So Tired of the Evil that I Isolate/Am Agoraphobic

[Hoppeful Jen]

I'm being tested in the area of love continually. Just last night I prayed genuinely for everyone I know - friend and enemy alike, and wished everyone a personalized love. Then this morning, my husband got a phone call from his abusive, mentally ill mom demanding to know when we were going to take her out to eat (he's disabled and on fixed income) and asking how many clients I have (as if blaming me for not being able to treat her).

This woman never worked, mooched off then cheated on her husband with a married pastor, committed crimes, abused children, etc. And she is a certified minister!

She accused my husband of being "isolated" because of me. Yes, he and I are both isolated hermits. But it's because of family members and "friends" like this that we never leave the house and don't want to socialize with anyone. Truly I've struggled with anxiety and depression since before I was 12, but therapy has never helped and I don't know what else to do.

We used to attend church, but there was a woman there who flirted with my husband, was nasty to me when I tried to be friendly, and was jealous and competitive towards me.

I broke down with God the other day and admitted to him that I hate people. But the thing is I really LOVE people. I have so much love and tenderness in my heart, but all around me are hateful, abusive, manipulative people. I want nothing to do with them. Can't I love them from a distance?

Please pray with me to come out of my shell and give people a chance but to get rid of the negative forces around me and keep me away from their evil intentions.

I'm so tired of this evil world and can't wait to be around loving people, especially Christ!

 

[dqhall]

I'm being tested in the area of love continually. Just last night I prayed genuinely for everyone I know - friend and enemy alike, and wished everyone a personalized love. Then this morning, my husband got a phone call from his abusive, mentally ill mom demanding to know when we were going to take her out to eat (he's disabled and on fixed income) and asking how many clients I have (as if blaming me for not being able to treat her).

This woman never worked, mooched off then cheated on her husband with a married pastor, committed crimes, abused children, etc. And she is a certified minister!

She accused my husband of being "isolated" because of me. Yes, he and I are both isolated hermits. But it's because of family members and "friends" like this that we never leave the house and don't want to socialize with anyone. Truly I've struggled with anxiety and depression since before I was 12, but therapy has never helped and I don't know what else to do.

We used to attend church, but there was a woman there who flirted with my husband, was nasty to me when I tried to be friendly, and was jealous and competitive towards me.

I broke down with God the other day and admitted to him that I hate people. But the thing is I really LOVE people. I have so much love and tenderness in my heart, but all around me are hateful, abusive, manipulative people. I want nothing to do with them. Can't I love them from a distance?

Please pray with me to come out of my shell and give people a chance but to get rid of the negative forces around me and keep me away from their evil intentions.

I'm so tired of this evil world and can't wait to be around loving people, especially Christ!

Welcome to Christian Forums.

I used to do apartment maintenance in a garden apartment complex in a wealthy suburb of Washington D.C. I had time to talk to tenants while responding to emergencies such as backed up sinks, HVAC not working, or lock outs/lost keys. Some told me they did not know their neighbors. People kept to themselves. It was safer that way. I had a job with coworkers. We socialized. I also had friends I had met through the years and a regular men's group meeting in town where we went to supper once a week after the meeting.

Now I do not have as much social interaction with people as I am retired. There were books and websites to read and that allowed me to be visited by authors, professors and other professionals. There was cable TV. I did some volunteer work. Today I was visiting a homeless shelter and talked to some of the staff. I have been taking donations there twice a month for some time and they recognized me. One of the staff and I were talking about God and homeless ministries. She moved to the area four years ago and was volunteering there. A young homeless man was standing nearby listening. After she left, he was asking me about church. I witnessed to him about my own recovery and Jesus working in peoples' lives. I had a very nice day afterward.

Helping others helps a person feel less self pity.

 

[Hoppeful Jen]

Welcome to Christian Forums.

I used to do apartment maintenance in a garden apartment complex in a wealthy suburb of Washington D.C. I had time to talk to tenants while responding to emergencies such as backed up sinks, HVAC not working, or lock outs/lost keys. Some told me they did not know their neighbors. People kept to themselves. It was safer that way. I had a job with coworkers. We socialized. I also had friends I had met through the years and a regular men's group meeting in town where we went to supper once a week after the meeting.

