I have been dealing with severe social anxiety for the last two years now and just wondering if there is anyone else out there going through or ever had gone through the same thing.
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Social Anxiety and dealing with it
- Thread starter Vector man
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Julian of York
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Thanks for your interesting question!
I think many on the Anxiety/Phobia sufferers on this site have Social Anxiety ,to a more or less degree. While it may not be the primary mallady, it certainly would be difficult to distinquish between agorophobia in all it's facets and SA or any of the myriad of disorders,since one of the primary symptoms is almost always some form of isolation. Iwonder if a more important question might be,what are you doing about it?
Is SA preventing you from going to church?
Is SA causing you to lose touch with friends and family?
What seems to be the reason for avoiding others? Are you aware of one?
For example, do you consider your nose is to big, or you are overweight, or your teeth are bad? I suggest you eliminate these FIRST, then make a honest effort to "mix" with others.
I know a man that has SA that takes a stroll through downtown every afternoon, year round,and says "hello" to everyone he sees. It CAN be done.
Julian of York
NOT a DOCTOR,or any kind of MENTAL HEALTH AUTHORITY,except what I have observed in many many people, including myself.
I think many on the Anxiety/Phobia sufferers on this site have Social Anxiety ,to a more or less degree. While it may not be the primary mallady, it certainly would be difficult to distinquish between agorophobia in all it's facets and SA or any of the myriad of disorders,since one of the primary symptoms is almost always some form of isolation. Iwonder if a more important question might be,what are you doing about it?
Is SA preventing you from going to church?
Is SA causing you to lose touch with friends and family?
What seems to be the reason for avoiding others? Are you aware of one?
For example, do you consider your nose is to big, or you are overweight, or your teeth are bad? I suggest you eliminate these FIRST, then make a honest effort to "mix" with others.
I know a man that has SA that takes a stroll through downtown every afternoon, year round,and says "hello" to everyone he sees. It CAN be done.
Julian of York
NOT a DOCTOR,or any kind of MENTAL HEALTH AUTHORITY,except what I have observed in many many people, including myself.
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I'm a quiet person in nature, but have never had "social anxiety". My favorite class projects were the presentations because they weren't the same old assignment that you had every other day. Being the one talking gives me a sense of public control, and I like that because I only have good things to say.
One good method I learned in my psychology class was to just simply convince yourself that you can do it. Keep telling yourself you can, get it stuck in your conscious. Your thoughts can influence and ultimately manipulate your actions. In WW2, for several days before D day, all the soldiers had to repeatedly tell themselves they can do this and they will do this. It was for self confidence and moral boost.
Stop thinking you are afraid of something so harmless; tell yourself it's all just needless worry. We are all equal in a sense that we are all human, no need to be afraid of socializing with your own kind.
One good method I learned in my psychology class was to just simply convince yourself that you can do it. Keep telling yourself you can, get it stuck in your conscious. Your thoughts can influence and ultimately manipulate your actions. In WW2, for several days before D day, all the soldiers had to repeatedly tell themselves they can do this and they will do this. It was for self confidence and moral boost.
Stop thinking you are afraid of something so harmless; tell yourself it's all just needless worry. We are all equal in a sense that we are all human, no need to be afraid of socializing with your own kind.
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I struggle with it but not as bad as I used to. Sometimes I don't think people realize how serious it can get and how much it can affect your life. I will pray for you.
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JordanDaniel
JordanDaniel
I know how you feel, be friendly to people,,,they will be friendly back. If your down to heart friendly they will respond the same. Just relax. Its all the same at the end of the day
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Things helping me are making more with the Lord and just trying to be around people more. Usually it helps to go out around people with someone I trust.
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Social anxiety has completely ruined my life.
I have never really had a friend, or dated.
For a male, I think it is also really unattractive.
It has made it hard for me to go to church.
It has made it hard to advance at work when I am working.
The best advice I have if you are young is to focus on it and do not let it stop you from doing what you want. Because once you start going down that path it is harder and harder to right the ship.
