Sleepovers

[beautifully_chaotic]

exactly! its not like you accually need to be in house for it to happen! its pretty basic, if you don't think that you can stand the temptation then don't be alone!

 

[Briseis]

I stayed at my bf's house for 3 weeks over christmas, but his whole family was there so I dont see anything wrong with it.

Even though I can handle the temptation, I do not think ppls hould sleep in the same house if they are alone, and especially not in the same bed, even if you dont do anything.

 

[YouthPastor]

With all due respect, I don't see the difference. It all boils down to the spiritual maturity of the 2 involved. I quote Paul from 1 Corinthians:

[bible]1 Corinthians 2:14-15[/bible]

If we are spiritually mature, we should be able to reason about this and consider ALL aspects of it before we come to a God-guided decision. It is equally true that love interest is the only difference between having your SO come over just for dinner and having your minister and his family over for dinner, regardless of however many people are home.

I don't see the benefit in overzealous erring on the side of caution when the 2 people involved are sensible people who are spiritually discerning. If they're not, then I agree they need to deeply consider whether such a sitution be entered into, as should all of us. However, the spiritual couple will be able to have in mind firm principles of pure conduct to adhere to.

But in the end it's a personal, case by case decision, and we in our dating relationships need to make a God-guided decision as to what we do in all aspects of the relationship.

Let me try to clarify...

The Bible says we are ambasadors of the Kingdom of Heaven. We represent CHrist on the planet. The Bible also says we are to live as aliens here as our citizenship is in heaven.

we are to live in a way that reflects God. We represent Him and His kingdom.

wether or not you like it - people do watch your life, Paul says that we are epistles (book) read before men. Our life is on diplay for people to see - are we displaying to people a life representative of Jesus Christ. or not.

If you tell your non-saved friends that you sleep at you boyfriends house - they probably will not have a problem with it? Why not? because in our society - morals have declined so much so that according to studies - most christians have the same moral standards as those in the world.

non-saved friends would not have a problem with it - because they don't see it form a heavenly perspective. I would be leary most things that the world agrees with on a moral level.

 

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

When my boyfriend comes to visit, he sleeps in my dorm room. I see no problem with it.

 

[Tuffguy]

Questions like this are tough. I have a long distance gf, and the only way we can see each other is if the other flys to the other persons location. Where do you stay? Hotel? Pretty expensive every month plus the cost of a flight. Friends house? I don't have any female friends or family in this area.
I think that adults have to make decisions like this.

 

[Briseis]

Questions like this are tough. I have a long distance gf, and the only way we can see each other is if the other flys to the other persons location. Where do you stay? Hotel? Pretty expensive every month plus the cost of a flight. Friends house? I don't have any female friends or family in this area.
I think that adults have to make decisions like this.

Although I really dont like the idea of an unmarried couple sleeping in the same house/apartment alone, I think it would be worse if you made your gf stay in a hotel. If ppl noticed, it could have the appearance of sin, but I think treating your gf right is more important, and God knows the truth, so I would say those kind of situations are exceptions. As long as the two slept in different rooms. But that's just how I feel....

 

[KristianJ]

Let me try to clarify...

The Bible says we are ambasadors of the Kingdom of Heaven. We represent CHrist on the planet. The Bible also says we are to live as aliens here as our citizenship is in heaven.

we are to live in a way that reflects God. We represent Him and His kingdom.

wether or not you like it - people do watch your life, Paul says that we are epistles (book) read before men. Our life is on diplay for people to see - are we displaying to people a life representative of Jesus Christ. or not.

If you tell your non-saved friends that you sleep at you boyfriends house - they probably will not have a problem with it? Why not? because in our society - morals have declined so much so that according to studies - most christians have the same moral standards as those in the world.

non-saved friends would not have a problem with it - because they don't see it form a heavenly perspective. I would be leary most things that the world agrees with on a moral level.

