Should we enjoy singleness? *Long thread*

[Rajni]

Yeah, having done both the single and the married life, I have to
say that I far prefer the single.

The married life did have good points too, but, given my particular
temperament, singleness seems to agree with me more. This
inclination also seems to run in the maternal side of my family;
my great-aunts remained gleefully single all their lives (a couple
dipped their toe in the pool by getting as far as being engaged,
but for one reason or another it didn't work out). It's like renting
vs. buying a place -- there's no right or wrong answer beyond
what gels well with one's personality / temperament (and I am so
renting once I sell this place, lol!).




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[Angeleyes7715]

Yeah, having done both the single and the married life, I have to
say that I far prefer the single.

The married life did have good points too, but, given my particular
temperament, singleness seems to agree with me more. This
inclination also seems to run in the maternal side of my family;
my great-aunts remained gleefully single all their lives (a couple
dipped their toe in the pool by getting as far as being engaged,
but for one reason or another it didn't work out). It's like renting
vs. buying a place -- there's no right or wrong answer beyond
what gels well with one's personality / temperament (and I am so
renting once I sell this place, lol!).




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So you're okay with not having sex anymore for the rest of your life? Not having kids? Not having a live in best friend to go everywhere with? I mean I completely agree with you that it's what goes best with someone's personality. But its hard to see how people can like singleness...I guess a single person can still get fulfillment out of relationship w/ Christ, volunteering, friends, and traveling... I just don't think friendships are as good as a relationship. That's just me though. Plus, as a woman, it's kind of a big deal to get married... I mean just saying, that is kind of what women talk about whereas men discuss careers. Don't get me wrong, I have a degree in biochemistry so at one point a career was a big deal for me lol. Now I'm 24 and a relationship is a big deal because being the girl who's only had one boyfriend, no friends, and spends her nights alone isn't enjoyable...

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Well I guess y'all think I'm weird then...

 

[Rajni]

So you're okay with not having sex anymore for the rest of your life? Not having kids? Not having a live in best friend to go everywhere with? I mean I completely agree with you that it's what goes best with someone's personality. But its hard to see how people can like singleness...I guess a single person can still get fulfillment out of relationship w/ Christ, volunteering, friends, and traveling... I just don't think friendships are as good as a relationship. That's just me though. Plus, as a woman, it's kind of a big deal to get married... I mean just saying, that is kind of what women talk about whereas men discuss careers. Don't get me wrong, I have a degree in biochemistry so at one point a career was a big deal for me lol. Now I'm 24 and a relationship is a big deal because being the girl who's only had one boyfriend, no friends, and spends her nights alone isn't enjoyable...

Like I said, I've done the married thing -- 21 years of it,
to be exact.

Through that, we have two wonderful kids (in their late teens
at this point... already... time flies).

So, in the marriage and children department, I've been there,
done that.

I'm also the type for whom sex is really not that big of a deal,
so yeah, I don't miss it at all.

-


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[Cearbhall]

I see many other Christians say things like, "enjoy singleness" or "waiting while enjoying singleness". It's just my opinion, but I don't think being single (which basically means being alone) is something to celebrate lol.

I feel like people that say this are either A) Trying to deny they don't like being single or B) They have a lot of friends or people they can relate to so they get that fulfillment somewhere else.

I think it's B for most people. There's plenty of meaning to life besides being in a romantic relationship. I wouldn't call the single life "being alone."

 

[Rajni]

I think it's B for most people. There's plenty of meaning to life besides being in a romantic relationship. I wouldn't call the single life "being alone."

Others, like myself, are introverts and actually derive energy
from solitude.

The funny thing is, when I'm by myself, I don't really feel
alone (and I never feel lonely). This might be due to a sense
of the the unseen who (I believe) are all around us, and, of
course, God Himself, in whom I live, move, and have my
being. Even if one feels lonely, it's technically impossible to
be alone with Him around; He's everywhere, lol!

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[Rajni]

Well if your interested in my opinion I honestly love the thought of God as my husband because he loves me for me and when I'm reminded of that, THAT is the one thing that makes me feel better about being 'single. ' it is a hope that I have an inheritance in heaven that is much better than a human marriage. Its obviously not sexual for those who get weirded out by that concept and don't understand it.

It makes sense; Christianity is even referred to as the
Bride of Christ. Given this fact, I actually got a chuckle out
of others' statements that the whole God/Jesus-
as-Husband thing is somehow strange. The terms "Bride"
and "Bridegroom" are used in Scripture to refer to
believers and God respectively. Those of who have been
brides, married to bridegrooms, know very well what this
implies, and if it was supposed to mean something else,
then the terms "Bride / Bridegroom" wouldn't have been
used.