I know somethings are not possible when you have SA
But all I can say I try every day to push the envelope just a little little farther out so you are not quite a trapped by it
If you do nothing and hope it will get better my experience is that it does not and you feel more regret. L
I have never really had a friend, or dated.
For a male, I think it is also really unattractive.
It has made it hard for me to go to church.
It has made it hard to advance at work when I am working.
The best advice I have if you are young is to focus on it and do not let it stop you from doing what you want. Because once you start going down that path it is harder and harder to right the ship.
I know somethings are not possible when you have SA
But all I can say I try every day to push the envelope just a little little farther out so you are not quite a trapped by it
If you do nothing and hope it will get better my experience is that it does not and you feel more regret. L
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I recognize that the physical symptoms you feel are real. But in any endeavour, whether it's business, scientific, artistic, whatever, you need to recognize that the very first step is to have a little faith. Not the manic, pie-in-the-sky type of faith, but just enough. And remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" as the Chinese say.
No one grows up wanting to feel isolated and anxious. No child says "I want to suffer from an overwhelming sense of panic and a feeling that I'm not deserving of love and support." So STOP blaming yourself. Toss your perceptions and constructions of God right out the window and just accept one simple idea: That whatever power put you on this planet did so for a reason. And then use that little bit of faith I mentioned earlier to believe that the reason for something beautiful. Your life has a purpose and you are allowed to hope and dream that it is something big and beautiful and glorious (or maybe small and beautiful and measured). Whatever. This is called HOPE. Not false hope, but hope. And it started with that little bit of faith.
We live in an extravert culture. You're probably just naturally not super outgoing to begin with. That's OK! Every day, and I mean every day, take a walk in the park. Don't feel like greeting anyone? Then don't. Don't want to make eye contact? Don't. But just imagine that God wants you to take that walk, smell the flowers or look at the falling leaves and just breathe. No expectations. No requirements other than to take that walk. That daily walk will do more literally bring some fresh air and fresh thinking into your life. The results are immediate and the benefits long-lasting.
And I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you to just "get over it." If you can't put on your jeans and your tennis shoes and take a walk without feeling overwhelmed and physically alarmed and panicked, you need therapy. It can be Christian-based or whatever, but you need therapy.
One aspect of negativity is that it's addictive, and usually self-fulfilling. I believe that it's a type of obsession that's tied in with our most basic survival mechanisms...Kind of ongoing "fight or flight" where the flight is a mental and emotional one. If you're caught in a loop of negativity, and you can't stop intrusive, negative thoughts and fears that interfere with the most basic functioning (such as taking a walk in the park) then you don't need a message board and you don't need sympathy. YOU NEED HELP.
Modern life has a lot of things that can go wrong. It's complex. We're not really wired for it, and a lot of people aren't coping particularly well. What's the antidote? Awareness. Prayer/meditation/positive visualization...whatever you want to call it. But start at the beginning. Clear the slate, stop judging yourself as "worthy" or "unworthy" or whatever, find that tiny seed of faith, take that daily walk. Go the library. Read something interesting. Sign up for an art class or a music class. Turn off the TV and go help the Salvation Army or a United Way agency. Go to a high school or college basketball game.
And recognize the mind-body connection. EAT RIGHT. Lots of fruits and vegetables... oatmeal that you prepare yourself. Nuts and raisins. Whole grain cereal, whole grain pasta. Cut the sugar, cut the salt, cut the fried foods and animal fats. Prepare and eat simple, real food. If you drink, then limit your alcohol consumption to an occasional drink, no more than one a day or two max, and if you can't do that then recognize that you have an alcohol problem. Excessive drinking and eating the standard American junk food diet (both with predictable health consequences, spiritually/emotionally and physically) are manifestations of addiction.
Depression is the dead end of a road that we put ourselves on a long time ago. It begins when we give up the little things that give us joy...and it can only end when we believe that there is a power greater than ourselves that can helicopter us out of that dead end situation and allow us to feel joy again. You've taken a critical first step by admitting that you're unhappy with where you are emotionally.
