ive been here for a while....and in about....may or so, i became christian and got saved. im getting baptised soon.....and i cut. well, i used to cut. on and off all year. i would try and fight, then i would get out of it and be better, then something would happen and i would do it again. it keeps happening and i cant stop it 
its not fair. its always right at this stage, when its been about 2 months since i have/had cut.....and it comes back again. and yesterday i told my friend jaz when i was working with her at the stables i ride at...about how i used to cut, and....why i had at tha point. she used to....well still does, but yeah and she talks to a mate we both have called amber, who is....around 20 or so....and shes really gorjuz, really sweet,caring person. Jaz threatened to tell her and i made her not, then walked away and amber walked up to me as i was getting some soup out of the microwave, and she like took my wrist and said: " stef, whats that?? why have you got cut marks on your wrist"....i just looked away and said they werent anything it was fine and stuff, but.....you no how people position themselves when you look away so you have to look at them?? she did that....and later talked to me. she gave me her number and told me to call me at anytime i felt upset, or sad about anything...she told me no matter how stupid it was i could call her, and she wouldnt think it was stupid. my mum found out i used to, but on the waterworks, then when she picked me up she was going: "so, hows your self-abuse going huh?? and laughing, and saying stuff like that and: so, how was trying to kill yourself today....and it really hurts. i used to have really bad sleeping disorders when i was a kid and if i got out of bed cause i was scared my dad would get a belt and beat me with it. sometimes i feel really neglected by them. it doesnt happen anymore, but my sister.....is like their angel child. im not being an emo. teen or anytihng, but like they buy her something new every week. she gets money like every day and if i ask for $5 for lunch they wont give it to me. they buy her heaps of things, and everything is about her. its been in my head heaps today and i just want to cut. i really want to hurt myself. and i know it will hold me, yet again back from god and i would never want that....but ive got really bad urges. ive tried rubber bands, ice....the whole deal. its different, it doesnt work. what do i do??
steph
its not fair. its always right at this stage, when its been about 2 months since i have/had cut.....and it comes back again. and yesterday i told my friend jaz when i was working with her at the stables i ride at...about how i used to cut, and....why i had at tha point. she used to....well still does, but yeah and she talks to a mate we both have called amber, who is....around 20 or so....and shes really gorjuz, really sweet,caring person. Jaz threatened to tell her and i made her not, then walked away and amber walked up to me as i was getting some soup out of the microwave, and she like took my wrist and said: " stef, whats that?? why have you got cut marks on your wrist"....i just looked away and said they werent anything it was fine and stuff, but.....you no how people position themselves when you look away so you have to look at them?? she did that....and later talked to me. she gave me her number and told me to call me at anytime i felt upset, or sad about anything...she told me no matter how stupid it was i could call her, and she wouldnt think it was stupid. my mum found out i used to, but on the waterworks, then when she picked me up she was going: "so, hows your self-abuse going huh?? and laughing, and saying stuff like that and: so, how was trying to kill yourself today....and it really hurts. i used to have really bad sleeping disorders when i was a kid and if i got out of bed cause i was scared my dad would get a belt and beat me with it. sometimes i feel really neglected by them. it doesnt happen anymore, but my sister.....is like their angel child. im not being an emo. teen or anytihng, but like they buy her something new every week. she gets money like every day and if i ask for $5 for lunch they wont give it to me. they buy her heaps of things, and everything is about her. its been in my head heaps today and i just want to cut. i really want to hurt myself. and i know it will hold me, yet again back from god and i would never want that....but ive got really bad urges. ive tried rubber bands, ice....the whole deal. its different, it doesnt work. what do i do?? steph