Now I do not have as much social interaction with people as I am retired. There were books and websites to read and that allowed me to be visited by authors, professors and other professionals. There was cable TV. I did some volunteer work. Today I was visiting a homeless shelter and talked to some of the staff. I have been taking donations there twice a month for some time and they recognized me. One of the staff and I were talking about God and homeless ministries. She moved to the area four years ago and was volunteering there. A young homeless man was standing nearby listening. After she left, he was asking me about church. I witnessed to him about my own recovery and Jesus working in peoples' lives. I had a very nice day afterward.

Helping others helps a person feel less self pity.

Hi DQ,

Thanks for your reply, and I appreciate your welcome.

The thing is, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but after so many jaded relationships, it's very hard to trust anyone. What you describe is a series of positive interactions with others. I do have some positive relationships -namely, my husband and my students (I tutor). I love to help them and even offer my students' families free resources, advice, extra work, etc. just because I enjoy it so much. I've also started a ministry, done missions work, etc. So it's not like I haven't tried.

I do feel that I'm treated much differently than others. Since I was young, I've been shy, am overweight, and was bullied badly for many years. My self-esteem suffered terribly, and even though I believe what Christ says about me -that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made - my day to day reality doesn't reflect that at all.

I feel I don't have much in common with anyone around me. I take my Christian walk seriously and try to obey the Lord, but I'm easily discouraged when others mistreat me or mock me because of it. I'm already an "outcast" in my family, but I find that even at churches, people don't like me because they want me to go to womanly social gatherings when I rather study theology like the men. Also, my husband and I can't have kids, which we've always wanted, and my husband is ill.

I know other people are in bad circumstances, some worse, but it just gets so discouraging feeling "weird" and alone. Where are my 12 (well, 11?) friends? Jesus had a cushion of imperfect but still supportive friends around him. Without real friends or family, it makes it very hard going at this mostly alone, or so it seems.

 

[Greg J.]

Meds, therapy with a real psychologist, and the Lord have all helped me with my depression, social anxiety, and bipolar disorder. Jesus faithfully used the psychologists to help me, and personally helped me even more than that. (There are lots of Christian psychologist.) Meds can be Good. God made them for us. The problem with them is finding the ones that are both effective and have side effects that you can tolerate. It is not rare for it to take 10 years of trying varying medications to get the right mix. It took that long for me, however, I was helped radically the moment I started taking them (and they aren't even supposed to have an effect for the first few weeks). I don't know what to say about how you can get better, but it is undoubtedly through the Lord himself.

I'm sure you are persistent in praying for healing (pain does that), but also be asking for smaller, more specific things that are impossible for you to do yourself, since you may see his answers more quickly and that helps a lot with faith. What kind of smaller changes in your life would make it easier on you? Knowing the Lord's love more deeply is one. I've heard testimonies first hand of people who have prayed daily for a year that the Lord would make them love him more, and they said he did that for them.

Hopefully you are in a populated area, because the behavior you describe from churchgoers is insane. Try more churches. If someone is unpleasant to you, don't talk to them anymore. Most churches have some nice people in them. If a megachurch is nearby, some will certainly be nice, but also there will be a lot of superficial people, but that doesn't mean they are bad people. They can be even well above average in their energy to help others. Talk to the pastors ASAP and see how gentle they are and how much they point to the Lord as the one who does everything Good.

Most people shy away from uncertainty. Be bold in expressing who you are and theoretically you'll be able to find people to spend time with more quickly, although you would presumably also end up filtering out more people, too.

 

[aiki]

I broke down with God the other day and admitted to him that I hate people. But the thing is I really LOVE people. I have so much love and tenderness in my heart, but all around me are hateful, abusive, manipulative people. I want nothing to do with them. Can't I love them from a distance?

Please pray with me to come out of my shell and give people a chance but to get rid of the negative forces around me and keep me away from their evil intentions.

