Single And Not Happy?

[JPPT1974]

Well I do feel cursed when it comes to relationships and friendships for various reasons. And i'm never posting a picture on here again, sorry. I don't doubt I would be a great wife and mom, it's the getting to that point I'm not good at.

You must have read my mind.
Because I feel the same way too.
No doubt you will be a great wife and mother.
You will indeed be awesome!!

 

[strengthinweakness]

Well I do feel cursed when it comes to relationships and friendships for various reasons. And i'm never posting a picture on here again, sorry. I don't doubt I would be a great wife and mom, it's the getting to that point I'm not good at.

Mina, I understand the feeling of "being cursed" in the area of relationships (and in other areas too). Honestly, I wish that I didn't understand it, but I do. However, as much as I am tempted to despair or fatalism at times, I have to hold onto the fact that our feelings do not determine objective reality. No Christian is cursed. God is sovereign over our lives, and as much we might be tempted to disbelieve it, He is working all things for good in our lives... even the painful, distressing, seemingly hopeless situations. These are not platitudes... they are realities which have been brought home to me out of a life filled with pain, loss, and trauma. God can use all things for our good-- and I say that having endured some incredibly painful things in life. It helps me to remember that God used the crucifixion of His son to bring sinners to redemption-- and what situation must have seemed more hopeless and wasteful, at the time, than the crucifixion?

Please know that I am not speaking from an easy, pain-free place... I don't know your specific situation in life and/or what you have been through, but I have known what it means to despair of hope for many different things. As I said in my earlier post though, don't give up hope. Just because you have not yet met the right man for you does not, in any way, mean that you will never meet him! God may have more work to do on him before he will be the right man for you! I have to remember these things myself though, as I hope and pray for a Godly woman in my own life. One's own advice is often the hardest to take!

 

[22smsbears]

I think there is nothing wrong with not being with someone!..In fact i think it shows a lot of character to be able to make yourself happy..so many people feel that they can not be happy unless they are with someone and i think that is why we have so many bad marriages...I too love being single..and i always am really careful around guys because in my experience it seems that guys are much more helpless when they are alone then a women is..therefore i feel like i can get married anytime i want..maybe it is vain of me to feel that way but i do..or maybe it is just because of the amount of times i have been proposed to..but whatever the reason...that is the last thing i want right now..I am only 22 and want to get my life in order..(finish school, get a house, find out what it is like to live completly on my own) ...then after all that when i get bored of the day in and day out of having no one i can start looking for somoene.....I want to share my life with someone...not get someone to make my life..(if that makes sense)

 

[GQ Chris]

At 30, I always seem to meet women way younger who I can't take seriously for a committed relationship because they don't have enough experience. And most of the women around my age are married or taken.

 

[mina]

I"m at the point where I am finished with my education I don't want to go back to school. And I want something more than a career. I have a new positon at my job this year and I like it and I'm enjoying what I am doing and I enjoy the finacial freedom I have, but at the end of the day the career doesn't hug me. I like living on my own and I'm probably going to buy a house within the next year, but there comes a point when soley thinking of yourself isn't as fun as it once was.

 

[GQ Chris]

Mina, you sound really desperate.

 

[mina]

well i'm not. I know what I want, and I don't know anyone that meets that. I guess I"m just frustrated b/c there seems to be a huge lack of committed Christian men in my life. I don't think i'm cut out to be a career girl, but it's what I have to do. If i was desperate I would want to date anybody just so I could marry anybody, but I think that is gross. Quality really matters to me. And marriage is something that matters to me. That doesn't mean that I think marriage is everything, but I do hold marriage in high regard b/c I think it's important in life. If God chooses to have me single and involved in an awesome ministry, then He will definitely have to lead me to that. So far a lot of the ministries I'm involved in I feel like no one wants me there ministering to them and they forget me 5 min. after I leave, but that's another story all together. And I've tryed to start ministries to help people but they ususally end weirdly which is also another story all together. I guess what I"m saying is that I really feel designed to be a helpmate and not a leader in life, and I guess to some people that sounds funny and desperate and pathetic, but oh well. It's not going to happen unless God does something about it ultimately anyways, because I'm an idiot and don't know the slightest way to begin to attract a Godly man other than what I have been doing, which I do b/c I love the Lord in the firstplace not to attract a man. But I am going to be honest and say that the prospect that God wants me single forever, discusts me right now, because I'd much rather meet the right person and get married. I'm open to the possibility of God giving me peace about it and I do pray to have that peace from HIm if singleness is to be so for me.

 

[GQ Chris]

But I am going to be honest and say that the prospect that God wants me single forever, discusts me right now, because I'd much rather meet the right person and get married.

And this is probably indicative of the fact that I don't think you're trusting God 100%.. I think God demands this from every person, I mean take some examples of people in the Bible, like say Abraham for example, God told him to sacrifice his only son, don't you think he had some serious reservations about that? You bet he did, but he was obedient anyway and God blessed him for that.

 

[mina]

well ok. I know I don't perfectly trust God and I've never said I am perfect at trust- I'm an imperfect human being and I acknowledge that before God. I don 't lie to HIm and try to be as honest as I can since He knows what I struggle with anyways. To get peace over the idea of being single forever, it's going to have to come from God, and I do trust that He will send that peace if that so turns out to be His will.I also don't think of God as a wooden spoon God that dangles promises of rewards over my head if I don't be perfect on my own, and if i'm not He wacks me in the head. Marriage isn't a reward of perfect faith. I need God to supply the peace if He wills me to be single all my days, b/c it's not coming from my natural self. Either God supplies all my needs(includeing peace) or He's a liar and He doesn't. God's word says that He himself is our comfort. God's word says He is strong in our weakeness, which trust is a weakness for me. Are you saying that because I do trust God to send me peace and direction (which I seems to be lacking in at the moment) if He wills for me to be single that I'm really not trusting God at all? I thought I was just honestly answering the course of discussion on this thread.

Hannah wanted a child, but the Bible says that God had closed her womb. If you read 1 Samuel she was pretty anxious about it. But she prayed and kept on praying for what she wanted and it says that God blessed her faith that He was the only one that could help her. I used to think that you did have to give up everything you wanted in order to be blessed by God, but I don't think that's entirely how God works. Sometimes He does keep desires burning in us so that we keep praying , keep asking, keep recognizing Him as the only giver of all good things- sometimes that will bring Him greater glory. Sometimes the very things God keeps closed in our lives, He has closed for a time to open in order that He gets the greatest glory. I don't think wanting something with pure motives is entirely wrong.

 

[JPPT1974]

Mina, let the Lord take care of you.
He will never, ever forsake nor leave you.
He loves you and only wants the best for you.
Just give all of your worries and concerns over to the Lord.
Because it is His will for you to be happy.
As well as most of all, content.

 

[Silver Speak]

Mina, great post(s) Can't rep you again!

 

[JPPT1974]

It is a great post
Again praying for you
Mina!

 

[GQ Chris]

I am currently reading a book called Decision Making and the Will of God by Gary Friesen. I especially like the section where Gary talks about Marriage, Singlehood, you all should get a copy of this book. He's basically disproving the traditional view that God has an "individual will" for us all, and he sheds light on the fact that where God does not give direct commands, we are in an area of freedom and should make a wise choice for example when picking a marriage partner.

 

[Mnse87]

I have to admit I'm not happy being single. I would rather have a boyfriend because that is the only way my parents would let me go out. I hope that I would have someone to talk to, have fun w/, etc. but to bad.