So little in common

[Rainbow.]

Im so sorry for your troubles and i hope you both find peace in your hearts.
Has your daughter got any friends who can come over and play, it sounds like she's lonely.
Plus she will of course be grieving, and at age 9 it will be hard to express her emotions .
The counselor should help lots.
Do you have a close friend who has children the same age as your daughter where she can safely play once in a while?
I know money is tight, but maybe watch a movie together and huddle up on the sofa, to be close to you will cover a multitude of sadness.
God bless you. Lots of love from your sister in Jesus,
grace
P.s How about getting her a small pet like a fish or a Gerbil that she can spend time caring for and loving?

 

[Salsa_1960]

We have no family around here and have only lived here 2 years.

I bought her a hamster the same week we placed her younger sister.

A lot of the problem is me. I just don't have the desire to do the things that I used to enjoy. (I think they call that depression). I'm on meds to help me with this-- but I hit the highs too. (I was up for 54 hours in a row back in September.....no desire to sleep).....manic. I'm on 2 mood stabilizers now and still have mood swings but not to the nth degree.


Sandy

PS I over do it with things too. Mostly my computer, but other things too. Other interests. (Read my profile sometime. Tons of interests). I get a bit OCD with them. (I overdo it). Addicted to my interests.

 

[Rainbow.]

We have no family around here and have only lived here 2 years.

I bought her a hamster the same week we placed her younger sister.

Sandy

Oh dear, i cant think of anything else...just now.
Like you im a single mum, but my daughters only 4 so they would not enjoy the same stuff.
Well the only other thing maybe would be to let her redecorate her bedroom!
This would take up a lot of time and you could do it fairly cheap, plus it would be like a fresh start for her (Not meaning for her to forget about her siblings..)
Just have something else to focus on.
I bet she'd be happy to entertain herself in there for hours once she'd finished!
Maybe encourage her to do some creative writing as well to express her emotions and come to terms with everything which has happened to the both of you over the years.
I will think of some other stuff and post again when i have come up with the goods!

 

[Salsa_1960]

Thanks.

 

[BeanMak]

Sand-I have been in your shoes a bit. My husband died when my kids were 10 and 12. I got involved with my computer, it was easier than dealing in some cases. Please, If I can make a suggestion. Don't spare the mess, turn off the puter and get elbow deep into crafts or cooking or anything else with your daughter. I thought at the time, that my boys were old enough, they didn't need or want me around- that was a big mistake. They just don't have the words to express what they need. You two need each other.
Some other suggestions- a keep an eye on the craft stores for sales- summer stuff is on sale now, and after christmas pick up stuff to make next year. My grandmother taught me to embroider when I was about 8 or 9 and I still do it to this day. Library time is a great idea. Force yourself for her sake to get out.
I pray that Our Father will give you an extra measure of grace, strength and wisdom to deal with your situation.

 

[Salsa_1960]

I usually get on in the morning. I kept myself offline this moring, though, until after she got off to school. We did stuff together instead. Nothing great, mind you. Stuff like laundry. But that's OK, because it was together. Lots better than me on the computer and her watching TV.

I'm unemployed right now too. I'm looking, but there's not much out there. (Small small town and I don't drive which cuts things down even more).

I have plenty of time to get online when she's at school. I really really need to limit myself. Besides her, it's not good for me either. I need to be doing other things and to be around other people. (I wasn't this way before my family broke up.....I was online, but not to this extent).

Same goes for the guitar. I'm practicing "O Little Town of Bethlehem" (the instrumental) but I can do that when she's at school or in bed. It's hard to practice a new instrumental and be interrupted-- especially when you have a hard time with multi-tasking anyway. (Just doesn't mix very well). It's one thing to play the guitar and sing-along together, but much different to work on a song and not want to be interrupted.

I don't know if I'll get the song (O Little Town of Bethlehem) down pat by this Christmas, but I've made no promises. There's always next Christmas. Like I said, I've not commited myself to playing any music this Christmas so there's absolutely no pressure (except pressure that I put on myself).

~Sandy

 

[Risen Tree]

Perhaps you weren't meant to be a multi-tasker. Those who aren't tend to have a knack for the opposite ability--singling out a single activity and intensely focusing on it.

 

[Salsa_1960]

Yes. I like to call it "HYPER-FOCUSSING." It's OK when you have the time and don't need to be giving others the attention they need. Hyperfocussing isn't so OK when Amy needs attention. (Unless, ofcourse, the "hyperfocus" is on her).

Well, it's going on ONE. I think I'd better catch the city transit and head out to KMART before school lets out.

Hmm. I went out to KMart but this one has no crafts stuff. Sigh. I did buy some Christmas cards and some "Elmer's 3D Washable Paint Pens." (Dries raised so artword POPS up at you). Amy can "touch-up" the Christmas cards with them. We'll have to experiment with them first on some old cards that we have. The other thing is to make sure that they are REALLY dry before putting them in the envelopes.

Challenging, for sure.

 

[feelingroovy]

I'm now a single mom and my dd, Amy, (age 9) and I have so few similar interests.

She likes to play with dolls and play house. I was a tomboy.

She wants to do some rough tough stuff too. Like wrestle. (I did as a kid, but I'm in my 40s now).

Her father left in February of 2002. Her older sister (21 months her senior) died in September 2002. We placed her younger sister (18 months her junior who is autistic and profoundly mentally retarded) in a group home (over an hour away) last January. It's like she wants me to take their place. I can't.

I would like to do things with her. I suggested playing some games with her last night. (Like Chutes and Ladders). She likes the game so it's not like it's too babyish for her-- but it was like pulling teeth to get her to join in. Arrrrrrggggghhhhh.

When the weather is nice, we can atleast ride bikes and go for walks. I'm unable to drive (my health) and money is super tight, so that cuts down on a lot of activities.

IDEAS???

~Sandy

P.S. We both are seeing a counselor.

My boys are 20 and 14. Now all they want from me is cash and to be left alone~! LOL

I do watch reality TV with my youngest. we used to play video games together. go for walks. bike ride. sometimes we still play card games. Zach (my youngest) recently learned how to play Poker - no limit hold em - from watching the Travel Channel. LOL believe it or not, it is FUN~!

but when they were younger, i played GI Joes in the sandbox and all that 'boy' stuff. i just did what they wanted to do.

some kids really like crafts. looks like you're crafty. maybe your daughter also has a gift?

let her invite friends over from school. then all you have to do is supervise.

I'll keep thinking. Hope things get easier for you and you feel better.

*hugs*
~janny

p.s. and some kids just like to do things alone.