Spanking

[kimmie1980]

Hi I have a few questions about spanking. I am a parent struggling to discipline my children. I discipline in love not anger.

Here are my questions.

1. Should a hand or object be used? What object do you use to administer a spanking?

2. Should it be done over clothing or bare bottom? Some say it's more effective bare bottom.

3. How many swats should be given? When do you stop the spanking?

4. What do you do if they try and kick and get away during a spanking?


Hope some good chrisitan parents can help

Thanks

Kim

 

[E-beth]

I believe that spanking is a last resort deal and should only be above the clothes and only on the bum. I usually only give two or threee swats with my hand...not really enough to hurt, but enough to get his attention.

I don't think a spanking should sting or leave marks. And using a belt and other stuff (my mom used a wooden spoon) is just too rough in my opinion.

Lots of parents don't agree with spanking, but when I see a defiant toddler ready to run into the street I wanna drive home the message of NO!

 

[pmcleanj]

1. Discipline means to teach. The best teaching is done collaboratively, by showing the student *how* to perform the skill correctly, not by punishing the child for performing it wrongly. I don't hit my children with either a hand or an object -- and in Canada using an object is criminal assault.

2. In Canada, baring the child is criminal, and possibly sexual, assault.

I guess I can leave questions 3 and 4 unanswered.

 

[JulesM]

I'm not a parent, but many of my friends are. My Mum used to hit me just because she'd lost her temper - which as an adult I now see as wrong, as there is a clear line between discipline and just being cross. But sometimes I got a slap on the hand or on the bum when I'd done something seriously stupid and the message really hit home.

Kids today are quite defiant. I have watched my 10 year old cousin be told and told again - my aunt won't spank him. It drives her nuts that he thinks he can get away with everything. I have friends who spank their kids as a last resort when sitting on the stairs and other punishments haven't worked.

Its a very personal thing - and a very controversial subject.

 

[kimmie1980]

Hi I have a few questions about spanking. I am a parent struggling to discipline my children. I discipline in love not anger.

Here are my questions.

1. Should a hand or object be used? What object do you use to administer a spanking?

2. Should it be done over clothing or bare bottom? Some say it's more effective bare bottom.

3. How many swats should be given? When do you stop the spanking?

4. What do you do if they try and kick and get away during a spanking?


Hope some good chrisitan parents can help

Thanks

Kim

 

[kimmie1980]

Hi I have a few questions about spanking. I am a parent struggling to discipline my children. I discipline in love not anger.

Here are my questions.

1. Should a hand or object be used? What object do you use to administer a spanking?

2. Should it be done over clothing or bare bottom? Some say it's more effective bare bottom.

3. How many swats should be given? When do you stop the spanking?

4. What do you do if they try and kick and get away during a spanking?


Hope some good chrisitan parents can help

Thanks

Kim

 

[jessangle]

I think spanking works! But it has to be done out of love. When I got spanked I knew it wasn't just because I deserved it, but because my parents loved me.

This is how spankings where handled at my house.

If I disobeyed or was defiant mom (mom usually did all the spanking) would tell me to wait in my room. It gave her some time to cool off and it gave me time to think about what I did. After a few minutes she would come in with the paddle. She would sit with me and we would talk about what I did wrong. She made sure I knew why I was going to be spanked. She would also tell me that she needed to spank me because proverbs 23:13-14 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; If you punish him with the rod he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. Then she would lean me over her lap and give me my spanks, She went by age, when I was eight I got eight spanks. How hard depended on the offence. Then she would tell she loved me and she forgived me then we would hug and move on.

I think thats how spankings should be administerd. It worked for me and my sisters. When I have kids I will discipline them the same way.

 

[desi]

'Spare the rod spoil the child' implies a rod of some type should be used, probably wood.

Don't know about the other questions you pose. Its probably at your descretion how, where, and why you hit them.

