Showing your scars

[Robbie_James_Francis]

I've been cutting my arm for nearly a month, which isn't long but I've been doing it quite often so have a lot of cuts (about 20). A few of my friends have noticed accidentally, but generally I've been wearing a long-sleeved top all the time, which is annoying when it's summer and really hot.

Is it OK to wear short-sleeved t-shirts when people can see the scars? What have your experiences been with people seeing that you've self harmed? I don't want people to feel burdened by the knowledge or treat me differently/judge me because of it.

I realise that the scars won't ever go away completely (some of the cuts are quite deep) so I'm going to have to deal with everyone seeing them at some point. But at the moment it's still very recent (the last time was last night) and it feels harder for people to see and know that it's a current thing.

Is it selfish to let people see because it drags them in to it and makes them feel a responsibility towards me?

 

[ChristInAction]

thats a tough one.
i personally wont show my arms for at lest 2months after then last time i cut because i dont want to people to know & be steryo typed, judged or my mum finding out.
its different for everyone. but please get some help.
there are reasons why you cut & it helps stax to talk about it. Maybe a youth leader or a close adult friend?
*prayers*

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Firstly I would recomend that if you can you do find someone to talk to, it can really help.

As to showing my scars, I never did if I had fresh cuts I didnt need the sterotyping and stuff, once I stopped cutting on my arms it took me a few months to be able to wear short sleeves because I was very self consious

 

[anberlinfan]

Depends where,,, if it was in my home town, then no, id stick to long sleeves, but if its a city a good bit away, screw them and what they think of me

I reccommend using bio-oil (get it in your pharmasist) and apply it 3 times a day, and when you manage to stop cutting, it'll take away all but the deep scars quickly, and the deep ones will only be barely visible.

 

[Caylin]

In my experience, the only people who will be able to tell what they are straight away are other people who SI, in which case they aren't likely to judge. People who don't know you do it and don't SI are usually very susceptible to bald face lieing about what happened. I usually blame my cat.

 

[speakdontbleed]

I used to hide my scars but don't anymore that much. I mean I'm constantly aware of the position of my arm since most of my cuts are on the inside of my arm. But if people see I'm ready to tell them what they are or I'll just say "It's a long story." Once you are completely free from self harm, when people see your scars you can use the opportunity to share with them how Christ gives freedom.

 

[texannurse]

I agree, speakdontbleed. I am always cautious about how I hold my arms and how long my sleeves are. At least when I was cutting I tried to do it only where it wouldn't show too easily. But, I am not ready to let people see. I only showed my psychologist of five+ (off and on) years a few weeks ago. His response was "that's not so bad" which sent me through the roof. I mean, after fifty cuts - isn't that enough?

 

[asjkfdsl]

I recommend using bio-oil (get it in your pharmacist) and apply it 3 times a day, and when you manage to stop cutting, it'll take away all but the deep scars quickly, and the deep ones will only be barely visible.

Yeah, Bio Oil is good stuff. A bit expensive ($9.99-$12.99) but it's worth a try. Also, vitamin E capsules are a cheaper way to go by scar treatment. Just break a capsule open and rub it into the scars 2-3 times a day. Should work.

As far as revealing scars goes, if you want to roll up your sleeves that's fine, just be aware that some people might be shocked or stare or ask questions. You might be okay though, but it's always good to have a spare jacket if you decide to wear short sleeves in case there's a problem. Good luck.

 

[TheMainException]

Well...my scars are burns...so it's harder to tell the real cause of them...but when you get in the same room with a person who has dealt with the same kinds of things and you both sorta glance over at the other person's arms...it's got a funny feeling to it...neither person brings it up...and eye contact isn't made afterwards, but both people know. Generally, those who think it is SI won't say anything ever...and only those who are particularly nosey or really care about you will ask about it.

It's not selfish...if it's freaking hot, it's freaking hot...don't let your scars determine your style choices, that's lame. Be who you be, and once cutting is done (and it can be if you make it be), let it go. Scars remind you of where you came from, but they should not create a feeling of guilt in you over it...what happened happened, the memory is there forever, but guilt should never be a part of it.

 

[dragonbesas]

I used to be REALLY self-consious about my scars. But after i told my best friends what i did...all they wanted to do was help me They never stared or questioned my scars after that...neither does anyone else i meet. Basically, if you act like you have nothing to hide, chances are most people won't notice..if you act like the whole world is staring..then people will notice. There is no reason to be ashamed because even if your friends don't see past your scars, God always does

 

[annihilate_me]

It's all your decision.

I have tons of scars on my arms and legs and it doesn't bother me to show them if I'm around my friends and family--they already know. But when Im around new people or I'm not in my own enviroment I keep them hidden.

