Should I sign?

[Ellwood3]

His wife is the abused type - by his own admission.

I ended up blaming her for everything
​

there's no question I've abused her
​

Because I felt like I "owned" her during the marriage, it led to abuse
​

I know I've failed. I did not cherish her
​

I am working on my issues and am not putting any blame on her the destruction of our marriage. That's completely my fault
​

my abusive tendencies are still there

​

Or, you could pick out other statements to make the opposing point, at least as easily.

In virtually any marriage in difficulty, these are things that may be true.

You've left out the honesty and the transparency, the willingness to take responsibility.


"my abusive tendencies are still there" you note.


Right. The person is in a healing journey of his own. So why are you wanting him to rush toward divorce?

In previous posts, I said Robert Morris, pastor of Gateway Church, who does the program (and has a site named) The Blessed Life, had trouble in his now excellent marriage--with verbally abusing his wife. Today he is pastoring a large church and they--together--are doing great ministry.

His current series, as I've said, is on WORDS: LIFE OR DEATH, and is available for viewing free online.

So--at the point in Robert's journey when he was still in an unhealed state, you would have argued for his wife, Debbie to divorce him. And that would have been a mistake. And you would be responsible for your words influencing them in opposition to that--and the consequences.

The same can be said for others, who, husband or wife, verbally abuse their spouse. According to this reasoning, every marriage that today is happy, joyful even, and in the center of God's will--they should have divorced years ago because, why? Because they hadn't yet solved the problem, or done what God was leading them to do.

It's one thing to choose for yourself not to seek after God's will.

Far worse to advise others to do the same.

 

[Hetta]

So why are you wanting him to rush toward divorce?

I never rushed him toward divorce.

Far worse to advise others to do the same.

I never advised him on anything.

 

[Ellwood3]

When it comes to the damage done to a human being, emotional abuse can be just as damaging and in some cases more damaging then physical abuse.

Absolutely true. You're an atheist, so that is what you have. But people led with God's Spirit have something more.

We don't change ourselves, we open ourselves to His work in us. We are to seek after His will, not just believe things in our head.

Emotional abuse can be very damaging, so isn't it wonderful that God is able change people and grow them in relationship? We've got other options than saying, "someone hurt someone so bail out."

No one has said that verbal abuse isn't serious. The question is hope versus no hope, and God's leading versus our own (and each others).

Those who say they follow God are supposed to increasingly abandon themselves to His will, as they walk in faith. Not by sight.

So when you don't respond by telling someone to seek God's will, or pray, etc., it's expected.

But Christians are supposed to seeking to do God's will, and not just their own. Christians arguing against two people having time and space to learn from mistakes, to heal and to be certain they are in God's will , is strange.

That's an atheistic perspective.


But--you are right about this: Words can hurt us like nothing else can. A single hit may make a bruise that can heal, but a person can remember for years the pain and humiliation of a put-down. "You're no good, you shouldn't even bother trying. Just give up."

Those are horrible words.

And that is exactly what many of the responders to this question have been saying, using other words.

And that's shocking. Not just because it puts the person down--kicking someone when they're down is not kind--but because it negates the reality of God. It says, "You're even hopeless with God's help. GOD can't possibly redeem a situation like this."

It lacks faith. It is, literally--"unGodly"--"without God." It's atheistic, maybe not in words but in actual practice.

God can redeem relationships. Whether or not He wants a certain marriage to be redeemed is up to Him.

 

[Ellwood3]

The devil has a hit list that includes all of us. Those he owns—literally—they have not accepted Christ’s offer—have troubles because that is the outcome of sin (falling short/missing the mark).

I think that at the top of the devil’s hit list are those working most actively for the Gospel, the harvesters in the field.

That includes Bible translators.

Keep the Bible out of someone’s language, and you can make it hard for many generations to get to know God.

When people are inspired to go into Bible Translation, for heavens sake, know that these are people are HUGE threats to the kingdom of Satan. A married couple who are both translators?

