Single Newbie

[Monaleezza]

And not enjoying it.

I've recently come out of an almost 6 year relationship that didn't lead to marriage.
And I'm starting all over again.

I'm struggling with everything.

I'm petrified about being 34 and single.
I'm dealing the possibility that if I don't meet someone I can love soon that I may indeed never have children.
I'm having to address the loneliness. Urgh, this is the worst bit.
Oh and then there is the depression. What is wrong with me? Why do other girls get married? Why do my exes all get married? Why haven't I been able to even get close to marriage with someone?

I know I'm not the only one that's been here.
Any support and advice would be appreciated.

 

[Blank123]

I don't have any advice, but I am sorry you're in pain right now

 

[AlexBP]

God has a plan for every one of us. We may not see, at every moment in our lives, exactly how the present circumstances are part of God's plan, but we walk by faith and not by sight. Eventually we will see more clearly how the events in our lives shape us for the better. Now matter how depressed we feel, things do get better in the end.

 

[Inkachu]

I think you need to realize that not everyone else our age (I'm 33 and never married) is in a relationship, engaged, or married. And lot of the ones that are, will be divorced in a few years. You don't want that. Isn't it better to wait for the right person, and the right time, even if it means marrying when you're 40 or 50? I say heck yeah.

As for advice...the best way to stop thinking so much about yourself is to get busy, keep yourself occupied, or do things for other people. That may sound cliche' but it's completely true. Pick up a new hobby, help out at church, volunteer at a hospital, learn a new skill, take a class. The more full you make your life as a single woman, the less you'll feel the absence of a guy. Seriously.

 

[Monaleezza]

I still call myself a Christian, but my faith has so been tested and I'm totally losing the fight.
I question how God has allowed someone like me who wanted to be married at 21, to get to 34 without meeting ONE person who was willing to marry me (who I wanted to marry also)
Yes, l've had ex boyfriend's have regrets after they broke up with me, but that's not good enough. Why when the love is mutual doesn't God shine his light down on my relationship?
I'm attractive and full of life I'm even active in church. But somewhere, somehow something has gone wrong and I'm not blaming God, but I don't understand it.

 

[Inkachu]

I still call myself a Christian, but my faith has so been tested and I'm totally losing the fight.
I question how God has allowed someone like me who wanted to be married at 21, to get to 34 without meeting ONE person who was willing to marry me (who I wanted to marry also)
Yes, l've had ex boyfriend's have regrets after they broke up with me, but that's not good enough. Why when the love is mutual doesn't God shine his light down on my relationship?
I'm attractive and full of life I'm even active in church. But somewhere, somehow something has gone wrong and I'm not blaming God, but I don't understand it.

Your line of thinking is wayyyy off here. You don't know that "something has gone wrong". Have you been faithful? Have you been obedient to the Lord? If you have, then it's NOT that anything is going wrong, it's just NOT the right time yet. And I know that can be infuriatingly frustrating to hear, but I really believe it's true! And I really believe that the right person is worth waiting for.

Now, if you've not been living for God, then it is absolutely possible that you're hindering things. But only you can answer those questions for yourself.

I wanted to get married in my early 20's too. Still not married. Not even a boyfriend. I don't LIKE that, but I'm trusting the Lord with my life and my future. I'd rather wait for His best, than snatch up my own second-best and mess up my life.

 

[HazelWings]

God has something amazing in store for you, it's just hard for us as humans to see with His eyes. I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now Try to keep your chin up and remember the wonderful qualities that make you special!

 

[mina]

I have no words of advice, but i've felt those feelings before. Prayers for you; i'm so sorry you are hurting

 

[Monaleezza]

Hi Vicky
Good advice, thanks. I have thrown myself into my work, meeting up with friends etc. I'm single/unmarried because I have waited for the right one. I'm not saying I'd have wanted to marry all of the guys I've dated, but I guess maybe selfishly I'm questioning why didn't any one of them want to marry me?

I certainly don't have the gift of singleness. I love companionship, physical contact and I want children. So waiting until I'm 40 or 50 to marry would be to give up on my greatest dream ever.
But I will wait, I have no choice. I don't want just anyone. I just want the waiting time to not hurt so much.

 

[Monaleezza]

Thanks everyone for your support. I've made it this far, I'll get through this.

 

[Human Clay]

My relationship with God has gotten so much better since I have been single. He fills my heart with joy, love and peace. My mind no longer is filled with what I don't have, but what I do have. He wants the same for you!

He also loves it when we put our faith and trust in Him. He does want to grant us the desires of our hearts. He told us to pray and believe when we pray, to speak against our mountains, and we can move them. We can do all things through Him. Satan unfortunately wants to destroy us. He throws those thoughts that you will never find someone, you will be lonely, you won't have children, etc. God wants you to focus on Him. He wants you to pray without ceasing, to give thanks always and to rejoice always. Your relationship might have ended because God could have something better for you. You never know.

 

[acropolis]

match.com

 

[Sarahfina]

My relationship with God has gotten so much better since I have been single. He fills my heart with joy, love and peace. My mind no longer is filled with what I don't have, but what I do have. He wants the same for you!

He also loves it when we put our faith and trust in Him. He does want to grant us the desires of our hearts. He told us to pray and believe when we pray, to speak against our mountains, and we can move them. We can do all things through Him. Satan unfortunately wants to destroy us. He throws those thoughts that you will never find someone, you will be lonely, you won't have children, etc. God wants you to focus on Him. He wants you to pray without ceasing, to give thanks always and to rejoice always. Your relationship might have ended because God could have something better for you. You never know.

Thank you so much for your words; they are so reassuring. I've had so many friends who have gotten married or entered long-term relationships, while I have never entered a relationship with anyone. I always felt bad about it as it made me wonder if I was going to spend the rest of my life alone and without children. I'm starting to see now that God has a plan for me and that all I need to do is just watch and pray. Your words provided me with some much needed affirmation.