Should we enjoy singleness? *Long thread*

[Angeleyes7715]

I see many other Christians say things like, "enjoy singleness" or "waiting while enjoying singleness". It's just my opinion, but I don't think being single (which basically means being alone) is something to celebrate lol.

I feel like people that say this are either A) Trying to deny they don't like being single or B) They have a lot of friends or people they can relate to so they get that fulfillment somewhere else.

For single people who live alone, don't relate to anyone, don't have friends, or feel close to anyone singleness doesn't seem like something you can enjoy. There are people like that -__- I'm one of them and no I don't think that those issues are sinful. Prophets in the bible and, even Paul I think, didn't like being single. People do long for physical interaction/tangibility in addition to a relationship with God.

I mean honestly, we'll spend a lifetime growing closer to God, preparing, and bettering ourselves anyway. Sometimes I feel like encouraging people to enjoy singleness is encouraging them to be alone. When you wait and don't actively seek a relationship by meeting people (while praying about it) you are putting yourself at risk for staying single for life. I don't think we should expect God to play match maker while claiming we love singleness and spend all of our time preparing for a spouse to appear out of nowhere lol.

*Also, I think it's wrong that some Christian's try to down play a natural marriage by saying things like "Jesus is my husband"... that just seems odd to me. God is our savior. Clearly he made marriage between man and a woman for a reason.

 

[Ubuntu]

I'm sure that some people are perfectly satisfied with being single and some people might even have the biblical “gift of singleness”. This is when someone has to stay single because family life isn't compatible with their call. Paul had this gift, and he didn't miss being married, and he even advised people to stay unmarried. (Elsewhere (1 Cor 7:25) he explained that this was due to the persecution and hardship that the Christian church went through.) He said: "I wish that everyone was as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that. To the unmarried and widows I say that it is best for them to remain as I am." 1 Corinthians 7:7-8

However, I believe that only a tiny minority of single Christians have the genuine “gift of singleness”. Many Christians dislike being single, so it's clear that they don't have this gift. I think it's natural to yearn for a spouse, in fact I believe that the desire for love is something given us by God: "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him." Genesis 2:18

The Bible also elsewhere strongly suggests that having a partner in many ways is preferable to being single:

"Two people are better than one,
because they can reap more benefit from their labor.
For if they fall, one will help his companion up,
but pity the person who falls down and has no one to help him up.
Furthermore, if two lie down together, they can keep each other warm,
but how can one person keep warm by himself?
Although an assailant may overpower one person,
two can withstand him.
Moreover, a three-stranded cord is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

That said, it's better to be single than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship. And some people are best suited to live alone, for various reasons. And actually I also believe that God is the ultimate matchmaker, and that we should be assured that a marriage is after God's order before we "tie the knot". A marriage is for life, and an ill fated marriage can ruin our happiness for the rest of our lives, so we need to be sure that God leads us when we make such a monumental decision.

 

[EazyMack]

Here is the secret to enjoying singleness:

Spoiler

Go through a string of bad relationships.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Well if your interested in my opinion I honestly love the thought of God as my husband because he loves me for me and when I'm reminded of that, THAT is the one thing that makes me feel better about being 'single. ' it is a hope that I have an inheritance in heaven that is much better than a human marriage. Its obviously not sexual for those who get weirded out by that concept and don't understand it.

 

[Goodbook]

i think..women are better at being single than men.
Maybe its because when women are married childbirth is such a big thing and we spend the rest of our lives devoted to our children. With men it isnt the same and they dont have to go through physical childbirth and all the things women go through.

And of course the bible does say its not good for a man to be alone. But if its not good then by all means go find a wife. Nobody is asking you to stay single if your dont want to be but its up to you as the man to ask God for this wife and not sit around complaining about it.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

i think..women are better at being single than men.
Maybe its because when women are married childbirth is such a big thing and we spend the rest of our lives devoted to our children. With men it isnt the same and they dont have to go through physical childbirth and all the things women go through.

And of course the bible does say its not good for a man to be alone. But if its not good then by all means go find a wife. Nobody is asking you to stay single if your dont want to be but its up to you as the man to ask God for this wife and not sit around complaining about it.

