to my brother, Erik - I want to thank you. For teaching me what unconditional love is. For being my best friend. For setting that bar high. I want to apologize to you. I have yet to find a friend on earth like you were, and it leads me to miss you in incredible amounts - especially when things are going crazy - because that's when I would like to talk to you most. But, since I miss you most when things aren't so great, it has affected how I remember you - it's easier to just take it one step further and hurt as I remember you. It's led to many nightmares instead of dreams, anger instead of thankfulness, guilt instead of peace. That was how I held on to you and I'm sorry. I want to make you a promise. I won't focus on the negative. I will take all that you taught me and the love you showed me and pass it on - especially in those moments when I miss you. Hopefully, I'll learn that this is how your friendship lives on.
to everyone/anyone who actually read that - I'm incredibly sorry..I just desperately needed to get those thoughts out of my head.