Of course their marriage is going to be threatened. It’s a way to weaken or end their mutual ministry.

It’s expected.

Bible translation isn’t just exchanging one word for another, it means translating terms and ideas to another culture. It is amazing work of infinite value.

Why would anyone ever cheat anybody out of the chance to do Bible translation?

The person who asked this question said they both have studied the original languages.

They EACH believed they were led into this marriage to do translation. That sends an alarm when they consider divorce. This wife had worked at the marriage before the breakthrough.

Before the breakthrough, permanent change was unlikely.

This seems to me to be an excellent example of a couple God might have made for each other. Can I say that for certain? No. But if that is the case,

Neither will be on God’s path of greatest riches if they divorce.

The wife has suffered.

And the suffering could be for nothing, if she chooses to leave God’s path for her life.

But should she stay in the relationship God led her to (she once believed that—are you who argue against seeking God's plan—or she—certain with confirmation from God—that she was wrong?), or should she abandon her calling?

Why would anybody cheat somebody out of God’s best for their lives by substituting His guidance for their own?

From here, this marriage could become deeper and richer than any other she could possibly have. It could lead her or them into counseling others and helping with their marriages.

We have no idea God’s plan for their lives.

We usually don’t fully understand God’s plan for our own lives.

The sole Person who can answer whether a couple needs to divorce or not, is the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Why is this controversial on a Christian web site?


“The devil ought to be on the run, always fighting a rear guard action. Instead, this blasphemous enemy smugly and scornfully holds his position, and the people of God let him have it.”

A.W. Tozer, in his book, Faith Beyond Reason

 

[Hetta]

Seriously dude, all these long lectures get kind of old. I have no idea why you are nagging everyone who responded to the OP, but I certainly don't feel inclined to answer twenty questions - particularly as you make unmerited accusations along the way.

 

[Ellwood3]

Time will not heal all wounds. Healing takes work, and work takes time.

Should any person who is unclear about God’s leading rush ahead and choose to do whatever appears simplest? It’s easier to sign the papers. It also could mean committing sin.

If there were 100 couples with these same basic facts as in this thread—they came together believing themselves to be called as missionaries in Bible translation, were good enough at it to do it, and once there—isolated away from home—one spouse’s unresolved trauma led to verbal abuse (sometimes it’s the wife, with contempt and disrespect), and the other struggled to work on it but gave up, and no longer seeks God’s will but justification, now the trauma has been identified and there is hope—if there were 100 couples like this, the “right” answer from the Holy Spirit for some might be divorce, for most it will be to work on the relationship. We must leave that to Him (the Spirit is not an It).

Every marriage will have struggles. Challenges. Marriage is hard, it’s not always easy. And moving to another spouse doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage.

There are great testimonies from numerous couples who began by hating each other in partnerships gone sour, who have over time restructured how they treat each other.

We cannot go by appearances. One couple’s marriage may not seem useless from the outside, but it may be in opposition to God. Another couple’s may seem utterly hopeless, but God is willing and able and welcomes the chance to transform it.


It’s virtually never a good idea to tell someone—where God’s leading is not yet clear to either person, to sign papers. Not good to push for it. Not good to let oneself be pushed.

Maybe God wants this couple together? That is absolutely likely.

Who wants to explain to God why they advised tearing apart what God wanted together, if that is the case?

Thinking about what God wants, not merely what appears good to us, is part of having “fear”—reverence—for the Lord.

That’s one reason not to advise people into cursing their relationship with divorce God has not ordained.


And when the couple have been missionaries, all bets are off. These are Satan’s absolute foes. It is absolutely guaranteed that the devil and his demons will target them.

How do you know that the devil didn’t target this man from his youth, giving him experiences that would be like planting explosives on someone, in the hope that his wife would give up and they would divorce? That is typically one way that he works.

We remember that Satan, unlike God, has limited resources. He targets best those who are set to do his kingdom of darkness more harm.

