So hurt

[Surviving]

I'm feeling really hurt at the moment. I spoke to my mum on the phone last night and mentioned to her that I am getting councilling for my past. She was very happy for me.

She also said that she blames herself alot for what has happened to me as she feels that she could have done something about it alot earlier. I can understand this. However, she admitted to me last night that my dad did not want to get the police involved. This is because he has so much pride.

Well, what can I say to that? How can a father let his pride be more important than his daughters well being? You can't. I was so angry last night. When I came off the phone and looked at my husband, I just burst into tears. He couldn't believe it either.

I just feel that this has really set me back. Everytime I think of this now my eyes start to fill up with tears. My husband is really worried about me as well. I feel really down at the moment. It's lucky that I don't cut myself anymore as I reackon that I would have done something by now. As long as I have my husband, I won't cut myself.

Please pray for me to get through this?

 

[TamaraLynne]

Praying..................

 

[lilymarie]

Dear Father, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

Praying for you in Jesus! name

 

[Surviving]

Thank you very much for your prayers.

 

[Mela'h]

I just wanted to tell you that I understand.....I am lifting you up to Abba and asking him for strength and peace to surround you, and that He would use your marriage, your husband, to bring healing into your life. Things will get better sweety

 

[Surviving]

Thank you very much Cookieboo. Things aren't too bad at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I am still quite hurt about this. I think I'm just angry.

 

[*~DJ~*]

This is understandable. My dad did the same thing- but he later admitted that he didn't want to get the police involved b/cuz he 1) didn't really want to admit that I was being hurt, and 2) that he couldn't stand the thought of not being able to fix it himself. I had always been a Daddy's girl and it really tore him up. This type of thing affects the people that love us, too. I was angry, too, but now I realize that he was hurting, too.

I am praying for you!

 

[Surviving]

Thank you djkraemoore. This does make sense. My dad has so much pride and I don't think that he expected anything like this to happen to someone in his family, let alone me. I am still hurt about this. It will take some time I think for me to get over this. It's been quite a blow to me.

 

[*~DJ~*]

Hurt always takes time to heal. Just remember, you are not alone! We here at CF will help, but better than that- Jesus is always with you! God bless!

 

[Surviving]

Thanks. I'm having a bad day today and really struggling. Wish I didn't have to deal with this. I don't know what to do.

 

[FallingWaters]

I'm feeling really hurt at the moment. I spoke to my mum on the phone last night and mentioned to her that I am getting councilling for my past. She was very happy for me.

She also said that she blames herself alot for what has happened to me as she feels that she could have done something about it alot earlier. I can understand this. However, she admitted to me last night that my dad did not want to get the police involved. This is because he has so much pride.

Well, what can I say to that? How can a father let his pride be more important than his daughters well being? You can't. I was so angry last night. When I came off the phone and looked at my husband, I just burst into tears. He couldn't believe it either.

I just feel that this has really set me back. Everytime I think of this now my eyes start to fill up with tears. My husband is really worried about me as well. I feel really down at the moment. It's lucky that I don't cut myself anymore as I reackon that I would have done something by now. As long as I have my husband, I won't cut myself.

Please pray for me to get through this?

I have been healing from the abuse I suffered as a child for over 20 years. Every so often some new pain will come up that I have to face. What I have learned is the most important thing to remember is this: my goal is to forgive the person who hurt me. It's important to not let a root of bitterness take hold.

Writing out your thoughts and feelings to God helps process the pain so that you can forgive the person completely.

Father, I pray You would give Surviving the divine ability to forgive her parents for the part they played in her pain. I pray You would help her to see them as "only human". I pray You would give Surviving a revelation of Your unconditional love, and cause her to feel the understanding and compassion that can only come from Your heart.

 

[Surviving]

I have been healing from the abuse I suffered as a child for over 20 years. Every so often some new pain will come up that I have to face. What I have learned is the most important thing to remember is this: my goal is to forgive the person who hurt me. It's important to not let a root of bitterness take hold.

I know what you mean about the new pain springing up. I wish it wouldn't though, but I guess that is life. I haven't forgiven my abuser yet, but I guess I will do in the future. I know that I need to to be able to get on with my life. I'm going to get counciling to try and help me get through this.

Writing out your thoughts and feelings to God helps process the pain so that you can forgive the person completely.

I do like writing my feelings down. I do it in the way of poetry though. I find it alot easier to write like this.

Father, I pray You would give Surviving the divine ability to forgive her parents for the part they played in her pain. I pray You would help her to see them as "only human". I pray You would give Surviving a revelation of Your unconditional love, and cause her to feel the understanding and compassion that can only come from Your heart.

This made me cry. Thank you so much for praying for me.

 

[FallingWaters]

I know what you mean about the new pain springing up. I wish it wouldn't though, but I guess that is life. I haven't forgiven my abuser yet, but I guess I will do in the future. I know that I need to to be able to get on with my life. I'm going to get counciling to try and help me get through this.

I do like writing my feelings down. I do it in the way of poetry though. I find it alot easier to write like this.

This made me cry. Thank you so much for praying for me.

I am glad my prayer ministered to your heart. There is hope for you.

I spent 2 weeks of concentrated effort - reading, writing, praying, and finally forgiving - 16 years ago. I have been fine ever since then!

What God did for me may have been unique in that my abuser apologized to me and now I have a friendly relationship with him, but I think that is frosting on the cake. Most abusers don't apologize - fewer than 10% admit what they did was wrong. One thing I know for sure though, only God can convict them of their sin. We can talk till we're blue in the face and it won't do any good.

Let me encourage you not to wait so long to forgive. Forgiveness sets you free.
This is the scripture my pastor gave me Matthew 18:23-35
You will be tormented by bitterness, resentment, and anger until you forgive. (v 34)

Brushing aside your thoughts and feelings and trying to forget your pain is the most automatic and normal thing to do. I did it for 15 years. I have read the testimony of women who were in their 70's and 80's and their pain was still as fresh as ever. That's why I am convinced that we must forgive. It will never go away by itself.

But here's the funny thing. I already forgave my abuser 2 times before... on my knees... forgive us our trespasses as we for give those... but for some reason the pain kept coming back. I think for some people, a surface application of forgiveness might last long term, but for me it did not. When the pain kept re-surfacing, I knew I had to do something more intense about it.

My problem turned out to be that I had never grieved what was stolen from me. I had never faced my pain, or called it sin, or looked at the deep scars and wounds it left, or how the abuse was affecting my life and my relationship with my husband.

And let me say I didn't have any help with this and I had to figure it out for myself, but since then I have many times confirmed what I learned. Grieving is key.

I didn't have a lot of money, so I went to the public library and thumbed through the books concerning sexual abuse, and took out the ones I thought I could understand and relate to, and used those to face my pain and grieve my loss, books that made lists of the effects of abuse on women. "The Right to Innocence" by Engel was helpful for that, but the descriptions of other people's abuse haunt me for a long time, so I try to avoid reading those parts. I could not find any Christian books to help me 16 years ago, but there must be some now.

My heart goes out to you because I remember how bound up I was in my pain. In the weeks after I forgave my abuser, I felt as though my feet weren't even touching the ground; I was floating around on clouds! You can be free from your pain.