Should I pursue her against all odds?

[Riddik7]

At this point, I feel it would be worth the risk. On the other hand, one could argue that I'm not thinking rationally in my current condition. I'm in love with this girl, I've never felt so strongly about anyone... all I ever wanted to do is love, protect, and honor her.

hey i very much know the feeling... but keep in mind that every girl you date you will always have feelings for... it may not always be the best idea to try and get back with her... i think your best bet at the moment is just try to stick with being friends for now, and over time hope things change if you realy do feal that strongly about this girl

 

[Tamara224]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You know, you might end up getting hurt again if it really and truly isn't meant to be.

But at least you'll know you gave it your best shot. At least you won't have yourself to blame for not doing what you could have done. At least you will know that it was not you who gave up when things got a little rough.

This is one of my favorite quotes:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
~C.S. Lewis.

​

And my favorite sonnet:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

~Shakespeare, Sonnet 116


​

But, be warned... I'm a hopeless romantic. Or, as Joan Wilder puts it... a hopeful romantic. Still.... if it's really love then it doesn't fail ("love never fails" 1 Cor 13:8).



Having said all that... I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for you to commit this to God. Be sure to seek His will and seek wisdom from Him about what to do.

 

[welshman]

This may sound harsh, but it doesn't matter what you do to win her back...if she doesn't want to meet you half way dude...it really is not worth it. She decided she didn't want to be with you (I am not sure why?) and that is her decision. By all means talk to her...but if you have to convince her that it can work, then sooner or later it will end in tears again.

 

[StarryEyes]

Talk to God about it and see what He wants you to do. I def. won't tell you to just get over it.. I've heard that before and it just doesn't work that way at all!!

Hang in there..

 

[NoMoreTearsWithJesus]

I just have a small question, you said she was hinting a breakup before ''the breakup'', why didnt you do somthing about it then? or did you think she wasnt serious? anywho like somone said before you cant make somone love you you just cant, and when you try to make them love you and try hard to get them back, you might be pushing them away even more to a point they will be angry with you.

Ok so heres my advice if you really want to be with her because you feel shes the one, then start with baby steps send her text saying goodnite little gestures or hope your having a good day how are you? anyways get my point? dont run to her and say I need to be with you because blah blah, that will make her avoid you.

 

[Inkachu]

Welsh made a great point; if you have to convince her to be with you, that's a foundation that is going to crumble.

I will never understand this idea of wanting someone who doesn't want you in return. It seems to be a "guy" thing, as I've seen many posts like this from men, but few to none from women. I'd ask why, but that's something for another thread, I guess.

 

[Labayu]

You can pursue her all you want, ultimately she'll decide if she lets you "win" her back.

If she decides yes then she'll tell everyone she knows that you're the greatest guy ever and she made the biggest mistake of her life splitting with you. If she decides no then you'll be branded the creepiest guy ever and she can't believe she actually dated someone who may even be dangeous...

Thing is it could be a split second desicion she makes and decideds to "make" herself stick to it even though it could have gone either way.

I'd say go for it but try and convince yourself first that you can get over her if she doesn't want you back (which is true). Ultimately if she really means no and you push it over a long time then your hurting her. It's the classic,- do you lve her enugh to let her go?

 

[Tink]

Please seek the counsel of your pastor.

 

[Oddish]

Can I have a link to the old thread?

 

[DougyP]

Go for it. The worst that will happen is you won't get what you already don't have.

 

[Orange_County_Chopper]

Why risk getting dumped a second time?

 

[Oddish]

I think you need to forget about her to be honest. You are only causing yourself pain here.

 

[Tabasco]

I think this says it all...

It would be one thing if you didn't want to live without her, but to say you can't....

Uh, it's a figure of speech.

I mean, if I literally could not live without her, I'd be dead.

 

[Tabasco]

I just have a small question, you said she was hinting a breakup before ''the breakup'', why didnt you do somthing about it then? or did you think she wasnt serious?

I'm not sure what you're talking about. Where did I say this? There was no warning at all; it came completely by surprise. She admitted that she had been considering it for only one day.

 

[Inkachu]

Well, honestly my dear, if she can dump someone after being perfectly and completely happy until just one day having second thoughts and then she's out the door, that would mean she's flighty and fickle and completely unable to have a committed relationship anyway.

 

[Obzocky]

I've read your posts in the break-up thread and can see you took the split very hard, but it also seems that this girl has made up her mind.

Why do many girls lie and say "I still want to be friends" when in reality they seem to want to forget that I exist?

Is this still the stance she seems to have with this relationship? If it is then you really have to examine why you believe she is the one for you, when she does not seem to share this view? Has she hinted that she regrets the breakup, that she wants to be anything more than happy exes? Are you sure she was being entirely truthful about doing the deed after a single day of thinking?

We don't really have a whole lot of information on this, but I would question why you feel so strongly about this woman and how she would feel about getting back together. If she is not interested, at all, and just wants some alone time then it may be better just to sit back and let that happen. It can get really uncomfortable for a girl when a man, regardless of their previous relationship status, continually tries to woo her when she would rather have a cooling off period.

If she has said "lets just be friends" and you cannot be friends tell her. Tell her and then leave it for another month or so, let the feelings cool and see how she feels then.

 

[Marycita]

Uh, it's a figure of speech.

I mean, if I literally could not live without her, I'd be dead.

I know you didn't mean literally...

but if you're saying that, I fear it could be highly close to making her your functional god....I mean, I hope and pray I'm wrong, but most people who speak like that, that's the case...

I still believe what I said before...put her in God's hands and focus on Jesus, if she really is the girl for you, He'll bring you together.

 

[h3sean]

Uh, it's a figure of speech.

I mean, if I literally could not live without her, I'd be dead.

Still, you were able to say such an emotionally powerful statement. It's either you choose your words more carefully or your emotions for her are way over the roof right now...

 

[septemberskies]

Having been in your position... being the person who was dumped, I can tell you that trying to pursue the other person isn't the best thing. They've resolved in their mind that it's over....

If you want to try, just be aware that there is a great chance that you'll be hurt again. Can you deal with that?

Once things were back on rocky grounds, I did my best to avoid conflict and let him have his way. He took advantage of my weakness for him. Nevertheless, I still ran into issues because he continued to cause it and I lied to myself about the problems. It was a no win situation.

Whatever the reason she broke up with you, remember that she ended it. Let her go....

 

[Tabasco]

Is this still the stance she seems to have with this relationship?

No, we started talking more often following that thread.

However, I have decided last night not to pursue her. We talked last night about everything, and it seemed to be very productive... until I said that it is time for me to move on emotionally. I said that for about a month I hoped she would change her mind, and considered fighting for her, but that when it gets down to it, we both know how each other feels, so I should leave it at that. At this point she became very upset with me and told me to leave her alone.

Either she wanted me to pursue her, or she just liked my attention. Either way, I'm done with it and I have a LOT of peace about this decision. Thank you everyone for your feedback.