A lot of my saved friends who know about my relationship know that I stay at my gf's house most times when I go to visit her. I've never heard them object to it. And I don't think it's because they've let their standards slip, because several of them are quite rigorous in the way that they apply the Bible. I'm confident that they're seeing things from a heavenly perspective as well, and not conforming with worldly moral standards.

I certainly get what you're saying and agree with your sentiment. However I'm fairly certain that I can live in the manner that you describe and lodge at my gf's house overnight when I visit her...it doesn't take much effort to do so.

 

[SoC]

Without reading all the posts let me say a couple things about this.

First, I would only sleep at my girlfriends house (or allow her to be at mine) if there was no way out of it. We live an hour and a half apart so if we're too tired to drive home safely, that would be a no way out situation.

Secondly, those guidelines posted are good and help keep you and your boyfriend above reproach. I would/have follow very similar guidelines. (I think having a same-sex parent sleep in the same room is a little extreme, but some couples may need that.)

My ex-girlfriend once had to stay at my place. She was falling asleep on the couch watching Firefly with me and my family. My dad said she could stay, and called her parents to let them know what was going on. She slept in my bed and I got the couch (that was my decision). Since she hadn't planned on it, she had to borrow some clothes to sleep in, too. Some sweat pants and a t-shirt of mine.

Now, since I'm moving at the end of the month and will be living on my own, my girlfriend won't be allowed to stay at my place for any reason (we're only going to be 5 minutes apart anyway). Heck, we've already decided that if no one else is there, she can't even come into my apartment (and I can't go into her house if she's home alone). We set that rule up when we started dating.

 

[Callipygian]

I sleep at my boyfriends house alot, it's no big deal, we go to seperate rooms then go to bed...
the other day we had a sleepover where there were 8 of us and me and my boyfriend slept in the same room, but i see no problem wiht it.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Yeah I had to sleep at my fiance's house for over a week.(We're in a coast-to-coast relationship.) I was downstairs on the couch, he in his room. I wore pajamas that covered me from neck to toe (literally.)
His mother had to leave to go to work early, so there was no supervision much of the time. I was comfortable with my fiance waking me up, but I guess for some people that wouldn't be comfortable.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

As long as you are in different rooms and have some kind of supervision I really don't see a problem with it. Chances that you are tempted to do something you shouldn't with someone watching is pretty slim. That's what I believe, now my parents don't agree( they think 1 second alone in a house is to long, and that having any kind of sleepover, even if there is 5 other people watching you is wrong too), but we differ on a lot of things.

 

[Maeyken]

My fiance slept over at my parents' place recently, when we were both visiting for easter. He slept in my sister's room (she wasn't home). I slept in my room. There were no issues about it. My mom was actually the one who suggested it. It was nice to not have to rush off home after the dinner and visiting with family like we normally have had to do.

I don't see any problem with staying in the same house as your fiance/fiancee, as long as there are other people there, and you're not together in the same room (unless it's like a huge sleepover situation where there's like 10 other people also in that room, and you're not in the same bed).

 

[holo]

Hehe. If you're so young as to need "supervision", you're definately too young to have a significant other anyway

Why can't you be in the same room? Me no comprendo.

 

[lacedinlavender]

Hehe. If you're so young as to need "supervision", you're definately too young to have a significant other anyway

Why can't you be in the same room? Me no comprendo.

Supervision holds you accountable. There is little to no accountability required if the couple never has anyone there to "supervise" them. It would be quite easy to fall into temptation that way.

Same with sleeping in the same room or the same bed -- it's just giving yourself far too much temptation that doesn't need to be there or wouldn't have been there otherwise!

Jen

 

[Maeyken]

Another way of describing the "supervision" we are referring to is "someone to hold you accountable". We're not saying that you need someone else there to watch your every move, but it is a lot easier to resist temptation if you know there are other people around.

 

[holo]

Supervision holds you accountable. There is little to no accountability required if the couple never has anyone there to "supervise" them. It would be quite easy to fall into temptation that way.

Same with sleeping in the same room or the same bed -- it's just giving yourself far too much temptation that doesn't need to be there or wouldn't have been there otherwise!

