Social situations

[Wonderfully Made]

Hello,

Can someone please give me some advice for extended meetings and social situations? I have a really hard time speaking up; especially when the meeting gets to be long. And then when the meeting gets off topic, and people discuss "fun" social things, I want to join in so I won't be the odd one out, but I can't figure out what to say! And now this professional group wants to do social activities together, for team bonding purposes, and I have no idea what I'm going to do!

Thank you!

 

[dayhiker]

I often shut down as meetings get larger. I don't worry too much about it.
I have noticed that others can jump into the conversation at the slightest pause when someone is talking. I only do that occasionally.

What I can do better is to start a conversation with a small group or even a one on one conversation. Those work much better for me. Tho even those have taken me decades to learn to do well. I've had to learn a lot to be able to have these conversations but I enjoy the learning and now I enjoy the conversations.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Could you be a bit specific? I think my advice would be more applicable if you were.

But I can tell you a few things: One thing to try is to try and realize how much fun those other people have doing all that social stuff. I've never liked doing things other people wanted to do, but I do it anyway knowing that it makes them feel better. And when they feel better, I feel better and can start to enjoy doing whatever it is that they are making me do.

In your case, just be honest with whoever it is that's being overly extroverted. Tell him/her that you don't particularly care for social gatherings, but you'll try and go anyway. They'll admire you for stepping out of your comfort zone.

What a lot of people on the spectrum don't understand is that the world won't bend over backwards for them. It shouldn't, we're not the only ones in existence.

In these meetings, just try and ask questions and put yourself in there. If it's going too fast for you to keep up, let them know and they'll try and put you up to speed. Remember, they don't know how you feel, so it's best to let them know. That tends to be an issue with us Aspies--we expect other people to know how we are feeling without words. Kind of hypocritical since WE can't understand THEM very well without words, but the very fact that their brains operate differently from ours just sometimes doesn't cross our minds :/

Regardless, though, just try your best to participate as much as you can. And if it gets too much for you, don't be afraid to let them know, as long as you're polite about it.