Should I still Communicate With My Ex-Girlfriend?

[Crusader_4_Christ]

Should I still Communicate With My Ex-Girlfriend Rebecca? We had a bad break up. She was an unbeliever. I thought I could change her but I failed big time!


When we broke up she said she never wanted to see or hear form me again. But for some reason she still talks to me online. Sometimes she's abusive too me tries to hurt me by saying it was my fault we broke up...other times she talks to me like a friend...why is she doing this? Should I keep talking to her and try to be her friend? Or should I just cut if off?

Well you all pray for me and Rebecca. Pray that God's will is done in this and that we are both blessed because of it.

 

[silentpoet]

There are several questions you have to ask yourself. In no particular order:
1. Is communicating with her healthy for you?
2. Does it help you grow with God?
3. Does it serve God's apparent will?
4. What good do you expect out of this communication?

Those are just off the top of my head. I don't know the answers, but maybe you will through prayer. Sounds to me like a painful situation, and I do know that sometimes God uses pain to get our attention. However this does not mean we have to keep accepting pain from another person in the form of insults. We can refuse to, but sometimes we are called to use this to be our witness to the other person. I think this may be your case. I would suggest that you tell her honestly that you do not appreciate the accusations and would rather communicate on an adult level.

 

[Scottish Joy]

She was an unbeliever. I thought I could change her but I failed big time!

No, it's not that you failed. You can't change her, that's God's job. Don't feel guilty about that!

When we broke up she said she never wanted to see or hear form me again. But for some reason she still talks to me online. Sometimes she's abusive too me tries to hurt me by saying it was my fault we broke up...other times she talks to me like a friend...why is she doing this?

She sounds like a manipulative person to me. The type who just wants to play around with your emotions- not serious.

Should I keep talking to her and try to be her friend? Or should I just cut if off?

Well, I'd stay away from her if I were you. Especially because you've been hurt already b/c of this situation. Pray for her, by all means! But I strongly suggest (and experience comes into play here) that you distance yourself from this girl emotionally. Get busy with something else so you won't be thinking about her all the time... Make some new friends, etc. Especially other Christians with whom you have THE MOST important thing in common.

My $0.02!

Joy

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

There are several questions you have to ask yourself. In no particular order:
1. Is communicating with her healthy for you?
2. Does it help you grow with God?
3. Does it serve God's apparent will?
4. What good do you expect out of this communication?

Those are just off the top of my head. I don't know the answers, but maybe you will through prayer. Sounds to me like a painful situation, and I do know that sometimes God uses pain to get our attention. However this does not mean we have to keep accepting pain from another person in the form of insults. We can refuse to, but sometimes we are called to use this to be our witness to the other person. I think this may be your case. I would suggest that you tell her honestly that you do not appreciate the accusations and would rather communicate on an adult level.

1. I don't think it's healthy for me but I still love her and hope God will change her

2.perhaps if suffering sinners is part of it

3.I'm not sure what God's will is in this I feel confused and frustrated

4. I hope she might one day change

 

[bliz]

How long has it been since the break-up?

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

How long has it been since the break-up?

3 days or so. She still talks to me through MSN. When she talks to me she likes to harrass me at times. But than she also tries to explain why we broke up she said I moved too fast on her that I wasn't patient enough with her before we got physical.

That's what confuses me she insults me but than engages in serious talk or small talk in the same conversation. I don't understand her when she broke up with me she said she never wanted to see or her from me again. Could it be she still has feelings for me is putting me to some kind of test?

 

[TheDag]

We had a bad break up. She was an unbeliever. I thought I could change her but I failed big time!

It almost sounds like you were tying up her becoming a christian to the relationship. If this is the case then the relationship was doomed from the beginning. If it wasn't the case great.
When a relationship I was in broke up we basically didn't talk for years and the first time we did it was by accident and we've now been married for over a year. I think I needed that time of not talking otherwise I wouldn't have moved on and wouldn't have been in a state where I could grow in God. Only you can decide what to do but my suggestion would be to add her to your ignore list for awhile and focus on becoming the person God wants you to be. Maybe in a few months you could take her off your ignore list and see if her behaviour has changed.

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

I'm not talking to her anymore. Please that God's will be done in this.

 

[JustSomeGuy]

That's a tough one. I'm in a similar situation myself. I had been dating my ex for a little over a year. As one of my presents to her I was paying for her hosted website (5 bucks a month so it wasn't that hard). The brake up was tough on both of us but it was amicable, neither of us was angry at the other. I kept in contact because I needed to know when she was ready for me to turn over ownership of the website to her and I had somethings of hers to mail back to her. She said in an email that she really missed talking to me. So I decided I would try to email her a bit more. I think that made me too concerned in her. She has an online journal and I started reading her posts on there again. That has become very painfull because she's apparently already found another boyfriend. We've only been separated for a month after being together for over a year and she's already with someone new. I probably shouldn't but I feel very hurt by that. I've decided that tommorrow I'm going to send her an email that if I don't hear back from her by the end of April about the website I'm just going to cancel the account and domain registration. It's a little harsh because one of her email addresses will go away then but I need to get away from her completely.

You need to pray and listen to God about your own situation but I think if you are not comfortable talking to this girl then don't. You're not going to help her if you're not comfortable being around her.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm not talking to her anymore. Please that God's will be done in this.

Good move. Let God deal with her so you don't have to. Pray for her, but please do not hold a grudge. Anger was the drug I used to get away from my last bad situation involving women, and to this day it is a stumbling block.

 

[bliz]

crusader -

I think that at 3 days since the breakup, that gaping hole in your chest has not yet stopped bleeding, let alone begun to heal. And neither has hers. So I think it's a little early for any permenent decision.

I find it interesting that you, the Christian, were the one who wanted to move faster physically. Unless she was just now letting you catch a glimpse of her ankle, why was there any need to move faster? What was going on?

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

crusader -

I think that at 3 days since the breakup, that gaping hole in your chest has not yet stopped bleeding, let alone begun to heal. And neither has hers. So I think it's a little early for any permenent decision.

I find it interesting that you, the Christian, were the one who wanted to move faster physically. Unless she was just now letting you catch a glimpse of her ankle, why was there any need to move faster? What was going on?

I guess I was out of control. I failed my christian principles. As for me talking to her. We still talk to each and she seems to want to keep talking to me. I don't know why she wants to talk to me. Maybe when I visisted her in Sweden she felt intrapped and now she wants to give me another chance to take things at a slower pace.

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

That's a tough one. I'm in a similar situation myself. I had been dating my ex for a little over a year. As one of my presents to her I was paying for her hosted website (5 bucks a month so it wasn't that hard). The brake up was tough on both of us but it was amicable, neither of us was angry at the other. I kept in contact because I needed to know when she was ready for me to turn over ownership of the website to her and I had somethings of hers to mail back to her. She said in an email that she really missed talking to me. So I decided I would try to email her a bit more. I think that made me too concerned in her. She has an online journal and I started reading her posts on there again. That has become very painfull because she's apparently already found another boyfriend. We've only been separated for a month after being together for over a year and she's already with someone new. I probably shouldn't but I feel very hurt by that. I've decided that tommorrow I'm going to send her an email that if I don't hear back from her by the end of April about the website I'm just going to cancel the account and domain registration. It's a little harsh because one of her email addresses will go away then but I need to get away from her completely.

You need to pray and listen to God about your own situation but I think if you are not comfortable talking to this girl then don't. You're not going to help her if you're not comfortable being around her.

May I ask why you broke up? And why didn't you keep talking to her after the break up? Did you guys agree that the best thing was to cut off all communications?