sibling problems

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Hey everyone

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals, they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs. I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well. I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?
Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?
Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

Thanks to anyone who replies, I need some advice as it's been getting worse in the new year.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hey everyone

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals, they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs. I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well. I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?
Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?
Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

Thanks to anyone who replies, I need some advice as it's been getting worse in the new year.

Could there be depression involved?

This 24 year old perhaps sees life passing him by, and nothing to show for it; no home of his own, no life of his own. His anger is natural, and the target just as much so; we all attack those who are closest to us because it is safe.

Yes, pray for him. Talk to your parents and talk to your brother. Find out what he needs from you, and help him to plan for his future; once he sees a way forward he may become more positive.

If he rejects offers of help then try to let go; focus on your own life and your own future. Find your own path.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Could there be depression involved?

This 24 year old perhaps sees life passing him by, and nothing to show for it; no home of his own, no life of his own. His anger is natural, and the target just as much so; we all attack those who are closest to us because it is safe.

Yes, pray for him. Talk to your parents and talk to your brother. Find out what he needs from you, and help him to plan for his future; once he sees a way forward he may become more positive.

If he rejects offers of help then try to let go; focus on your own life and your own future. Find your own path.

Hey

Thanks for the reply, I don't think depression I involved because sometimes he is himself and other times he has a horrible attitude, my thoughts of depression is that it's on going but he just keeps going in and out these moods swings.

But I agree with you about maybe he thinks his life is passing him by, but he finally found a job after nearly three years of looking, so I thought that would b a good start for his to start being positive again, but it hasn't changed him at all.

Yes I will try praying for him, my parents are already but I've always wondered if a person can truly change if they don't put the effort in themselves, like can you really pray for a person to have a different mindset if they don't choose to themselves?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Sounds like a "root of bitterness" has sprung up in his life. Maybe he's fighting against the perceived restrictions of his upbringing in the faith. I have noticed that before some leave the church they begin openly criticizing the beliefs of the church.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Yes this did actually happen, he would be constantly criticizing the church and I feel like he is bitter but I'm not sure if it's because of the perceived restrictions. He has always blamed my parents for him being unsociable for not being allowed to go out with his friends when he was younger, like play football on a Sunday for example. I had similar restrictions when I was younger but I don't feel bitter at all, the friends that I had back then weren't really my friends so it was kind of a blessing. Once we turned teenagers we were allowed to go out with friends.

Thanks tho, I think you had a point there about the restrictions but it was years ago

 

[Catherineanne]

Hey

Thanks for the reply, I don't think depression I involved because sometimes he is himself and other times he has a horrible attitude, my thoughts of depression is that it's on going but he just keeps going in and out these moods swings.

But I agree with you about maybe he thinks his life is passing him by, but he finally found a job after nearly three years of looking, so I thought that would b a good start for his to start being positive again, but it hasn't changed him at all.

Yes I will try praying for him, my parents are already but I've always wondered if a person can truly change if they don't put the effort in themselves, like can you really pray for a person to have a different mindset if they don't choose to themselves?

You are correct in that nobody can make anyone else change.

Meanwhile depression may well indeed come and go, and involve what appear to be mood swings. That is normal enough. Only a doctor can say for sure whether that is an issue. Just finding a job is not a magic cure for anything; it may be poorly paid, it may involve all sorts of new stresses, it may not be what your brother wants to do.

 

[Catherineanne]

Yes this did actually happen, he would be constantly criticizing the church and I feel like he is bitter but I'm not sure if it's because of the perceived restrictions. He has always blamed my parents for him being unsociable for not being allowed to go out with his friends when he was younger, like play football on a Sunday for example. I had similar restrictions when I was younger but I don't feel bitter at all, the friends that I had back then weren't really my friends so it was kind of a blessing. Once we turned teenagers we were allowed to go out with friends.

Thanks tho, I think you had a point there about the restrictions but it was years ago

Just because you did not mind the restrictions does not make them right. Your parents may well have a lot to answer for.

Most parents do.

 

[farout]

Hey everyone

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals, they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs. I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well. I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?
Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?
Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

Thanks to anyone who replies, I need some advice as it's been getting worse in the new year.

