Sometimes I wonder

[Lady Bug]

(never mind, I'll talk about it another time if I feel like it, it still bothers me though)

 

[chevyontheriver]

(never mind, I'll talk about it another time if I feel like it, it still bothers me though)

Know we care.

 

[RileyG]

God bless you

 

[Lady Bug]

This was what I deleted:

I'm not a member of the parish anymore that I'm referring to but sometimes I wonder if my name (the first name people don't catch, but it's the last name that's the kicker) was the cause of me not really making enough friends there. I never could quite make friends in my age range there; only the older ladies were OK with me. I did go to three or four different fellowship events which were not "small" events, but it seemed that people stayed with their own groups. I don't know if I tried hard enough, but there came a point where I felt uncomfortable trying. It is hard to explain, and it's a subjective feeling that only I know. Before my confirmation, I could imagine that the people in the congregation knew the names of the catechumens, because they were called in front of the congregation to go up to the front, a few times during the RCIA process. Their names were listed in the bulletins too (mine included).

At the next parish, which I do find better than the previous one, there was a young man (he seemed half my age, lol) who seemed interested in talking to me (whether it was just as a person or otherwise, I couldn't tell) and asked me one day how Muslim was my dad while I was growing up (I forgot how he even knew it, I must have told him but exactly on what context, I don't know) and it wasn't until recently that I caught the possible reason why he asked me this. I forgot what I answered him, but I didn't think my answer was such that it would scare someone off. He stopped being as conversational with me as he used to be and doesn't look as enthused to see me anymore. I think it's because of my dad being Muslim. I felt he was too young for me but I had appreciated the flattery. It reminds me of my dad telling me that I'll have a hard time being accepted by people who are not Muslims. I know he used to say that, probably to discourage me from going to Church, but when I see things in real life that confirm what he's saying, or seem to confirm what he's saying, it kind of hits me in the chest.

 

[Michie]

This was what I deleted:

I'm not a member of the parish anymore that I'm referring to but sometimes I wonder if my name (the first name people don't catch, but it's the last name that's the kicker) was the cause of me not really making enough friends there. I never could quite make friends in my age range there; only the older ladies were OK with me. I did go to three or four different fellowship events which were not "small" events, but it seemed that people stayed with their own groups. I don't know if I tried hard enough, but there came a point where I felt uncomfortable trying. It is hard to explain, and it's a subjective feeling that only I know. Before my confirmation, I could imagine that the people in the congregation knew the names of the catechumens, because they were called in front of the congregation to go up to the front, a few times during the RCIA process. Their names were listed in the bulletins too (mine included).

At the next parish, which I do find better than the previous one, there was a young man (he seemed half my age, lol) who seemed interested in talking to me (whether it was just as a person or otherwise, I couldn't tell) and asked me one day how Muslim was my dad while I was growing up (I forgot how he even knew it, I must have told him but exactly on what context, I don't know) and it wasn't until recently that I caught the possible reason why he asked me this. I forgot what I answered him, but I didn't think my answer was such that it would scare someone off. He stopped being as conversational with me as he used to be and doesn't look as enthused to see me anymore. I think it's because of my dad being Muslim. I felt he was too young for me but I had appreciated the flattery. It reminds me of my dad telling me that I'll have a hard time being accepted by people who are not Muslims. I know he used to say that, probably to discourage me from going to Church, but when I see things in real life that confirm what he's saying, or seem to confirm what he's saying, it kind of hits me in the chest.

LB, your background could be as American/Christian as apple pie and the same thing could have happened. I know your father instilled the idea in you that non-Muslim would have a hard time accepting you but I can assure you that it is not the case here. It was another manipulation tactic. I’m a convert. I have never and still have not gotten cozy with other Catholics in the Church. Those I have, have passed away. They were much older than me. Sure, I know people where we speak in passing. I’m asked to volunteer, etc. it’s a different type of thing as compared to evangelical Churches. There is not a huge focus on fellowship with newbies which carries beyond the Church doors in my experience. Sometimes there is even a feeling of resentment with some Catholics with converts. I’m a convert and so are you. Many of the Catholics that attend have been in the Church for generations. It’s very family oriented as well as friends of family. People like us just have to find our place.I just volunteered. There are Bible study groups, etc. I’ve even heard some say converts were ruining the Church. My priest said the opposite. He said converts were a gift to the Church. We are there because we believe it is the true Church that teaches the fullness of faith. If we make meaningful friends, great! But Cradle Catholics are very set in their ways and comfortable as things are in my experience. They do not have a mindset of hovering and welcoming like evangelicals do. Don’t give up. You’ll get acclimated but I can assure you it has zilch to do with your Muslim background.

