Hi all. I have been involved with my SO for a year now, and things are serious. We constantly talk about marriage so my thoughts are now going toward things like being a Christian wife and what all that entails. Anyway, without babbling to much, here are some questions that I'm finding. He wants a totally different wedding from the one that I have imagined, should I be submissive and give up my ideal wedding to supply him with his? I have no problem doing this because I seek to make him happy in all that I can. I truly feel that the wife should be submissive and that submission is practiced before in the dating relationship, but I am confused if this is an instant that I should submit to him. The other question is I know scripture says for the wife to leave her family and cling to her husband, but does that mean that her heart will become cold to her family? I just don't understand how God can put a desire in my heart for both my future husband and my family. So, should the husband be willing to make it a priority to become a part of his wife's family? If so, then how much of a priority should this one aspect be to the husband? I'm extremely confused on these two questions and I'm hopeing that y'all can help. I'm looking forward to hearing your answers.
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some questions...
- Thread starter tulipbeliever
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InTheFlame
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Tulip - I believe talking to each other and finding compromises so that you each enjoy your wedding day will help you a LOT more than working out whether you should be obeying or not obeying. What is your husband's view of submission? Does he believe it means doing everything the way he wants? Do YOU believe that?
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Col. 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself... each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Eph. 5:25, 28, 33
I think this points to the idea that love is very, very important in marriage - and love involves putting another's welfare above your own.
As far as your 'leaving and cleaving' question -
A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
(mentioned in Eph 5 too)
My interpretation: A new family is created when a man and woman marry. Their primary loyalty, and their primary emotional output, should be toward each other. Often, that loyalty and emotional output previously went toward their family - parents in particular. While the family of origin is of course still important and loved, the new family should be a higher priority.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Col. 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself... each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Eph. 5:25, 28, 33
I think this points to the idea that love is very, very important in marriage - and love involves putting another's welfare above your own.
As far as your 'leaving and cleaving' question -
A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
(mentioned in Eph 5 too)
My interpretation: A new family is created when a man and woman marry. Their primary loyalty, and their primary emotional output, should be toward each other. Often, that loyalty and emotional output previously went toward their family - parents in particular. While the family of origin is of course still important and loved, the new family should be a higher priority.
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Isn't it your wedding too? I mean, it takes two people to get married right? At least that was the rule when I last checked. I don't see anything wrong with compromising on some things. I mean, part of loving someone is about sacrificing. But it's kind of cruel when only one is doing all the sacrificing........If he gets all of his way, tell him that you'd have a nice lovely dog house for him when you guys get back from your honeymoon.
On the latter question, I agree with IntheFlame......
On the latter question, I agree with IntheFlame......
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E-beth
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It is important that you get these roles set in your minds BEFORE you get married. So you are doing the right thing.
My opinion is, the Godly wife is not a timid and shy little woman who does everything to make her husband happy. She is a helpmeet to her husband, and they work together to make EACH OTHER happy. Sometimes she will give in, sometimes he will. But on big decisions they must find compromises. If he wants a small wedding and you want a big one, have a medium sized one. If he wants a medieval one and you want a modern one, have elements of both. It is a blending of families and thoughts, so it shouyld be representative of that.
A wife should leave her family to be with her family, but I don't think God wants us to walk away and harden our hearts to them. My husband has adopted my family as his own and his has adopted me. But the core of our marriage is OUR family...me, he and our son.
My opinion is, the Godly wife is not a timid and shy little woman who does everything to make her husband happy. She is a helpmeet to her husband, and they work together to make EACH OTHER happy. Sometimes she will give in, sometimes he will. But on big decisions they must find compromises. If he wants a small wedding and you want a big one, have a medium sized one. If he wants a medieval one and you want a modern one, have elements of both. It is a blending of families and thoughts, so it shouyld be representative of that.
A wife should leave her family to be with her family, but I don't think God wants us to walk away and harden our hearts to them. My husband has adopted my family as his own and his has adopted me. But the core of our marriage is OUR family...me, he and our son.
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- Aug 3, 2004
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First and most importantly don't get drawn into the "submission role". There is to be mutual submission within marriage, NOT wife to husband.
Thus, your wedding should be a mutual effort to have a special ocassion that is mutually satisfying. You, and your parents are as much a part of it as he and his parents are. Period.
The principle in Genesis is that when two people are married they then have the first priority for loving each other, and also responsibility for each other. Prior to marriage a parent is the next of kin. After marriage the husband/wife is now next of kin.
There is a transferring of one's primary love to one's spouse, but that does not involve reducing the love for your parents. It is a recognition of a changed role. A child loves parents as part of a family relationship. A couple love each other as part of a covenant relationship sealed by a voluntary promise and blood - one reason why pre- marital virginity IS an issue),
There is also a message for parents - let your children go! Allow them to be the unit that God intended. Clinging, interferring parents are acting contrary to God's purposes for marriage.
Ideally, each person can have good relationships with both lots of parents. Sadly, this does not always work out.
I hope this helps.
John
NZ
Thus, your wedding should be a mutual effort to have a special ocassion that is mutually satisfying. You, and your parents are as much a part of it as he and his parents are. Period.
The principle in Genesis is that when two people are married they then have the first priority for loving each other, and also responsibility for each other. Prior to marriage a parent is the next of kin. After marriage the husband/wife is now next of kin.
There is a transferring of one's primary love to one's spouse, but that does not involve reducing the love for your parents. It is a recognition of a changed role. A child loves parents as part of a family relationship. A couple love each other as part of a covenant relationship sealed by a voluntary promise and blood - one reason why pre- marital virginity IS an issue),
There is also a message for parents - let your children go! Allow them to be the unit that God intended. Clinging, interferring parents are acting contrary to God's purposes for marriage.
Ideally, each person can have good relationships with both lots of parents. Sadly, this does not always work out.
I hope this helps.
John
NZ
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Well, thanks to all of you who responded. I am still struggling with the situations that I posted, but I believe that everything will work out. I mean there is a reason as to why we are not to the point of planning the whole thing... right?! Ha Ha. Maybe God is still conforming me, or still shedding light on the whole thing to him. At any rate, when it does come to the point of planning all this out I'm sure that God will work it out for good. This man is very in tune with God and I'm sure that God will not keep him out of the loop. I am searching for ways to voice my feelings to him and a wise man does take into consideration a womans opinions, feelings, etc. before he makes is final decision. I pray that God will open this mans ears so that he can hear me, and that this won't turn into a bigger issue than what it is. Welp, I have to go. Thanks again and y'all take care!
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