When I heard—saw—that this was/is a missionary couple—the lights and sirens came on: HOLD EVERYTHING. TAKE SOME TIME OUT.

This is not a couple who need to rush into—or out of—anything. At the start of the thread they’d only been separated about 3 ½ months! (I don’t often use exclamation points, but that deserves one.)

Honestly—that’s barely time to catch their breath.

For those of you who claim to seek God’s will for your own life, you know how challenging that can be. For your own sake, stop using others’ hard times to force your own agenda. Even those who have heard from God do not generally push others—and pushing includes mocking, sarcasm, put-downs, and cynical misunderstanding of the situation.

One value of this thread, one good thing that comes from this man asking here this question is that it brings up issues about how/when/whether we advise others. All advice must be in accordance with the Spirit’s position on the matter.

 

[bhsmte]

Absolutely true. You're an atheist, so that is what you have. But people led with God's Spirit have something more.

We don't change ourselves, we open ourselves to His work in us. We are to seek after His will, not just believe things in our head.

Emotional abuse can be very damaging, so isn't it wonderful that God is able change people and grow them in relationship? We've got other options than saying, "someone hurt someone so bail out."

No one has said that verbal abuse isn't serious. The question is hope versus no hope, and God's leading versus our own (and each others).

Those who say they follow God are supposed to increasingly abandon themselves to His will, as they walk in faith. Not by sight.

So when you don't respond by telling someone to seek God's will, or pray, etc., it's expected.

But Christians are supposed to seeking to do God's will, and not just their own. Christians arguing against two people having time and space to learn from mistakes, to heal and to be certain they are in God's will , is strange.

That's an atheistic perspective.


But--you are right about this: Words can hurt us like nothing else can. A single hit may make a bruise that can heal, but a person can remember for years the pain and humiliation of a put-down. "You're no good, you shouldn't even bother trying. Just give up."

Those are horrible words.

And that is exactly what many of the responders to this question have been saying, using other words.

And that's shocking. Not just because it puts the person down--kicking someone when they're down is not kind--but because it negates the reality of God. It says, "You're even hopeless with God's help. GOD can't possibly redeem a situation like this."

It lacks faith. It is, literally--"unGodly"--"without God." It's atheistic, maybe not in words but in actual practice.

God can redeem relationships. Whether or not He wants a certain marriage to be redeemed is up to Him.

What it is, is a perspective based in reality, with boatloads of psychological studies to affirm the same.

When a person makes a decision the ignore reality, the outcome is usually not good.

 

[Ellwood3]

A question for those for push divorce in this Christian forum:


You who have cheated God’s Holy Spirit out of His place to lead this—and any other couple—by attempting to take His place in their lives—because that is what advising people contrary to God is doing—begin to take the impact of your words seriously.


Because you will be held accountable for them. And that is why I said, in another post if this is your waste of time—going online and trying to be God for them—find something else to do with your time. Cheesemaking. Knitting. Fishing. Do something else. You are placing yourselves in a hazardous position. Absolutely serious about that. It's not sarcasm. It may appear idle fun to advise others but if you fail to lead them as God would--and you will--there really is a God in heaven, and He actually might not be pleased with your advice. And when you see the results of your impact upon the lives of others, you will grieve.


Does “cheat” sound like a harsh word? It is the proper word. Choosing to advise someone in error—without knowing God’s opinion on the matter—does take God’s place and it is not honoring God.






I’ll open the question a bit—not just for those who have demanded divorce using mocking language to coerce—but for anyone with an opinion—“yes, sign right away, no don’t”—for anyone:

And the question?

How many times have you ever prayed for God’s will to be done for this couple?

Once?

Daily? When they occur to you throughout the day?


Those of you who (just answer to yourself please, not online unless you choose), those who honestly think something like, “I have not prayed for them. It never even occurred to me” I can guarantee you this:

YOU ARE NOT BEING LED BY GOD HERE, AND MUST STOP ENCOURAGING PEOPLE AWAY FROM HIM. SEEK GOD YOURSELVES. STOP ADVISING OTHERS.

