Singleness and its struggles

[rockwell]

Hi everyone – It’s been a while since I last posted but I wanted to remind you all that I love all and every single one of you. I am in need of good advice; I have been struggling with my singleness for a while now and unfortunately I’m getting to the point where I just want to call it quit and give up on everything and everyone.

After years of bad and pointless relationships, deceptions, rejections and nothing but pain and sorrow in terms of relationships, things don’t seem to get any better. 90%, no kidding, of my friends at church, are already married; I just cannot take it anymore. Everyone for months now, have been saying stuff like “my wife is awesome”, “I was obedient and the Lord blessed me with a wife”, “I have the best wife ever” etc, etc. even from the pulpit. I might be over-reacting or jealous and I’m sure the Lord hates that but I cannot help it. I am not saying I am better that them but I am starting to feel so alienated and so different from everyone else. The church is going through a youth, especially female draught. Not many of us left

On the other hand, my school and college friends could not care less about serious healthy relationships; they either live with someone or sleep around. I am definitely not into that.

I want to get married when the Lord gives me the green light but I might be in the wrong place. Maybe it’s the Lord’s way of telling me to go. Maybe he’s just working on my patience and developing character. I want to have the passion for the Lord like I used to have, I wanna be happy while I am single, I want to overflow and look beyond myself but It’s just not happening.

Any words of advice, anyone feeling the same way?

 

[Beef]

Brother, you have to have patience...I and many others are in the same boat as you! You are still young! Have faith in the Lord and let it be known to Him what you want, as He also already knows!

 

[mina]

It's frustrating. All my friends from high school are married, all my friends from college are married, everyone in my family is married. Yet another reason for me to feel like a freak. And you feel if you say anything about it, someone is going to jump all over you aobut how ungrateful and ungodly you are. or they imply that you really don't love God b/c you feel this way. There are lots of good things about being single, try to take your thougts of negativity captive and focus on one good thing about it. This has been a rough week for me in that it's been a year since the only man i've ever loved was taken out of my life. All those thoughts and feelings came flooding back and reminded me thus making me sad. I've had to go to Jesus many many time this week taking those thoughts , those jealous feelings, the misunderstood and frustraed feelings to Him. And God has shown me a good thing about being single: I bought some really nice antique furniture for my house and I didn't have to consult with anyone about it. I could afford it so I bought it.
I've felt like giving up this week. Some memories were so painful I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Does that mean i'm an evil person that doesn't love God? Does that mean I don't use my single time to serve Him? No, it means I'm an imperfect human that often feels frustrated and alone. It means I need encouragement, not condemnation from the body of Christ. It means that as a human I long for human love as well as the blessings of God on my life, b/c I know I can't bless myself. Why is admitting frailty and difficult areas seen as an area to be scoffed at by other Christians? Why can we not just utter words of life and encouragement to one another when someone admits they are weak? Remember, it's not a sin to feel this way, it's only a sin when you really give up.

 

[superdave]

You have no idea how I relate with you. I know LOTS of single girls, but nothing moves me. And when one does--and I go after it... It always backfires, and it ends up causing me ALOT of sorrow. I told the Lord, "I give up... I can't do it anymore. I don't want my heart to be broken again." and so, I haven't harden my heart--but really, I have given up on trying to make things work. I am going to relax and be myself and love my sisters. And someday, God's going to bless me with a wife. See the enemy wants us to be apathetic about our singleness. I have believed a lie that I was ugly, fat, and no one would ever love me--no one. That was such a lie, when I looked to see what God said about me--and who I am as a person. I realize I have LOTS to offer... and the girl that lands me is VERY SPECIAL. In my last rejection, even though it was painful...I met it with an attitude of, "well she doesn't have a clue what she is missing out on!" and It may sound bitter, but it's not. God truly wants us to love someone, he placed that desire within us. But he wants it to be right... He wants love to awaken when the time comes. And I gaurantee, I think that will be alot better than casual dating... --- Hang in there, the time will come!

 

[mina]

