Shyness vs. Introversion

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

What are your thoughts on the difference between shyness vs. introversion?
Are they the same or are they different? Are there different degrees to each of these? Do they compliment each other? Perhaps shyness is extreme introversion?

Anyhow, this thought sprung from another thread. Thought it was interesting.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I used to be profoundly shy. I've grown out of that by necessity, i.e. geting a job in retail. I was forced to talk to people. That helped me out.

But I don't like to be around people. never have. I don't dislike them.
I think I've got a lot of my mom in me. It takes a lot of energy to be around people before I need to get away. What a strange freaky creature I am.

 

[Apollonian]

Shyness is generally unrelated to introversion.

"Shyness" is a personality trait developed over time from a habit (which may or may not be caused by fear) where one does not exert one's self in social situations. Shyness is primarily environmental and can come and go over the course of a person's life.

Introversion, on the other hand, is a genetic predisposition that a person has which does not necessarily include "shyness". Introversion has to do primarily with three elements: energy production, thought paterns, and relationship quality/quantity. An Introvert gains energy through quietude and introspection where an Extrovert gains energy through active stimulation and socializing. Introverts think deep and long about things where extroverts can think quickly though dept comes harder to them. Finally, Introverts enjoy fewer, deeper friends while extroverts prefer a lot of friends even though they may only know them superficially (for an introvert, it is not sufficient to say "hi, how are you? how was your day?")

I am an introvert who is not always shy. This is a misconception of introverts. I have known extroverts who are shy and then later get over it. I have also known introverts who are the life of a party at times. Shyness is something that only comes when a person is afraid to come out of their shell. Admitedly, there is probably a bias in our society for making introverts shy since most of the activities are geared toward extroverts (about 75% of the US is extroverted) and can be quite harrowing for some introverts. Ultimately though, it mostly depends on the opportunities you have in life to 'practice' socializing. Anyone, extrovert or introvert, who does not have a lot of practice will find it hard not to be shy. The reverse is also true.

For more information on this subject, I highly recommend a book called The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney. It covers this topic along with others and provides biological evidence regarding introversion.

 

[msjones21]

I always thought introversion was just a fancy, proper term for shyness. But then again, I'm no genius. *smiles*

 

[stubbornkelly]

I was the one that said they were different, and Apollonian summed up the difference.

I'm an outgoing introvert. I used to be shy. Actually, I was just told I was shy, but thinking back, I don't think I was. I just didn't talk to many people - I felt no need to. *shrug* It just wasn't high on my list of priorities to be "out there" and talk to every person I saw. I like being with people. I have great fun at parties. But they drain me. After a bout of being social, I need my time to recharge. Extroverts, as I understand them (and I don't, not really, but bear with me) are charged by being with people. And most of them don't understand why an introvert might just not feel like going out or even talking. I think introversion gets confused with shyness.

Quick story - my college choir went on tour for a week every spring - 30 or so people on a bus for many hours a day. I know how I get in situations like that, and old people ahead of time that if I kept to myself sometimes, it wasn't about them, just that I get frustrated in those situations - it's chaotic to me. Inevitably, someone would come over to my seat, try to start talking, and I'd gently tell them I needed my alone time at the moment, but I'd ind them later. And inevitably, they'd pressure me, I'd reiterate that I'd find them when I was feeling more social, they'd press more, and ultimately I'd snap something like, "I SAID I'd find you later - I need to be alone right now!" And of course, they'd get all mad. I was always incredulous - I'd told them beforehand and at the time that I needed to be alone, and they pressed the issue, then were surprised and angry when I got upset with them. *shakes head*

Some of my college friends didn't understand that sometimes I just didn't feel like going out, and when get huffy because they thought I didn't want to spend time with them, when it wasn't that at all.

But when I'm not seeking solitude, I can roll with the rest of them. I need some time to warm up at a party, but once I get going . . . .

That's another differnce I notice - the extroverts I know rarely seek solitude - it frustrates them.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I am an introvert and most people are surprised when I tell them that. I am not particularly shy, but I don't normally start conversations. Most people will come up to me and start talking and I can usually carry the conversation from there. I suppose I just never really have the deep desire to start the conversation. I am ok with the solitude.

I do need my alone time. I don't mind being with people, but I do find that I need time to myself, which I have discovered some family and friends don't understand. Maybe it is safe to say introverts are comfortable with solitude, to a certain extent. I don't want it all the time, but I do need it from time to time to recharge and get myself back on track after a particularly hectic schedule.

 

[PennylessZ28]

I am shy. Quite, anti-socail outside of my own circle of friends. I can't approach people I don't know, can't talk to girls, or stranger whom I am not ordering food from.

I don't like being social in general.

I used to be afaird of the mall, to many people.

Not really afaird of public places anymore.

 

[jenptcfan]

This is a really good discussion. I've learned some cool stuff from it.

I'm introverted...I need lots of alone time and I like to just sit around and think about stuff. I'm usually kind of shy too, but I have a moderate amount of conscious control over how shy I am at any given time.

I think I have a touch of Social Anxiety Disorder which was pretty severe as a child. That probably colored the way I am now, but I've gotten control of it.

 

[mamaneenie]

I am an ESFP married to an INTJ. Life is pretty interesting at our place sometimes. I used to think that being introverted meant being shy, but now I find that sometimes R is more outgoing than me. It really depends on the situation. I am no good at going up to people I don't know and starting a conversation. However if someone comes up to me and starts a conversation I am fine.