 

[cyberwing]

Kim,
Jess has given a wonderful description of how to administer punishment. Spanking sometimes is not as effective as removing priviledges you have to judge by the child. Find what gets your child's attention! EACH child is Different!!! Time out works with one, with the other it's completely ineffective! Pray Kim, pray a LOT! Seek His guidance. Ask the Lord to show you. None of us raise our children... we THINK we do but it is God's Divine guidance that gets every parent through this challenge! We can't do it without HIM!
Read Proverbs, it is packed with great wisdom! Then pray and be sure to listen to what HE tells you. God gave this child, this precious blessing to YOU. Not to Hillary's village, or the state or Federal Government, HE gave this child to YOU. Along with this goes the responsibility HE places on you, to train up your child in the way that he should go! So lean on HIM Kim... that's my best advice as a mother of two TERRIFIC boys!
Remember each child is different too. God made each so unique and precious!!! It's amazing but I saw right away I had to learn to respect their different personalities and tastes! Parenting is a very challenging job but it's a wonderful blessing!!!
Jesus bless my sister Kim and guide her. Grant her your peace and wisdom as she seeks Your will for her child, the blessing you have bestowed upon her! Thank you for Kim's life and all she is! Anoint her to carry Your Love and Peace to all she meets!
's ~Cyberwing

 

[Gerry_NY]

Hi Kim,

Here are my answers to your questions:

1)An object should be used....I use a wooden spoon, others use belts or other objects. I prefer something wooden and small. Because a hand is used to show love. You use a hand to wipe away tears....you use them to hold your childs hand or stroke their hair when they are down or hurt.

2)I think spanking bare bottom or with clothing on is a preference. Bare bottom does get better results. But generally, I use a spanking to get their attention rather than trying to hurt them.

3)I usually give 3 to 4 swats. Like, I said I use it to get their attention rather than trying to hurt their bottom. Though they know it smarts when I spank them. And I don't spank them more than twice. If it comes to it I ground them. You asked when do you stop spanking. It's kind of a vague question from my point of view. I stop spanking after the 4th swat. And I generally stop spanking them after they are over the age of 6 or 7. After that I use other methods of discipline such as groundings or chores that has to do with the "crime". So, I hope I answered the question the way you needed it answered.

4)If they kick and scream, I just restrain them gently. Usually my legs are holding theirs and I hold them down with one arm. If I think they are going to hurt themselves I let them go and retry.

 

[Gerry_NY]

Lots of parents don't agree with spanking, but when I see a defiant toddler ready to run into the street I wanna drive home the message of NO!

I totally agree with that point. I only spank them when I feel that they will seriously hurt themsleves.

 

[Silent Enigma]

A popular source of child training & discipleship material is the "No Greater Joy" ministry. Its been rather helpful for us. I'm sure a google search would get it for you.

Remember to take people's child raising advice with a grain of salt and do what works for you.

So here's my attempt at answering your questions....

1. A chopstick or some little thing with zing. Nothing that would cause damage of course. Some little attention getter.

2. Well works best on skin. If they're grabbing a no-no a little zinger on the back of the hand reassures them of what "no" really means.

3. The right amount. Never pick a fight you know you wont win.

4. Always make negative behavior counter productive for them. What the consequence is depends on the kid and their personality and whatever it is they really dislike.

There.

 

[rainbowprism]

Can I ask how old your children are? Are they old enough to understand consequences for thier actions?

 

[12volt_man]

1. Should a hand or object be used? What object do you use to administer a spanking?

I would do it bare handed, although my parents used a belt. My dad's favorite method was to give me his knife, make me walk all the way out to the big mimosa tree behind our house and cut off a switch.

2. Should it be done over clothing or bare bottom? Some say it's more effective bare bottom.

Either but I don't see the point of pulling his pants down. He's going to get the point either way.

3. How many swats should be given? When do you stop the spanking?

I honestly don't have an answer for that one except to tell you to remember that the point isn't to hurt your child, but to grab his attention. You want to be firm but, at the same time, it's not a good time to act out a Jim Thome fantasy.

There. Was that vague enough?

