Single sucks...

[127.0.0.1]

*Sigh*

Being single is hard...
I'm super discouraged. I signed up on OKCupid. I've been on there for a few months and, aside from a few small, friendly chats, not much interest. So I'm bummed...well worse than bummed...I seem to be everything that women DON'T want. I'm not always confident, insecure, and even when my OCD isn't giving me problems, I'm still highly passive.

I can't even carry on conversations with women in real life it seems (let alone the web). I mean, I'm just one of those guys who doesn't really having anything to say. So if she's not talking...I feel like she's waiting for me to entertain her...which I can't do on the spot like that. I just keep getting the sense they find me really boring (I kinda am).

Okay, end rant. *Cues a sad song played on the world's smallest violin*
Etude for T.O.D. - The Throne of Drones (hint, open in new window)

 

[nill]

First, props to you for going the route of not paying for Internet dating. I will never fathom that. This site surpasses the others in every way. Second, give it time. I've been a member of that site for five years and have... well, found good matches on the other side of the country, haha... but some local ones, too. The good thing about this site is that good matches are based on what you want, not some secret formula. Your best matches, if you answered many of your questions this way, will be the ones who like who you are. As far as your ability to carry on conversations and such... practice. You could find friends in real life who will help you. Ask them what they do to carry on conversations and keep things going. That kind of thing.

 

[kevlite2020]

Yeah I feel for you dude. For me, my problem is I have a really easy time having great conversations with women and I'm not shy at all about approaching them, but it always just ends at good conversation, I don't get numbers, I don't get dates, I just get people who are really friendly with me anytime I happen to run into them. I guess it's nice that I'm all social and outgoing but I wish I had an easier time at getting people to hang out with me and not just being acquaintances that will be nice if I happen to run into them.

 

[DougyP]

I'm sorry to hear you are bummed.
For me, being single has given me oppritunity to find out who I am. If I was in a realationship I don't think I could have learned what I know so fast. All my time would have been wrapped up in someone else instead on bettering myself for someone else. I'm glad I have been single, but I also want that to change.

I am working on what I call my girlfriend resume.

 

[Blank123]

sounds like you need to look for chattier girls, but give it time. The right person isn't going to jump out at you right away

First, props to you for going the route of not paying for Internet dating. I will never fathom that. This site surpasses the others in every way.

that link helps confirm that canceling my subscription with eharmony was a smart choice.

 

[StarryEyes]

Well, if these things bother you, then pray and work on them.. with God's help. Yeah it'll be hard work. No you're not a loser or a failure or however else you may be feeling. Don't let anything stop you or hold you back.. it's going to be hard!! There will be times you want to quit, times you feel like you're a failure but you're not a failure. Baby steps.. one day at a time. And I can think of a lot worse things than being single! Hang in there.. seek God, let Him use you and love through you.. be a light to those around you.. you have so much to give! (I'm not trying to make it sound easy.. or to say it'll happen overnight or in a month or even in a few years.. it takes time.. I've been there and am still there!) But don't give up!

 

[Thunder Peel]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: if you're feeling down about being single just pop into the Marriage Forum and read a few threads. Problem solved.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you are having trouble at a part of dating then go out more with friends and ask for them to coach you. Most men who have trouble dating need to change minor things they do, ie chew some gum if they have bad breath, in order to drastically help their game.

 

[127.0.0.1]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: if you're feeling down about being single just pop into the Marriage Forum and read a few threads. Problem solved.

Yeah except the problem usually seems to be an abusive husband...

Besides, there are things couples can do to avoid the usual pitfalls.

 

[127.0.0.1]

The good thing about this site is that good matches are based on what you want, not some secret formula. Your best matches, if you answered many of your questions this way, will be the ones who like who you are.

Except there a lot of people on there who've only answered like...30 questions. I've answered over 1,000.

 

[nill]

Except there a lot of people on there who've only answered like...30 questions. I've answered over 1,000.

Yeah, well... even then, you take what you can get there.

 

[GQ Chris]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: if you're feeling down about being single just pop into the Marriage Forum and read a few threads. Problem solved.

ain't that the truth.

 

[GQ Chris]

Dude, online dating is not real life. Go out into the world. How are you with approaching women in real life?

 

[127.0.0.1]

Dude, online dating is not real life. Go out into the world. How are you with approaching women in real life?

Terrible. That and...I'm not sure I want to approach the woman, personality is key for me and I have a hard, hard time finding someone I feel attracted to.

 

[GQ Chris]

it's okay, you can overcome that reluctance. You just have to go out there and do it, and fail a few times. Personality is big for me too, since I am attracted to different types of women.

 

[peacechild4]

You sound like a wonderful person with so much to give.. try not to think of all your faults but work on your strong points... Just be yourself too.. trying to be a certain way which is not you is the surest way to be unhappy and turn people off.. It is ok to be you.. and you will find someone who will like you for you!!

I think the dating places hurt self expression and self esteem.. I wonder how many of those people displayed are really anything like they say.. all of them have faults in some way but they are not going to say it and they are only looking for certain types.. but you know the greatest relationships are not based on looks or certain types but on being interested in the person and being friends..

Sometimes we are drawn to a person and we cannot explain why.. I know from a troubled relationship for many years.. it is better to be alone even if sometimes it sucks.. then to be stuck in a relationship and be unhappy..

 

[citizenthom]

When you're that desperate not to be single, it shows and it's a turn-off. How would you feel meeting someone who was clearly down on themselves? Like they'd given up on everyone worth dating and were now turning to you. And that feels like crap, and you tend to avoid it.

The first step to success in dating is, stop putting so much blasted effort into dating. Make your dating life at best your fifth priority behind God, family, work, and friends. Then it means something to someone that you've taken time out of your truly busy life to message them, get to know them, meet them, and date them.

OKCupid is about as good as online dating gets, BTW, so I wouldn't bother branching out from there; just work some real-world social activities in there and broaden your pool that way.

 

[eric246]

Confidence is something you should at least try to show when talking to a girl. Confidence is attractive because it shows you know who you are, and you are going after what you want in life. Another thing you say is, "I don't have anything to say". As long as you make observations and ask questions, you should always have things to say. If you ask her about her hobbies, don't just stop after she tells you she likes dancing. Ask her what type of dancing she likes, how long has she been dancing, and usually people will talk for hours about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, lol.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling bummed. I think we all get that way at times, and it can be difficult. When I have days like that, I let meyself cry about it and then look to God and wait for a new day. Haha, sounds easy but I know it's really not.

Ultimately what I see again and again is waiting on God's timing. That's where we are at as long as we are single. And I think during this time is a good time to work on the things that we want to change in ourselves and seek God's kingdom and what He wants for us.

Hang in there.

 

[ulu]

If you're not getting a lot of responses, keep in mind men outnumber women on those sites by a huge margin. Average women with a decent profile, or good looking ones with nothing filled out, can get hundreds of notes each week.