Socializing

[gracechick]

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most difficult how would you evaluate your comfort level for any type of social situation on average?

At this point in my life unfortunately for my family I would say I am about a 9. My family needs so much more then I feel I give right now.

I do have difficulty too with Panic Disorder which is fed by fears and obsessive thoughts. It is hard to reconcile my struggle with it when I read all the verses about strongholds and fears. And that as believers we are to be overcomers. sigh

I've said many prayers over the Panic Disorder and have had others pray for me, but it continues to overwhelm me at times. Then not only am I panicky I am upset with myself after it passes.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

It so hard to rate these things because the scale has no clear defintions of what the different numbers mean and each person can interpret them according to their own standards. But I'll say an 8 or 9.

I don't get panic attacks with it. I just don't do it well, so I don't do it.

My understanding is that the scriptures say we're going to be judged according to what we've done (rev20:12-13) and based upon what we we're given. (parable of the talents) The man given 2 talents was judged by what he did with those 2 talents. The man given 10 talents was judged by what he did with the 10 talents. The man given 2 was not judged by the quantity of the ten talents. So one of my talents is not connecting with or socializing well with other people. I was born this way, its obviously not a gift of mine. It's not an excuse to not try at all, but it is to do with what you we're given. I was given a sixteenth of a talent in this department, thats what I have to work with and I do my best with what I was given. I'm not stressing out about it. I have other talents and gifts that God wants me to use more fully.

 

[dayhiker]

When I was young I was probably a 7 or 8 when it came to socializing. But with work .. stucding people, and trying what I saw other people doing, I've move to about a 3 I'd say.

AS people often have obsessions. If you can make understanding other people one of your obsessions. Us what you learn to start to build a body of knowledge about how to interreact with people.

dayhiker

 

[flowerforever7]

about an 8, i feel much need to be alone. also social interactions are hard for me as I have difficulty understanding what is being said in a group context, or to me. i often hear something like "wah wah wah wah car, wah wah wah so i said, wah wah wah wah". on top of that adding not knowing where to look, being physically akward and that i usually dont find socializing enjoyable, but more of an obligation to passify neurotypicals need for social contact or social rituals. I tend not to have a problem online. I think reading what people say, and not having to process their facial expressions, verbal words and fluctuation of their voices expressions etc., makes it a whole lot easier for me. I find problems happen when I get offline. This tends to be a problem for me in terms of my Christianity as I know we are suppose to be hospitable; and that seems so counter to my experience with asperger's syndrome. I have had the desire at times, and then when it happens sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming and I want to leave. Hmm..

 

[gracechick]

I hear you. I do feel guilt that I am not fellowshipping as commanded, but I am more comfortable online at present.

I am trying not to be overwhelmed as dh's psoition may change and we will have to move a bit away from family. I am praying that we will have a better choice as our child would have to start a new school which could be tough as she has meltdowns over the oddest things.

Going to bed, taking a shower, be obstinate about leaving to go somewhere or changing her clothes can bring one on. She is lovely, but stubborn and her grandparents handle it very well so I do not want to take her away from them should we need to move. I could use your prayers. sigh

 

[ThePurpleFlower]

When I was young I was probably a 7 or 8 when it came to socializing. But with work .. stucding people, and trying what I saw other people doing, I've move to about a 3 I'd say.

AS people often have obsessions. If you can make understanding other people one of your obsessions. Us what you learn to start to build a body of knowledge about how to interreact with people.

dayhiker

This is what I've had to do since I was about 5. One of my defining characteristics is a deep, fierce loyalty to a few people. One of those people is my brother, who also has AS. He was picked on a lot for his quirks, but he never had the interest in people. I did, so I studied and watched an wondered and cataloged. Partly it was to help him, but he never wanted my help, so honestly it was mostly a defense mechanism to get people to leave me alone. The interest sort of stuff--went to college for writing and anthropology--and now I work at a bookstore and teaching English as a Second Language to exchange students. It's great--I get to share about two of my favorite subjects each day (English language and cultures) to an interested audience.

It still exhausts me terribly though. I'm trying to work two jobs, and so much energy and time and planning goes into the morning one that the evening bookstore shifts can be very difficult. I'm actually grateful for slow nights when we have no customers.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for telling your story.

 

[gracechick]

We do seem to exhaust easily and I don't know if that is the genetic makeup or how hard we work to live within the neurotypical box.

 

[dayhiker]

I've not found this exhausting .. I usually am happy with 6 to 7 hours of sleep. would be interesting to know about others expereince.

 

[Standing_Ultraviolet]

I would say that, for me, it depends on the situation. On a normal day, with people I already know fairly well, I would say that it's about a three or four. If it's someone I don't know very well yet, though, it goes straight up to a nine or ten.

 

[C-Man]

Around my family and friends, probably a 2 or 3. That's when I feel closest to NT. At work, about a 5. Most people don't get me past 6 or 7 unless I'm in a bad mood.
Interrupt me when I'm doing something that's important, and it shoots right up to a 10 automatically, no matter who you are.

 

[teejayinau]

I would rate my difficulties in socializing at around 7. I never have panic attacks thankfully.

While socialize all-right one to one, in group situations I don't fare as well. Also doing small-talk is difficult for me.

 

[dayhiker]

Part of what helped me with socializing with a small group was to realize the dymanics was different than one on one.

Small talk can be boring .. but I do it to build relationships as having some friends is important to me.

 

[MattyD]

My reaction and feelings are dependent on the particular situation. Generally, I am at about a 6-7. There are times though that I can come close to 9-10.

Overall, I am very bad at small talk and do not like being in situations where one must adhere to this social interaction. It seems fake and a waste of time, honestly.

-Matty

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, small talk can have that fake feeling to us. But it serves it purpose. I can take it or leave it now. I just have to decide what I want to accomplish with that hour of my day.