Blue, i really don't know how to respond to you. Are singles not allowed to feel struggles? or are the stuggles singles experience silly compared to the rest of the body? The OP did not say he was going to give up, he said he felt like giving up. I don't think he's ungrateful about his life, he's just voicing a frustuation. I didn't read where he was giving up on life. Perhaps he meant dating and romance; it was kind of vague, but nevertheless frustuation is there. None of us are perfect. We all experience frustration and discouragement in life. Yes, getting over it is good and should be obtained, but I think there is a tactful and loving way to suggest that instead of implying that your struggle is stupid and you should just be ashamed of yourself for feeling that way. Human life is not simple, it's complex. Someone could be extrememly grateful for things in life and be hurting aobut other things. It sounded as though the OP recognized the problems of his struggles and was asking for advice or assurance that he's not totaly alone in these feelings. Could you give some strategies for getting over things when you are frustrated? What do you do when you are hurting and you feel like no one cares or listens? When people are emotionally hurt, just telling them to get over it, doesn't really work. How did Jesus(or how would He) respond to hurt and broken people? We should respond to hurt people the same way our LORD did. Instead of just telling someone to get over it, perhaps we could offer people helpful ways to do that. The reality of the situation is that God gives us the body of Christ to encourage and to speak words of life and truth. Maybe people need a blunt answer, but God's people should never have to beat each other up to give truth. I agree that there are a lot of single people that do nothing but whine, but does that make their hurt any less valid? Is it really going to heal their hurt to just tell them to suck it up and get over it? When did the body of Christ get to pick and choose whose hurts hurt more and which ones are more deserving of a loving answer because they make us the least uncomforable? I can't think of one example in Scripture where God or Jesus told a hurting person just to get over it. Loving someone and encouraging them is not the same as telling them to dwell in their misery and have a pity party.

 

[rockwell]

It's frustrating......
Some memories were so painful I wanted to crawl in a hole and die...

Does that mean i'm an evil person that doesn't love God? Does that mean I don't use my single time to serve Him? No, it means I'm an imperfect human that often feels frustrated and alone.

I could have not said it better, that's the way i feel and married people simply do not understand, my married friends dont understand, my leaders dont understand, my parents dont understand... my brothers and sisters dont understand. how could they, if they have all found their other half...
the best they can say is "dont give up - the Lord has an awesome plan for your life"

About giving up, i wouldnt give up, but i certainly feel like giving up may times during the week and i hate it. I'd love to have complete joy back in my life...
I'd love to be completely happy on my own...
am I happy? yes i am, to a certain degree, but i could be happier. I wish i could erase all those nights when i have cried myself to sleep. i wish i could erase all those painful memories... i wish i could just hear the Lord in an audible voice simply telling me to trust in Him and have patience.

why is it that even though God is always with us, He feels so far away when we need him the most?

 

[Sketcher]

Read the Marraige Ministry forum. Read a book on how to build a Godly marraige. You will likely say "no thanks" and appreciate the freedom you have.

 

[okiemommy26]

Marriage is not all it is cracked up to be either. God does have a plan for you and you just have not figured it out yet. I know you want someone in your life. Just keep praying is all I can say. God might not want you to be married right now He might something else for your life. Or He could just be teaching you patience. I will be praying for you.
Blue single people have struggles too just like everyone else. These single ppl are telling us they need help and they need prayer to get over this and that is what we have to do instead of telling them oh get over it. We do not know them personally, we really do not know what they are going through because we are not them. Only they and God know what they are going through and God can help them. We just need to pray for them.

 

[InTheFlame]

I know it seems hard right now, but it would pay to look around you and work out what you can do NOW that would be more difficult, if not impossible, with a spouse and children. Get involved in overseas mission work. Go away to an intensive bible college or training college. Go on a prayer roadtrip. Get away from the content, cosy atmosphere you're suffocating in and see what God can do with YOU as a single entity.

I know this sort of comment may well leave a bad taste in your mouth (often does in mine) but God DOES love you, and he DOES have a good path planned out for you. One that will be far better than what you're longing for right now. I've seen that proven time after time in my own life - I've come to believe it with every bit of my heart and mind.

 

[ZACTAK]

Hey brother. I am not sure if anyone else already mentioned this, because I did not read everyone's responses, but take it from someone who has been single for 7 years! From a man that has never been kissed. Honestly, what I have done is stop looking. I don't think about not having a girlfriend or worrying about it, it only makes me more stressed out. But by not actively looking doesn't mean it isn't going to happen. I have dated people in the past 7 years, I just haven't found someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. Stop looking and when the time is right God will give you the woman of your dreams. Pray for patience in the matter, you have your whole life ahead of you. Just don't worry about it.... I know, I know. Easier said than done. I'll be praying for you. God be with you.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Hey don't worry about it! 21 isn't very old in MHO

 

[faith25]

we just have to be patient ............ i know its not easy .......... u dont want to end up with wrong guy......... when its right timing god will provide for you .............. right know just be patient.....

 

[MetalBlade]

I feel exactly the same. Pointless relationships and way to many rejections. I know it is kind of cliche, but there is someone out there for you...just got to look. The Lord will lead you if you put your trust in Him. That's what I have been doing anyway. Also, take time to reflect on the positive things about being single!

 

[superdave]

Dating is so abused and so dysfunctional in our culture. We allow our hearts to get into situations that we cant handle. I have really come to the peace that I am not ready to get married--so why even get my heart involved in silly relationships? Dating is about marriage. So if you are at the age that you can't... then it makes sense NOT TO DATE. Now does that mean that we can't hang out with the opposite sex? No! I think some friendships can do alot of good, and hanging alone with the opposite sex or in groups can help a believer grow and learn how to treat women.

