I've been pursuing a relationship with God for a while now, and some of the things that have been holding me back have come to my attention. It is, in fact, sin. Not the kind of sin that has been so often mentioned to me though, but a different aspect of it.
I'm sure many of you are familiar with the saying, "some are more equal than others." and I've noticed that this kind of works for something I'm dealing with. All of us are sinful, this is a given. However, "some are more sinful than others." We sin, so we are all equally sinful . . . But it's kind of just like throwing the lable of sinful on something while having various degrees of it.
Think of it like this, "Here, this tastes a little bit like lemon, let's call it lemon flavored. This, this IS a lemon, it too shall be called lemon flavored." I know it's kind of a bad example, but you hopefully get what I mean.
I know it is not any Christian's intent to come off as holier than thou, and many, many of you don't. However, that does not change the perceptions people like me who are very, very young in our faith. I look around me at Christians who I admire, and trust, and I can't help but feel utterly inadequate. It is not because they are not sinful, and I am terribly sinful . . . It's just kind of demoralizing to realizing just how sinful you are, and to feel like you could never actually fit in with this people for this reason. By fit in, I mean feel a part of and worship together without apprehension.
I know I'm not the only one who feels held back by their sins. I know that it is not the fault of others that I feel this way, however, the fact remains that it is something I have to deal with. Coming out of a sinful life while still completely surrounded by sin is in no way easy. I can't just go up to my family and be like, "Hey, you need to stop doing that, it's wrong!" They just will, and do, laugh at me. Sin was rampant in my life up until recently, when I learned how to deal with it. I'm still dealing with the after-affects of it though, and they are very strong.
This understanding of my situation tries to prevent a relationship with other believers, and tries (but does fail often) to obstruct my relationship with God. I know this could boil down to a self-confidence issue, but the fact of the matter is is that the sins of someone recently coming in to a relationship with God seem absolutely overpowering compared to someone who has had a relationship with God their entire life, or even someone who found God several years ago. We are all sinful, but some are more sinful than others in their own eyes. How do those of us who feel this way cope with it?
This just leads me to be bitter over the fact that I wasn't born into a relationship with God. That I had to come into this relationship after I realized what I was doing was wrong. I know it's not a matter of being fair, that we all have to deal with the hand we're dealt, but this whole thing is just aggravating.
I've been thinking that it was just a matter of completely disregarding my sins when it comes to the growth of my faith. Not to ignore the fact that what I've done is wrong, and what I will do is wrong, but to not let them bog me down.
I'm sure many of you are familiar with the saying, "some are more equal than others." and I've noticed that this kind of works for something I'm dealing with. All of us are sinful, this is a given. However, "some are more sinful than others." We sin, so we are all equally sinful . . . But it's kind of just like throwing the lable of sinful on something while having various degrees of it.
Think of it like this, "Here, this tastes a little bit like lemon, let's call it lemon flavored. This, this IS a lemon, it too shall be called lemon flavored." I know it's kind of a bad example, but you hopefully get what I mean.
I know it is not any Christian's intent to come off as holier than thou, and many, many of you don't. However, that does not change the perceptions people like me who are very, very young in our faith. I look around me at Christians who I admire, and trust, and I can't help but feel utterly inadequate. It is not because they are not sinful, and I am terribly sinful . . . It's just kind of demoralizing to realizing just how sinful you are, and to feel like you could never actually fit in with this people for this reason. By fit in, I mean feel a part of and worship together without apprehension.
I know I'm not the only one who feels held back by their sins. I know that it is not the fault of others that I feel this way, however, the fact remains that it is something I have to deal with. Coming out of a sinful life while still completely surrounded by sin is in no way easy. I can't just go up to my family and be like, "Hey, you need to stop doing that, it's wrong!" They just will, and do, laugh at me. Sin was rampant in my life up until recently, when I learned how to deal with it. I'm still dealing with the after-affects of it though, and they are very strong.
This understanding of my situation tries to prevent a relationship with other believers, and tries (but does fail often) to obstruct my relationship with God. I know this could boil down to a self-confidence issue, but the fact of the matter is is that the sins of someone recently coming in to a relationship with God seem absolutely overpowering compared to someone who has had a relationship with God their entire life, or even someone who found God several years ago. We are all sinful, but some are more sinful than others in their own eyes. How do those of us who feel this way cope with it?
This just leads me to be bitter over the fact that I wasn't born into a relationship with God. That I had to come into this relationship after I realized what I was doing was wrong. I know it's not a matter of being fair, that we all have to deal with the hand we're dealt, but this whole thing is just aggravating.
I've been thinking that it was just a matter of completely disregarding my sins when it comes to the growth of my faith. Not to ignore the fact that what I've done is wrong, and what I will do is wrong, but to not let them bog me down.
