so frustrated

[faith177]

so we separated three months ago, my 15yr old son stayed to finish out the school year. My husband said he really wanted him to stay so they could have time together since he hasnt been around his whole childhood and said he would be a good dad. So I agreed it was best for him to stay, now there is a couple months left of the school year and my ex is not being the best. He leaves him alone alot, he doesnt spend time with him. I think he is seeing a new girl now and will leave him alone even more.

I am so frustrated I want my son here with me where hes not alone all the time but I cant pull him from high school and put him in another school this late in the year. My son doesnt think it is a big deal he likes it but I know the more it happens the harder its going to be for him when he moves back here. Not to mention I dont even have a bedroom for him yet, we are working on it because we expected him in the summer.

I am trying to pray and trust God why is it so hard,

 

[Lilygirl3]

Your son is in a bad situation if he is left alone most of the time. My brother stayed with my dad at about the same age and just did his own thing while our dad did his. My brother got into a lot of stuff he shouldn't have and wound up never finishing highschool. It came time for graduation and he did not have his credits. My dad never even paid attention to whether he went to school or not. My mom was devastated and cried the whole day of graduation. The principal said he would give him a blank piece of paper and let him make up his work, but my brother wouldn't do it. Now I don't recommend you taking him out of his school. He will probably resent you for that. But, teenagers don't need to be left on their own. I hope things work out well.

 

[faith177]

yes I will have to say his dad is very strict about grades, he will def pass. I am more worried about his emotional well being, how boring and lonely to be stuck in the house by yourself a few nights a week.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Boring, lonely and... abusive, neglectful at best.

 

[hope4today]

yes I will have to say his dad is very strict about grades, he will def pass. I am more worried about his emotional well being, how boring and lonely to be stuck in the house by yourself a few nights a week.

My heart goes out to you. This must be such a difficult time and I'm praying for you.

Just a thought... I wonder if your son really is bored and lonely? I don't know how long his Dad is out or how many nights. You mentioned that your son is not bothered but says he likes it. I know my daughter, who is also 15, is not bothered at all when I go out. It is part of her feeling she is developing her sense of independence and responsibility. Your son 'may' feel the same way.

If he really IS lonely or getting into trouble, or it is every night, then that is certainly cause for concern but if he is happy and safe then it may be something else that is troubling you.

I wonder if it is about you wanting to be with and love your son ( and that is VERY valid) and then it might be good to discuss it from that angle. If you come from the angle of the son being lonely and bored, and he isn't, then you might just hit a brick wall. They could just say you have it wrong and there is no problem. If you say you want him with you, noone can say that you don't.

(From my situation, I have to leave my daughters, I have 3 but often one of the older two will be left alone. And if my ex said they were lonely and bored and it was bad for them, I would just tell him that's not true. They are happy and safe. But if he said, 'I miss my kids and want them', then that would be a different matter, that could be discussed.) I hope all that makes sense.

I am just putting this out there as a possibility so that you don't go in fighting a wrong battle, and then not be heard.

I'm praying for you It must be really tough for you to be away from your son. I pray that you will be able to find a way to work this out with you, ex and your son. And that your son will be able to make the necessary adjustments when he comes to you at the end of the school year.

Bless you
Hope

 

[Autumnleaf]

Its hard because it was not meant to be done that way.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Although Autumleaf is right that it's not supposed to be this way, it is the sad reality of modern society. But instead of crying over spilled milk we can get some paper towel and start cleaning up.

So here's my advice to you. I liked what Hope4today had to say and I agree that you need to look at if it is you missing him (which is totally understandable) or if he's really not happy/safe. If he's really not happy/safe then you can continue to work on his room while he's with you. Safety comes first and I've had many situations where things were less than comfortable but safe. I would try to talk to him and his dad about the situation and see if you can open up the lines of communication. If he tells his dad that he's bored and dosen't like being alone his dad might stop leaving him alone so much... I pray you find a resolution in this situation.

 

[faith177]

well now hes not alone, his dad moved him across the state, to a new high school for the last month of school. They are living with his sister who is a christian and I can only pray that she will be a blessing. I have alot of anger to work through, and do not understand how he does not get how hard this could be on my son, to go to a new school for a month. Well the good thing is it is a month and then he gets to move here

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I know it's a hard situation and i can't imagine the anger you must be feeling. What helps me through things when I get angry about a situation I can't control is to remember that all things happen for a reason, even when we don't see it right away. Hold on, have faith and remember that God is watching over you. It may very well be a blessing in disguise.