Jen

Hmm. I'm accountable to my girlfriend, myself, my conviction and God. I really think I would have to be almost completely helpless and out of control to need someone else to be accountable to. It's love and respect that makes me considerate, not rules, being watched or having to tell someone. Personally I'd rather have a S.O. who wouldn't need a supervisor to love me the right way. And I do

I don't think sleeping in the same bed gives us too much temptation. We're adults. We talk about stuff. We have our very own personal rules (the most important one is to never make decisions on how far we go, while we're all hot and bothered - we talk about those things during the day, clothed, out of bed. I can recommend that).

 

[littlecoda]

we live together. I guess I can't add anything!

 

[Hediru]

Ok, I feel like I need to share my story. (Briefly, I hope.)

My bf and I were LDR for 3 years. During that time, I went out to visit him and his parents often, and he came to see me with my family. We slept under the same roof but in separate rooms for these visits. When I visited him, he gave me his bed (with fresh sheets) and sacked out on the floor of his TV room in a sleeping bag. Because his "room" was so open, it was much easier to avoid temptation because it would be easier for us to get caught by his parents or younger siblings. When he visited me, he slept in my sister's bed and she joined me in my larger bed. Again, temptation was not as strong as the fear of getting caught. I say that sleeping under the same roof but in different rooms is fine, but still work out ways that the temptation is outweighed by chances of getting caught. Anything to help resist the temptation helps!

I will admittedly say, however, that he didn't just visit me at home. He also visited me at college, in my dorm room, without a roommate. You see where this is going, I'm sure. It started when we were watching a movie in my room while sitting on my bed (there was no where else to sit) and he fell asleep during it due to jet lag. I didn't have the heart to wake him to go to his other room arrangements with some male friends. We are ashamed that we did this every night every time he visited from then on. We "justified" it by saying that "nothing happened" and that there is a difference between sleeping together and "sleeping" together. But deep down we knew it was wrong. But we kept doing it because it felt so good at the time. The temptation was just too strong. It even continued after college and after we were no longer LDR when we both got our own apartments down the street from each other. Not every night of course, but admittedly about once or twice a month. Finally, God put his foot down on this behavior and we both felt it one night during an evening worship service. We have promised to never spend the night alone before marriage again. And we are stronger for that. It doesn't mean the temptation isn't there. It is so hard to say goodnight every night and go to our separate apartments and separate beds where its often lonely and cold. But we know that when we do get married, it will be more special because we'll finally be able to do whatever we want in that department, without guilt or shame. Praying that we will make it to that point is one of our many mantras.

 

[holo]

I'm sorry, but this is just... perverted. Seriously.

Your consciences have been severly trampled upon, twisted and burnt when you're actually feeling seriously convicted after merely sleeping in the same room. I mean, think about it. What in the world is wrong with that? What possible harm would it ever do? Are you guys equally controlled by your guilty conscience in other matters too?

Why is it wrong or harmful to sleep in the same room or bed? Do you believe it's "God's will" or something like that?

I know I could never live like that. Going from never even having slept in the same room as my mate, to being married and suddenly "allowed" to do whatever we'd like. I'd be nervous as heck, it'd be more strange than anything.

And it's certainly not natural to do it this way. Your body, heart and soul isn't programmed to spend a lifetime controlling (and in many cases denying) all your intimate and sexual emotions, and then, in the blink of an "I now pronounce you man and wife" turn completely around and feel free to do all these sexual things. No, that guilty conscience you're feeling right now, is going to follow you for years. It doesn't change because of a ceremony. You'll have to twist it all the way back, and it's a long and tiring process. Or it'll take a miracle. You'll both need it, and fortunately God is able to give it. I just wish so many people wouldn't need it in the first place.

 

[Briseis]

I'm sorry, but this is just... perverted. Seriously.

Your consciences have been severly trampled upon, twisted and burnt when you're actually feeling seriously convicted after merely sleeping in the same room. I mean, think about it. What in the world is wrong with that? What possible harm would it ever do?

Dont be so harsh. Her convictions are not hurting you.