Split Personality? So Confused!

[littlevoice]

Thanks guys. At the moment I am trying to be optimistic about everything. Thanks for your prayers. I do feel though that I am not worth them

 

[wmc1982]

I am confused because I don't understand how I can feel so different at the same time. Aren't we supposed to feel depressed and then feel happy but not at the same time?

I feel happy and normal, but underlying all that is the constant feeling that I just want to die. I feel like there are two of me living at the same time - one who loves my bf and my life (well, not so much my life!) and one who just wants to die. When I am thinking about my bf, I feel guilty for not caring if I live or die. But I still want to die! Why? I'm so confused!! How can I wake up every morning and feel depressed because I woke?!

I'm not going to do anything about it, but sometimes the feeling is so strong! I cut and I starve. I am messed up. This is probably the wrong forum to put this in. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

do not be sorry. Cover yourself up with God's promises. God can and I believe He will deliver you from this darkness. Do not wish to die. Rejoice in your troubles. The battle is already won, and you are on the right side. Realize that God is strengthening you through these times. Thank Him for every breath you take in this world, for it will not last. Do not believe the devils lies.

 

[phoenixgw]

I don't know what that means, but I'm guessing you won't do anything about your problem until it gets so bad that getting help will be less torturous than continuing as you are.

I suffered from chronic depression for 30 years. It finally got so bad that I couldn't work anymore. First my doctor gave me effexor (a living hell of side effects and a nightmare to get off of), then I decided to try 5-HTP 300 mg/day. You don't need a prescription for that. It increases the levels of serotonin, a mood regulator depression sufferers tend to produce less of than others.

Regarding your question, "How can I feel happy and depressed at the same time?"--picture an artist's canvas. The black background is your mood, and it colors everything you do, think, & feel. The objects in the foreground are your boyfriend & other people & things in your life that make you happy in the moment. In psychology, this is called "affect." That is how it is possible to be depressed & happy at the same time.

I learned a lot about life, God, & myself after 30 years of chronic depression. However, if I knew then what I know now, I would have sought treatment a long time ago, even though I didn't know what was wrong with me. I paid too high a price for my wisdom & salvation. My best years are behind me now (physically speaking).

I will pray that light of Jesus shines on you, so that you might turn to him in your brokenness & he might heal your soul.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Thanks guys. At the moment I am trying to be optimistic about everything. Thanks for your prayers. I do feel though that I am not worth them

Hey littlevoice ,

I just wanted to let you know that I've been praying for you too.

You are so worth the prayers because you are our fellow sister in Christ and we love you so much. Like our Heavenly Father, we desire to see a joyful peace return to your heart.

Rest in His arms and may you be strengthened by His Love.

 

[littlevoice]

Thanks guys. Wow I never expected such a wonderful response.
phoenixgw what you said about the canvas and the paint helped me understand more how I can feel two ways at the same time. I am consideirng going to see a doctor but who would be better seeing - a doctor or a counselor at the moment? I don't know.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Thanks guys. Wow I never expected such a wonderful response.
phoenixgw what you said about the canvas and the paint helped me understand more how I can feel two ways at the same time. I am consideirng going to see a doctor but who would be better seeing - a doctor or a counselor at the moment? I don't know.

to you sis,

From my own experience I'd be inclined to say a doctor, mainly because I would not have been in the right state of mind (due to me crying all the time) to have been able to articulate or put across how I felt to a counsellor. The doctor placed me on medication which calmed me down to a point where I could restart my prayer time and I could also then look up a Christian counsellor and phone and book an appointment.

 

[rushingwind62]

I don't know why I want to die. It would be easier if I could understand. At least then I would know why. I am not in counseling, I can't. I can't talk to anyone about it. I just can't. I can only talk here because it is anonymous. I am scared if I talk to someone in life about it they will make it into a big deal and analyze me. Maybe I am just supposed to be broken. I have only been to my church a few times because I am new and I dont feel comfortble talking to someone about it.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone professionally. They are there to help you and will help you to overcome the depression and possibly get on some meds. This is nothing to mess around with. Depression can lead to pyschotic behavior where you don't know what you are doing and you could act out your deepest feelings. Please seek help and know we are all praying for you...God bless you

 

[eLBeBe]

Don't be afraid to talk to someone professionally. They are there to help you and will help you to overcome the depression and possibly get on some meds. This is nothing to mess around with. Depression can lead to pyschotic behavior where you don't know what you are doing and you could act out your deepest feelings. Please seek help and know we are all praying for you...God bless you

I aggree with that cause depression Isn't nothing to mess with. My cousin was depressed and and it lead him to sucide R.I.P. but God is by your side sis so keep on praying and I'm still praying for you