Single for Life

[Khalliqa]

I think I am comfortable with singleness but sometimes I get sad about it.

I will not question you further and will stop here and offer:

1. TRAUMA - I am sorry you went through such an ordeal.

2. LOVE - Being single nor being in a relationship will heal the wounds of what has happened to you. The two issues are mutually exclusive (have nothing to do with one another). You could develop a relationship with someone who assists in your healing and you could also heal alone. Both are possible.

3. FAITH - If you truly believe there is a god who wants you to have love and want you want to follow this god then all you would need to do is be open to the fact that you could have love one day. Since it would seem like it's a done deal no matter what you do. You seem to be using your pain to justify why you reject this part of god's offering. You offered your take on soul mates and associated them with god then made a point to say that you are not going that route. Taking such a step to make sure you define that you will not seems like something deeper is going on with you. Perhaps a discussion with a religious elder you respect may assist you. I'm an atheist so I can see an effort to flout authority through your pain and will be of no use to you any further but it is something that's there.

As a fellow human being and woman .. just know that the one thing you have control over is what you lend energy to.. even if you want a soul mate you would have no control over finding one.. just the control over choosing. So finding or not finding anyone or remaining single or not should not make you sad.. because when you're ready you'll know.. No need to define anything at all at any time in your life until then..

Good luck to you..

 

[Bluerose31]

I will not question you further and will stop here and offer:

1. TRAUMA - I am sorry you went through such an ordeal.

2. LOVE - Being single nor being in a relationship will heal the wounds of what has happened to you. The two issues are mutually exclusive (have nothing to do with one another). You could develop a relationship with someone who assists in your healing and you could also heal alone. Both are possible.

3. FAITH - If you truly believe there is a god who wants you to have love and want you want to follow this god then all you would need to do is be open to the fact that you could have love one day. Since it would seem like it's a done deal no matter what you do. You seem to be using your pain to justify why you reject this part of god's offering. You offered your take on soul mates and associated them with god then made a point to say that you are not going that route. Taking such a step to make sure you define that you will not seems like something deeper is going on with you. Perhaps a discussion with a religious elder you respect may assist you. I'm an atheist so I can see an effort to flout authority through your pain and will be of no use to you any further but it is something that's there.

As a fellow human being and woman .. just know that the one thing you have control over is what you lend energy to.. even if you want a soul mate you would have no control over finding one.. just the control over choosing. So finding or not finding anyone or remaining single or not should not make you sad.. because when you're ready you'll know.. No need to define anything at all at any time in your life until then..

Good luck to you..

Thank you so much for these kind words and your compassion. Thank you for showing me new ways to think on this matter. I appreciate it

 

[Servant68]

Due to my tendency to be somewhat co-dependent, I am still attracted to women who need, or who I perceive to need, "fixing".

I do not view women who have gone through such an awful ordeal to be "damaged", but rather someone who needs an extraordinary amount of love and compassion. I don't think you will have trouble finding a man who will love and accept you. There is another woman on here who went through something similar and is now extremely proficient in firearms and shoots 2-3 times a week as a form of therapy to help her regain a sense of control and empowerment.

I don't know how long ago your ordeal was, but I assume you have received and continue to receive a large amount of counseling.

 

[Bluerose31]

Due to my tendency to be somewhat co-dependent, I am still attracted to women who need, or who I perceive to need, "fixing".

I do not view women who have gone through such an awful ordeal to be "damaged", but rather someone who needs an extraordinary amount of love and compassion. I don't think you will have trouble finding a man who will love and accept you. There is another woman on here who went through something similar and is now extremely proficient in firearms and shoots 2-3 times a week as a form of therapy to help her regain a sense of control and empowerment.

I don't know how long ago your ordeal was, but I assume you have received and continue to receive a large amount of counseling.

Thank you for your encouragement Servant

 

[Sir Robbins]

I've chosen it.... not worth even trying to go down the path otherwise...

 

[Bluerose31]

I've chosen it.... not worth even trying to go down the path otherwise...

Thank you for sharing this It made me feel better