God bless.

Take care and stay safe.
-Amanda

 

[svl3p]

It's really up to you and what you're comfortable with. If you're not comfy letting ppl see, why bring yourself more stress? Wait til you're ready.

Personally, I still hide them at all costs. Mine are all on my legs tho, so I'm just limited to not wearing shorts or a bathing suit. It's been just over 2 years since i've cut, I think, so mostly it's just white line-scars....but lots of them. I mean, into the hundreds.

I agree with the others tho; you should find someone to talk to about this. I never did, and it's caused lots of more problems. The sooner you get help, the sooner it'll be a part of your past, not present, and the sooner you'll feel more comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Christine_H0pe]

I'm sorry for you going through all of this, but you are strong; and you will make it. Don't give in.

I wore short pants once, because I usually wear long pants; and my mother found out and it wasn't a pretty sight; but I guess it's because she cared.

If your friends judge you because of the scars, that mean they were never friends anyway; they will see past the scars and will try to help you.

I hope things are going well.

x

 

[Robbie_James_Francis]

I'm sorry for you going through all of this, but you are strong; and you will make it. Don't give in.

I wore short pants once, because I usually wear long pants; and my mother found out and it wasn't a pretty sight; but I guess it's because she cared.

If your friends judge you because of the scars, that mean they were never friends anyway; they will see past the scars and will try to help you.

I hope things are going well.

x

It's not my friends or family I'm worried about at the moment. It's got to the point where all my close family and friends have seen because it's inevitable that they will--living with people or sleeping in the same room as them makes it pretty hard to conceal. Now I'm worried about people in general seeing. Like if it's boiling hot and I have to go to the cornershop, and need to put on a jacket. I don't want people on the street judging me but at the same time I wonder I should even care what they think...

 

[bluegreensea]

I've been cutting my arm for nearly a month

Any ideas on why you turned to self injury as a coping mechanism? Since it's something new to you and not a habit yet, you're in a very good place for reflection, and to avoid allowing it to become a habit. Just something to think about...

Is it OK to wear short-sleeved t-shirts when people can see the scars? What have your experiences been with people seeing that you've self harmed? I don't want people to feel burdened by the knowledge or treat me differently/judge me because of it.

I think the answer to that is different for everyone. Some people prefer to hide their scars, others flaunt them, and some don't make conscious decisions about it and dress as they choose each day regardless. If you feel that showing your scars will make you and others extremely uncomfortable, keep them under wraps except to your counsellor or trusted friends. If you want people to know so they can help you, but can't bring yourself to ask for help with words, show them to the appropriate people discreetly, by leaving them visible but not forcing them on everyone else around you. However, don't let your life be controlled by the scars.

As to reactions and personal experience...when I was very young, I cut only rarely and kept it under wraps. Normally, I chose to cut in places that others couldn't see unless I was in a swimsuit or my knickers. When I got a bit older, I was heavily into the goth scene. Most of my friends cut, they were fine with seeing it. In fact, I actually met a lot of people that way. I wanted to shock people and make them really look at me, and one way was to 'let it all hang out' by flashing fresh scars. I made them painfully obvious.

People weren't too bad about it, really. A couple of older people, strangers all, gawked and whispered, but I met a few people who were frank and empathetic. My family knew and saw, and mostly chose to ignore the issue until my early twenties, when I made it downright impossible for them by flaunting it. In general, I was offered some support, and those who were uncomfortable with it just kept the conversation off that topic which suited both of us.

Currently, I tend to cover my scars when I work, primarily because I no longer feel the need to offend, and also because I have often worked with children as a nanny and would definitely not want to give them any awareness of the issue. In that situation, I feel it is my responsibility to consider their needs over mine. However, I'm back in school full time and not working now, so I'm freer with my clothes. At home, in classes, etc, I wear fairly modest clothes anyway, so only the scars on my wrists and forearms are visible. Most people are very nice, or say nothing at all. However, I rarely have fresh cuts anymore, so mine are less noticable than the ones you probably have. And my personality is more suited to negative attention than some. I never struggled with wanting to quit cutting, like some do, and I was never embarrassed about the scars. They are a map of what I've been through, proof that I made it, and I look at them as reminders of a past that wasn't perfect but which I also don't regret.

 

[jelvenko]

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I last cut, but wanted to share my feelings in this thread.

I quit cutting almost 2 years ago. (Next month will mark 2 years.) But it is still something I struggle with. There are times I still want to cut. So much that where I used to cut all the time will start itching like crazy.

