Some advice

[SonsOfThunder7]

Well, I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4+ years. It was a hard thing to do, but our relationship did not glorify God, He wasn't the foundation on which it was built, though we tried. Knowing this, and why our relationship failed, I'm concerned for her. When we broke up she said that she felt that "God was leading us to be single, to focus on our walk with Him". I knew that this was what God wanted for the both of us. It's been about 3 months. To complicate the matter, she had been spending time with someone a couple of years younger(male) throughout the entire ordeal.

My concern is... we recently repaired the communication gap in our friendship, and she admitted to me that she likes him, doesn't know if she's going to date him, but she likes him and I fear that she may start dating him(missionary dating). To be honest, I would not be so concerned if he had a passion for Christ. If he more than just believed, and actually followed. It's hard for me to stand by and watch this... There is a huge part of me that feels as though I need to warn her. I'm worried that she'll jump into this relationship, and end up in another relationship where Christ isn't the focus. When I asked her about his faith and where she thought he was at... she said she didn't know. To me, I think that's something that should be obvious. I know she really cares for him and she wants to help him... but he doesn't need her, he needs God. I should know... it used to be me in that position.

My question is this...
I know she'll hear me out, but I fear that if i bring it up again... I could lose our friendship.
Do I voice my concern even moreso at the risk of losing our friendship?
It's going to hurt to see her in another relationship like the one we were in. I feel as though all I can do is watch and hope for the best.

 

[AngelDove1]

Well, I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4+ years. It was a hard thing to do, but our relationship did not glorify God, He wasn't the foundation on which it was built, though we tried. Knowing this, and why our relationship failed, I'm concerned for her. When we broke up she said that she felt that "God was leading us to be single, to focus on our walk with Him". I knew that this was what God wanted for the both of us. It's been about 3 months. To complicate the matter, she had been spending time with someone a couple of years younger(male) throughout the entire ordeal.

My concern is... we recently repaired the communication gap in our friendship, and she admitted to me that she likes him, doesn't know if she's going to date him, but she likes him and I fear that she may start dating him(missionary dating). To be honest, I would not be so concerned if he had a passion for Christ. If he more than just believed, and actually followed. It's hard for me to stand by and watch this... There is a huge part of me that feels as though I need to warn her. I'm worried that she'll jump into this relationship, and end up in another relationship where Christ isn't the focus. When I asked her about his faith and where she thought he was at... she said she didn't know. To me, I think that's something that should be obvious. I know she really cares for him and she wants to help him... but he doesn't need her, he needs God. I should know... it used to be me in that position.

My question is this...
I know she'll hear me out, but I fear that if i bring it up again... I could lose our friendship.
Do I voice my concern even moreso at the risk of losing our friendship?
It's going to hurt to see her in another relationship like the one we were in. I feel as though all I can do is watch and hope for the best.

Hi SonsofThunder,

Thats it, you answered your own question .Hope and Watch...prayer helps a whole lot ...


She is acctually out of your hands.

Leave it in God's hands.

You can not change people only God can.

If its going to make things worse then....
"Let Go and Let God"

You need to be focusing on yourself...
If you mind your own business...God will mind yours.
If you don't have it how can you even think of giving it away. You can't.

Place her in God's pretty basket of Love...and release her with Love God's Love.

There is power in prayer.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear SonsOfThunder7

You said:

" but he doesn't need her "

Are you really qualified to be able to make this decision.



We must all walk our own path and make our own decisions about GOD and what we are going to do.



It sounds as if you have already talked to her but were not pleased with the outcome.



I think if you don't let her know exactly what YOUR feelings for her are, you will regret it as long as you live. LOVE is something that never goes away. We just have to LEARN how to deal with it if it does not turn out.



Stay away from talking about her friend. She knows what the situation is and will make her decision as she seems fit.



Besides it's not really about him, it's about your LOVE.




NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS ALWAYS REMEMBER:




XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and move to the O ) ( then feel who is around you )

 

[SonsOfThunder7]

Thanks AngelDove1,

I can't change people, only God can. I guess I'm trying to do the very thing she may be trying to do with him, ironic. I have been focusing on my walk with God and I wouldn't be able to deal with this whole ordeal had it not been for God's guidance. To be honest, my concern for her, at times, does take my focus away. My struggle does lie with letting her go... and I guess that has to do with trusting in God, the very thing I've struggled with the most in the past.

Let Go and Let God, I can't tell you how much those words mean to me right now.

Wonderwaleeye,

I know I'm not God, and only He truly knows if "he needs her". From my own experience, it's a very dangerous area. I had accepted Christ 2 days before we started dating. I never knew what it was to walk with Him alone. I depended on her much of the time, when it should have been Him. We tried to grow together and at times we did, only to be dragged down by sin. She dragged me around at times, though her intentions were good, it wasn't enough. I felt myself a lot of the time trying to get into God because I felt like she wanted me to, not because I wanted to. This wasn't always the case, there were times when I truly wanted to seek God myself. It basically got to the point where we both became stagnant and content with where we were, my fall and the breakup soon followed. From what she's told me about him, I see a lot of myself in him. He's a new Christian, but neither of us know where exaclty he stands, how willing he is to truly follow. I personally know him and from the way he acts and talks, he has much growing to do himself. I know how hard that is to do, even with her good intentions. I'm concerned for the both of them.

As far as my feelings for her go, I do love her, but I also understand that where I'm at now, is where God wants me. The breakup was mutual in the fact that although I still wanted to be with her, I knew that God wanted us out of our relationship. I wondered at the time if that were the whole truth for her. Right now it doesn't seem so. She hung out with him all the time during our 1st breakup, during the brief reconciliation, and after the "real" breakup. I do feel lied to and wronged, but I don't hold it against her. I swallowed my pride, I didn't let the pain turn into anger as she told me she liked him, as she told me she was contemplating dating him. I can't explain why I did that other than that I do truly love her. And if she can't see that, I can't force her. I love her but I'd rather have God in my life where He is at right now, than be with her and have Him where He was.

The decision is hers to make, I can only watch and pray!

 

[justjan]

There is a place to mind ones own business and a place to hold a brother or sister in the Lord accountable. Only you know where this situation fits.

If you see that this relationship is leading her away from God and you are concerned about that, you have a duty to let her know about your concerns. Not that you have an issue with the guy, but with her choosing this guy over her relationship with God.

If it comes to that you may risk losing her friendship. You will have to make certain that the Lord is leading you to speak to her out of love and with the right motive. Your duty isn't to convince her, only to share the truth in love.

 

[bliz]

If you dated for 4+ years, 3 months is not nearly long enough to be over the relationship and be friends. Take a longer break from each other.

So what if he is a lot like you? It's really none of your business. So what if they have a similiar relationship? It's really none of your business. You say that God wanted you out of your relationship, so out you are, and therefore, it's really none of your business.

If God wants you out of the relationship, then get out of it! You are hanging around the edges under the guise of "friendship" but you really don't belong there. Get on with your new life and leave her to her new life.

 

[AngelDove1]

Thanks AngelDove1,

I can't change people, only God can. I guess I'm trying to do the very thing she may be trying to do with him, ironic. I have been focusing on my walk with God and I wouldn't be able to deal with this whole ordeal had it not been for God's guidance. To be honest, my concern for her, at times, does take my focus away. My struggle does lie with letting her go... and I guess that has to do with trusting in God, the very thing I've struggled with the most in the past.

Let Go and Let God, I can't tell you how much those words mean to me right now.

Wonderwaleeye,

I know I'm not God, and only He truly knows if "he needs her". From my own experience, it's a very dangerous area. I had accepted Christ 2 days before we started dating. I never knew what it was to walk with Him alone. I depended on her much of the time, when it should have been Him. We tried to grow together and at times we did, only to be dragged down by sin. She dragged me around at times, though her intentions were good, it wasn't enough. I felt myself a lot of the time trying to get into God because I felt like she wanted me to, not because I wanted to. This wasn't always the case, there were times when I truly wanted to seek God myself. It basically got to the point where we both became stagnant and content with where we were, my fall and the breakup soon followed. From what she's told me about him, I see a lot of myself in him. He's a new Christian, but neither of us know where exaclty he stands, how willing he is to truly follow. I personally know him and from the way he acts and talks, he has much growing to do himself. I know how hard that is to do, even with her good intentions. I'm concerned for the both of them.