Your parents must be proud that you have turned out so well. I am glad that you are concerned for them. As children being mostly adults each of you still see the other as you were as youngsters in some ways. Fairness is not always possible in dealing with your adult children. One, like you, may have taken root and going strong and doing well. But like your brother, other children may need some extra time to mature, even requiring several times returning to mam & Dads to regroup and start once again. Sort of like quitting smoking, some people take several tries to finally quit. For whatever reason your brother just has not taken to heart the basic skills it takes to become a mature man and step out on his own. There are many reasons, perhaps he has an inferiorly complex, he is depressed because of feeling like a failure compared to you.

I would suggest that you discuss this with your parents and your concern for them and your brother. be honest in how you see things, but above all be respectful. Remember your parents have certainly prayed about your brother. respect your parents, maybe they know just a little more than you think.

But just surpassingly they just don't know what to do, slowly and calmly give them your observations and a solution yoy believe might help. Above all pray for wisdom James 1. You just might gain their respect and love in helping them to seek a solution for your brother.

Getting upset with your brother as your sister did will only have the same results. Think outside of the box, ask him how he see's his life going. Ask what you could perhaps do that could help him. Approaching him with love and respect will gain you more grounds to motivate him than anger ever will. Pray show respect, and go in love and kindness, but talk with your Mom and Dad first. I hope this gives you a wider scope of choices to choose from.

A

 

[quatona]

Hey everyone

Hey!

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

I find it hard to imagine a situation when I am not being told what exactly happened, who said what exactly, who did what exactly, how often etc. (i.e. objective facts), but a list of interpretations and judgements.
You and i may have different standards of respect, we may perceive tone of voice differently, we may have different expectation when it comes to warmth etc.etc.
Thus, when trying to imagine these situations, I am probably imagining it completely different than they actually are.

Do you think it would be possible for you to describe these things for us, rather than giving your interpretations and judgements?

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals,

Yeah, well, apparently they failed to some degree at the attempt to do so. (This is not to question the good intentions of your parents - most parents are not entirely successful in these things. It´s a hard task, after all.).

they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs.

Needs are to a certain degree very different from individual to individual. I understand that you personally feel you have gotten all your needs - but that doesn´t necessarily apply to your brother.

I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well.

Yes, family conflicts can be very painful!

I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

They don´t show it to you but you see it anyway?

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?

I´m not a Christian, so prayer isn´t the first thing that comes to mind as a means of problem solving. Personally, I don´t see much point in trying to change another person. But here´s an idea: What about praying for yourself, for good ideas in this matter and for making wise decisions?
Btw.: have you ever talked with your brother about these things and how painful they are for you to watch?

Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?

I don´t know - as said above, I have problems imagining the situation without concrete facts or descriptions.
In any case, it seems to me that these aren´t the only two options.

Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

I don´t think there´s coming much good from trying to "put other person in place".
You may, however, want to talk to him about your feelings, your anger, your wishes and needs.

 

[Murby]

Seems to me he has a problem with the church.. I don't see why that's an issue? Maybe he thinks your pastor is fondling little boys like the others did.. Seems reasonable enough.

Is he disrespectful in any other way? Or is it just church? If its just church then more power to the guy so far as I'm concerned. But if he's being disrespectful to your parents in other matters then that's a problem.

If you conclude that his only problem is with the religion or the church, and his education, knowledge and experiences are causing him to back away, then I would applaud him for having the brain power to be willing to think for himself. His rudeness is his protest..

But again, if its spilling over into other areas, then there is a bigger issue.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Just because you did not mind the restrictions does not make them right. Your parents may well have a lot to answer for.

Thanks for your opinion, yeah I think it's a difficult task for a parent to raise their child but personally I think my parents have made mistakes, they are only human but I also think if they truly love you and show you that you should have respect for them

Most parents do.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Your parents ....Approaching him with love and respect will gain you more grounds to motivate him than anger ever will. Pray show respect, and go in love and kindness, but talk with your Mom and Dad first. I hope this gives you a wider scope of choices to choose from.

A

Thanks for the advice

Yeah I think being angry at him probably isn't the best thing to do and I should try to support him more. I will check of James 1. I think I will talk more with my parents about the issue and how we can further help my brother, the thing is I obviously love my brother and it's hard to stay mad at him anyway, it's just when he is disrespectful to my parents.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Hey!