Some people talk about "glory" and "abundance" and "eternal life" and don't realize how that kind of talk absolutely punishes someone who's depressed or has been suffering from any kind of anxiety disorder. I understand that to someone who's depressed, it can lead you to feel that life is a cruel hoax. That's why I prefer to avoid such grandiosity. I hope my approach works for you. Don't start big, start small. First, awareness and acceptance. Second, just enough faith to give you some hope. And finally, a recognition that life is always going to have some sunshine and some rain, and to understand that you have a right to your share of sunshine. Find your joy by doing little things that make you happy. I choose to believe that God wants me to be a basically happy person in spite of frustrations, disappointments, missed opportunities/regrets, whatever. But happiness is like a butterfly that flies away when you try TOO hard to capture it! I am as capable of finding happiness in the next few hours as I am at any time in my life, and as my mom likes to say, "Don't worry. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (That last part is the King James way of saying "take it one day at a time.")
There's a book titled "Small is Beautiful" and I love that title. Think small, start small and look for happiness in the little things. You're actually thinking TOO BIG about your problems. Your life isn't "ruined" (as you've put it) because your life has a purpose and it's not over. Helen Keller, a person who was born blind, deaf and unable to speak said sometimes we're so focused on the door that's closed that we don't see all the doors that are open!
No one grows up wanting to feel isolated and anxious. No child says "I want to suffer from an overwhelming sense of panic and a feeling that I'm not deserving of love and support." So STOP blaming yourself. Toss your perceptions and constructions of God right out the window and just accept one simple idea: That whatever power put you on this planet did so for a reason. And then use that little bit of faith I mentioned earlier to believe that the reason for something beautiful. Your life has a purpose and you are allowed to hope and dream that it is something big and beautiful and glorious (or maybe small and beautiful and measured). Whatever. This is called HOPE. Not false hope, but hope. And it started with that little bit of faith.
We live in an extravert culture. You're probably just naturally not super outgoing to begin with. That's OK! Every day, and I mean every day, take a walk in the park. Don't feel like greeting anyone? Then don't. Don't want to make eye contact? Don't. But just imagine that God wants you to take that walk, smell the flowers or look at the falling leaves and just breathe. No expectations. No requirements other than to take that walk. That daily walk will do more literally bring some fresh air and fresh thinking into your life. The results are immediate and the benefits long-lasting.
And I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you to just "get over it." If you can't put on your jeans and your tennis shoes and take a walk without feeling overwhelmed and physically alarmed and panicked, you need therapy. It can be Christian-based or whatever, but you need therapy.
One aspect of negativity is that it's addictive, and usually self-fulfilling. I believe that it's a type of obsession that's tied in with our most basic survival mechanisms...Kind of ongoing "fight or flight" where the flight is a mental and emotional one. If you're caught in a loop of negativity, and you can't stop intrusive, negative thoughts and fears that interfere with the most basic functioning (such as taking a walk in the park) then you don't need a message board and you don't need sympathy. YOU NEED HELP.
Modern life has a lot of things that can go wrong. It's complex. We're not really wired for it, and a lot of people aren't coping particularly well. What's the antidote? Awareness. Prayer/meditation/positive visualization...whatever you want to call it. But start at the beginning. Clear the slate, stop judging yourself as "worthy" or "unworthy" or whatever, find that tiny seed of faith, take that daily walk. Go the library. Read something interesting. Sign up for an art class or a music class. Turn off the TV and go help the Salvation Army or a United Way agency. Go to a high school or college basketball game.
And recognize the mind-body connection. EAT RIGHT. Lots of fruits and vegetables... oatmeal that you prepare yourself. Nuts and raisins. Whole grain cereal, whole grain pasta. Cut the sugar, cut the salt, cut the fried foods and animal fats. Prepare and eat simple, real food. If you drink, then limit your alcohol consumption to an occasional drink, no more than one a day or two max, and if you can't do that then recognize that you have an alcohol problem. Excessive drinking and eating the standard American junk food diet (both with predictable health consequences, spiritually/emotionally and physically) are manifestations of addiction.