Maybe you’re led at times by God. But in this thread, no. And if you would advise a stranger like this here, what other words do you carelessly throw out?

Harm comes to others and eventually to ourselves when we choose to mis-lead others.

Whenever someone says, “should I sign?”—should I become divorced right now—even when all pieces are in place—(they’ve taken all much-needed steps)—don’t advise them beyond giving them advice to find the will of God through the Spirit of God and Word of God, and any resources He may have given you. Pray for the couple. Even if you do not tell them.

When—as in this case—all pieces are not in place, and not all steps have been taken, DO NOT advise divorcing right away.

If you aren’t asking God to guide your words online, why do you not do that? Leaving behind words that can influence people wrongly 24 hours a day throughout the year—people you have never met, it is dangerous. Prayer is a good thing.

If you aren’t praying, I question whether you actually care enough to advise.

 

[Ellwood3]

Here is one more excellent resource--yahoo--I am finally allowed to post links.

Marriage Help Program For Couples

YAHHOOO!

Just click that little happy thing underlined above, and it will take you to a web site that is specifically for married couples seeking help before divorce, and also for couples who have divorced and believe it may have been a mistake.

It has been around for over 30 years.

It is in 25 nations.

It began in Quebec, Canada, in a French program started by some who found that the marriage conferences weren't meeting all needs.

What is it? I'll let them tell you (what's in blue is quotes from their site) :


"What is a Retrouvaille Program?

The word Retrouvaille™ (pronounced re-tro-vi with a long i.) is a French word meaning rediscovery. The program offers tools needed to rediscover a loving marriage relationship. Thousands of couples headed for cold, unloving relationships or divorce have successfully overcome their marriage problems by attending the program...."


They will tell you that it works with couples to improve communication between husband and wife. The program is not a retreat, not marriage counseling, not group discussions.


"Who is it for?

It is for couples with marital problems including those who are considering marriage separation and those who are already separated or divorced that want marriage help."


"Some couples come to Retrouvaille during the initial signs of a marriage problem. Other couples are in a state of despair and hopelessness when they attend the program. These latter couples often consider the Retrouvaille program their final option ...."



I'd quote the entire home page here, but want to avoid respect their copyright. So I will summarize: This is a program lawyers and judges send couples to"as a prerequisite to filing for a divorce or rendering final decisions."


It's a help for couples to rediscover each other.

Here is some hopeful news:


"The team does not provide marriage advice. The team provides practical tools for improving your marriage. They will share how they were able to benefit from these techniques themselves."

Why do I say that is that is good news, that these experienced Christians, who have been through serious marriage problems themselves do not tell others what they think they should do?

Because it is unwise to advise others instead of assisting them in find God's choice for themselves.


Who are "they" in the team? Teams are made of three couples who themselves were in bad marriages with each other, and a priest, or three such couples and a Christian minister. They give presentations, and people have a chance to reflect on those materials and later discuss it privately with each other.


"The weekend is not a ‘miracle cure'; therefore, the post-weekend sessions have been designed to continue the marriage renewal begun on the weekend."


What faith is it?


"Retrouvaille is Catholic in origin. Couples of all faiths and those with no faith tradition are welcome and encouraged to attend."


..."The program is not designed to promote a specific religion. Atheists, agnostics and those of various religions are respected for their beliefs and encouraged to attend for the benefit of their marriage."

(Boldface, my emphasis, also below)


"Details about the program, including the cost, vary from location to location. Contact the Retrouvaille community closest to you or call 800-470-2230 in the United States. Or, press the "Get Help Now" button at the bottom of any page. All contacts are held in the strictest confidence."