R (who is the introvert) has times where he really comes out of himself and goes and chats to everyone after church and things like that, where as I just want to go and pick up my son from toddler's church and get out of there. (I think that is strange)
I do find that R comes home from work and sits in front of his computer or with his head in a book for quite a while. I have learned to leave him to recharge his batteries. Whereas I need to go out quite regularly, with or without R, it doesn't matter. Even a trip to the shopping centre is better than staying at home. Just as I have learned to leave him with his book, he has learned that I need to get out and about, or have people over to visit and have a meal with us.

 

[Fungal Growth]

I'm even wierder than yall i think, im a severe introvert in that it doesnt take much time with people to make me tired and agitated. Most people and most Christians for that matter dont understand it because they think everyone should always want to be hanging out. Most of the time i am shy when i am around people that i dont know or not comfortable with, but once i get comfortable with my surroundings and/or i am with close friends i come out of my shell and usually end up being the center of the party. After that comes the crash where i just want to stay home for a day or two. But i guess mostly i just wish people would understand that not everyone is meant to be people people (if that makes sense) and just understand that some of us drain and recharge different from others, especially in the Christian circles. I guess thats why im a gamer cause it allows me to be alone, now if i could just direct that time towards study of the Bible.

 

[Chino]

I'll admit Im an introvert but I just can't seem to find people that thinks about all the deep, trivial stuff in life or maybe it's too hard to talk to somebody and to bring them down to the level I'm thinking about. I get a lot of enjoyment out of activities that improves my character and most of the time it's an introverted activity. I'm fine with being by myself to reflect and think about things, but shyness is really a feeling of uncomfortableness. It's hard for me to be myself when I feel I might be disliked or if I'm feeling unwelcome.

Though I find that I can change to an extrovert when I'm with the right person or people, it's all about feeling comfortable and liked.

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

New Question.
Extroverts: Blatantly, what do you think about introverts when you see them on the street, notice that a friend is one, or meet a person and realize they are one by their actions?

Introverts: Same question yet directed towards Extroverts.

 

[stubbornkelly]

First of all, you can't tell just by looking (now where have I heard that before LOL).

But when I'm around some of my extroverted friends, I get drained. I also get annoyed that most of them can't be quiet for more than a few minutes, are perfectly happy talking about nothing, or don't understand that I don't always want to go out.

 

[mamaneenie]

I'm an extrovert.

To be honest, I find introverts fascinating (probably why I married one) how they can be so deep. I wouldn't say I am shallow, but I prefer to have some fun, rather than sit around discussing deep stuff all day.

I also find that they usually think before they speak (a quality I admire) however I do get annoyed when some of my friends who are introverted don't come up with ideas to do something. It always seems to be up to me, either because they don't think of any plans, or don't want to voice it. That always aggravates me.

 

[Wide-eyedWithWonder]

First of all, you can't tell just by looking (now where have I heard that before LOL).

But when I'm around some of my extroverted friends, I get drained. I also get annoyed that most of them can't be quiet for more than a few minutes, are perfectly happy talking about nothing, or don't understand that I don't always want to go out.

Stubbornkelly, I completely relate to what you're saying. I'm an introvert, but not shy anymore. Something just clicked, because I know a girl from my church and I couldn't figure out why we can't seem to get along. She's definitely an extrovert and always talking really fast about anything (I do that sometimes). I think the problem is just that she doesn't understand how introverts are. I really enjoy deep conversations-I get really annoyed with constant superficial conversation. And yet, I love dancing freestyle in the middle of a circle and doing random, crazy things that make myself look stupid or silly in front of people. I'm really learning to appreciate extroverts (my sister is one), but I still have a hard time with extroverts who constantly want attention.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Oh, Stubbornkelly hit it exactly-DRAINED! Sometimes annoyed that they don't understand my need just to be by myself for a bit, not all the time, but occasionally I just crave alone time. Or annoyed that they seem to need constant drama in their lives to keep them entertained. I used to think my life was boring. Now I like to think of it as stable.

 

[Radagast]

To be honest, I find introverts fascinating... I also find that they usually think before they speak (a quality I admire)...

Somebody once said "introverts think before speaking, extrovert think by speaking."

-- Radagast

 

[mamaneenie]

Somebody once said "introverts think before speaking, extrovert think by speaking."

-- Radagast

I would agree with that, I drive my hubby nutty. lol.

Hope no-one minds me posting here, as I am married.

 

[Fungal Growth]

what do i think about extroverts? at first they are fine, but after hangin out with them for more than, ohhh say.....5 minutes i start getting annoyed with them and agitated at them no matter how much i try not too. i just want them to shut up for 2 seconds lol, but it never happens. but, i have learned to live and accept them in their faults and just realize that its not going to change and im not going to change and learn to deal with it.

...but im also sure i drive them nuts too so i guess it goes both ways

 

[KeilCoppes]

This sounds like a call for a poll - introverted vs extroverted by age.

INTJ here, but friendly in small groups. When I was a small boy I was an extrovert and couldn't shut up. After being shunned as the too-good kid through elementary school it all went inside.

I still enjoy being in small groups, but don't usually say much unless it's only two or three people and they stop talking - I'm actively listening and thinking, but the dialogue is on the inside. With just one person I'm very animated and sometimes share too much, but otherwise I let others do the talking and enjoy their conversation rather than contesting to get the opportunity to talk.

Does this perhaps echo radagasts's comment, such that the introverts dialogue is on the outside and extroverts are on the outside?