Some advice on Aspergers needed...

[tofu]

Hello all, I am just about start working as an Assistant Psychologist. As you may have guessed it is with those diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (men to be specific). I am reading a book at the moment but I would like to know more about social etiquette around those with the condition.

Thanks in advance

 

[C-Man]

I can't think of any particular special treatment that's required.
Two helpful things to keep in mind, though...
We're not always good at picking up on social graces neurotypicals take for granted. You'll see what I mean pretty quickly.
Also, describing emotional problems in detail isn't our forte. You'll have to work a bit harder to get them to open up.

 

[tofu]

Do you think asking leading questions can help people with Aspergers to open up? That seems to be an argument put forward in the book im reading.

For example; Did you feel angry yesterday???

 

[Sabertooth]

I am not good at keeping track of my negative emotional experiences. I know that I have had them (grief, sadness, rejection, anger, fear, depression, etc.), but once I get through them, I want to put them as far behind me, as fast as possible. The only exceptions would be anything that induces negative emotions that is recurrent in my life. If such is unavoidable, I press to try to solve it at its source, if possible. If not possible, I do whatever I can to minimize its impact.

I cherish the memories of positive emotional experiences, but memories of some of the smaller joys aren't as durable. Examples might be an exceptional meal or some unique music heard under unusual circumstances.

 

[LovedSparrow]

Tofu- Congrats on becoming an assistant psychologist! I am glad you are asking good questions on how to relate with us, that is great. I think the most helpful advice I have, maybe try to a lot of the threads from the past. That was the most helpful for me in trying to determine if I had AS. It may give you some 'insider's' insight.

Best of luck to you friend.
LS

 

[cobweb]

Good luck getting more than 1 word answers to questions. Pretty much all my 12 year old says to his psychiatrist is "yes" or "no".

 

[TheChristianAspie]

When I was researching my Special Accommodations for work, I came across a fantastic publication. It is "Adult Autism & Employment: A Guide for Vocational Rehabilitation Professionals" by Scott Standifer, Ph.D.

It is outstanding! I gave a copy to several drs at my counseling center and also referred many NTs it. It is really good and is a good start. At the very least, it will give you a place to start.

One thing I can say, is that when you ask questions, make sure that you are asking the right questions. Think literally.

I don't like people touching me.

I also have trouble answering someone if they say, "How does that make you feel?" I don't have the name for many of the things I feel and my emotional range is somewhat limited (although God seems to be changing that - I can cry now).

I can refer you to some good sites I have found. You can PM me.

Thanks for taking the time to ask these questions. Thank you for wanting to get it "straight from the horse's mouth." That shows that you are truly interested in helping.

 

[Cooch]

A late response, but...

I'd suggest that you don't assume that you and I apply the same meanings to some of the common emotional terms.

Peter

 

[uniquetadpole]

Do you think asking leading questions can help people with Aspergers to open up? That seems to be an argument put forward in the book im reading.

For example; Did you feel angry yesterday???

I am glad to read that you are truly researching to find out more how to help people on the spectrum. I have been in intensive therapy on and off for about 5 years now and am still in therapy but on a much less intensive level this past year. I started therapy in a special trauma program after winding up in a domestic violent reationship for over 8 years. Throughout those five years I dealt with quite a number of therapist... it was extremely difficult deciphering which was the AS and which was the trauma as even though many of the symptoms were the same... the trauma can be worked through whereas... the AS symptoms was something I could work on accepting that this is just part of who I am. Many therapists treated me as it was simply the trauma and not part of the AS and I am now in understanding that at times it did more damage than good and why it has taken me so long to get where I am today... But I had a few great therapists...and I think that the key thing they did for me was to have patience and to continually ask me clarification questions so as to keep on the same page as me because sometimes I would take things literally when they were meant figuratively or I would be saying things that they would take completely not as I meant it and would cause me to end up back in the hospital when I didn't need it. (which resulted in me playing it safer and talked even less)...

