Sleepovers

[eyeliv4God]

The thread "help convincing girlfriend that sleeping over is not good." got me thinking...


Are sleepovers with your significant other okay under these conditions?

1. Each person sleeps in a seperate room.
2. There is additional supervision.
3. One or both person(s) sleeps with a guardian or a trusted third-party of the same sex.
4. Sleepwear is modest and covers the body from the neck to the ankles.

Of course, I don't think it's a good idea for those who live on their own to have their significant other sleep over if there's no Christian supervision or a third-party to help "watch", so-to-speak.

I care what God thinks. I want to know that He's okay with this and doesn't mind before I make any decisions. It'd be nice to have Jeremy spend the night because he lives in the next state over (I live in Indiana and he lives in Ohio; it's about a 40 minute to an hour drive between the two of us). He could sleep in the guest bedroom and I would sleep with my mom. I can't drive (I have epilepsy) so I feel really bad that he has to make the tired drive home almost 4-6 times a week... not to mention gas prices!

I guess I just want the opinions of others and what they think.

Honestly, I'm not a virgin, but after welcoming God back into my life, I can say with absolute confidence that there is no temptation to go where I shouldn't with Jeremy. I don't want to "taint" him, I respect him, I love him enough that I want him to be physically intimate with his future wife, and only her!!!

What do you have to say about this?

 

[Hope_0004]

People will probably get onto me, but in this situation, I can't see what would be wrong about it. If you feel certain that there is not going to be temptation for either one of you, and would not continue the arrangement if it turned out that you were wrong...

I guess you'd have to make sure it was okay with your mom, and I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about it as well.

Long-distance relationships do require special "rules" sometimes.

 

[eyeliv4God]

People will probably get onto me, but in this situation, I can't see what would be wrong about it. If you feel certain that there is not going to be temptation for either one of you, and would not continue the arrangement if it turned out that you were wrong...

I guess you'd have to make sure it was okay with your mom, and I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about it as well.

Long-distance relationships do require special "rules" sometimes.

Thanks for the reply, Hon'. I don't think people are going to be all over you.

I have talked to my mom about the situation and what she thinks and she has told me that she doesn't mind as long as I made a list of "rules" to follow and showed them to her beforehand. Why she asked me to make my own list, I don't know. Anyways, that list up there is the list I made and she approved. Jeremy seems fine with it; in fact, he's the one that brought it up and we've talked about it for a while. There is one problem, however, which I'm going to have to start a new thread for because I really can't explain it here, but I will say this: when we're kissing, he has a hard time... "keeping his hands to himself", so-to-speak... his hands like to wander, and I'm not really cool with that. Fortunately, as long as I'm sleeping in the same bed as my mom, things should be okay.

 

[Hope_0004]

Well, good.

I don't know why she had you make the "rules", but when my father used to say things like that... i.e., "Well, what time to you think you should be able to stay out until...?" it really hit home that he had trusted me enough to make that decision, and I'd try even harder to make him feel good about that.

I hope everything works out. Guys are tempted all the time, and although I hate it when people act like they are so different from girls in that respect... well, teenage and twentysomething "boys" are insufferable. It is just really hard for most of them, especially when kissing. If he starts to make you feel uncomfortable, I would just stop doing whatever it is you're doing entirely - as in, leave him in the room literally by himself. If he knows you're serious about the consequences, he'll watch himself better.

 

[eyeliv4God]

If he starts to make you feel uncomfortable, I would just stop doing whatever it is you're doing entirely - as in, leave him in the room literally by himself. If he knows you're serious about the consequences, he'll watch himself better.

Good point and great advice! It's going to be interesting to see his reaction when I do that next time!

 

[Hope_0004]

Seriously. Don't get angry, don't get mad - just stand up and say, "Okay, mister, you know that's not going to happen!" and laugh and walk away from him. The next time, he'll remember what happens when he tries to go beyond your comfort zone... NOTHING, not even kissing! Plus you get yourself out of there and don't have to worry about feeling bad later. If he gets angry or upset, then you'll also learn something about the way he handles situations when he doesn't get what he wants.