Testimonials and Stories are here:

Marriage seminar and marriage help program by Retrouvaille



The 4 Stages of Marriage are here:

Marriage help for marriage problems by Retrouvaille



Their vision and history, in detail, is here:

Marriage help for marriage problems by Retrouvaille



Here again is their home page "A Lifeline for Marriage":

Marriage Help Program For Couples



Contact help is here:

Program Dates



Here is their page of Links. It is excellent. I encourage you use the nice feature of this site that allows emailing links, and to otherwise get out information about this group. Many marriages on the brink of divorce or permanent misery can use help like this. Thanks to anyone who helps to tell others about this or any other resources I have already posted to this thread--and God bless you.


Helpful Links




There are a tremendous number of superb resources to help those in painful marriages. This one also is experienced in leading those who wonder after divorce if it was the right choice, to find God's answer for themselves.

 

[bhsmte]

Here is one more excellent resource--yahoo--I am finally allowed to post links.

Marriage Help Program For Couples

YAHHOOO!

Just click that little happy thing underlined above, and it will take you to a web site that is specifically for married couples seeking help before divorce, and also for couples who have divorced and believe it may have been a mistake.

It has been around for over 30 years.

It is in 25 nations.

It began in Quebec, Canada, in a French program started by some who found that the marriage conferences weren't meeting all needs.

What is it? I'll let them tell you (what's in blue is quotes from their site) :


"What is a Retrouvaille Program?

The word Retrouvaille™ (pronounced re-tro-vi with a long i.) is a French word meaning rediscovery. The program offers tools needed to rediscover a loving marriage relationship. Thousands of couples headed for cold, unloving relationships or divorce have successfully overcome their marriage problems by attending the program...."


They will tell you that it works with couples to improve communication between husband and wife. The program is not a retreat, not marriage counseling, not group discussions.


"Who is it for?

It is for couples with marital problems including those who are considering marriage separation and those who are already separated or divorced that want marriage help."


"Some couples come to Retrouvaille during the initial signs of a marriage problem. Other couples are in a state of despair and hopelessness when they attend the program. These latter couples often consider the Retrouvaille program their final option ...."



I'd quote the entire home page here, but want to avoid respect their copyright. So I will summarize: This is a program lawyers and judges send couples to "as a prerequisite to filing for a divorce or rendering final decisions."


It's a help for couples to rediscover each other.

Here is some hopeful news:


"The team does not provide marriage advice. The team provides practical tools for improving your marriage. They will share how they were able to benefit from these techniques themselves."


Why do I say that is that is good news, that these experienced Christians, who have been through serious marriage problems themselves do not tell others what they think they should do?

Because it is unwise to advise others instead of assisting them in find God's choice for themselves.


Who are "they" in the team? Teams are made of three couples who themselves were in bad marriages with each other, and a priest, or three such couples and a Christian minister. They give presentations, and people have a chance to reflect on those materials and later discuss it privately with each other.


"The weekend is not a ‘miracle cure'; therefore, the post-weekend sessions have been designed to continue the marriage renewal begun on the weekend."


What faith is it?


"Retrouvaille is Catholic in origin. Couples of all faiths and those with no faith tradition are welcome and encouraged to attend."


..."The program is not designed to promote a specific religion. Atheists, agnostics and those of various religions are respected for their beliefs and encouraged to attend for the benefit of their marriage."

(Boldface, my emphasis, also below)


"Details about the program, including the cost, vary from location to location. Contact the Retrouvaille community closest to you or call 800-470-2230 in the United States. Or, press the "Get Help Now" button at the bottom of any page. All contacts are held in the strictest confidence."


Testimonials and Stories are here:

Marriage seminar and marriage help program by Retrouvaille



The 4 Stages of Marriage are here:

Marriage help for marriage problems by Retrouvaille



Their vision and history, in detail, is here:

Marriage help for marriage problems by Retrouvaille



Here again is their home page "A Lifeline for Marriage":

Marriage Help Program For Couples



Contact help is here:

Program Dates



Here is their page of Links. It is excellent. I encourage you use the nice feature of this site that allows emailing links, and to otherwise get out information about this group. Many marriages on the brink of divorce or permanent misery can use help like this. Thanks to anyone who helps to tell others about this or any other resources I have already posted to this thread.

