Sleeping with (sharing a bed/sofa)

[Sketcher]

If she was your girlfriend, I would say don't worry about what you did but don't make a habit out of it.

Since she is not, I would caution you two about what signals you are sending each other. I like to reserve that kind of intimacy for dating, because that's what that sort of action means to me. Don't say one thing to each other with your physical actions and say something else with your head. That's a breakdown of honesty, IMO.

 

[Briseis]

If she was your girlfriend, I would say don't worry about what you did but don't make a habit out of it.

Since she is not, I would caution you two about what signals you are sending each other. I like to reserve that kind of intimacy for dating, because that's what that sort of action means to me. Don't say one thing to each other with your physical actions and say something else with your head. That's a breakdown of honesty, IMO.

I do not think this is wrong in either case, but if one was worse than the other I would say if the girl was his gf. I think someone would be more likely be tempted by this if the person was someone they had deep feelings for, rather than some random friend.

 

[Inperfected]

I'm sorry but I couldnt' read tihs and NOT post something. That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard. Just because someone sleeps side by side does not mean they are going to have sex, no matter what gender.

To answer the OP, it's perfectly fine.

Ahh it didn't say they were "going" to have sex, but rather cross minds.

And by the way... coming from someone who's been in this situation, and been caught by the devils traps... I don't knwo if I still think it's a good idea. ESP if you or her have been physical with someone in the past. It can be a little bit better when others are around, but at the same time, due to bitter past experience, don't get under blankets together, if anythings happened before!

The general thing is you get comfortable with each others bodies in a way that really shouldn't be until marriage.

Lookie at it this way, would you rather now, and risk temptation? or when the temptation hits, you've lost your virginity, and then you have to go back to not sleeping together... it's easier to start that way believe me. beginning to live/ or sleep apart again, is never easy.

 

[Briseis]

This applies to some ppl, but definitely not all. This individual does not seem to particularly have a problem with the temptation, but only a little doubt of the morality of the situation. There is morally nothing wrong with what they did. There is no need to address what "might of happened," or all the "things that are possible" if there doesnt seem to be an issue with temptation.

 

[bobsmith2]

But for those many years, I never once felt the need to be touchy feely with a friend who I might have been "asleep" with. Some of you just need to learn self-control and not to "get feelings" for every person you meet.

srry dint get tht last bit, so u sayin that u did share a sofa or bed or wot eva, but u dint cuddle, n touch n stuff, or tht u did cuddle, n touch n stuff???

wot i said was that we were cuddling and we went to sleep on purepous.

im so confused!

But you do sin gravely in one area though; writing "b4", "cus" and "nite" is simply unacceptable.

lol ha ha jus cus u oldies cnt under stand it!

 

[bobsmith2]

The general thing is you get comfortable with each others bodies in a way that really shouldn't be until marriage.

do you mean comfortable, as is familiar, or comfortable as in comfort?

I admit we were quite (physicaly) close together at the time.

This applies to some ppl, but definitely not all. This individual does not seem to particularly have a problem with the temptation, but only a little doubt of the morality of the situation. There is morally nothing wrong with what they did. There is no need to address what "might of happened," or all the "things that are possible" if there doesnt seem to be an issue with temptation.

it was just refrence for the future reely

 

[-Kyriaki-]

lol ha ha jus cus u oldies cnt under stand it!

uh...last i knew i was 18. i wouldn't call that old. and i can understand it, it just irritates me something chronic. text speak is for AIM (if you must, i still use full words for basically everything) and phone messages. NOT FORUMS.

you learned to spell at school for a reason. refusing to use that knowledge is just demonstrating that you need to be sent back to grade 2 to learn to spell again. it's not cool, it's not funny, it's not the latest and greatest awesome thing. it's irritating, and i want this trend to die. painfully.

on the topic of the OP: it's not a problem, i agree with the people in this thread who have said "you don't HAVE to have sex with every person you fall asleep near." i've slept in the same bed with (female) friends and it hasn't bothered me, and when i was a bit younger (before all the guys i knew got hormones and stupid, vanished off the map or became my boyfriend) i used to share a bed/couch/room occasionally and it was fine. yes, we have a sex-mad society. that doesn't mean we have to knee-jerk in the opposite direction!

by the way - i've also fallen asleep in the same room/vicinity of my boyfriend. i wouldn't recommend it, but we did it unintentionally and i don't regret it. it's just not a choice you make intentionally, because then you are possibly opening yourself up. but again, i think christians make such a big deal about AVOIDING TEMPTATION that it makes it even more tempting, and leads to a lot of misplaced guilt in the minds of our youth who accidentally crossed some invisible line set miles from any danger zone, "just in case"

 

[Inperfected]

do you mean comfortable, as is familiar

sure do... the more comfortable you are with your girlfriends body, the more comfortable you are with saying putig your hands under clothing etc.

briseis, i realise that you are getting "decidedly against" my posts, but this is all from my and my friends experience. This includes friends in this forum, one of which ended up pregnant by following this trail. He asked is it acceptable, i didn't say it wasn't, but i did advise against it. my opinions are mine, and you don't have to debate everything i say please.

 

[Flamefeathers]

O.O

:-D

Kyrie, thank you. Heh, grammar is something that people on the internet seem incapable of learning.

 

[Flamefeathers]

As for the topic. Personally, I can see the whole, "just because your're male and female, doesn't mean it's constant temptation" thing. So I revise my thought a bit there.

I do, however, think of the old line, "Why play with fire?"