I find it hard to imagine a situation when I am not being told what exactly happened, who said what exactly, who did what exactly, how often etc. (i.e. objective facts), but a list of interpretations and judgements.
You and i may have different standards of respect, we may perceive tone of voice differently, we may have different expectation when it comes to warmth etc.etc.
Thus, when trying to imagine these situations, I am probably imagining it completely different than they actually are.

Do you think it would be possible for you to describe these things for us, rather than giving your interpretations and judgements?


Yeah, well, apparently they failed to some degree at the attempt to do so. (This is not to question the good intentions of your parents - most parents are not entirely successful in these things. It´s a hard task, after all.).

Needs are to a certain degree very different from individual to individual. I understand that you personally feel you have gotten all your needs - but that doesn´t necessarily apply to your brother.

Yes, family conflicts can be very painful!

They don´t show it to you but you see it anyway?


I´m not a Christian, so prayer isn´t the first thing that comes to mind as a means of problem solving. Personally, I don´t see much point in trying to change another person. But here´s an idea: What about praying for yourself, for good ideas in this matter and for making wise decisions?
Btw.: have you ever talked with your brother about these things and how painful they are for you to watch?


I don´t know - as said above, I have problems imagining the situation without concrete facts or descriptions.
In any case, it seems to me that these aren´t the only two options.

I don´t think there´s coming much good from trying to "put other person in place".
You may, however, want to talk to him about your feelings, your anger, your wishes and needs.

Hey thanks for the reply

Some examples of what happened before he got a job, he had been unemployed for about 2.5 years, my mum was trying to help him find a job and gave him a website to use, he said" I don't need your help, do you think I can find a job by myself". There were many situations were we tried to help him and he would just shut us out and ignore us for days at a time.

And I haven't had a civil conversation with him about how I feel about it without him just shutting me out, yeah I didn't mean put him in his place per say, but just let him know that it's not cool what he is doing.

 

[Godiswithus(eternally)]

Seems to me he has a problem with the church.. I don't see why that's an issue? Maybe he thinks your pastor is fondling little boys like the others did.. Seems reasonable enough.

Is he disrespectful in any other way? Or is it just church? If its just church then more power to the guy so far as I'm concerned. But if he's being disrespectful to your parents in other matters then that's a problem.

If you conclude that his only problem is with the religion or the church, and his education, knowledge and experiences are causing him to back away, then I would applaud him for having the brain power to be willing to think for himself. His rudeness is his protest..

But again, if its spilling over into other areas, then there is a bigger issue.

Hey

I could have done without the fondling boys part. Are you saying all people who go to church don't have education, knowledge or experience and don't have a brain? I don't really want to get into an argument, but maybe you should actually get to know people before you put them all in one basket.

Yes the problem are in areas outside religion/church, most of it stems from not being able to get a job for so long, he says he doesn't have any friends and he doesn't want to, he's very closed off.

 

[Murby]

I could have done without the fondling boys part.

Are you sure he wasn't victimized? He's at about the right age where a lot of them came forward.. Perhaps a bit of probing (no pun intended! LOL) into what's going on with him would help. Maybe start a conversation that has nothing to do with religion and SLOOOOOOWLY work into it just to see where he goes.

Are you saying all people who go to church don't have education, knowledge or experience and don't have a brain? I don't really want to get into an argument, but maybe you should actually get to know people before you put them all in one basket.

My apologies if what I wrote came across that way. That said, it is a well known fact that many scientists give up all religion as their education enlightens them to the universe we live in. I started studying cosmology and astrophysics as a hobby when I was in my teenage years and it pretty much rubbed out any traces of my catholic upbringing. That was my only point.. it might just be a natural progression of his accumulation of a specific type of knowledge. Its a common thing, but my comment was not, in any way, meant to imply anything regarding church people and educational levels.

Yes the problem are in areas outside religion/church, most of it stems from not being able to get a job for so long, he says he doesn't have any friends and he doesn't want to, he's very closed off.

Does he have a girlfriend? Has he ever had a girlfriend? And you don't have to answer this one but I'm going to throw it out there and you'll understand why.. Have you ever caught him with heterosexual porn?
Perhaps he's gay and knows that your deeply religious family might reject him for it?

