Should I Tell My Sister?

[Introverted1293]

My 13-year-old nephew just told his big brother that he is gay. But my sister, his guardian, doesn't know that he is gay. I do not want to tell my sister, who is Christian and doesn't believe in that lifestyle. His big brother, my other nephew, told me. Now, I am not judging him because I have same sex attraction as well. My sister already knows this, and she has been great about this (not saying she agrees). She doesn't agree with same sex relationships, and I know that same sex relationships are wrong. She believes it is sinful. In fact, she stopped watching Disney plus because they would promote homosexuality. My nephew told me about his little brother, and I don't think it is my business to tell my sister about it. But my fear is am I doing the right thing by keeping this from her. Yes, I understand that I should mind my own business. But that gets a little blurred to me on when to shut up or when to say something. If I keep my mouth shut and I don't say something and my sister finds out that I knew, would she get mad and tell me that I should have told her? That is what I am afraid of. Both our parents are dead. She is one of the only families that I have.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

My 13-year-old nephew just told his big brother that he is gay. But my sister, his guardian, doesn't know that he is gay. I do not want to tell my sister, who is Christian and doesn't believe in that lifestyle. His big brother, my other nephew, told me. Now, I am not judging him because I have same sex attraction as well. My sister already knows this, and she has been great about this (not saying she agrees). She doesn't agree with same sex relationships, and I know that same sex relationships are wrong. She believes it is sinful. In fact, she stopped watching Disney plus because they would promote homosexuality. My nephew told me about his little brother, and I don't think it is my business to tell my sister about it. But my fear is am I doing the right thing by keeping this from her. Yes, I understand that I should mind my own business. But that gets a little blurred to me on when to shut up or when to say something. If I keep my mouth shut and I don't say something and my sister finds out that I knew, would she get mad and tell me that I should have told her? That is what I am afraid of. Both our parents are dead. She is one of the only families that I have.

The best course of action, in my opinion, is to tell the older brother to advise the younger to come out with information to your sister. Blessings.

 

[PloverWing]

My 13-year-old nephew just told his big brother that he is gay. But my sister, his guardian, doesn't know that he is gay. I do not want to tell my sister, who is Christian and doesn't believe in that lifestyle. His big brother, my other nephew, told me.

If I keep my mouth shut and I don't say something and my sister finds out that I knew, would she get mad and tell me that I should have told her? That is what I am afraid of. Both our parents are dead. She is one of the only families that I have.

No, you should not tell your sister. And the big brother should not have told you without the nephew's permission.

My personal policy is that I do not "out" anyone, unless they explicitly give me permission. I am older than you, I think, and I grew up in a time when people could be imprisoned, or fired from their job, or ostracized from their church or family for being gay. When gay people come out to me, I consider that confidential information, and I honor the trust they have placed in me.

I don't know whether your sister will be mad, and at whom, when she eventually finds out. But you can tell her that you did not want to violate your nephew's confidences, and that it was up to your nephew (not you!) to decide when was the right time to trust your sister with the information about his sexual orientation.

I hope all goes well, and that your sister will be understanding in the end. These family conversations are difficult, because so much is at stake.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I would say to very prayerfully consider your response before you do anything. Let the Lord lead you by the power of His Holy Spirit as to what you should do. May God give you the wisdom and discernment you need to navigate this difficult situation in Jesus name.

 

[Introverted1293]

Thank you very much for all the advice everyone. You gave me a lot to think about.

 

[Blade]

Well not here to tell you what you should do but so for yes and no so I think your more confused lol. Now me.. if someone that believes in Jesus Christ came to me saying they were gay.. I would share with that that is a sin it is against God. There is no sin God is ok with. I cannot freely sin and also say I love Jesus. There are times we get stuck in sin that's different. He does not condemn judge but as He did with the woman caught in sin did not condemn her but told her to stop sinning. He told some stop least a worse thing come on you.

To all this I will say as its written in the OT anyone that calls on the name of the lord shall be delivered. I just watched this video last night.. this is the 2nd time now.. this subject came up.. odd huh and then the night before I watched "I Believed I Was Gay, Until JESUS Did This..." Put that in the search in youtube. His love mercy.. never once judged her condemned.. nothing.. I cried... and she is 100% set free.

 

[returntosender]

Well not here to tell you what you should do but so for yes and no so I think your more confused lol. Now me.. if someone that believes in Jesus Christ came to me saying they were gay.. I would share with that that is a sin it is against God. There is no sin God is ok with. I cannot freely sin and also say I love Jesus. There are times we get stuck in sin that's different. He does not condemn judge but as He did with the woman caught in sin did not condemn her but told her to stop sinning. He told some stop least a worse thing come on you.

To all this I will say as its written in the OT anyone that calls on the name of the lord shall be delivered. I just watched this video last night.. this is the 2nd time now.. this subject came up.. odd huh and then the night before I watched "I Believed I Was Gay, Until JESUS Did This..." Put that in the search in youtube. His love mercy.. never once judged her condemned.. nothing.. I cried... and she is 100% set free.