Helpful Links:

Helpful Links




There are a tremendous number of superb resources to help those in painful marriages. This one also is experienced in helping those who wonder after divorce if it was the right choice.

How about some information on helping the abused?

Or does that not matter to you?

 

[BigDaddy4]

How about some information on helping the abused?

Or does that not matter to you?

It appears that fact is irrelevant to the poster.

 

[mjmcmillan]

How about some information on helping the abused?

Or does that not matter to you?

It would appear that it doesn't. It's far more important to horsewhip anybody who would consider divorce than to help people who are at the end of their rope, you know.

God said "I desire mercy, not sacrifice". Why do you think that is so? Could it be that God is less pleased with our pseudo-righteousness than He is when we take time to actually LISTEN to the people in trouble around us?

 

[LinkH]

Every marriage involves abuse? This is your logic?

The man admitted to abuse and since that is not all that common, I would imagine the abuse was very real and likely quite severe, for him to acknowledge the same.

Do a little research on verbal abuse. Calling someone a stupid good-for-nothing is verbal abuse. That's a terrible thing to do. I've really tried not to do anything like that in my marriage or as a father, and I don't think I've ever done that. I have never cursed my wife. But if someone combed through all the lists of things activists who put up websites have labeled 'verbal abuse', they'd probably find something I've said someone has labeled verbal abuse. And you would probably also be implicated, and so would most people in this forum.

You say his abuse was likely quite severe. Remember we are talking about verbal abuse here. I don't know if it was or not. He could just really be taking the blame because he wants to be humble about it and own all the mistakes he made that led to marital problems. There are some folks who totally blame themselves when they have marriage problems, especially if the other spouse is convincing at blaming them.

He could also be beating himself up a bit about this. Which is not to say he hasn't done wrong.

Bottom line, whenever abuse occurs the person to be concerned about is the person that has been the victim and to assure they are never exposed to the same again, ever.

We should be concerned about both parties and the children. And the priority should not be to make sure that someone is never exposed to abuse, but that they do the will of God. Doing the will of God may lead to being abused. It did in the case of Christ and the apostles, from what we know of them by tradition. Peter was crucified upside down. John was said to have been boiled in oil but survived. Paul, who was not one of the twelve, was said to have been beheaded. That's all abuse. As Christians, our highest goal is not to avoid abuse. Rather, we are to please God.

Getting a divorce is not going to guarantee this woman no one will abuse her. It does sound like her husband has learned some things. I pray that they will reconcile and have a healthy marriage.

For a stated devout christian to participate in this type of behavior, tells me there are deep deep problems, the type of problems that are quite likely to resurface, if they could justify the abuse and keep carrying on with it, all while supposedly living a christian lifestyle.

Red flags galore with this one, no way around it.

I see red flags when I read your post, too.

I will say as I have said before, he is at her mercy and it appears she took the high road even with the abuse. If she ends up in front of a therapist (even a christian therapist) and she explains what happened, that therapist will be compelled by law to notify authorities of any abuse or risk losing their license.

For verbal abuse? In what state is that the law? If he called his wife names or was always dismissive of her feelings, they have to report him to the police? What state do yo live in?

 

[LinkH]

Link I think you are really minimizing the abuse he poured out on his wife.

And he has no power to stop it if/when she files. The courts will rule in her favor. Only God can change this course, not the abuser. Only God knows if the abusers heart has really changed, of if he is just clinging on to a selfish hope.

So let it take its course and leave the rest up to God.

It's been a month. But in this scenario, if he signs, it's over. If he doesn't, there is still another day.

And people aren't always logical about these things. There was one guy whose wife kept talking about divorce. Finally, it wore him down and he started talking about drawing up papers, and then his wife said something like 'What, don't you want to fight for me?' People can have mixed emotions about divorce. Signing isn't helpful if he wants to still try for reconciliation.

