Sincerity...

[blessedsuffering]

My username used to be fruitycatholic and before I changed it I was secure and living a happy life. After a week on OBOB I was miserable and returned to my old ways of self-loathing and even, I hate to admit it, self-injury. I called this new self-injury my "mortification" to help me overcome my sexuality and even began looking into becoming a monk. I posted a thread on OBOB about how this mortification was helping me overcome my sexual temptation but after careful analysis I realize that it is only helping because Im in too much pain to have any sexual thoughts whatsoever. After a lot of prayer and study I have forced myself to have my own convictions and faith and now allow other people make me do something that is dangerous to myself.

I come at a crossroads then because I am NOT called to be celibate and I am exclusively homosexual in my orientation. My beloved RCC teaches that I must live a celibate life but I know it is not my calling regardless of how much I would like it to be. I wish the RCC was not so antigay but that is never going to happen and if it ever does it won't be in my lifetime.

Another important aspect of all of this is the fact that I am a convert. I love the Catholic faith so much that I fought my family to join it, I lost friends to join it (I live in a totally fundie area). I love it with all my heart but it is an unrequited love and all the directors or helpers I have contacted have either been cold or told me anyhting but a life of celibacy would be a one way ticket straight to hell. I struggle so much with this because I know that I can never live a fuly integrated life within my church if I plan on living an openly gay lifestyle.

Not too long ago I visited an Episcopal parish and in the Priest's sermon he asked the congregation to yell out words they thought described Jesus. Here are all the words I heard: Kind, a good listener, accepting, peaceful, loving, a friend. I was astounded! I wanted some of that lol. I wanted to be able to listen to Cher without thinking that even something effeminate like that was going to send me straight to the pits. I want to live out a vocation as a good catholic christian and as a gay man. I'm entering college in the fall the time of dating and a time for societal integration and I don't want to be alone my entire life I DON'T. The very idea scares the bejeezes outta me.

I'll end this by saying that I am in need of a faith community that loves me and I am sincerely considering the ECUSA. Please pray for me this evening because I need it so badly. I don't want to leave the RCC because I fought so hard to join it and I truly truly LOVE it but I can't be in this much denial and self hatred for much longer or I am going to seriously have a psychotic breakdown. My psyche cannot take the fact that my priest brings up the abomination of homosexuality all the time even when it is not merited. I cannot take one more postmass weeping fest or I am going to fall apart literally.

Pray for me brothers and sisters because I need some spiritual edification. I love you all and thanks for reading that tyrade lol.

Peace of Christ be with you all.
Amen

 

[ContraMundum]

Pray for me brothers and sisters because I need some spiritual edification. I love you all and thanks for reading that tyrade lol.

Praying.

(..and I'm glad you gave up the "mortification" so-called. It's a stupid idea of how to obtain holiness.)

May God reveal His plan for you to you.

 

[PaladinValer]

My username used to be fruitycatholic and before I changed it I was secure and living a happy life.

Yes, I remember you. I had wondered what happened to you after a bit of...well let's say a less-than-friendly reception from certain folks from OBOB.

After a week on OBOB I was miserable and returned to my old ways of self-loathing and even, I hate to admit it, self-injury. I called this new self-injury my "mortification" to help me overcome my sexuality and even began looking into becoming a monk. I posted a thread on OBOB about how this mortification was helping me overcome my sexual temptation but after careful analysis I realize that it is only helping because Im in too much pain to have any sexual thoughts whatsoever.

A few comments:

1. Physical mortification is a corruption of what the Scriptures teach. The Vatican Catholic Church, like my Anglican one, teaches that it is wrong to beat yourself. Please, for your own sake, do not continue.
2. I find it truly astounding that it sounds like, and I pray to God I'm wrong, that someone there suggested this "treatment." Be assured you would never be given such a suggestion here.
3. Self-loathing only worsens what hatred we have. You must learn to accept who you are fundamentally as a person.

After a lot of prayer and study I have forced myself to have my own convictions and faith and now allow other people make me do something that is dangerous to myself.

I'm glad you've come to this conclusion.

I come at a crossroads then because I am NOT called to be celibate and I am exclusively homosexual in my orientation. My beloved RCC teaches that I must live a celibate life but I know it is not my calling regardless of how much I would like it to be. I wish the RCC was not so antigay but that is never going to happen and if it ever does it won't be in my lifetime.

Anglicans are divided on this issue. In STR, you're going to meet people on various sides of this issue, which isn't up to debate here. This isn't to discourage you to post or to seek fellowship, but as a friendly warning.

Another important aspect of all of this is the fact that I am a convert. I love the Catholic faith so much that I fought my family to join it, I lost friends to join it (I live in a totally fundie area). I love it with all my heart but it is an unrequited love and all the directors or helpers I have contacted have either been cold or told me anyhting but a life of celibacy would be a one way ticket straight to hell. I struggle so much with this because I know that I can never live a fuly integrated life within my church if I plan on living an openly gay lifestyle.

Anglicanism is just as Catholic as the Vatican is.