 

[thekwizzitiveone]

I think that because there def. seems to be some feelings between you two, things like that should be avoided. I realize that you've set a line as far as sex goes, but is that the only line you have? There are many things that you could do that in the eyes of many could be considered on the verge of crossing that line.

I realize that many people don't care what parents think, but for those of you that do, I think that if either of my parents came walking in and I was in a bed or on a couch with a guy, they would wonder why. And they would ask me why. And what would I say? I probably wouldn't have a good excuse as to why...

(I've had a rather embarassing experience like that... I wasn't sleeping with the guy, but he was my friend and my parents knew I liked him, and my dad caught me cuddling on the couch with him... And I understand how they took it the wrong way... when I look back, I realize that, even though I didn't think it then, I was committing a sin, because I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I knew my parents wouldn't be where I was that night, it was surprising that they came by...)

So... I'm not really sure where I'm going right now. I'm just saying that if you think you might have been uncomfortable with anyone walking in on you two while you were sleeping on the couch, you might want to stay away from that type of thing. Things that look wrong, are sometimes wrong, even if you don't realize what you're doing is wrong at the time.

Just think about it next time.

(I think that Christians should experience temptation, that's a part of life, but to give in to the temptation is a sin. Don't give in to temptation! )

 

[bobsmith2]

sure do... the more comfortable you are with your girlfriends body, the more comfortable you are with saying putig your hands under clothing etc.

briseis, i realise that you are getting "decidedly against" my posts, but this is all from my and my friends experience. This includes friends in this forum, one of which ended up pregnant by following this trail. He asked is it acceptable, i didn't say it wasn't, but i did advise against it. my opinions are mine, and you don't have to debate everything i say please.

That is the sort of reply I was expecting. To be honest, our relationship has changed, after events, out side of it. So im not sure if the chance is going to come along again, but if it does I would say I would think closley about it, and im not sayin never, I think I would make the choice not to.

I must appolagise for my spelling and grammer, I do realise its not the best in the world, but this is my best effort!

 

[Briseis]

briseis, i realise that you are getting "decidedly against" my posts, but this is all from my and my friends experience. This includes friends in this forum, one of which ended up pregnant by following this trail. He asked is it acceptable, i didn't say it wasn't, but i did advise against it. my opinions are mine, and you don't have to debate everything i say please.

I only remember replying directly to you once so far, and I am not decidedly against your posts. You are right, it can be a big risk. I am only against the way you state your opinion like fact. Although that may not have been on this thread. I cant remember exactly what I said or what you said right now.

 

[neenee]

Yeah, personally I think that sleeping on the same sofa probably wouldn't lead to sex (its not very comfortable unless you have a massive couch). And sleeping together in that innocent way can be very nice and intimate without having to have sex. Just make sure that if you really want to stick to your boundary of not having sex that you stop the sleeping together thing if you feel tempted because sometimes when you're already horizontal you don't have time to think about anything else...

 

[Briseis]

Just wondering, do you guys think it is wrong to sit on a couch with your SO? I mean, they were sleeping, meaning they werent able to do anything. So would sitting on a couch, awake, with your SO be bad? How could you hang out? Watch a movie?

 

[Inperfected]

Just wondering, do you guys think it is wrong to sit on a couch with your SO? I mean, they were sleeping, meaning they werent able to do anything. So would sitting on a couch, awake, with your SO be bad? How could you hang out? Watch a movie?

Sleeping on a couch with your SO is fine... as long as you are SLEEPING. You see this is where the problem lies. When someone lays down, they don't immediately go to sleep. And sitting on a couch? NO I'd never do that... I admit it also can lead to dodgy things (yes my life hasn't been overly pure in the past), but of course you can sit on a couch and watch a movie...

I admit I've slept on a couch with my fiance. (yes yes massive couch). But I also think I wouldn't have if the lady on the bed didn't snore, sigh and cough. (We were at a conference thing, and sleeping with all the sunday school teachers)

 

[thekwizzitiveone]

Just wondering, do you guys think it is wrong to sit on a couch with your SO? I mean, they were sleeping, meaning they werent able to do anything. So would sitting on a couch, awake, with your SO be bad? How could you hang out? Watch a movie?

No... it's not wrong to sit on a couch with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But sometimes our motives are not as pure as we might think they are. I think that the way it came about for bobsmith probably wasn't anything to worry about at all.

 

[Briseis]

And sitting on a couch? NO I'd never do that...

Wow. Of course if that is what is necessary for you, by all means, dont sit on the couch! But I am just so glad I have self control.

No... it's not wrong to sit on a couch with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But sometimes our motives are not as pure as we might think they are.

Of course, it always depend on the person, as we can see the difference in people right here.

 

[Inperfected]

Wow. Of course if that is what is necessary for you, by all means, dont sit on the couch! But I am just so glad I have self control.

Um..................

Read a post before you reply to it.

I said "NO I'd never do that...but of course you can sit on a couch and watch a movie..." I am not that prudent thanks.

 

[charligirl]

What noone seems to have posted about is that fact that you say you are not dating.. yet. You say she is not a christian, so why are you considering pursuing a romantic relationship with her? I know there are always exceptions to the rule, but 99% of the time dating a non christian is not to be advised.

Back to the original issue, sharing a bed on a one off occasionas you did isn't wrong in itself but it is the thin end of the wedge. Once you have done this it's so much easier to do it again... then you might cuddle... then have a passionate kiss.. believe me I have been there literally 100's of times in my youth - where did I end up? Back slidden and not a virgin anymore, despite my stong views at the start.

Get close to God and start praying for a christian girl who shares your beliefs and values.