As far as my feelings for her go, I do love her, but I also understand that where I'm at now, is where God wants me. The breakup was mutual in the fact that although I still wanted to be with her, I knew that God wanted us out of our relationship. I wondered at the time if that were the whole truth for her. Right now it doesn't seem so. She hung out with him all the time during our 1st breakup, during the brief reconciliation, and after the "real" breakup. I do feel lied to and wronged, but I don't hold it against her. I swallowed my pride, I didn't let the pain turn into anger as she told me she liked him, as she told me she was contemplating dating him. I can't explain why I did that other than that I do truly love her. And if she can't see that, I can't force her. I love her but I'd rather have God in my life where He is at right now, than be with her and have Him where He was.

The decision is hers to make, I can only watch and pray!

Wow! SonsOfThunder....

Loved your responce...

Keep that mentality and you will grow in leaps and bounce.Stay positive......

Courage,Strenght......it comes from above.

"I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strenghtens me"

"Graeter is he thats in me that he that is in the world"


Stay focused my dear brother( in Christ).

And remain teachable( to God's way's).


God is in CONTROL.

Keep us posted.

Keeping you in my Prayers.

 

[caireann]

Thanks AngelDove1,

I can't change people, only God can. I guess I'm trying to do the very thing she may be trying to do with him, ironic. I have been focusing on my walk with God and I wouldn't be able to deal with this whole ordeal had it not been for God's guidance. To be honest, my concern for her, at times, does take my focus away. My struggle does lie with letting her go... and I guess that has to do with trusting in God, the very thing I've struggled with the most in the past.

Let Go and Let God, I can't tell you how much those words mean to me right now.

Wonderwaleeye,

I know I'm not God, and only He truly knows if "he needs her". From my own experience, it's a very dangerous area. I had accepted Christ 2 days before we started dating. I never knew what it was to walk with Him alone. I depended on her much of the time, when it should have been Him. We tried to grow together and at times we did, only to be dragged down by sin. She dragged me around at times, though her intentions were good, it wasn't enough. I felt myself a lot of the time trying to get into God because I felt like she wanted me to, not because I wanted to. This wasn't always the case, there were times when I truly wanted to seek God myself. It basically got to the point where we both became stagnant and content with where we were, my fall and the breakup soon followed. From what she's told me about him, I see a lot of myself in him. He's a new Christian, but neither of us know where exaclty he stands, how willing he is to truly follow. I personally know him and from the way he acts and talks, he has much growing to do himself. I know how hard that is to do, even with her good intentions. I'm concerned for the both of them.

As far as my feelings for her go, I do love her, but I also understand that where I'm at now, is where God wants me. The breakup was mutual in the fact that although I still wanted to be with her, I knew that God wanted us out of our relationship. I wondered at the time if that were the whole truth for her. Right now it doesn't seem so. She hung out with him all the time during our 1st breakup, during the brief reconciliation, and after the "real" breakup. I do feel lied to and wronged, but I don't hold it against her. I swallowed my pride, I didn't let the pain turn into anger as she told me she liked him, as she told me she was contemplating dating him. I can't explain why I did that other than that I do truly love her. And if she can't see that, I can't force her. I love her but I'd rather have God in my life where He is at right now, than be with her and have Him where He was.

The decision is hers to make, I can only watch and pray!

Amen! God has obviously given you wisdom and strength. I have been in a very similair situation and I can say that it didn't go as well for me. Some people (like me) get over breakups by diving into another relationship. It isn't healthy, in my opinion, and that may be what she's doing. Keep praying for her, and for yourself. God knows what's best, and it's best left in his hands. You're on the right track... keep on!