The relationship with God doesn't necessarily have to be
sexual in nature; it's more likely something even
higher and more intense for which human sexual
relationships are simply a metaphor. In fact, I think the
kind of intimacy we will ultimately experience with God will
make the intimacy in even the most loving of human
marriages look about as passionate as a gruff hand-shake
at a stuffy business meeting in comparison!


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[Goodbook]

I think Jesus was more of an introvert as he did need his alone time and of course he never married.
I cant imagine sharing my life with someone that close. It must be Im just a singular person and at nights is the perfect time for prayer. I cant really do that if person snoring right next to me. I wouldnt be able to get up when I want to, and also, bonus I get to drive and go where I want not have to wait around for someone else.

If you married you have..not just all that to think about but extra laundry, dishes, babies, work schedules, budgets, and other STUFF. Plus looking in the married forum, i dont see many happy posters there. Also you would have to change your name..if you female, and even if you dont your children wont have your name.

Thats something I dont think about or worry over but i was chatting with some married ladies last night and they were talking about that. And they always deferred to their husbands and hardly ever got a break. I think some marrieds do worry that if they dont see their husbands all the time hes going off with someone else..which does of course happen.

 

[Cearbhall]

Others, like myself, are introverts and actually derive energy
from solitude.

Oh, I'm an introvert, too, but I try to find balance in my life.

 

[redblue22]

I don't trust going over to the married's talk. Who knows who might become interested or want an out.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Singleness isn't for everybody, just like married life isn't for everybody. I think very few people are truly called to celibacy or married, and for most people God simply let's them choose. I do think it's just as bad for people to say "You have to dislike being single" as it is "You have to enjoy being single." I do think people should find to enjoy it as much as possible and not be down about 100% of the time, but the truth is that there's nothing wrong with saying "I'd rather be married." There's nothing inherently wrong with actively seeking a relationship, just like there is nothing inherently wrong with waiting, simply not, or simply not desiring to be in a relationship. The only issue I ever take is when people say "You have to be and do X while you are single."

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I think it's B for most people. There's plenty of meaning to life besides being in a romantic relationship. I wouldn't call the single life "being alone."

Maybe it's B. If so I guess those people are the lucky few to have real friends either that or they're okay with fairweather friends. Having people to go out with every Friday, sat., sun night does not even amount to someone that actually loves you in my book.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Like I said, I've done the married thing -- 21 years of it,
to be exact.

Through that, we have two wonderful kids (in their late teens
at this point... already... time flies).

So, in the marriage and children department, I've been there,
done that.

I'm also the type for whom sex is really not that big of a deal,
so yeah, I don't miss it at all.

-


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Maybe you weren't in love or you didn't have an interesting sex life. I dont know.

I hear an a lot of horror stories about how Christian marriages lack in that department (there was also this one Tyler Perry movie that showed all the Christian couple did was fluff pillows, turn out lights, you get the idea, eventually the wife got bored and cheated.

It also might be because you had it for 21 years. I've been abstinent for years (I'm only 24, but still lol). Plus my drive is ridiculously high for a woman. I have to catch every other thought and battle with problems that usually men have... You already know what that is so I don't have to spell it out lol. Basically that's a HUGE deal for me.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

It makes sense; Christianity is even referred to as the
Bride of Christ. Given this fact, I actually got a chuckle out
of others' statements that the whole God/Jesus-
as-Husband thing is somehow strange. The terms "Bride"
and "Bridegroom" are used in Scripture to refer to
believers and God respectively. Those of who have been
brides, married to bridegrooms, know very well what this
implies, and if it was supposed to mean something else,
then the terms "Bride / Bridegroom" wouldn't have been
used.

The relationship with God doesn't necessarily have to be
sexual in nature; it's more likely something even
higher and more intense for which human sexual
relationships are simply a metaphor. In fact, I think the
kind of intimacy we will ultimately experience with God will
make the intimacy in even the most loving of human
marriages look about as passionate as a gruff hand-shake
at a stuffy business meeting in comparison!