I have to say, I don't think the job thing is it and here's why.. He has a roof over his head and it doesn't seem like he has any meaningful responsibilities like taking care of a family of his own.. I don't hear any mention of your parents threatening to kick him out over years past either.. I don't think the job thing is it.. That's the kind of thing that gets middle aged men with children and families depressed, not twenty something kids living at home. (generally speaking)

Big questions here.. Girlfriend? Porn? Ever have a girlfriend that lasted?
Please don't get upset at these questions, personally I could care less what someone's sexual orientation is, but I know that religious folks do care and find it offensive.. so.. in light of that, I think its a valid concern even if its just looking for a needle in a haystack type of idea.

 

[quatona]

Hey thanks for the reply

Thanks for considering my thoughts!

Some examples of what happened before he got a job, he had been unemployed for about 2.5 years, my mum was trying to help him find a job and gave him a website to use, he said" I don't need your help, do you think I can find a job by myself".

You said your brother was 24, right?
To be honest, I am also wondering why parents wouldn´t trust and expect their 24yo son to solve his issues without their help.

There were many situations were we tried to help him and he would just shut us out and ignore us for days at a time.

Ok. Maybe this is at least part of the problem: As an adult, he perceives unasked for attempts and advice as overstepping his personal boundaries, and possibly as disrespectful to his autonomy?

And I haven't had a civil conversation with him about how I feel about it without him just shutting me out, yeah I didn't mean put him in his place per say, but just let him know that it's not cool what he is doing.

In my experience, people rarely are responsive to such criticism. They tend to get defensive (and, actually, I can understand why that is). I have come to find it more productive to ask them questions, to show them my interest, to search for the good intentions behind seemingly destructive behaviours.

A family is a complex system. Many (known and unknown, conscious and unconscious) themes and issues are intertwined and interdependent.
The behaviours that the members of the system display aren´t contextless - they are reactions towards behaviours of the other members and towards the paradigms of the system, and (oftentime surprisingly) even seemingly destructive behaviours turn out to actually be (more or less successful) attempts at stabilizing the system, while at the same time attempts at taking care of one´s individual well-being and existential needs. To reconcile these tasks simultaneously can be a great challenge (and sometimes the resulting strategies and behaviours appear to be downright absurd).

This is just one wild hypothesis (so take it with a grain of salt, it´s meant to be an illustrating example rather than my actual guess):

There is a reason why a man at the age of 24, lives still with his parents. There is a reason why he hasn´t moved out, and there is a reason why your parents haven´t yet asked him to move out. Both parties have an open or hidden benefit from this situation (or else they would have changed it). Thus, stability of the system demands them to maintain this state of affairs.
Of course, this situation keeps the young man in an inadequate child-like status, and his parents in an equally inadequate status of feeling responsible for him.
From the young man´s perspective, he can´t demand respect for his autonomy (because it´s destablilizing the system and threatening the hidden benefit of the parents), but neither can he remain like a needy obedient child (because that goes against his own need for growth, and also will earn him the reproach of being immature). Whatever he does, is "wrong". That´s exactly the situation in which a person will display irrational, absurd or paradox behaviour (e.g. verbalize his quest for autonomy in the behaviour and wordings of an immature child - he tries to reconcile the irreconcilable tasks which both are existentially important for him).
Of course, the parents are likely to display equally irrational behavours (because they are stuck in the same trap, vice versa).

Maybe this helps a little.

 

[Locutus]

Hey everyone

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals, they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs. I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well. I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?
Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?
Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

Thanks to anyone who replies, I need some advice as it's been getting worse in the new year.

It sounds as though your parents haven't respected his autonomy, his adulthood, and his individuality. No wonder he's unhappy.

 

[Locutus]

Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful .

I wanted to draw attention to this. I find it quite stunning that you've even dabbled with this idea, when you simultaneously claim righteousness and honourable behaviour. You would advocate kicking him when he's down? For the incredibly minor crime of 'disrespect'? I wonder if your parents think the same way?

Maybe you all ought to be his champions, instead of his condemners. That means respecting his autonomy as an adult, and leaving religion out of it. If you insist on judging his responses to 'forced' religion, you're allowing your beliefs to destroy a family. Add this to the consideration of kicking him out, and you may be getting closer to a possible answer.

