Showing agape to my MIL and FIL

[BFine]

Both of them have been going down hill since they started having
falls, mind you these falls went unreported to family members;
however, they did see their doctors for treatment etc.
We found all this out a few weeks ago.

After many prayers and loving chats with them they confessed
that they were no longer able to live in their apartment and
both agreed to move into assist living.
They have been there for two weeks and both of them seem to
be declining before our eyes.
My MIL is able to use a walker and go on little shopping trips,
she calls us since we are both "retired". My MIL is getting very
forgetful and we know if she's going out shopping it's going to
take half the day-- so we keep our calendar clear lol!

*Just so you know-- My MIL is my FIL's second wife, he married
her like 8 years ago. My FIL is closing in on 92. I"m very blessed
to have a living FIL, my own father died before I was 5 years old.
So, it's nice having a "dad" around.

Today was pretty trying, my poor MIL called numerous times about
one thing or another-- nothing major, it was little things like asking
was it a good idea to call her sibling or daughter and give them her
new address.
I'm glad that I/we can be of help to her, but at the same time it is heart-
breaking because she loses track of things or doesn't reason things
out like she once did... I nearly broke down and cried while I was on
the phone with her but I managed to "stay strong" and help her reason
things out.

There's so much family stuff going on but the Lord is helping me to
handle the stress and He gives me more and more patience as it is needed
at this time.

So if any of you are facing difficult situations with your loved ones, let
me encourage you to be continually in the Word of God and to submit
all your worries/cares to the Lord. Trust Him to work it out, He will!

Thanks for reading this and God bless you!

 

[GuusVA]

That's wonderful So many people would have given up by now A lot of strength and good will prayed your way

 

[tturt]

BFine, I understand what you're saying.

 

[parsley]

It's very nice of you to take them out when they request it.

If you want to have some control over your own time, maybe you could give them a window where you are free -- like between 1 and 4 in the afternoons. In truth, you do have responsibilities and flexibility is not a fair reason to absorb someone else's flexibility. I know you weren't complaining.

Most assisted living centers offer bus trips to the store, churches, and events. You might post their calendar above her kitchen table so she feels it is part of her options. Some people assume, "That's for those other people" and distance themselves. It's a good way to get to know the other people in the center.

We have a memory patient in the family, and needed to work with them early on to record more things on paper for themselves. Since they caught the problem early, they were able to accept responsibility for making their own checklists, calendars, med schedule... and now it is so much easier to convince them when they've forgotten. Even with recipes when they cooked -- they would pencil-check each ingredient. (And yes, sometimes still forgot a thing or two.) They were amazed at how much that helped them.

It might not decrease the phone calls significantly, but perhaps a little. I think it's that anchor of stability they're looking for when they can't rely on retained information any more.

 

[BFine]

@Parsley--

Our time isn't being infringed upon, we have plenty of time to ourselves.
We both are retired, my husband's children don't live close by so we don't
see a lot of them.
That is why we became part of the Pastoral Care team at church last year--
we have a lot of "free time"...plus we can do things as we are able, if my
husband is having issues with his residual limb, he can drive me around
and I can do the errands. When all is good with him, he's the one who does
all the carrying of grocery bags, lifting heavy items etc. I have a bad back.

As for MIL and FIL...
We are helping them adjust to their new surroundings and get use to being
put on schedules, teaching them to use new equipment like having a new HD TV
and being with a new Cable TV provider, using their new motorized wheelchair etc.

Their old TVs, VHS, stereo equipment were relics from the 1980's-- we brought them kicking
and screaming into the modern age, so now they have new technology.
Instead of my FIL watching TV shows on his fuzzy screen TV, he has a nice flat
screen HD TV and HD Cable TV to boot!
You should have seen their eyes pop!
They can't wait to watch TV now LOL! Everything is so CLEAR!

We had to write down instructions in simple language so they can use the remote
control properly...that's OK.

We (meaning the family) also got them a portable air conditioner, my MIL was
amazed by it, she'd never had one! After a few mistakes, she got the hang of
programming it, so now it's set to automatically come on at a certain temperature
and go off when the preset temperature is acquired. The a/c instructions are all written
down.

As for the phone calls, it doesn't bother me to chat with her and calm her anxieties or
her help reason things out... I did the same for my own mom...like when she got sick
last year and I had to go down to NC in Feb. and Mar. of 2013...my mom's memory wasn't so
good and I tended to her business until they found out what her problem was...turns
out she had a really bad infection and at her age it tends to cause hallucinations
and mental confusion. My mom is doing good now.

Yes, the facility has a van to take people on shopping trips, doctor appointments...all
these are pre-scheduled and if something arises and the van is already "engaged"
my MIL calls family members to take her to stores, she doesn't call every day to go
on shopping trips.
There's only a couple family members who are available during the day, her brother
and me and my husband(we always go together).

We visited them today and my MIL stated she was already looking into joining
the exercise class.
It takes time for them to get use to their new surrounding and
gradually they are finding places to fit in. My FIL has a little group he can do Bible
devotions with... he's finally gotten use to using his motorized chair and I saw that
he remembered to plug it in (so it can recharge)-- LOL!
He's learning some new things at nearly 92 years of age... now, if I can only get
him use to saying the word--"cool" LOL!

 

[parsley]

It's great that they are mixing in and feeling settled!

 

[LoricaLady]

That was a heart warming and inspirational post. Praying for your guidance and continued strength from Messiah and for His help re the in laws.

 

[whitebeaches]

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