When I first started therapy I needed alot of prompting because I had no clue what I was feeling beyond good or bad. I also did a project for a therapist where I created thermometers in each of the feelings categories and using the dictionary figured out where each feeling word fell on each thermometer so that I could work through which word would be more accurate of what I am feeling... I still struggle with these feeling words the most but at least I have a better understanding of them now.


The other thing that helped me tremendously was Art Therapy... it seemed to not only help me to relax...I was also able to communicate things in my artwork that I could never find words for... especially since I have been "blessed" with the selective mutism symptom... sometimes words simply won't come to me or sometimes they do come but get stuck somewhere between my head and my mouth.

As far as social stuff... I would not recommend forcing the eye contact unless that is something they want to work on...as we tend to be more relaxed and the words come easier if we don't have to stress about whether we are communicating "good enough".

I am happy to report I have finally found a therapist that allows me to talk about anything I want to, is sensitive to my sensory issues, and clarifies anything I say that might be construed "wrong". This combination has allowed me to be able to actually start the conversation and not need prompting as much.

I hope this is helpful and I am very open to sharing more if needed.

Tad

 

[SteveNZ]

Do you think asking leading questions can help people with Aspergers to open up? That seems to be an argument put forward in the book im reading.

For example; Did you feel angry yesterday???

Aaaargh.....
And I go '.. not another book reader who is trying to do what manual says instead of being normal and talking normal.... oh brother....

Answer : Hmmmm hi how are you did you drive a car yesterday?
*May I suggest that these folk are 'faster at analysing than you are at speaking'...... and I hate the ..... This is what the book says way of doing things, ignore the human being and do the computer logical thing.

The trick, well with me, is to be open and honest.
The idea is true though. In that the answer to any single question may not be as you expect. So you interact more (...simply say you are trying to figure things out and laugh together at the communication thing..) to generate a set of data that you require. Hence asking questions all over the place.

IMPORTANT - The last thing you want is to get someone into the '.. well this is one of, those discussions, may as well give him/her what they want and ignore reality..' mode.

INTERESTING- If you can just for fun ask folk to pretend they are something (say a pirate) and act it out. I say this because you will be surprised. I think medical folk can get confused with 'multiple personalities'. No with this it is not multiple personalities but a normal method of 'being who the social situation expects them to be'. It takes time and maturity to relax a be who you are warts and all.

But from the logical point of view while learning to fit in, if the underlying personality does not gell, variations are created (which is so easy to do, almost a gift, and not seen as odd) to make things work socially.
ie ..... In this situation, with that joke, laugh mode 3 is required hahaha .... carry on with life. This subtle difference is important as you have the ability to teach/guide (especially while young) social tools that may not be available in other circumstances.

HOW TO TEST AN ASPY - Give him/her a maze to solve. Watch the speed and 'illogical logic' (actually a few sets of logic like windows having a few programs open at once but you cant tell which one is being used as we jump between them quite happily) used to solve it. Bring it out a few months later and it will be solved. BUT change the colour or a few details (even smell/noise) and you will confuse things. Because it is not only the maze on paper/blocks but every detail (that may seem obscure or daft to you) is part of the solution. They will be able to tell you that say ... a fly landed there when I was thinking of why your finger was on the paper here......

PS - These are only my own personal views. So please consider them in that light.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, tofu,
I agree with most of what is said above.

If your dealing with teens and younger ... me at that age had no clue how to communicate what I was thinking and even less what I was feeling. I knew who I was was and why. But all that talk about myself .. made no sense.

I've since learned about how important stories are to us humans. So I started to practice telling the facts I want to communicate in stories rather than just telling people facts. Most don't want to know the facts. My GF just cuts me off when I go to tell her the facts. Gee, its facts that get us out of the dark ages! Seems like 50% of the NTs want to live in emotions and experiences ... guess that's fine, but when one can actually know how things work, why would one want to stumble around not knowing!

Open ended questions. If they have learned to communicate, I guess we can handle it. It took 20 yrs for me to be able to handle an open ended question!

 

[jackmt]

I would ask you to remember that every Aspie is an individual just as is every NT. Treat each one as such.