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some help if i could?

empty_spaces

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Apr 4, 2004
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I'm a 17 year old female, Christian, if it really matters..

All my life, i've stuck to the principle that i wouldn't ever date, long before i read the book, I kissed dating goodbye. I knew i didn't want to date the way the world does, but using dating as a means to get to know a guy i will marry someday, if it's God's will.

If it matters, i've always had trouble, "hearing" God's voice and direction. Older, wiser people tell me to pray for wisdom and understanding, but i have problems praying because as i mentioned, i never "hear" responces.

But on to the problem at hand. I've always hung out with guys more than the girls, and in september i gained what i believe to be the first bets friend i'd ever had... i say that because all my other "best" friends eventually melted away. But so far, we have endured. We are going on 7 motnhs, and we are inseperable. (sp?)

I suppose i should inform you that my best friend is a he. This becomes critcal when i come to the next part of my story. In decemeber, when my brother got married, he and i got closer as we stepped over what we quickly discovered was a fine line between friendship and a relationship. That's the best we could call it. It only lasted two weeks before we realised what we were doing was wrong, so we broke it off. There was only minimal physical contact between us (we agreed that we wouldn't do anything we wouldn't do to a total stranger and stuck by that; the only thing we ever did was hold hands)

Now, as you know, is it is April. For the week after our break-up sortive, we were very sensitive and could not be near each other. But now, our relationship has become much better.

Too better i fear. Sometimes i wonder if all we are doing is simply waiting until we are older, then repeating this. Still worse, i fear we are only having the emotional envolvment of a romantic relationship whithout a physical one.

To make matters worse, i never told my parents, so no one knew. i'm not sure what i am asking for, perhaps someones opinion, or advise to to what should be done? :confused:
 

jenptcfan

My cup runneth over
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When do you think you'll be ready to be married? What qualities are you looking for in a husband? Do you think this guy has those qualities?

I hope that the guy I eventually marry is my best friend. That's a great bond to have with someone. You haven't done anything wrong as far as I can see. Are you two lusting over one another? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you've exercised a lot of self control and have kept your relationship pure. Maybe this is the man God has for you. Maybe it's not. Not every courtship ends in marriage. Courtship is viewing a relationship from a standpoint of finding out if it could lead to marriage (not just dating for the sake of dating and breaking hearts left and right). It seems like your intentions are good. If you're intent on courtship vs. dating, why don't you enter into a courtship and see if this is the guy God has for you.

He's probably not going to drop the guy he has for you from the sky. It's going to take some action from you and the guy and constant prayer.

Good Luck!
J
 
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empty_spaces

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i will be 18 in a few months, and he is going to be 20 in a few months as well

I don't think either of us are ready to be married, that is the thing. he hasn't a clue what he wants to do with the rest of his life. I have a clue, but it doesn't make any money (it would be a volunteer career)

it also doesn't help that neither us make that much money. I make more than he does, but it's still less than 10k a year.
 
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Living4Him03

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About hearing God...I can only think of one person I know of who actually heard God speak to them off the top of my head and that is Moses lol. Remember the burning bush? Anyway, God has never flat out spoken to me in any language. However, He does "speak" in other ways. Last year I did not have much money at all and there was one week where I was just running out of food and didn't have much left (my parents bought my food, but only every two weeks). So, I knew God would take care of me and I prayed about it. He gave me this peace about it...and I just knew I didn't need to worry. I guess that's the Holy Spirit who was talking ;) The day I prayed that God would take care of my need, I went to my internship (at a homeless shelter) and someone had donated some chicken, mashed potatoes, etc. from a local restaurant to the shelter staff. I had that for lunch and dinner! Hehe. God continued to provide for me and has continued to let me know His will, even though He does not directly "speak" to me. I think part of getting a response is having the faith that God WILL respond and that He will bless us! I know the times I don't feel like He's responding are when I forget to realize GOD IS GOD and He WILL answer us. I hope this helps! I am sure God will lead you in the right direction. Focus on your relationship with God and becoming the woman He wants you to be and "finding" yourself before you become involved in a serious relationship. That's my advice. God bless ya sweetie!
 
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jenptcfan

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I've never heard God speak in an audible voice, but he has spoken to my heart--and it was as clear to me as if his voice had boomed out of the heavens! lol The times when he has clearly spoken to me have been times when I was completely broken and knew He was the only one who could give me the answers I needed. It seems like He reaches out more plainly to me in my desperation than any other time. I'm not sure if that's true for everyone...just my experience.

Talk to God and be really honest with him. Tell him that you want to hear his voice, but you're frustrated because you aren't sure you're getting his responses.

One other thing...sometimes I pray to God and ask him for help in a situation, and before I've even said Amen, I've already started brainstorming about how I'm going to fix the situation I've just asked for help with. Then I go off and do it on my own (and usually fail) thinking "well God didn't answer me, I HAD to do it myself!" I didn't even give God a chance to answer me.

When you pray to God, do you wait for a response? He doesn't always answer immediately. I know in my life sometimes I push him out of the way and don't let him work like he wants to.
 
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LifeInYou

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Girl, it's not too often that someone comes along that you connect well with and truly believe that it's possible to love/spend the rest of your life with him/her. If you feel this way about this guy, I'd say go for it. (As in, date one another) You can set the physical boundaries ahead of time. You only live once and if you never give this a try, you'll never know what could have become of it. Of course, pray and ask for discernment about the situation and if you still can't hear God's voice, you can always rely on his Word. Make sure this guy loves Jesus with all of his heart, demonstrates the fruit of the Spirit (to the best of his ability), and essentially, make sure he is just honestly, consciously seeking to be more like Christ every day.

Hope everything works out for ya :hug:
 
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