((((Mina, Hoosier)))))))))

In His love,
Tink

 

[CRCDude]

Hello again all, this subject hits home for me. I have long thought of myself as unattractive. This mindset has damaged my self asteem over the years. In high school I dreaded going to school because I was certain that every time a person looked at me they were judging my physical appearance. I was very skinny in high school. I still am on the thin side, but I was extremely self conscious of this. The point is I ended up hurting myself, and this has hurt me even now. I dread public speaking I hate talknig on the phone all because of this irrational fear of being rejected or who knows what. I have had to force myself to get over this fear, because to function in this society you have to be able to communicate with people mono y mono. This has not been easy for me, and has probably cost me some job opportunities. I have been gradually getting better though it has helped having supportive parents. One thing is for sure though this struggle of mine has definitely forced me to rely on God more, and that my friends is a good thing. I realize how easy it is to become discouraged, and I hope that this will encourage you guys in some way. It is important to realize that we live in a fallen world, sin permeates everything even our physical bodies, but there is always hope; God has not abandoned us. If we believe in Him then we know that he is changing us from the inside out. One day we will all meet in paradise and we will say to each other you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, and the best thing is we will mean it!!!! Sorry to get preachy I tend to do that alot.
God Bless all of you.

 

[Fatolia]

I can sympathize with Mina. I've gone through similar treatment. Nowadays though, it's not words, but actions....most 'christians' simply ignore me altogether....not even superficial 'church love' is acceptable. Sorry, this may be a little off topic.

As for the topic at hand, I know in the past I've developed feelings for guys who others may not find 'attractive' because their hilarious sense of humour or genuine nice personality. Of course, I would never have let them know for fear of finding out they are like everyone else....freaked out by the prospect of a weirdo like me being attracted to them.

Some people are just like that. People stay in their social circles. When you came to Fusion a few months ago, people not only avoid you (except Brad the cool pastor), they avoid me, they avoid my extremely attractive brother....they avoid everyone new. It's certainly not a Christlike attitude people have there. I would hope to change that, but I'm only one person. Making people feel accepted is tough because very few others thinks it's important. People roam around thinking about themselves and their close social circles all day.

I think it's kind of unfortunate how you think you're so fat. There's a lady in our church who is significantly more overweight than you, and she just got married like 6 months ago. When I was in college, there was a big girl who was popular because she was such an extreme extrovert. I even liked her. One day I was surprised to discover that she had recently 'acquired' the attractive guy who all the girls chased after. However, there's this big girl I keep running into who pursued me in high school...everytime I see her, I can feel the vibes of desperation. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: no one wants a partner like that. I think you have to be socially aggressive with people and numb yourself to those people who'll judge you because you don't look like Halle Berry.