SOSI Chat and Brainstorm Center

[New Creation]

Thanks for the update Pam! Some very interesting developments, eh? Glad you are taking precautions and continuing to pray for them.

 

[New Creation]

On a totally unrelated note, I guess I'm just confessing to my Christian brothers and sisters here. I am still really struggling with my anger. My sweet little almost 2 year old shouts out the f-shot today a couple of times and it's ME she got it from.
My husband and I had a serious talk tonight. We both struggle with anger but it is more of an issue with me since I'm the one with Meaghan all the time and it seems that he's got a better handle on it. I don't know. I don't think he's as stressed out as I am. In any case, it's irrelevant.
We made a promise to God tonight- no more swearing. No more filth coming out of our mouths. (Lloyd rarely swears compared to me- I used to do it a lot less- I don't know why it's come back like it has). I will need God's help. I don't know if I can do it.
Lloyd said to me that I've overcome all the other stuff that I've needed to so far (with God's help) such as drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, pulling my hair out (yeah, you didn't know about THAT one eh?), and now I"ve been running regularly for 4 months. LLoyd says he knows I can overcome this too.
Those other things are a piece of CAKE compared to expressing my anger immaturely and prematurely. It boils up so fast. the words come out of my mouth so fast. With a cigarette or a drink, you've got time to contemplate whether you want to DO it. with the tongue, it's SO quick.

This truly is the GREATEST most important battle of my life. All that other junk PALES in comparison because now there is SO much at stake. My daughter will be two in three weeks. Her personality is being formed- her self is being created.

I NEED to change the way I act- the way I REACT. GOD help me; my friends, please help me. Please, I ask you to keep me in prayer for this specifically. I need to heighten my awareness, to stay honest and accountable, to THINK before I speak or act! To remember that I am here to SERVE that little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! To stop being so utterly and completely SELFISH and to GLORIFY GOD!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Paula!!!!!!!!!! Once again we are going through similar stuff! I feel for you because I seriously do not swear or curse. Never really have. Not even in the industry....just not my style...In the past I did on occasion when I got really, really, really angry. When my son was born I would get really upset if someone used bad language around him because I didn't want him to be exposed to it. Now that he's 2 (and already smarter than I am! lol!) he has learned the d-word from ME!!!! Just this morning he was running around repeating it and I have not said it in awhile. There have just been days when I am not feeling well to begin with and then he will do something that he is not supposed to and has been in time out for over and over and then he does it again and the word slips out!

It makes me feel so horrible when I see myself falling short as a Mom (not only in this area). I will pray for you in this area sis.....I totally relate!

 

[InTheCloud]

Interesting that you both are dealing with anger issues when two girls who are active in the industry who has anger issues came to post here.
Interesting that Pam is dealing with troublemakers in LA when a girl that has similar problem came to post here.
Things happen for a reason.

 

[New Creation]

Paula!!!!!!!!!! Once again we are going through similar stuff! I feel for you because I seriously do not swear or curse. Never really have. Not even in the industry....just not my style...In the past I did on occasion when I got really, really, really angry. When my son was born I would get really upset if someone used bad language around him because I didn't want him to be exposed to it. Now that he's 2 (and already smarter than I am! lol!) he has learned the d-word from ME!!!! Just this morning he was running around repeating it and I have not said it in awhile. There have just been days when I am not feeling well to begin with and then he will do something that he is not supposed to and has been in time out for over and over and then he does it again and the word slips out!

It makes me feel so horrible when I see myself falling short as a Mom (not only in this area). I will pray for you in this area sis.....I totally relate!

Wow, Courtney, that is SO bizarre that the same thing is happening to you! And even weirder because you rarely used to swear! AFter I became a Christian 5.5 years ago, I really (for the most part) quit swearing- to be using it again now is such a big deal.
I wonder if this is common Courtney? I wonder if other women find themselves doing this too?
Mind you, our cirumstances are kind of similar- our kids are the same age, we come from similar backgrounds- maybe it's unique to women like us?
Hey I appreciate you letting me know where YOU are in this battle and while I am praying for me, I'll be praying for you.
I had a pretty good talk with my counsellor on the phone today and I let her know about the swearing for the first time too.