I never really cut down on my arms, or on my legs. But I would cut my shoulder all the time. So short sleeve shirts weren't really a problem for me. The problem does come in when I want to wear a tank top. Sometimes if I'm really feeling self conscious about the scars, I will decide not to wear one. Even though it's been so long since I stopped, I'm still ashamed of it. There are times I'll even try to hide them from my husband.

I've had friends see fresh cuts before, and it wasn't fun trying to explain what happened to them. It's a terrible addiction...

It really depends on how comfortable you feel with other people seeing the scars, and if your really ready to answer the questions that will be asked or not.

 

[Tenebrae]

I've been SI free on the visible parts of my arms for about four years, and now I will wear short sleeves, mainly because I think I would be a heck of alot more noticable sweating it out in long sleeves with some of the temperatures we have.

If people ask, I will be honest and say that I went through an intense period of self hatred when I deliberately hurt myself, the only time I have ever told a lie was to my 3 & 5 year old nephews, I told them I got attacked by a tiger. They know that it wasnt really a tiger, however there are some things that kids that young dont need to know. Not to mention that they wouldnt understand it.

I've had people ask me if I was proud of what I did, and I'm not proud, however I refuse to be ashamed any more of those decisions.

Wearing short sleeves and displaying your scars to others is something that is individual to the person. Its something that I did from very early on, and it helped me to realise that even though it made some really dumb decisions, I dont have to spend my life being ashamed. Its important that you do this at a pace that is comfortable to you.

 

[Cephas0248]

I usually blame my cat.

lol, I cut somewhat recently and that's what I've been doing.

But no, I wouldn't recommend showing them, though I often feel the desire to let them be seen so others would know that I'm hurting. It creates a lot of drama and mess from people you wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable exposing yourself with. Definately find someone to talk to! As with anything (addictions, therapies, goals, spiritual growth, etc.) you need someone to not only share with and express freely how you feel, but to hold you accountable...because that's generally the most realistic way to overcome something.

 

[Jesusfreak4life8629]

I cut on my arms, legs and stomach. The stomach wasn't a problem at all, but those were the deepest cuts, so they will take longer to heal(thank you to those who gave the advice of Bio-Oil and Vitamin E capsules, I will try that out), and the ones on my arms are almost all faded(because they were mostly shallow, except for the ones on my veins), and the ones on my legs are almost completely faded, so, it's not a big problem for me. I do have about four scars on my left wrist which do show, so I wear a sweat-band to cover them when I go out. My parents and close family know about it, and they care about me(there are times when I think they don't, though), so I don't have to hide from them. My mentor and youth leaders know, too, but the kids at youth group don't, except for my best friend, so I wear a sweat-band to cover the scars.

At first I was really self-concious about the cuts, so I didn't wear short-sleeved shirts at all, that lasted for about a year. Then I cut on my legs, and I won't wear any shorts above the knee for that reason, even though the scars have faded I still am concious about my legs being shown. And then I took to my stomach, so no one could see, and those ones are pretty deep, but that doesn't affect me in public, so that irrelivant.

If you are afraid, then so be it, you don't have to be brave or anything. But, if you are strong enough, you aren't required to be anything to anybody, anyway, so why be afraid to show to the world? Who cares what they think? If they judge you, they aren't worthy to be your friend, at least that's the way I see it.

So, it's your choice, that's just my experiences.

Good luck!

 

[boofhead]

I haven't cut myself for 10 years or more, and in the early days I was very self-conscious of the bright red angry slash marks running up my arms - I used to try and hide them, and people would sometimes say things like 'slasher' etc which really used to hurt me. I used to wear long sleeves as much as I could, but it can get really hot in Australia so that wasn't always an option. It was very difficult for me to deal with. In 1998 I was imprisoned, and many in the wing used to call out 'slasher' etc to me - they even got a knife from the kitchen and left it visible in my cell - even the correctional officers didn't remove it. I think they all wanted to laugh when I killed myself or slashed up. That was very hard - it was a situation I couldn't escape from. But remarkably I never touched that knife, not even once, in the many months I spent there - and the strength that experience gave me has enabled me to completely be healed of the torment of self-cutting. I don't even get the thoughts anymore these days. So yes it can be really hard when people say things about your scars, but in my case I guess it was a blessing in disguise. The worst form of ridicule from others was indeed what healed me.

Over the last decade my scars have faded, so that now instead of an angry red they are white, in fact whiter than the surrounding skin. And it is not that noticeable to others generally any more. I only occasionally get a question..."What happened.....?" and generally just politely put an end to the discussion by saying "When I was younger I had some hard times...." - they generally realize then and say 'oh' or something and leave it at that.

So yes it's very hard dealing with visible scarring - but it's never the end of the world!