Depression is the dead end of a road that we put ourselves on a long time ago. It begins when we give up the little things that give us joy...and it can only end when we believe that there is a power greater than ourselves that can helicopter us out of that dead end situation and allow us to feel joy again. You've taken a critical first step by admitting that you're unhappy with where you are emotionally.
Some people talk about "glory" and "abundance" and "eternal life" and don't realize how that kind of talk absolutely punishes someone who's depressed or has been suffering from any kind of anxiety disorder. I understand that to someone who's depressed, it can lead you to feel that life is a cruel hoax. That's why I prefer to avoid such grandiosity. I hope my approach works for you. Don't start big, start small. First, awareness and acceptance. Second, just enough faith to give you some hope. And finally, a recognition that life is always going to have some sunshine and some rain, and to understand that you have a right to your share of sunshine. Find your joy by doing little things that make you happy. I choose to believe that God wants me to be a basically happy person in spite of frustrations, disappointments, missed opportunities/regrets, whatever. But happiness is like a butterfly that flies away when you try TOO hard to capture it! I am as capable of finding happiness in the next few hours as I am at any time in my life, and as my mom likes to say, "Don't worry. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (That last part is the King James way of saying "take it one day at a time.")
There's a book titled "Small is Beautiful" and I love that title. Think small, start small and look for happiness in the little things. You're actually thinking TOO BIG about your problems. Your life isn't "ruined" (as you've put it) because your life has a purpose and it's not over. Helen Keller, a person who was born blind, deaf and unable to speak said sometimes we're so focused on the door that's closed that we don't see all the doors that are open!
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Well I am trying to keep faith that social anxiety has only ruined my plans for my life. I try and take comfort in the fact that Gods plans for my life are still intact!
You make a good point that there is really no sense and nothing to be gained by blaming oneself for social anxiety. I can very much agree with that… it is just hard to accept that in our society where I would say most people still believe that one can just try harder to overcome social anxiety.
Keeping hope is important too. My point was just as you get older and if you do not constantly fight and push against social anxiety it is going to be harder to keep up hope when you are older. Start young and do not take a break is my only advice for fighting social anxiety …. And if possible get help!
Your point on mental negativity is also a good one. They can loop and be come destructive. STOP the negative thought!!! This is the basis of CBT and many books like the feeling good handbook. They say you need to dispute your negative thought. You need to teach yourself to replace them with better thoughts. I have tried this. I should probably try again. The best I ever got was to temper my negative thoughts to the point where I could hold both negative and positive points of view at the same time. It was very rare though where I could completely eliminate the negative thoughts because they were almost always based in reality. My method was to lessen the negative thoughts and then with the thoughts left tell myself I would work on it… and no matter what I am still loved by Christ as I am!
Volunteering and reading at the library is a good idea. As far as being worthy, again I try and remind myself that I am worthy in the eyes of God.
When you do not get anywhere socially and when family and friends leave you regularly….. it is easy to allow thoughts to creep in that you are not worthy or measuring up to the minimums required to succeed in society. L
I really like the ideas about eating right!. I think the nuts are good for cholesterol too as far as raising good cholesterol. I am going to make this a higher priority.
I recently tried to capture a butterfly in a photo. You are right they like to fly away when people get near!
When I got the picture it was a joy. And I was happy that i could share the picture with someone I love who also brings me joy.
So yes again. There is a little joy in each day. It can be found and focused on… or at least we can thank God. For the Air. For our clothes. There is always a gift he has given.
I agree there are always open doors. And a path to get better. The big door to happiness might be closed… maybe that door really only opens in the movies! Lol
But it might be closed to a person with anxiety because of the anxiety
There is usually a little door. Take the little doors early and often in life.!!!
And most of all keep an open mind to the doors God presents to you at any time. The path might not feel right. It might not match the “big” vision that we have for our own life but it might be a little step toward a better life and God's plan.