 

[InTheCloud]

I think Court is taking all the repressed anger for her childhood, the abuses she suffered and her career in sex work out.

While is good that to take that anger out. Sex workers often internalize the anger in the form of depression and sefloathing, is necessary to learn who to focus that anger in a constructive way instead of using that anger in family, friends, passerbys or worse in themselves (cutting, suicide).

 

[BlondieLashes]

I wonder the same thing Paula. Motherhood is a test I have never endured before and I am so afraid of being a horrible, abusive parent (like my parents) that I stress quite a bit over what he hears, sees, eats, etc. I just love him so much and want the best for him;

And yes, Ricardo, I am dealing with alot of internalized anger. A LOT!!!! I couldn't be mad growing up being abused and I couldn't be mad being in the sex industry....I was always told if I got upset and needed to be hit by the guy that was controlling me that it would "hurt my money" to have bruises so I internalized.

So, yeah I am sure a lot of my anger is surfacing now.

 

[InTheCloud]

Is common on sex workers.
There was this girl who was a moderator of a well know porn forum and a well know porn atress.
- I read that she was compulsively stealing from sets and people.
- I read that she had a total nervous breakdown. So I clicked the links and yes, she was a huge anger outburst toward people in the forum and stopped posting there.
- She took a several month vacation from porn.
- When she came back I saw her first photos and despite the photographer being infamiusly incompetent, she looked good, like she was clearly eating more and not doing hard drugs. But her eyes has changed, her eyes did not have the dead look of most active sexworkers or the glazed expression of someone that is adamant of doing something but does not know why. She was angry eyes, she looked uncomfortable with the attention, something rare in a porn actress. About two weeks latter she was seen with Shelly Lubben. She was out of porn.

I knew she was out since she had the breakdown. Her anger came outward, she no longer could degrade herself anymore. Her days as a sex worker were numbered.

 

[New Creation]

I wonder the same thing Paula. Motherhood is a test I have never endured before and I am so afraid of being a horrible, abusive parent (like my parents) that I stress quite a bit over what he hears, sees, eats, etc. I just love him so much and want the best for him;

.

Amen to that. Motherhood makes everything else I've ever done look like a spring walk in the park. I never imagined it would be as difficult and challenging as it is. How naive I was!

I wasn't abused like you were Court; no where near. So I can only imagine the stress and anger you are holding inside. I hope you can find some way to get it out of you. I'm not sure how myself.

My mom was (is) an angry person who took it out on her 3 kids and dad was rarely home or glued to the tv. They were (are) high functioning alcoholics who didn't (don't) know how to communicate. (Ironic since my dad was in radio for a while eh?)

On another unrelated note, Meaghan went pee pee in the potty tonight for the first time!!!!!

Only another mum can really appreciate that.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Paula,

Give Meaghan a hug for me and tell her I am so proud of her! That's awesome!!!!!!!! My little guy is still flat out refusing the potty so I am not pushing it. He is so smart that sometimes I get a bit worried....worried that I am not going to be able to keep up with him....For example after I weaned him I was trying to get him to drink his "regular milk" and he was refusing, so I talked to his doctor about it and he was in the room. She told me that if he wasn't getting at least 16 ounces of regular milk a day that he should take a TUMS for calcium. Later that day when we got home and I offered a cup of milk with his dinner he looked at me and said, "Dr. Smith said that I could take TUMS instead." and threw the cup on the floor. He was not even two years old at the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[savedfromstripclubs]

I commend both of you moms for your determination to not hand down the legacy of anger/violence to your kids. That is a huge accomplishment. I was violenced by my dad and I definitely had a lot of anger to deal with over that. I relate to the swearing problem Paula, and it has only resurfaced recently due to dealing with retaliation from people at my former work place for our websites and book exposing them.

Yes Ricardo you are spot on once again. There was so much anger and rage among the women at my club and regular outbursts of violence, sometimes over the stupidest thing. Some of them bought into the gangsta girl thing and seemed to even revel in their violence and "b-word" personas, something I think is sadly encouraged by radical feminism. Of course, being a sex worker is by definition to be subjected to violence, emotional, physical and spiritual. It took a lot of effort for me to forgive my former boss and other people associated with my club.