 

[eyeliv4God]

Another thing: just because we're adults doesn't mean we don't need adult supervision!

 

[YouthPastor]

People will probably get onto me, but in this situation, I can't see what would be wrong about it. If you feel certain that there is not going to be temptation for either one of you, and would not continue the arrangement if it turned out that you were wrong...

I guess you'd have to make sure it was okay with your mom, and I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about it as well.

Long-distance relationships do require special "rules" sometimes.

I am not getting on you.... But what is the point?

and I do nto think there is anyway to be CERTAIN that there will be no temptation.

Just because adults or responsible third parties are there does not mean something cannot happen.

if you are going to go through all these things, rule, third parties- why do you need to do it. How about just staying at a hotel (not with b/f)?

 

[eyeliv4God]

Not trying to make excuses or "justify" actions... but hotels cost money.

Think about back in the old day: two unmarried people sleeping in the same bed wasn't unthinkable. That's what bundling was for. Here, we're not even talking about staying in the same bed! We're talking separate rooms.

 

[murple_kitty]

My boyfriend and I have done it a few times. Once he was at my house, twice I was at his house. Our parents have rules, we have rules, and we know our boundaries. I don't think that it needs to happen very much. Only if it is a "special circumstance". Even then I don't think it is a good idea to get too comfortable or to go around parading what you are doing. People may get the wrong idea or you may even get the wrong idea. But on the occasions where it cannot be escaped, I don't think it's wrong..

 

[squeakyclean1]

My bf lives a little over an hour away, so when he comes to my house, or mine to his, we "sleepover". Yes, we are in totally different rooms, if not levels of the house. And there is usually at least one other person there, if not 3-4. I really don't think it is a problem, but like YouthPastor said...

Just because adults or responsible third parties are there does not mean something cannot happen.

its true. So when we sleepover, we have stricter rules about what time we can be up till, and things like that. Ya just gotta be extra conscious about stuff going on.

 

[Inperfected]

1. Each person sleeps in a seperate room.
2. There is additional supervision.
3. One or both person(s) sleeps with a guardian or a trusted third-party of the same sex.
4. Sleepwear is modest and covers the body from the neck to the ankles.

Now i am sort of trying not to laugh... If you are responsible adults, and both are christian, can't you stop temptation before it arrives?

I stay at my boyfriends, and I'll sleep in the lounge, and he'll be in his room... I'll sleep in boxers and a singlet (Not a problem here, my dad has seen me in bikini (only coz water was so cold, i had to have singlet and shorts to warm up later) when i was with him..) and he'll kiss me goodnight, and GO TO BED. Thats as simple as it is really, go to bed, your own seperate bed. I've slept in the same room as him, i mean we've slept on a double airbed, with many in the room. We've slept on 2 mattresses, in the middle of our lounge (were just engaged, and wanting to talk, but was SOOO cold).

I think my point is, some of it is excessive... You don't need sleep wear from ankles to neck, why not just change in the room you are in? You don't need someone in the room with you, you just don't go in each others rooms.

 

[Chan1976]

If you are responsible adults, and both are christian, can't you stop temptation before it arrives?
.

I agree with Inperfected. I have no problems with it personally. We are both adults (25 and 27), and we both know where our boundaries lie.

I would not advise those who feel tempted in this situation to stay over though.

 

[Inperfected]

Temptation is a good thing - it is what you do with that temptation which can be a bad thing.

 

[seamonster]

I don't think it's a big deal. My husband and I had a long distance relationship until our third month of marriage, and when he came to visit he always stayed with me at my parents' house.

 

[KristianJ]

My bf lives a little over an hour away, so when he comes to my house, or mine to his, we "sleepover". Yes, we are in totally different rooms, if not levels of the house. And there is usually at least one other person there, if not 3-4.

Similar situation when I stay at my gf's place or vice versa - and neck to ankle sleepwear IMHO is pretty impractical in summer months when (in my case, because I can't stand warm nights) light sleepwear is essential. In terms of sleep arrangements we're in separate rooms with doors shut, and whenever possible we respect each other's desire to wake up of our own accord and not go into rooms to wake the other up.