I agree with the second half of your post. That we should do something to find a spouse. The first half i disagree with lol. I'm a woman and I think it is harder for women to be alone because they are more emotional than men and many desire children ( fertility decreases after 30). Many statistics say men don't want to get married. Women, on the other hand, sit in a house of worship which is usually full of women and elderly people just waiting... and waiting....and waiting on a man to show up.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I agree with the second half of your post. That we should do something to find a spouse. The first half i disagree with lol. I'm a woman and I think it is harder for women to be alone because they are more emotional than men and many desire children ( fertility decreases after 30). Many statistics say men don't want to get married. Women, on the other hand, sit in a house of worship which is usually full of women and elderly people just waiting... and waiting....and waiting on a man to show up.

I disagree with the post in its entirety. I think it's an overly simplistic attitude. To me, that line of thinking reduces changing the situation to something akin to simply waving some kind of magic wand, and POOF! a spouse appears. If the right partner isn't in your life, that person isn't in your life, and it's not the sort of thing you can control.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Well if your interested in my opinion I honestly love the thought of God as my husband because he loves me for me and when I'm reminded of that, THAT is the one thing that makes me feel better about being 'single. ' it is a hope that I have an inheritance in heaven that is much better than a human marriage. Its obviously not sexual for those who get weirded out by that concept and don't understand it.

The thing is I don't even know if it's appropriate to think of Christ in that way (yes I realize you said not sexual) but still it's not like we can just place him in whatever role we choose for him. He was given a role a role as savior ( the church itself is the bride of Christ) but I think that's a totally different concept. It's just that women are the ones I see trying to put God in the husband role... Men don't go around saying God is my husband or God is my wife...I haven't even come across it in the bible where single people do that.

 

[Citanul]

Nobody is asking you to stay single if your dont want to be but its up to you as the man to ask God for this wife

I really don't like comments like this, as they imply that we haven't been asking God. I'm pretty sure every single person who wants to get married has prayed some version of "God let me find a husband/wife". Whether or not we've prayed the right sort of thing or have bothered to do anything more than just pray about it is another matter, but please don't tell us to "ask God".

 

[Goodbook]

Actually no.
Women don't go to church waiting for a spouse. They go to worship God, not sit there waiting for a man. The women I know anyway.

The ones that do that are unbelievers I would say, because we have Jesus. I know one lady who's already divorced and still wants a man. I'm like why? That don't make sense. And the one she wants is an unbeliever so I'm like ok. She's only coming to our bible study to pray for another husband I reckon. Sorry to be blunt..but she's said things to me along those lines. This really annoys me because she seems to have divorced for selfish reasons and not let God work on her marriage. There was no adultery involved or abuse, so? And if there was, she ought to be happy single, as why get divorced if you don't want to be single? Its not like he left or abandoned her.

anyway, not sure what to do about this doubleminded 'friend' of mine. I encourage her to read her Bible more, and then she'll know true peace. Her sister is a christian, and she sees that she has peace even though she's single, but she obviously doesn't have that and that's why she annoys me cos she keeps going on and on about how awful it is to be single. She had the opportunity but the marriage only lasted 5 years.

anyway. I think its true and good advice to say enjoy your singleness. Because with marriage comes a lot of resposnibility for people other than yourself. You can do all sorts of things while you are single. If you've come out of an abusive marriage, all the more reason to enjoy being single, than go back to a trap. And of course widows..well, thats sad as well but the widows I know don't sit round all day lamenting or going after men. They just get on with life.

 

[Goodbook]

I've never said God is my husband or anything like that. people who do that are kinda weird types IMHO. They have wrong theology. Or they may be mormons. Sorry. Yes he Is like a husband..He provides just like a husband is meant to and of course man is made in His image. But He is my Father - and I his daughter I do not believe I am married to God in the way of an earthly marriage.

I do know that the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...

 

[Goodbook]

Jesus on the other hand, of course would make the perfect husband. That's why women..really like a guy who has His spirit inside of them. If a guy has this then, there is no reason why he would not be able to find a wife if that is what he desired.

Jesus loved children, he cared about women and was never rude or impatient with them. If I were to be married of course I would want my husband to have Christlike qualities.

 

[Citanul]

If a guy has this then, there is no reason why he would not be able to find a wife if that is what he desired.

I'm sorry, but this just isn't the case. There are definitely reasons why a man (or woman) with all the right qualities might not be able to find a partner. Some may be as a result of things they can control, but there can also be things out of their control.

I'm not trying to pick on you, but you have brought up a couple of things that as far as I'm concerned are just platitudes and not particularly helpful to tell single people who are struggling to find someone.

 

[keith99]

Why should one not enjoy their current situation if they find it pleasurable?