That wasn't the question.

 

[TheLastGeek]

My 13-year-old nephew just told his big brother that he is gay. But my sister, his guardian, doesn't know that he is gay. I do not want to tell my sister, who is Christian and doesn't believe in that lifestyle. His big brother, my other nephew, told me. Now, I am not judging him because I have same sex attraction as well. My sister already knows this, and she has been great about this (not saying she agrees). She doesn't agree with same sex relationships, and I know that same sex relationships are wrong. She believes it is sinful. In fact, she stopped watching Disney plus because they would promote homosexuality. My nephew told me about his little brother, and I don't think it is my business to tell my sister about it. But my fear is am I doing the right thing by keeping this from her. Yes, I understand that I should mind my own business. But that gets a little blurred to me on when to shut up or when to say something. If I keep my mouth shut and I don't say something and my sister finds out that I knew, would she get mad and tell me that I should have told her? That is what I am afraid of. Both our parents are dead. She is one of the only families that I have.

I don't think you should immediately violate your nephew's privacy, especially regarding something so incredibly private and personal. Since his brother is already confiding in you, I would encourage the older brother to in turn, encourage his little brother to build up the courage to speak to his mother when he's ready to do so. Give it a little time. I doubt your sister would be enraged if this were something you kept confident for a few months, to give him a chance to decide if he wants to tell her himself. Now, if months turn into years, and he's still struggling with these feelings and keeping them secret, then I might feel compelled to say something.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

My 13-year-old nephew just told his big brother that he is gay. But my sister, his guardian, doesn't know that he is gay. I do not want to tell my sister ...

I would not tell your sister. Besides which, "gay", "lesbian", "straight", etc are really nothing more than labels - they don't really mean anything. And your nephew is still very young anyway.

 

[anetazo]

Always tell the truth. Don't gossip or slander. God is the judge. First Corinthians chapter 6 to document, abusers of mankind will not inherit kingdom of God. Im not judging anyone. I'm telling you the truth. Unless he repents sins to God and conform to God's standard. He will go to sheol. It's holding place for the spirtualty dead or wicked. In second Corinthians are 6, light and darkness have nothing in common. Christian people avoid those who are on wrong path. Yes, a Christian can plant seeds for God, sharing Gods truth. But its up to that individual to decide. In first samuel, david told lies to king of philistines, and boxed himself in. God delivered David because he was God's anointed. Proverbs chapter 15:10. Correction is grievous unto him that forsake the way: And he that hates reproof will die. Those who reject Jesus, will go to sheol. You can tell the person the Truth. If they wont listen, the individual is accountable for their self. Homosexuality is major sin. If they dont repent and change, its trip to sheol. 15:32. He that refuses instructions despise his own soul: But he that hear Reproof gets understanding. Some people have to go all the way to the bottom, which is hell. Mabey, then they will wise up, and change their ways. Revelation chapter 20, the millennium is the last chance for the spirtualty dead or wicked. Peace.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

1 - I suppose at that age he does not have what you call a "lifestyle" though he may have had its equivalent planted in his imagination
2 - it used to be totally standard for boys of that age group to have a slight "crush" on another boy or other boys, which evolved (haltingly) into friendship towards everybody.
3 - religious bosses influenced by Freud and who prayed very little, projected sexual guilt onto the entire populace as a means of dominion, amplified by their seizing of the media. I was at the receiving end and it has had a lasting impact. Everybody in every country has been impacted, leading to ambiguous loss of doctrine as well as mass depersonalisation. This was partly done through those who posed as our peers.
4 - challenge both nephews to not bandy around phrases or slogans they hear and not define themselves or others at the behest of authorities they don't know. A label doesn't give them their needed individuality.
5 - piling guilt onto oneself at the prompting of you don't know whom, no matter how big and old they are and young and small you are, or no matter how friendly and authoritative they are, no matter how flattered you feel to be shamed, that's not sensible but that is the deceptive world we live in.
6 - there are objective sins and these should be distinctly detectable when he examined his own conscience, normally without intrusion bearing in mind his age and whether there are degrees of gravity and complication.

abusers of mankind will not inherit kingdom of God

This refers to things that hamper one's fruitful participation in works of virtue (and not only sexual virtue) through one's gifts. If the nephew is in a church where they haven't explained doctrine completely, he will have to bear the seed of faith in the circumstances described.

This is more hazardous now than 55 years ago. It's also more hazardous for church authorities in their answerability.

It would be good if you could explain to your sister that you are there to join in general prayers for the good maturing and protection of your nephews.

Pray together with her that God will guide your churches in doctrine even if you don't know what doctrines yourselves. Holy Spirit has imparted as well as indwelt.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

normally without intrusion bearing in mind his age and whether

And in view of normal parenting (which I don't define as intrusion per se)

 

[OldAbramBrown]

Also, get other older people who don't know you well, to pray regularly for your family. (Maybe any problem will rise to the surface tactfully and maybe the adults in the nephews' lives will have extra wisdom to help them.)