4. What do you do if they try and kick and get away during a spanking?

Hold on tight and let them kick. That hold true for any tantrum, by the way. Just let them kick and scream until they wear themselves out. Once they see that you're not going to give in, they'll stop.

 

[Sheena_Va]

If everyone could be in agreement with those questions wouldnt it be wonderful, lol.
Personally I believe in spanking. Only with my hand, but my kids are 2 and 3, so maybe my views will change as they get older and my hand does as well
I have a problem with using switches and belts. I think of it like this.... If I was in charge of a store and one of my employees started screaming at the top of his lungs and knocking things off
the shelf... would it make me angry? yes. Would I pull off my belt and start whipping him with it? NO! So why would we as parents impose such an abusive
punishment on our weakest and most vulnerable humans?

 

[Caelum]

If everyone could be in agreement with those questions wouldnt it be wonderful, lol.
Personally I believe in spanking. Only with my hand, but my kids are 2 and 3, so maybe my views will change as they get older and my hand does as well
I have a problem with using switches and belts. I think of it like this.... If I was in charge of a store and one of my employees started screaming at the top of his lungs and knocking things off
the shelf... would it make me angry? yes. Would I pull off my belt and start whipping him with it? NO! So why would we as parents impose such an abusive
punishment on our weakest and most vulnerable humans?

So, instead, you'd pull your employee's pants down and spank his/her bare bottom? Interesting

 

[Caelum]

Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 13:24(AMP): "He who spares his rod (of discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him diligently disciplines and punishes him early."

Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."

Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the (reed-like) rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

Proverbs 19:18(AMP): "Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not (indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and) set yourself to his ruin."

Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 29:15 &17(AMP):

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame.
17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your heart.

Ephesians 6:1-4:

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Prayer for the Moment:

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my children and grandchildren. I have learned so much over the years through the parenting process. I have failed so many times, but You have been there to pick me up and help me overcome the things that came against me and my children. Lord, being a parent is a challenge that only with Your help and love can we be the kind of parents that You call us to be. Lord, I pray for all mothers and fathers who are seeking You for help with their families. Grant Your help and favor to them. Give them your love, wisdom and patience in dealing with their children. May all Christians be the godly parents You call them to be, and may their children be loving and obedient so that we all have happy and blessed homes. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

[Rafael]

God's Word in Caelum's post really covers it well. The Word of God is so wonderful. Approaching all things with prayer is a good idea too. Very good prayer.

 

[Hatsumi]

Also remember Ephesians 6:4 - "provoke not your children to wrath,"

and

Colossians 3:21 - "provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

I think spanking makes children angry, and that it's disrespectful to hit people just because they're smaller than you. You wouldn't hit your spouse if he or she did something wrong, would you?

I think there's a lot to be said for common sense and not taking the Bible literally. Proverbs also says to finish your outdoor work and get your fields ready before building your house. Do any of you live that way? I doubt it. Much of the Bible is a product of its times. People hit their children back then because they didn't have TV or PlayStation to take away. I think that using the Bible as a parenting manual is scary, to be honest. The Bible also tells you that if you have a disobedient child, you should take him to town and have him stoned. Would you do that just because the Bible says so?

 

[Blindfaith316]

at all times (great scriptures and prayer BTW) PRAY about your children, two books that helped me tremendously are the Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian and Raising Right Hearted Kids in a Wrong way world, by David Rosales. I prayed prayed prayed... and remember that each child resonds differently, different personalities..so no other guidelines than what you feel led from he Holy Spirit to do should be followed!

My daughter gets spanked, just once on her bottom with the back of a wooden spoon, and not too hard, but just enough to get her attention, and then after she calms down we have a chat about why she got a spanking, what she can do to avoid that in the future and that I love her and do not like it (nor does Jesus) when she sins (disobeying). Then we pray together (she's almost 5)

My son responds to just a stern "NO!" it's enough to curb his bad behavior (often brings the kids to tears!) **lol** but he's only 3 and that could change, but I doubt it!