Anyways--thats it.

 

[Kristin06]

I have been feeling the same way lately...I fill like I have tried and failed at every relationship that I have been in...I know that when the time is right I will find that special someone but as I see everyone around me get married or start having kids I can't help but wonder when is my turn for true happiness...I want a relationship that is honest and God centered and it almost seems like that no longer exists...I have felt like giving up and just settling with the idea of being single forever...but then I feel like God doesn't want that...I am at a point where I have just given it all to God and pray that He will listen to the desires of my heart!!! If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM....I would love to talk to someone else who is in the same boat!!

 

[rockwell]

Hi everyone,
I want to thank all of you guys for your love and support. When it comes to worrying about finding true love and finding the right woman that the Lord has chosen for me, just like someone said, I am probably worrying too much. “Quote: you are only 21 - dont worry, just enjoy your singleness”
Even though I am 22 (now), that’s the way I feel, wanting to love and be loved by someone other that our Lord and family is quite natural. It’s a hard road but knowing that there are lots of other people our there wanting to be faithful servants of Christ and waiting for the Lord’s provision is really encouraging.

And you know what, A wife is a good thing and the Lord wants us to be married should we desire that. I have prayed many times about my wife, in fact I try to pray for her everyday. It’s funny how you can love someone so much and so deeply without even knowing her, but for some reason I do, I don’t know where she is, I don’t’ know what she does, I don’t know if she speaks English, Spanish or Italian, I am not even sure about her name but I know that I love her with all of my heart because anything or anyone that comes from the Lord is awesome.
Anyhow, just like it says in one of the Psalms “No good thing will HE withhold from those who walk uprightly” - I am not perfect, in fact very-very far from perfection, but in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I am holy, forgiven and righteous -> Therefore that verse is applicable to me and anyone else who proclaims it.
I will get married, dunno when, dunno how, not even sure who the bride is but it’s the kind of things that gives me peace in my spirit. Remember everyone: “No good thing will HE withhold from those who walk uprightly”
----> remember it, proclaim it and believe it!!! <-----

Blessing everyone

PS. Anyone heard the song “wait for me” by “Rebecca St. James”

 

[miracle26]

Have you tried online dating?

 

[DailyBlessings]

Hi everyone – It’s been a while since I last posted but I wanted to remind you all that I love all and every single one of you. I am in need of good advice; I have been struggling with my singleness for a while now and unfortunately I’m getting to the point where I just want to call it quit and give up on everything and everyone.

After years of bad and pointless relationships, deceptions, rejections and nothing but pain and sorrow in terms of relationships, things don’t seem to get any better. 90%, no kidding, of my friends at church, are already married; I just cannot take it anymore. Everyone for months now, have been saying stuff like “my wife is awesome”, “I was obedient and the Lord blessed me with a wife”, “I have the best wife ever” etc, etc. even from the pulpit. I might be over-reacting or jealous and I’m sure the Lord hates that but I cannot help it. I am not saying I am better that them but I am starting to feel so alienated and so different from everyone else. The church is going through a youth, especially female draught. Not many of us left

On the other hand, my school and college friends could not care less about serious healthy relationships; they either live with someone or sleep around. I am definitely not into that.

I want to get married when the Lord gives me the green light but I might be in the wrong place. Maybe it’s the Lord’s way of telling me to go. Maybe he’s just working on my patience and developing character. I want to have the passion for the Lord like I used to have, I wanna be happy while I am single, I want to overflow and look beyond myself but It’s just not happening.

Any words of advice, anyone feeling the same way?

Rockwell, I completely understand.

Really, I think the whole system of dating is designed to crush hope and optimism, especially for guys....

But I don't think giving up is a good option, even if it were possible.

 

[Silver Speak]

I used to be soo obsessed about finding *the guy* and now I'm just happy not to be tied to anyone 'cause there's so much I want to do. I figured I can't always be thinking about the future 'cause I need to live NOW as well. I know it sucks when people around you marry and it seems like they're part of some secret club that you can't enter but you just have to put your focus on something else instead of worrying about it. Make some goals and work to reach them. Try new things, keep busy.

Oh and by the way, I think it's bull when people say 'I was so good that God blessed me with a spouse'. You can't exactly earn blessings like that. Sure, God gives you a wife when he thinks you're ready to handle it but not having one doesn't mean you suck

 

[Sketcher]

Oh and by the way, I think it's bull when people say 'I was so good that God blessed me with a spouse'. You can't exactly earn blessings like that. Sure, God gives you a wife when he thinks you're ready to handle it but not having one doesn't mean you suck

Not having one can be a blessing. Ever read a book on how to build a good marraige?