Wasn't Christ single?

Wasn't Paul single again?

Isn't their model good enough for Christians?

 

[redblue22]

I like a good mystery, so I'm enjoying it. Life isn't just about enjoying.

 

[Rajni]

The thing is I don't even know if it's appropriate to think of Christ in that way (yes I realize you said not sexual) but still it's not like we can just place him in whatever role we choose for him. He was given a role a role as savior ( the church itself is the bride of Christ) but I think that's a totally different concept. It's just that women are the ones I see trying to put God in the husband role... Men don't go around saying God is my husband or God is my wife...I haven't even come across it in the bible where single people do that.

The romantic type of relationship with God, called bridal mysticism,
is actually a thing, though I don’t think it’s very common. St.
Theresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross are two Christian saints
who experienced this. There are others in other faiths.

The Bible's Song of Solomon is often described as being an
illustration of the relationship between God and the individual
soul (Lover and Beloved). I went through a period where my
love for God had the same flavor that's found therein, and it
was intoxicating because on top of having those romantic
feelings was the realization that the One for whom I had such
strong emotions was God Himself, not just a fellow mortal. This
happened not long after my divorce, as though God were
letting me know that He was my significant other now.

What likely helped with that was that when the Lord connected
with me in this way it was outside the Christian paradigm, in a
spiritual path where God encourages people to approach Him in
whatever way works best with their temperament, whether it be
in the sense of God being a Friend, a Child, a Lover, and/or other
roles I can’t recall at the moment.

-

 

[Angeleyes7715]

The romantic type of relationship with God, called bridal mysticism,
is actually a thing, though I don’t think it’s very common. St.
Theresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross are two Christian saints
who experienced this. There are others in other faiths.

The Bible's Song of Solomon is often described as being an
illustration of the relationship between God and the individual
soul (Lover and Beloved). I went through a period where my
love for God had the same flavor that's found therein, and it
was intoxicating because on top of having those romantic
feelings was the realization that the One for whom I had such
strong emotions was God Himself, not just a fellow mortal. This
happened not long after my divorce, as though God were
letting me know that He was my significant other now.

What likely helped with that was that when the Lord connected
with me in this way it was outside the Christian paradigm, in a
spiritual path where God encourages people to approach Him in
whatever way works best with their temperament, whether it be
in the sense of God being a Friend, a Child, a Lover, and/or other
roles I can’t recall at the moment.

-

Interesting points, just don't think that will be my relationship with God... I often lump romance with touch, physical attraction, and other fleshly acts. I mean I could be wrong, but it seems odd to me. You can't really replace the touch and embrace of another human being...it's just... that whole concept seems off.

 

[rickster]

I think I agree with your premise, but you didn't structure it neatly.

Theoretically singleness should be great since you get to spend more time with God instead of with a flawed person who poops, bleeds, has sinful thoughts and annoying habits. But that's really hard to grasp for most people since loneliness is extremely tangible where as the benefits to being closer to God are not. We are tormented nearly everyday of our singleness whether it be in school, in the workplace, in the media, or in entertainment. In fact if you want to be even more depressed about being single, there is discrimination against single people (singlism vs matrimania). Society punishes us for being single and actively encourages people to pair up.

It's a slippery slope of how much time do you devote to God and how much time do you devote to trying to find someone to court. Do you have a better chance of finding someone by thinking about God, or by going to single mixers or being active on internet dating sites? How much time should you devote towards looking for someone?

Being single shouldn't be a big deal, but it is.

 

[Goodbook]

Bible says to rejoice always..so I think that means whatever your marital status.

If you know you are loved by God its all that matters. Really.

We not going to be in marriages in heaven, so, not sure what the big deal is about being single now. We not living in the world really. If you pay so much attention to what the radio or tv says, which we know most of is lies, and makes you feel inadquate, then what are you doing listening to it? Why even put that garbage in?

God has never made me feel miserable for not being married. But satan does, cos hes the accuser of the brethren. We christian singles have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[AnneY]

I'll continue enjoying my singleness, regardless of how other people think I should feel about it. No, I'm not making an excuse, or trying to make myself feel better about my poor, tormented, lonely, sad, single self. I really do enjoy my singleness. And if I ever get married, then I'll enjoy my married life. But in the meantime, I refuse to let others make me feel ashamed or less than human for being single, as if it's something I'm doing wrong, that's just ridiculous.


And no, I don't consider myself married to Jesus or God, that just sounds really weird.