Not too long ago I visited an Episcopal parish and in the Priest's sermon he asked the congregation to yell out words they thought described Jesus. Here are all the words I heard: Kind, a good listener, accepting, peaceful, loving, a friend. I was astounded! I wanted some of that lol. I wanted to be able to listen to Cher without thinking that even something effeminate like that was going to send me straight to the pits. I want to live out a vocation as a good catholic christian and as a gay man. I'm entering college in the fall the time of dating and a time for societal integration and I don't want to be alone my entire life I DON'T. The very idea scares the bejeezes outta me.

Don't let time dictate such things, nor should you let that be a preoccupation during college.

I am glad that you found solas in the Episcopal Church, however, in the way you did.

I'll end this by saying that I am in need of a faith community that loves me and I am sincerely considering the ECUSA. Please pray for me this evening because I need it so badly.

Then you have it.

I don't want to leave the RCC because I fought so hard to join it and I truly truly LOVE it but I can't be in this much denial and self hatred for much longer or I am going to seriously have a psychotic breakdown.

As I've said before, Anglicanism is just as Catholic as the RCC.

If you are interested, I do have some resources that may help you in your particular search. If you wish, give me a PM and I'll see what I can do to help you.

 

[blessedsuffering]

Thanks Paladin, that made me feel better and I plan on going to the ECUSA church again this Sunday and praying a lot before I do anything. I am seeing the Catholicity of the Anglican Communion in a new light lately.

Thanks again and the peace of Christ be with you.

 

[ebia]

My username used to be fruitycatholic and before I changed it I was secure and living a happy life. After a week on OBOB I was miserable and returned to my old ways of self-loathing and even, I hate to admit it, self-injury. I called this new self-injury my "mortification" to help me overcome my sexuality and even began looking into becoming a monk. I posted a thread on OBOB about how this mortification was helping me overcome my sexual temptation but after careful analysis I realize that it is only helping because Im in too much pain to have any sexual thoughts whatsoever. After a lot of prayer and study I have forced myself to have my own convictions and faith and now allow other people make me do something that is dangerous to myself.

I come at a crossroads then because I am NOT called to be celibate and I am exclusively homosexual in my orientation. My beloved RCC teaches that I must live a celibate life but I know it is not my calling regardless of how much I would like it to be. I wish the RCC was not so antigay but that is never going to happen and if it ever does it won't be in my lifetime.

Another important aspect of all of this is the fact that I am a convert. I love the Catholic faith so much that I fought my family to join it, I lost friends to join it (I live in a totally fundie area). I love it with all my heart but it is an unrequited love and all the directors or helpers I have contacted have either been cold or told me anyhting but a life of celibacy would be a one way ticket straight to hell. I struggle so much with this because I know that I can never live a fuly integrated life within my church if I plan on living an openly gay lifestyle.

Not too long ago I visited an Episcopal parish and in the Priest's sermon he asked the congregation to yell out words they thought described Jesus. Here are all the words I heard: Kind, a good listener, accepting, peaceful, loving, a friend. I was astounded! I wanted some of that lol. I wanted to be able to listen to Cher without thinking that even something effeminate like that was going to send me straight to the pits. I want to live out a vocation as a good catholic christian and as a gay man. I'm entering college in the fall the time of dating and a time for societal integration and I don't want to be alone my entire life I DON'T. The very idea scares the bejeezes outta me.

I'll end this by saying that I am in need of a faith community that loves me and I am sincerely considering the ECUSA. Please pray for me this evening because I need it so badly. I don't want to leave the RCC because I fought so hard to join it and I truly truly LOVE it but I can't be in this much denial and self hatred for much longer or I am going to seriously have a psychotic breakdown. My psyche cannot take the fact that my priest brings up the abomination of homosexuality all the time even when it is not merited. I cannot take one more postmass weeping fest or I am going to fall apart literally.

Pray for me brothers and sisters because I need some spiritual edification. I love you all and thanks for reading that tyrade lol.

Peace of Christ be with you all.
Amen

God bless.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

Prayers for you, blessedsuffering.

 

[gtsecc]

God is merciful.

 

[Colabomb]

My username used to be fruitycatholic and before I changed it I was secure and living a happy life. After a week on OBOB I was miserable and returned to my old ways of self-loathing and even, I hate to admit it, self-injury. I called this new self-injury my "mortification" to help me overcome my sexuality and even began looking into becoming a monk. I posted a thread on OBOB about how this mortification was helping me overcome my sexual temptation but after careful analysis I realize that it is only helping because Im in too much pain to have any sexual thoughts whatsoever. After a lot of prayer and study I have forced myself to have my own convictions and faith and now allow other people make me do something that is dangerous to myself.

I come at a crossroads then because I am NOT called to be celibate and I am exclusively homosexual in my orientation. My beloved RCC teaches that I must live a celibate life but I know it is not my calling regardless of how much I would like it to be. I wish the RCC was not so antigay but that is never going to happen and if it ever does it won't be in my lifetime.

Another important aspect of all of this is the fact that I am a convert. I love the Catholic faith so much that I fought my family to join it, I lost friends to join it (I live in a totally fundie area). I love it with all my heart but it is an unrequited love and all the directors or helpers I have contacted have either been cold or told me anyhting but a life of celibacy would be a one way ticket straight to hell. I struggle so much with this because I know that I can never live a fuly integrated life within my church if I plan on living an openly gay lifestyle.