 

[New Creation]

Paula,

Give Meaghan a hug for me and tell her I am so proud of her! That's awesome!!!!!!!! My little guy is still flat out refusing the potty so I am not pushing it. He is so smart that sometimes I get a bit worried....worried that I am not going to be able to keep up with him....For example after I weaned him I was trying to get him to drink his "regular milk" and he was refusing, so I talked to his doctor about it and he was in the room. She told me that if he wasn't getting at least 16 ounces of regular milk a day that he should take a TUMS for calcium. Later that day when we got home and I offered a cup of milk with his dinner he looked at me and said, "Dr. Smith said that I could take TUMS instead." and threw the cup on the floor. He was not even two years old at the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh Court, that is SO funny. You are in BIG trouble.

 

[savedfromstripclubs]

Here are two articles by a journalist about the Las Vegas Sex Industry which mentions Melissa Farley. I thought they were pretty good coming from a secular newspaper. Apparently they made some pro-sex industry people angry.

http://select.nytimes.com/2007/09/04/opinion/04herbert.html?n=Top%2fOpinion%2fEditorials%20and%20Op%2dEd%2fOp%2dEd%2fColumnists%2fBob%20Herbert

http://select.nytimes.com/2007/09/08/opinion/08herbert.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

 

[InTheCloud]

The said that Melissa Farley book on Nevada's Brothels is going to be published online.
Where?
I'm PM her tomorrow.

 

[New Creation]

And another, by the same guy. It's good to have a voice like his in our corner. God, please bless him!

http://select.nytimes.com/2007/09/11/opinion/11herbert.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

 

[New Creation]

The said that Melissa Farley book on Nevada's Brothels is going to be published online.
Where?
I'm PM her tomorrow.

I was wondering the same thing. Let us know Ricardo.

 

[InTheCloud]

I liked this:

The first thing to understand about prostitution, including legal prostitution, is that the element of coercion is almost always present. Despite the fiction that they are “independent contractors,” most so-called legal prostitutes have pimps — the state-sanctioned pimps who run the brothels and, in many cases, a second pimp who controls all other aspects of their lives (and takes the bulk of their legal earnings).
They are hardly empowered. Years of studies have shown that most prostitutes are pushed into the trade in their early teens by grown men. A large percentage are victims of incest or other forms of childhood sexual abuse. Most are dirt poor. Many are drug-addicted. And most are plagued by devastatingly low levels of self esteem.

Prostitution is a Social Justice Issue and a Social Mental Health issue, not just a sexual morality issue as some people what to protrait.
But I do disagree with the American and Muslim practice of criminalizing prostitutes. That actually empowers the pimps and makes more diffcult for prostitutes to leave the life. I guess that the Swedish model proposed by Professor Farley in the US is better. Too bad that the politicians, the media and the Churches are not listening.

 

[New Creation]

I wonder how Sweden pulled it off. Who proposed it? How long did it take to lobby it through the government?

We need to bring the success of the Swedish model to the rest of the world.

I'm hoping to join the Catholic women's league when I become Catholic- the group at my parish already has an ongoing interest in the sex-trade and I'd like to broaden and personalize it for them. Perhaps we can begin lobbying locally for the same thing.

One thing that concerns me locally is that Vancouver is considering legal brothels so that they can "handle the demand" for prostitution during the 2010 Olympics. If that happens for the Olympics, we'll never get that Pandora's box closed again.

 

[savedfromstripclubs]

Thnaks for that third article Paula. The more I read, the more I learn. I agree that there should be pressure to impose heavier sentences on the pimps and the johns rather than go after the prostitutes, who are so often victims here.

 

[InTheCloud]

Paula I think that there is a Swedish Liberal Women group (in Europe Liberals are more like secular conservatives in the US and Canada) Socialists are called Socialists there not liberals as in the US. Who proposed the measure. And there is a Swedish professor in the Univesity of Lund that did studies on sex workers who also was a key witness for public opinion on the issue. And the Swedes who are very science oriented listened to her and Melissa Farley who was flown from the US.
Maybe asking Melissa should be a good idea.