Sigh, I\\\'m on the fence about following through with this...

[Kal.Torak]

Hello, I'm a 21 y/o male, and have had very little experience in the relationship department. Thus, I'm still a virgin... I haven't had my first kiss yet either. I've gone on only a handful of dates with a couple of women, but it's all been one-sided. I was not interested in the other party as much as they were interested in myself.

As each day passes and I get older and older I feel like my chances of finding Ms. Right grows exponentially smaller... that my significant disadvantage in the relationship department will eventually come back to kick me in the rear-end.

Personality-wise I'm introverted and shy. I'm self-conscious and reserved in social situations. These characteristics about myself have made me hate the person that God made me because they are a great hindrance.

In the past I've believed that my purpose in life is to find the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, marry her, and raise a family with her. Everything I've done up to this point in my life has been towards helping me achieve these goals (i.e. going to college and excelling in college so my job prospects will allow for me to provide for a wife and family comfortably).

As I enter my last year of undergrad, I'm starting to feel like everything I've worked for is in vain. My outlook on my life has become more and more cynical and characteristic of depression... that what my future has in store only pain and hurt. For when the time comes that I decide to start actively looking for Ms. Right, I will be rejected by women for my inexperience and my social ineptness... or to find that Ms. Right has already involved with someone or married.

With all this said I'll get to the main point: Over the last few months I've been mulling over the idea of hiring an escort to help me in areas of conversing, dating, confidence, and intimacy. It has now gotten to the point where I have arranged a date and time with an escort... and I'm now starting to feel scared that I might be making a huge mistake that I will regret...

I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my parents or family doctor or priest (I'm Catholic but I don't really practice since starting college).

Sigh.

 

[Tychicus2]

My advice is to go back to church and renew your relationship with Jesus Christ... Seek Ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all these things shall be added... If it is the Lord's Will for you to marry, the woman will come in His time...

Who knows you may even meet one in church...

God Bless,

Ty

 

[drich0150]

You putting the cart before the horse. Before you should be concerned about intimacy, or dating, you need to learn how to have a conversation including small talk to fill in the gaps. A good place to start is in chat rooms. typing gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and put your best foot forward. Once you learn the art of conversation then slowly move into social situations. The Church is a good place to start this, because there are alot of people in the Christian community that can Identify with this sort of situation, and to say the least, the girls there may be alittle more forgiving than some random a chick at a bar. Once you get the basics down you will gain confidence..

But, if you do it your way completely unprepared, you will be at the mercy of whom ever you pay. If she is just there for the money, and not really looking to take on a project then you will be throwing your time and money away. Her sincerity will not be something your going to be able to Gage, if what you wrote about yourself is true. But to her you will be wearing your heart on your sleeve and she will have her way with your emotions and money, and leave when ever it suits her. You'll be in a far worse position than were you are now. She will have awakened a sleeping Giant, and you will have no real way to Quench it's thirst, other than visiting others like her.

 

[Anti Existance]

What have you gained by being shy and reserved = NOTHING

You've only been putting your life on a halt and now have to resort to hookers to get your sexual needs satisfied. I don't blame you tho, because we can jump high and low about it, everyone has sexual needs that they want to see forfilled. If this doesn't happen people get sexually frustrated and some would resort to paid sex. Is it a bad idea? Yes, any form of sex without really loving that other person is meaningless and empty. And unfortunatly you don't improve your social qualities by hiring escorts, but then again you want to date/social intereact and be loved, so what to do?

You need to become the EXACT opposite of who you are, instead of being reserved and shy you need to become Social and put yourself 'out there' in the field. By being reserved and shy you are missing out on life, and your not getting out of it that what you could have got.

EASIER SAID THEN DONE :O

I hear you say, so let me give you my tactic. What you do is download Winamp(if you don't have it already) and listen to comedy central for an hour per day, that way you'll learn that talking to people can be a wonderfull and funny thing, instead of it being torture. For who are you being reserved?, its silly people who are open personality whise own the world. Being social is an continues investment that you have to make from your side, no action = no reaction.So, If you are silent 'everyone stays silent', Action = reaction. if you make a joke, everybody laughs, and if they don't then you can't blame yourself for at least you tried. And for this investment you will get social intereaction in return.

Just goto the bars or disco's , or if you are against alcohol(which i could imagine) you could hit the gym, gain some muscles and have a talk with the guys n girls who are there. Go join an art club, paint together, maby you'll meet your loved one there, in other words, be there were the people are.

 

[TeChNoWC]

Let God be the main focus of your life, and then He will show you where He wants you to go, and what His plans are for you.

It is ok to desire a family, but this should not be your main motivation in life and I think God is either protecting you from the hurt of putting your trust in this (in effect it can be 'living for oneself; whereas we should die to self) and finding an emptiness later on in life (and then you have hurt not only yourself but your whole family; being the man of a household is a big responsibility) and also God may have some moulding to do with you yet. Let God mould you and everything else will fall in line. Good advice by Tychicus2... Seek first His Kingdom!

 

[Ceridwen]

By "escort," do you mean prostitute? Are they the people who advertise on the back of city papers? You know what those people are hired to do, right? They are hired to perform x-jobs and y-jobs.

Researchers say that the typical visitor of prostitutes tend to be people who are socially anxious and devoutly religious. No doubt if you visit a prostitute, you won't go just once.

 

[Johnnz]

You are still quite young. No need to feel desperate.

Shyness yields to a determined effort and taking some practical steps, plus some time. If you are really becoming clinically depressed you should get some medical advice. That can spiral downwards and become more debilitating.

John
NZ