Not too long ago I visited an Episcopal parish and in the Priest's sermon he asked the congregation to yell out words they thought described Jesus. Here are all the words I heard: Kind, a good listener, accepting, peaceful, loving, a friend. I was astounded! I wanted some of that lol. I wanted to be able to listen to Cher without thinking that even something effeminate like that was going to send me straight to the pits. I want to live out a vocation as a good catholic christian and as a gay man. I'm entering college in the fall the time of dating and a time for societal integration and I don't want to be alone my entire life I DON'T. The very idea scares the bejeezes outta me.

I'll end this by saying that I am in need of a faith community that loves me and I am sincerely considering the ECUSA. Please pray for me this evening because I need it so badly. I don't want to leave the RCC because I fought so hard to join it and I truly truly LOVE it but I can't be in this much denial and self hatred for much longer or I am going to seriously have a psychotic breakdown. My psyche cannot take the fact that my priest brings up the abomination of homosexuality all the time even when it is not merited. I cannot take one more postmass weeping fest or I am going to fall apart literally.

Pray for me brothers and sisters because I need some spiritual edification. I love you all and thanks for reading that tyrade lol.

Peace of Christ be with you all.
Amen

Hello Blessed (I hope I can call you blessed, I usually shorten peoples usernames.)

Welcome to the forum. I am glad you have given up self-mortification. As you and others have realized it is not the way of holiness.

And as it has been said, some of us do consider homosexuality a sinful practice. However, as we are Christian people, do not expect any sort of hatred or mistreatment. You are a human being and will be treated as such, with all of the respect and dignity you deserve. We have at least one other homosexual here who participates well in many conversations.

God Bless you, I hope you Find God's will for your life.

 

[junegillam]

Dear Blessed,

I am holding you in prayer, too, and urge you to follow God's direction to you and for you.

In my ECUSA church community, we have so much love for all people including some gay individuals and couples, just to let you know that holy communities such as ours exist.

jg

 

[chalice_thunder]

Dear BlessedSuffering,

I join the others in prayer for you.

I also echo PV's reminder that we ARE a catholic faith, and you will find a warm welcome in ECUSA.

And finally, please know that you are not alone.

I encourage you to continue living your life with integrity as a gay christian. Not all of us are called to ceibacy. By the grace of God, I am now in year 22 of a wonderfully blessed, faithful, partnership with a man I met in the Episcopal Church. Our congregation has sustained us with such love - and that kind of love and support can be a part of your life too.

Bless you, bless you!

 

[artrx]

Like JG, my ECUSA parish includes gay individuals and couples, and though there are differences in the ways individual parishoners veiw gay partnerships, they are loved and fully included. I pray you find a loving and supportive community in the ECUSA.

 

[TomUK]

God is the only one who judges us. Our job is to love one another.

My prayers are with you.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

God is the only one who judges us. Our job is to love one another.

 

[blessedsuffering]

Thanks to all of you and I plan to attend a local parish this weekend where a lot of my friends go.

Thanks and Peace

 

[junegillam]

God is the only one who judges us. Our job is to love one another.

My prayers are with you.

AMEN! Seems the hardest job we have, eh?

jg

 

[junegillam]

Thanks to all of you and I plan to attend a local parish this weekend where a lot of my friends go.

Thanks and Peace

My prayers are with you; let us know how it goes if you feel like it, ok?

jg

 

[Called2Grace]

I kind of understand how you feel, not about the homosexuality, but I also recently converted but am finding that the RCC can be a little exclusivist....which has led to a lot of inner turmoil. And self questioning "What is wrong with me" and then getting so caught up in being the person I think I have to be to be accepted by God (dictated by RCC) that I have gone totally nuts. My husband doesn't want to be around me I'm such a neurotic person now. But there is so much about the church that I love...
So I am looking to get back to God on my level. So you have my prayers!

 

[ContraMundum]

I kind of understand how you feel, not about the homosexuality, but I also recently converted but am finding that the RCC can be a little exclusivist....which has led to a lot of inner turmoil. And self questioning "What is wrong with me" and then getting so caught up in being the person I think I have to be to be accepted by God (dictated by RCC) that I have gone totally nuts. My husband doesn't want to be around me I'm such a neurotic person now. But there is so much about the church that I love...
So I am looking to get back to God on my level. So you have my prayers!

Wow, that's terrible for you. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle.

Did you join a "trad" church by any chance? In my experience they tend to be the most judgemental/cold places which expect the highest level of conformity in culture etc. Personally speaking, I find some "trad" churches are places that just need Jesus.

On the other hand, plain old garden variety Roman Catholicism can be very cultural too. That's one reason why Anglicanism is seen as a softer, more welcoming and warm option. The culture of Anglicanism tends to be very accepting.

 

[junegillam]

How are you doing, blessedsuffering?

jg

 

[blessedsuffering]

How are you doing, blessedsuffering?

jg

Good good, I'm actually taking my mother to our local ECUSA parish tommorow!