Of the steps in the OP, I think number 1 is the only "compulsory" one that would be wise to follow. Besides that, staying the night is something I have no problems with, especially because it means that whoever's the guest doesn't have to drive for an hour at night when conditions are not optimum in terms of alertness. But sleeping over just for the sake of it when you only live a couple of mins away...well, my thoughts aren't quite as for it per se. But in the situation I'm in, staying the night can be far more practical and safe, so that I can travel home the following day knowing that I've had a good night's rest and can drive in an alert manner.

 

[OnceDust]

I dated a girl for a few years in college. We lived in the same complex, so we never stayed the night with eachother. It never was necessary. On the other hand, here in the Peace Corps, we have sometimes 10 people in one house in sleeping bags on the floor. Nothing has ever happened in my case. I haven't felt a temptation to "bed" one of my friends if the person next to me happens to be one of the female Volunteers. It's more like a campout. I don't think twice about it, but only you know your zones. Try not to go outside of them. If you're not convicted, them there's probably not a problem.

Blessings

 

[koolist]

The thread "help convincing girlfriend that sleeping over is not good." got me thinking...


Are sleepovers with your significant other okay under these conditions?

1. Each person sleeps in a seperate room.
2. There is additional supervision.
3. One or both person(s) sleeps with a guardian or a trusted third-party of the same sex.
4. Sleepwear is modest and covers the body from the neck to the ankles.

Of course, I don't think it's a good idea for those who live on their own to have their significant other sleep over if there's no Christian supervision or a third-party to help "watch", so-to-speak.

I care what God thinks. I want to know that He's okay with this and doesn't mind before I make any decisions. It'd be nice to have Jeremy spend the night because he lives in the next state over (I live in Indiana and he lives in Ohio; it's about a 40 minute to an hour drive between the two of us). He could sleep in the guest bedroom and I would sleep with my mom. I can't drive (I have epilepsy) so I feel really bad that he has to make the tired drive home almost 4-6 times a week... not to mention gas prices!

I guess I just want the opinions of others and what they think.

Honestly, I'm not a virgin, but after welcoming God back into my life, I can say with absolute confidence that there is no temptation to go where I shouldn't with Jeremy. I don't want to "taint" him, I respect him, I love him enough that I want him to be physically intimate with his future wife, and only her!!!

What do you have to say about this?

I respect you for respecting him. I feel that a lot of people nowadays don't respect each other and that is how things can get out of hand.

About the sleep overs for out of the conditions you have given I would be 'less strict' if you like in that I would allow a sleep over with the other half (Say me and my Gf) If we were in seperate rooms, the sleep ware was appropriate and if there was additional supervision. I.e. Everything except sleeping with a same sex guardian. If there is additional supervision for me that would be enough to deter me for the risk of being walked in on.

I hope you understood that and can ake sense of it!!

Koolist

 

[Hope_0004]

I am not getting on you.... But what is the point?

and I do nto think there is anyway to be CERTAIN that there will be no temptation.

Just because adults or responsible third parties are there does not mean something cannot happen.

if you are going to go through all these things, rule, third parties- why do you need to do it. How about just staying at a hotel (not with b/f)?

I think I said that if she did turn out to be wrong and there was in fact temptation (agreeing with you that one can never be certain) then the arrangement should end.

Just because adults or responsible third parties are there obviously does not mean something cannot happen, but it would be the same whether they had these sleepovers or not. Something could happen in the morning at breakfast, in the car at night, in the elevator in the middle of the day!

I think it is good for the OP to have boundaries in her head and in her heart prior to doing this. And I believe her mother asked her to.

I agree with the OP that a hotel might be impractical for a lot of people. And things could happen in a hotel, too.

 

[Arclight610]

If you want my opinion about it, there is nothing wrong with sleepovers with your significant other. I don't even see the purpose of splitting each other up in seperate rooms or seperate levels for that matter. That may make him feel unwanted or excommunicated. I say there is no problem in sleeping in the same room, as long as nothing happens, or there is no thoughts about it,