Add in the possibility he might be gay or have gender issues, or has a certain type of girlfriend, but feels your family is too conservative to cope with same, and it's easy to see how this scenario might have developed.

Please also remember that just because you survived a restrictive and conservative religious upbringing, it doesn't mean he has. I would venture to suggest that many don't.

 

[Locutus]

There is a reason why a man at the age of 24, lives still with his parents. There is a reason why he hasn´t moved out, and there is a reason why your parents haven´t yet asked him to move out. Both parties have an open or hidden benefit from this situation (or else they would have changed it). Thus, stability of the system demands them to maintain this state of affairs.
Of course, this situation keeps the young man in an inadequate child-like status, and his parents in an equally inadequate status of feeling responsible for him.
From the young man´s perspective, he can´t demand respect for his autonomy (because it´s destablilizing the system and threatening the hidden benefit of the parents), but neither can he remain like a needy obedient child (because that goes against his own need for growth, and also will earn him the reproach of being immature). Whatever he does, is "wrong". That´s exactly the situation in which a person will display irrational, absurd or paradox behaviour (e.g. verbalize his quest for autonomy in the behaviour and wordings of an immature child - he tries to reconcile the irreconcilable tasks which both are existentially important for him).
Of course, the parents are likely to display equally irrational behavours (because they are stuck in the same trap, vice versa).

Maybe this helps a little.

I do agree with this. While I'm an advocate for kids staying at home until well into their 20's (for personal, financial, and educational growth), it can only happen in an environment in which the adult children are treated as emancipated adults. No 24 year old should be compelled to participate in the parents recreational or social activities - that sort of thing needs to stop in the later teen years.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Hey everyone

I'm new here and didn't know where to post this, I hope this is an appropriate subject for this forum.

For the past couple of years my older brother (24) has become disrespectful towards my parents, he will take advantage of the fact that he's still living here, gets everything done for him but when it's time to come church or around the weekend, he's really cold and mean towards my parents, not saying that he has to come to church but his tone of voice and the way he demeans and diminishes their faith is really starting to anger me. It just comes off as ungrateful to me, he's a very pessimistic and his attitude is the world is against him.

My parents have raised us to have respect for other people and gave us good morals, they also taught us about Christ from a young age, they have given us a good childhood and we have gotten all our needs. I'm a women (21) and I don't understand why he has to b so cruel to them when they raised him so well. I hate seeing my parents upset even tho they don't show it to me.

My main question is should I be praying for his attitude to change because I feel like it's the choices that he's made that has made him like this, can a person change from prayer?
Also should my parent kick him out for being disrespectful if he feels no remorse in doing so or should they talk to him even tho they have been for a couple years?
Also is it my place to put him in his place as his younger sister?

Thanks to anyone who replies, I need some advice as it's been getting worse in the new year.

I'm also 24 years old and live with my parents, whom I also don't get a long with. I'm not sure about his situation, but my situation (to make a long story short) is that I moved away for college, upon graduation moved out of state, and due to situations partially outside of my control, had no choice but to move back home this past May. I'll say that the most challenging thing that I battle with on practically a daily basis, outside of keeping my sanity of having to live with my parents, is fighting off bitterness and the general mentality that the world is against me and God just wants me to be a deadbeat. It's not just that as well, I also feel a lot of shame. Practically all of my friends from high school and college are living on their own in the beginnings of their careers, over Christmas, I didn't go back to my home church for the first time in years because I was afraid of feeling ashamed from the family friends who knew that I had to kind of hit the reset button, in fact, many of college friends still believe I live in Colorado as I haven't posted any pictures on social media since May, and haven't updated anything. I kept my move on a very "need-to-know" basis.

I say all of that to say that no matter how well a person may be treated and what they act like, you really have no idea what's going on inside a person's head until you ask them. I put on a face that it was a good decision moving back home, and it's somewhat of an opportunity to reset my life, not knowing about essentially the psychological hell I've been through since June. Thus, I would encourage you to talk to your brother, and by talk, I mean ask him what is going on and genuinely listen to him with no agenda other than to understand what is going on so you can figure out how to help him.