I recently went to an event that had a lot of bands playing poka music and old style big band type music. The people there were pretty much all over 80 lol. So chances were very low that I was going to meet a woman my age. But I got out and was social I guess. I saw a retired teacher I had in high school and talked to her. It was ok. It was not terrible. It was a small blessing from God.
.
You make a good point that there is really no sense and nothing to be gained by blaming oneself for social anxiety. I can very much agree with that… it is just hard to accept that in our society where I would say most people still believe that one can just try harder to overcome social anxiety.
Keeping hope is important too. My point was just as you get older and if you do not constantly fight and push against social anxiety it is going to be harder to keep up hope when you are older. Start young and do not take a break is my only advice for fighting social anxiety …. And if possible get help!
Your point on mental negativity is also a good one. They can loop and be come destructive. STOP the negative thought!!! This is the basis of CBT and many books like the feeling good handbook. They say you need to dispute your negative thought. You need to teach yourself to replace them with better thoughts. I have tried this. I should probably try again. The best I ever got was to temper my negative thoughts to the point where I could hold both negative and positive points of view at the same time. It was very rare though where I could completely eliminate the negative thoughts because they were almost always based in reality. My method was to lessen the negative thoughts and then with the thoughts left tell myself I would work on it… and no matter what I am still loved by Christ as I am!
Volunteering and reading at the library is a good idea. As far as being worthy, again I try and remind myself that I am worthy in the eyes of God.
When you do not get anywhere socially and when family and friends leave you regularly….. it is easy to allow thoughts to creep in that you are not worthy or measuring up to the minimums required to succeed in society. L
I really like the ideas about eating right!. I think the nuts are good for cholesterol too as far as raising good cholesterol. I am going to make this a higher priority.
I recently tried to capture a butterfly in a photo. You are right they like to fly away when people get near!
When I got the picture it was a joy. And I was happy that i could share the picture with someone I love who also brings me joy.
So yes again. There is a little joy in each day. It can be found and focused on… or at least we can thank God. For the Air. For our clothes. There is always a gift he has given.
I agree there are always open doors. And a path to get better. The big door to happiness might be closed… maybe that door really only opens in the movies! Lol
But it might be closed to a person with anxiety because of the anxiety
There is usually a little door. Take the little doors early and often in life.!!!
And most of all keep an open mind to the doors God presents to you at any time. The path might not feel right. It might not match the “big” vision that we have for our own life but it might be a little step toward a better life and God's plan.
I recently went to an event that had a lot of bands playing poka music and old style big band type music. The people there were pretty much all over 80 lol. So chances were very low that I was going to meet a woman my age. But I got out and was social I guess. I saw a retired teacher I had in high school and talked to her. It was ok. It was not terrible. It was a small blessing from God.
.
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Hey how are you? YES i can totally relate to you! I have anxiety when i get around alot of people as well.... I am bi-polar and my meds seem to be working good, and if i really really have to i have clonapin for my anxiety.... But i really hate taking that stuff. Are you on meds? And what frightens you the worst about being around people?
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I have had quite severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. It makes it very difficult for me to develop relationships with people. I have also had a hard time with employment. I can appear normal at times, although people always call me quiet, but it really is a very painful condition.
I am trying to step out of my comfort zone more now, and progress in my professional and social life. I have spent many many hours wondering why I am like this, and I reached two conclusions:
(1) I am a sensitive and introverted person by nature, so I am predisposed to anxiety from the start.
(2) I have never had a proper secure bond with anyone in my life. I never felt like I could be myself around my family or friends and be accepted.
I am trying to step out of my comfort zone more now, and progress in my professional and social life. I have spent many many hours wondering why I am like this, and I reached two conclusions:
(1) I am a sensitive and introverted person by nature, so I am predisposed to anxiety from the start.
(2) I have never had a proper secure bond with anyone in my life. I never felt like I could be myself around my family or friends and be accepted.
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