 

[Lady Bug]

LB, your background could be as American/Christian as apple pie and the same thing could have happened. I know your father instilled the idea in you that non-Muslim would have a hard time accepting you but I can assure you that it is not the case here. It was another manipulation tactic. I’m a convert. I have never and still have not gotten cozy with other Catholics in the Church. Those I have, have passed away. They were much older than me. Sure, I know people where we speak in passing. I’m asked to volunteer, etc. it’s a different type of thing as compared to evangelical Churches. There is not a huge focus on fellowship with newbies which carries beyond the Church doors in my experience. Sometimes there is even a feeling of resentment with some Catholics with converts. I’m a convert and so are you. Many of the Catholics that attend have been in the Church for generations. It’s very family oriented as well as friends of family. People like us just have to find our place.I just volunteered. There are Bible study groups, etc. I’ve even heard some say converts were ruining the Church. My priest said the opposite. He said converts were a gift to the Church. We are there because we believe it is the true Church that teaches the fullness of faith. If we make meaningful friends, great! But Cradle Catholics are very set in their ways and comfortable as things are in my experience. They do not have a mindset of hovering and welcoming like evangelicals do. Don’t give up. You’ll get acclimated but I can assure you it has zilch to do with your Muslim background.

What you said is basically true. It is hard though if the convert's conversion could result in loss of their entire family (in my case extended) when you're in the midst of families themselves, though. Anyway, thankfully, the second parish doesn't make me feel as bad as the first parish but it's been months since I've gone to any fellowship things there because of what had been going on with my dad. I don't have the experience with Evangelical churches to be able to relate to what you're saying, but I believe you. It's a pity that I can't attend such a church without having to listen to false doctrine, though.

I can't help but ask, why would converts be perceived as ruining the Church?!

 

[Praying Rose]

Sometimes there is even a feeling of resentment with some Catholics with converts. I’m a convert and so are you. Many of the Catholics that attend have been in the Church for generations. It’s very family oriented as well as friends of family. People like us just have to find our place.I just volunteered. There are Bible study groups, etc. I’ve even heard some say converts were ruining the Church. My priest said the opposite. He said converts were a gift to the Church. We are there because we believe it is the true Church that teaches the fullness of faith. If we make meaningful friends, great! But Cradle Catholics are very set in their ways and comfortable as things are in my experience. They do not have a mindset of hovering and welcoming like evangelicals do. Don’t give up. You’ll get acclimated but I can assure you it has zilch to do with your Muslim background.

I've had a similar experiences as a convert. A few are welcoming, but others are very dismissive. I feel like I will always be somewhat of an outsider. Although, in all fairness, I don't fit the Catholic Woman mold very well since my husband doesn't attend and we don't have children. So I don't really blame anyone. I'm an anomaly. But I'm happy when I'm at Mass, because that is my time with Jesus.

 

[Lady Bug]

I've had a similar experiences as a convert. A few are welcoming, but others are very dismissive. I feel like I will always be somewhat of an outsider. Although, in all fairness, I don't fit the Catholic Woman mold very well since my husband doesn't attend and we don't have children. So I don't really blame anyone. I'm an anomaly. But I'm happy when I'm at Mass, because that is my time with Jesus.

I might never be as complacent in being an anomaly as you are
It does not mean that I'll let it sabotage my Mass attendance, but it will always hurt me in some way or another. I'm not trying to grandstand or anything, just stating my raw opinion.

 

[FaithT]

I might never be as complacent in being an anomaly as you are
It does not mean that I'll let it sabotage my Mass attendance, but it will always hurt me in some way or another. I'm not trying to grandstand or anything, just stating my raw opinion.

I have a lot of church acquaintances but only two I’d call friends. It’s like people are friendly but stick to their own groups.

 

[Lady Bug]

It’s like people are friendly but stick to their own groups.

Oh I know. The irony is, that people in these groups were once new parishioners themselves.

 

[Praying Rose]

I might never be as complacent in being an anomaly as you are
It does not mean that I'll let it sabotage my Mass attendance, but it will always hurt me in some way or another. I'm not trying to grandstand or anything, just stating my raw opinion.

I'm so sorry. You are not wrong to feel like that at all. People generally don't like being treated like they are invisible. I'm pretty introverted, so that could be why it doesn't bother me as much as it should.

I have a lot of church acquaintances but only two I’d call friends. It’s like people are friendly but stick to their own groups.

Yes, people seem the same here. I got the impression that people who volunteer a lot may be accepted into younger groups, although possibly not the most established groups.

I haven't really been trying hard to fit in or socialize in the past few years, though. I stopped going to Bible study because it's very painful to sit for so long, and I'm usually exhausted all the time because work takes all my energy. Shoot, I guess I'm the standoffish one now.

 

[Michie]

What you said is basically true. It is hard though if the convert's conversion could result in loss of their entire family (in my case extended) when you're in the midst of families themselves, though. Anyway, thankfully, the second parish doesn't make me feel as bad as the first parish but it's been months since I've gone to any fellowship things there because of what had been going on with my dad. I don't have the experience with Evangelical churches to be able to relate to what you're saying, but I believe you. It's a pity that I can't attend such a church without having to listen to false doctrine, though.

I can't help but ask, why would converts be perceived as ruining the Church?!

Many converts have fall outs with their families when they convert. It’s a pretty common occurrence.

The Catholics that are trying to change the teachings of the Church are the ones that think converts are ruining the Church because the majority of converts are not interested in any of that and come across as more traditional or conservative than they’d like. They consider that to be a loss.