-

Maybe, who knows, and I knew that bride of Christ thing, but isnt he referring to the church as a whole??? I don't understand how anything can get more passionate than a physical relationship tbh.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I think Jesus was more of an introvert as he did need his alone time and of course he never married.
I cant imagine sharing my life with someone that close. It must be Im just a singular person and at nights is the perfect time for prayer. I cant really do that if person snoring right next to me. I wouldnt be able to get up when I want to, and also, bonus I get to drive and go where I want not have to wait around for someone else.

If you married you have..not just all that to think about but extra laundry, dishes, babies, work schedules, budgets, and other STUFF. Plus looking in the married forum, i dont see many happy posters there. Also you would have to change your name..if you female, and even if you dont your children wont have your name.

Thats something I dont think about or worry over but i was chatting with some married ladies last night and they were talking about that. And they always deferred to their husbands and hardly ever got a break. I think some marrieds do worry that if they dont see their husbands all the time hes going off with someone else..which does of course happen.

See, this right here. I have a lot of the same feelings as you, but I think this is truly at the heart of Christian singles, and just singles in general, reasons why they don't want to be married. I feel like we use a relationship with God as an excuse to avoid the responsibility of an earthly marriage. If a married person can't even remain faithful, responsible, and happy in a relationship with a person they can see how can they do that in a relationship with someone they cant. I think the scripture says that too, but it's referring to loving your brother... I think it still applies though

 

[Rajni]

Maybe you weren't in love or you didn't have an interesting sex life. I dont know.

Yes, we were in love and had an interesting sex life.

Maybe, who knows, and I knew that bride of Christ thing, but isnt he referring to the church as a whole??? I don't understand how anything can get more passionate than a physical relationship tbh.

I’m sure it can also refer to the church as a whole, but
the church is made up of individuals who, as the saying
goes, “trust Jesus as their personal Savior”. So I think
the Bride is just as much individual as it is corporate.

I feel like we use a relationship with God as an excuse to avoid the responsibility of an earthly marriage.

No one needs an excuse to not get married.
It’s not like they’re dodging the draft or something.

In fact, I think it’s more often the other way around:
people use any and all sorts of earthly excuses to
avoid the most important relationship to be had—the
one with the Lord. Besides, if it weren’t for Him, there
wouldn't be any other relationships.


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[Goodbook]

I am not 'using' a relationship with God as an excuse not to be married. I'm sorry.
God does not want us to be unequally yoked with unbelievers so why should I be married just for the sake of it? I see it all the time, even in couples who married inside the church.

He'd rather us not to be yoked at all! If you don't know what love is..then I'm afraid you haven't read Corinthians chapter 13. It just seems you think love equals sex. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. That's a foolish way to think.

And it's not like some of us have never had that either.

 

[Goodbook]

many married couples do not even have friday nights of cuddling. They are exhausted by the end of the working week, and I'm surprised they even have time.

God wants us to celebrate HIM on the Sabbath. Whether we are married or single. To put down ppl just because they are single is NOT ON. We don't have to justify our singleness.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

many married couples do not even have friday nights of cuddling. They are exhausted by the end of the working week, and I'm surprised they even have time.

God wants us to celebrate HIM on the Sabbath. Whether we are married or single. To put down ppl just because they are single is NOT ON. We don't have to justify our singleness.

It wasn't intended to be a put down. It's honestly curiosity...

 

[euripetelynn]

For single people who live alone, don't relate to anyone, don't have friends, or feel close to anyone singleness doesn't seem like something you can enjoy.

I think this is the heart of the issue. Singleness itself isn't bad, when defined as not being in a romantic relationship. What's bad is being completely alone and not having friends to depend on.

Humans are wired for relationships. When we don't have close friendships, we suffer emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. Paul, though he never married, would travel with a close friend and would stay in contact with the church. Jesus also sought out friends for support (e.g. when in the garden of Gethsemane). So you are correct: being alone is not a good thing. But being single does not equal being alone.

Romantic relationships are not the be-all-end-all of fulfilment, and shouldn't be treated as such. If someone genuinely wants to remain celibate, but has a close circle of friends, good for him. As Paul said, he should use his celibacy to do God's work. There are certain things in life that are a lot easier to do when you don't have a spouse and kids to worry about, so why not take advantage of singleness when you can?

For me, "enjoying singlehood" isn't about celebrating my lack of relationships. It's about being optimistic, accepting that this stage of my life doesn't involve a partner, and taking advantage of this fact. Ultimately, I want to get married, but right now is not the time. Instead, I will work hard in school, do what I can to care for my friends, and keep my eye out for awesome guys (things that tend to be harder to do when in a relationship; I don't know how many times my friends have abandoned me for their boyfriends).