So lost.

[Mytreasuremyreward]

Hi. I joined this site almost a year ago when I had a similar feeling of being very lost. I never acted on it and I wish I had so that I could look to Godly advice now. My husband and I have been married for almost three years and have dated for almost 9. I am almost 28. We've had many ups and downs but he's been my best friend through it all. Long story short, his father owns his own struggling business. Side note- his father neglects his wife for this business and they both work 6 days a week. Last year, they were searching for trustworthy employees. It's hard to find and I offered to help. My husband was very excited about the idea. My one ultimatum was that I work for and under my husband and have no contact regarding the business with my father in law. I wanted to maintain the positive relationship I've had with him. I would work from home. I was working full time at another job and an opportunity came up at my work to go part time. We decided I would work part time for the family business and part time for my other job. I prayed about it and it just seemed to work out perfectly. Without making this post too long, I never was able to do any work for the family business (or get a paycheck). I realized later that my husband had actually solidified with his dad about me working for them. His dad had ultimately decided against utilizing the portion of the business that my husband planned on me running. So, I was working part-time, had no extra income, and went into debt. I have asked my husband since our marriage for us to have a joint account and that hasn't happened. I have actually had to ask him to help me pay for my car note because I only now had my part time income. I have asked him a few times for help and he only helped me once. I was able to secure an after work gig to help pay off some of my bills, but my credit has gone down. I have been able to find another full-time job that starts in August. Thank God! Last week, my husband told me that the business has been the lowest in sales for the last two years in their niche. I said that working for the business was something that made him happy and if he wanted to stay, he should reach out to his mentor at another branch for help. He said he would do that asap. A week goes by and I ask if he reached out... he said no but I will later this week. I asked tonight and he said no but I will. I asked the excuse and he said he's been too busy and that I was nagging. He finally text him. I am trying to be a supportive wife. I just feel lost. I don't know how to continue following along with this. I'm broke, have tried my hardest on my end to secure a job and tried to be supportive. Please help, and if you got this far, thank you so much for reading to this point!

 

[mkgal1]

I think you need to seek out the help of a domestic abuse counselor. What you're describing sounds like financial abuse. The other comment you made about your husband saying you're "nagging" doesn't seem as if he's learned very good/healthy marital skills from his father. Do you live in a state that's a community property state (California, Arizona, Idaho, Nevada, Louisiana, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin)?

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

He's an only child. He grew up with his mom and his dad was working non-stop/traveling. His mom cheated on my father in law. My husband is the one who found out by reading her text messages when he was suspicious. He confronted his dad. His dad didn't do anything. It's a mess. They are still together (probably for financial reasons). I know I might sound crazy but I know my husband genuinely loves me. I do appreciate your honesty about reaching out to a counselor. I will pray about that and keep an open mind. I live in TN.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi. I joined this site almost a year ago when I had a similar feeling of being very lost. I never acted on it and I wish I had so that I could look to Godly advice now. My husband and I have been married for almost three years and have dated for almost 9. I am almost 28. We've had many ups and downs but he's been my best friend through it all. Long story short, his father owns his own struggling business. Side note- his father neglects his wife for this business and they both work 6 days a week. Last year, they were searching for trustworthy employees. It's hard to find and I offered to help. My husband was very excited about the idea. My one ultimatum was that I work for and under my husband and have no contact regarding the business with my father in law. I wanted to maintain the positive relationship I've had with him. I would work from home. I was working full time at another job and an opportunity came up at my work to go part time. We decided I would work part time for the family business and part time for my other job. I prayed about it and it just seemed to work out perfectly. Without making this post too long, I never was able to do any work for the family business (or get a paycheck). I realized later that my husband had actually solidified with his dad about me working for them. His dad had ultimately decided against utilizing the portion of the business that my husband planned on me running. So, I was working part-time, had no extra income, and went into debt. I have asked my husband since our marriage for us to have a joint account and that hasn't happened. I have actually had to ask him to help me pay for my car note because I only now had my part time income. I have asked him a few times for help and he only helped me once. I was able to secure an after work gig to help pay off some of my bills, but my credit has gone down. I have been able to find another full-time job that starts in August. Thank God! Last week, my husband told me that the business has been the lowest in sales for the last two years in their niche. I said that working for the business was something that made him happy and if he wanted to stay, he should reach out to his mentor at another branch for help. He said he would do that asap. A week goes by and I ask if he reached out... he said no but I will later this week. I asked tonight and he said no but I will. I asked the excuse and he said he's been too busy and that I was nagging. He finally text him. I am trying to be a supportive wife. I just feel lost. I don't know how to continue following along with this. I'm broke, have tried my hardest on my end to secure a job and tried to be supportive. Please help, and if you got this far, thank you so much for reading to this point!

Your husbands situation will likely deteriorate. Make plans for the worst.

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

Your husbands situation will likely deteriorate. Make plans for the worst.

I haven’t been back on here in a while. I wish I could say that things have been perfect... we did hit a roadblock. BUT, it was one that I prayed for to open my husband’s eyes. Things have been looking up- really up! Our relationship is wonderful (he just has some things to work on with himself). I’m glad I prayed and pushed through to the other side. While I appreciated your response, I decided to make plans for the best instead.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Good to hear and thanks for the update! Is he being more financially "sharing" with you? LKike the joint account and all that? A married couples money should become one. There should be no begging for money as if one is a child. Granted discussing money being spent is one thing.

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

I’m sorry it took so long to reply. I’m currently a stay at home mom to our baby. He takes care of all finances and is doing a wonderful job. While nothing is ever perfect, I am surely blessed!