Solitude

[CallofChrist]

solitude
what a wretched thing you are!
just when I think
that I can escape
into the silent depths
of a peaceful mind
I find myself facing
a lie -
there is no peace
only a war of two forces
and one must lose

there is no solitude
only the sound
of my bones grinding
as they are crushed
beneath the rock of offense
the rock
that would be my salvation

 

[linux.poet]

Excellent work! Thanks for sharing!

It might do a bit better with a stanza break after lose, which could emphasize the slant rhyme and the transition from narrative to explanation.

The narrative really drives into that word lose, so letting it crash in there without muddying it could enhance the poem.

 

[CallofChrist]

I will try that. Thanks for the comments

 

[CallofChrist]

Sometimes it seems a poem is never done, even if you let it sit a while to gel. It is a fun craft, though