So, why do the cruelties and the nastiness of others repel you? What are you protecting when you retreat from unpleasant people and circumstances? Well, YOU, of course. You are concerned about you - so much so that you are willing to become a hermit to protect yourself. But this is always what happens when we put Self on the throne of our heart. If God is on the throne we find He propels us into community with others, loving them self-sacrifically as He loves all of us. God doesn't benefit from loving us, you know. He loves us because He is a loving God, not because we are worth loving. We are sinful, petty, self-focused, and poisonous creatures. And yet, God sacrificed His only Son so that we might live in joyful fellowship with Him. This is the kind of love God calls us to show to those who "despitefully use us." But three things must happen before we can: We have to truly love God more than anything else (Matthew 22:36-38), we have to surrender ourselves to God (Romans 12:1), and we have to die to Self and put God on the throne of our heart.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

This is God's way out of the agoraphobic life you've adopted. Your present isolation doesn't honor Him and is of little benefit to those nasty, unpleasant people God calls you to love.

 

[dqhall]

Hi DQ,

Thanks for your reply, and I appreciate your welcome.

The thing is, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but after so many jaded relationships, it's very hard to trust anyone. What you describe is a series of positive interactions with others. I do have some positive relationships -namely, my husband and my students (I tutor). I love to help them and even offer my students' families free resources, advice, extra work, etc. just because I enjoy it so much. I've also started a ministry, done missions work, etc. So it's not like I haven't tried.

I do feel that I'm treated much differently than others. Since I was young, I've been shy, am overweight, and was bullied badly for many years. My self-esteem suffered terribly, and even though I believe what Christ says about me -that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made - my day to day reality doesn't reflect that at all.

I feel I don't have much in common with anyone around me. I take my Christian walk seriously and try to obey the Lord, but I'm easily discouraged when others mistreat me or mock me because of it. I'm already an "outcast" in my family, but I find that even at churches, people don't like me because they want me to go to womanly social gatherings when I rather study theology like the men. Also, my husband and I can't have kids, which we've always wanted, and my husband is ill.

I know other people are in bad circumstances, some worse, but it just gets so discouraging feeling "weird" and alone. Where are my 12 (well, 11?) friends? Jesus had a cushion of imperfect but still supportive friends around him. Without real friends or family, it makes it very hard going at this mostly alone, or so it seems.

I was near the border of normal weight and overweight, but suffered high blood pressure. I had kidney stones, a bladder stone operation, and an enlarged prostate. I was on medication. I dated a retired LPN. We talked about the role of sodium in high blood pressure. One day I was near my TV. A voice inside urged me to turn on my TV. I turned it on. There was a PBS show with Dr. Joel Fuhrman on. I listened to his miracle diet. I went online and bought his Kindle book, "Eat to Live." Within three days of implementing his recommendations, my blood pressure was dropping and I was losing weight. I continued to read Dr. Michael Greger, T. Collin Campbell and Dr. Dean Ornish. My blood pressure dropped, my kidney stones stopped, I lost 14 pounds. my prostate shrank. I stopped taking medication and feel better. While I can not lay on hands and heal, I was able to pick up my tablet and read Kindle books. Jesus came to heal. Obesity ought not be a life long malady.

 

[turkle]

It's true that when a person is focused on protecting self that there is no energy left to love and nurture others. Heb 10.25 says that we should not give up meeting together, but encourage one another. You cannot be an encourager if you are isolated.

It sounds like you would benefit from work on your social skills, as you perceive people as mocking, bullying and unkind to you. Shy people often appear cold and arrogant, though they don't mean to. One of the best books ever written on the subject is Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People. In it, he emphasizes taking your focus off of yourself and engaging with others in a way that is encouraging and friendly. Everyone can benefit from his wisdom.

Jesus had his close friends because He always focused on encouraging them. He never focused on Himself. To be like Christ, we must do the same.

If you really want to have friends, you must get outside of yourself and seek out good people for relationships. They will not come to you. Why not join the women's' groups? I have made great friends in those groups. I encourage you to pray for opportunities and people to connect with. It may feel difficult at first, but as you gain skills, you will be glad you had the courage to love people.