Also, if he doesn't sign, he hasn't given her a writing of divorcement. As legalistic as her approach to scripture seems to be, that may make a difference to her, at least for a while.

 

[BigDaddy4]

It's been a month. But in this scenario, if he signs, it's over. If he doesn't, there is still another day.

And people aren't always logical about these things. There was one guy whose wife kept talking about divorce. Finally, it wore him down and he started talking about drawing up papers, and then his wife said something like 'What, don't you want to fight for me?' People can have mixed emotions about divorce. Signing isn't helpful if he wants to still try for reconciliation.

Also, if he doesn't sign, he hasn't given her a writing of divorcement. As legalistic as her approach to scripture seems to be, that may make a difference to her, at least for a while.

If he doesn't sign, the courts will give her one anyway. He needs to let go and let God handle it.

 

[LinkH]

If he doesn't sign, the courts will give her one anyway. He needs to let go and let God handle it.

He considers divorce a sin, so he shouldn't sign.

 

[bhsmte]

Do a little research on verbal abuse. Calling someone a stupid good-for-nothing is verbal abuse. That's a terrible thing to do. I've really tried not to do anything like that in my marriage or as a father, and I don't think I've ever done that. I have never cursed my wife. But if someone combed through all the lists of things activists who put up websites have labeled 'verbal abuse', they'd probably find something I've said someone has labeled verbal abuse. And you would probably also be implicated, and so would most people in this forum.

You say his abuse was likely quite severe. Remember we are talking about verbal abuse here. I don't know if it was or not. He could just really be taking the blame because he wants to be humble about it and own all the mistakes he made that led to marital problems. There are some folks who totally blame themselves when they have marriage problems, especially if the other spouse is convincing at blaming them.

He could also be beating himself up a bit about this. Which is not to say he hasn't done wrong.



We should be concerned about both parties and the children. And the priority should not be to make sure that someone is never exposed to abuse, but that they do the will of God. Doing the will of God may lead to being abused. It did in the case of Christ and the apostles, from what we know of them by tradition. Peter was crucified upside down. John was said to have been boiled in oil but survived. Paul, who was not one of the twelve, was said to have been beheaded. That's all abuse. As Christians, our highest goal is not to avoid abuse. Rather, we are to please God.

Getting a divorce is not going to guarantee this woman no one will abuse her. It does sound like her husband has learned some things. I pray that they will reconcile and have a healthy marriage.



I see red flags when I read your post, too.



For verbal abuse? In what state is that the law? If he called his wife names or was always dismissive of her feelings, they have to report him to the police? What state do yo live in?

Read up on the impact of emotional/psychological abuse, which is what the OP admitted to; psychological, emotional and verbal. The damage from this type of abuse can be severe and have more negative consequences for the abused then even physical abuse. 72% of abused women have reported, that emotional/psychological abuse, had greater impact on them then physical abuse.

There is a reason one of the main techniques used by intelligence agencies throughout the world to obtain information, is psychological abuse.

And yes, emotional/psychological abuse is reportable in some states if the therapist feels the client is at risk. Lastly, more times than not, when there is psychological abuse, there is also physical abuse.

 

[bhsmte]

He considers divorce a sin, so he shouldn't sign.

I have a hard time with the fact he feels divorce is a sin so he won't sign, when abuse was in play here. Did he think the abuse was a sin?

At the end of the day, if he refuses, she will file a motion with the court to move forward without his signature and she will then be compelled to give the reasons the court should grant the divorce without his signature and that would be abuse, which will be part of the public record.

 

[Hetta]

I have a hard time with the fact he feels divorce is a sin so he won't sign, when abuse was in play here. Did he think the abuse was a sin?

Good point.

 

[BigDaddy4]

He considers divorce a sin, so he shouldn't sign.

So the courts will sin for him when they grant the divorce?

Divorce is not a sin. He has been misled.