Should I give in to sex?

[Ahilla]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians, but we had sex before marriage. After a long time of wantingto stop but not wanting to lose him, I finally built up the courage to tell him we need to stop, and I told him a., the reasons. He said he understands my reasons and he agrees, but he keeps doing things that I'm not comfortable with, even after I tell him to stop. Not anything horrible, but I just don't want to even be in that zone anymore. He says it's extremely hard for him and he thinks it would be better if we weaned off slowly..so like we don't have sex, but still do hand stuff and then do less and less. I know I don't want to do that anymore, and I'm good with not doing it, but I don't want to upset him, and I don't want him to like do it himself or anything, you know? I know what I want to say to that, which is "Absolutely not. I can't do that anymore." But I just think he doesn't understand, and I don't know whether I should give in, and if not, how do I explain it to him that I really don't want to do that.

 

[Ginger Sunshyne]

If he can't respect your wishes, then he needs to leave. It's your body. You choose what to do with it. If you have been convicted about it and don't want to do it, DON'T! IT IS YOUR CHOICE! If he can't respect that, then he doesn't respect your faith or you as a person. My husband and I were in the same boat. I told him I wanted to stop, and he honored that. Was it hard? Heck yeah. But we did it. And we got married. And we are better for it.

 

[Saucy]

This is a bold line you have to draw in the sand. I'm talking risk losing him completely if he doesn't respect your wishes. That's a line you have to draw to honor God, and any relationship where he's trying to push you into sinning show he's not a man of integrity, self-control, or respect for your body. Be honest. Be strong. Do not cross that line.

 

[Sketcher]

You know the answer to the question is "no." And I am going to assume that you are not foolish enough to believe that a guy can "taper off" sex.

 

[Another Lazarus]

get married

 

[Zayin7]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians, but we had sex before marriage. After a long time of wantingto stop but not wanting to lose him, I finally built up the courage to tell him we need to stop, and I told him a., the reasons. He said he understands my reasons and he agrees, but he keeps doing things that I'm not comfortable with, even after I tell him to stop. Not anything horrible, but I just don't want to even be in that zone anymore. He says it's extremely hard for him and he thinks it would be better if we weaned off slowly..so like we don't have sex, but still do hand stuff and then do less and less. I know I don't want to do that anymore, and I'm good with not doing it, but I don't want to upset him, and I don't want him to like do it himself or anything, you know? I know what I want to say to that, which is "Absolutely not. I can't do that anymore." But I just think he doesn't understand, and I don't know whether I should give in, and if not, how do I explain it to him that I really don't want to do that.

Get married Or leave him.

He would see you burn in hell fire just so he can satisfy the lust of his flesh.that is not love. When a person coerces you to sin when your repenting of it.they serve the devil. I used to be like him. He is behaving with the flesh as his master walking in the lust of the flesh and of the mind.after the spirit of this world.he loves neither you nor God yet.

-bet if you bust into his pc when he doesn't know you'll find porn history.
Ask him ..look in his eyes And ask "do you look at porn? You'll know the answer without him speaking a word. Then pRay for his repentance.

 

[High Fidelity]

Yep, leave him or marry him.

Concerning the latter, if he knows it's explicitly something you don't want to do and selfishly forces the situation anyway, it's food for thought whether you should marry him at all.

I'd suggest being firm and giving him an ultimatum that you stop or you're gone. If he respects the boundary then perhaps talk about marriage. If not, well, if he won't respect your decision on this, it's an uncertain marriage that lies in wait for you.

 

[Jesus' Follower]

Yep, leave him or marry him.

Concerning the latter, if he knows it's explicitly something you don't want to do and selfishly forces the situation anyway, it's food for thought whether you should marry him at all.

I'd suggest being firm and giving him an ultimatum that you stop or you're gone. If he respects the boundary then perhaps talk about marriage. If not, well, if he won't respect your decision on this, it's an uncertain marriage that lies in wait for you.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[Solomons Porch]

No ma'am, stand your ground in love. If he is the one for you he will stay and be faithful. In the long run he will have mad respect for you. Show him how strong in Christ you can be. Nothing but respect for you, it takes courage to be who you are, now go get em girly

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well if you did "hand things" then you technically had sex to some degree. But depends on what hand things means. For some that just means like someones hand caressed a shirt and felt a body part. For others it means you actually touched a part and helped it to...uh "achieve lift off". If its the later then its really sex. BTW not saying that is an excuse to have all out sex. Just saying you've already crossed the line.

But whatever the case I do realize holding back urges is not easy. But you need to move on if hes not going to respect what you want. Or marry. Though to be honest many will tell others to rush into marriage if they are "horny" but that can also be an issue because if your not ready for marriage, sure you avoid sin by marrying to have sex, but if you divorce because things don't work out then you just traded one sin for another.

Personally I'd rather split up with someone then marry them just because we want sex. I don't want to marry and then get stuck being left because we rushed into it. I'd also say if hes this pushy about it, what else might he be pushy with when married? Maybe he will force you into types of sex you don't want. Or maybe he will push you around to do other things (not sex related).

Also... some men will do most anything to try and get sex out of a girl. Then once they got they may move on or just keep using that person until that person stops giving sex. Then they go on to someone else. So if you decided to tell him you two need a break and he ends up leaving you, then you know what he REALLY wanted out of the "relationship".

 

[RaymondG]

"To have sex" is one of the worse reasons to get married. It seems like you two aren't on the same page. It will be hard, but I believe the best option is to leave this relationship and focus on the relationship you want to have with God.....everything else will be added later.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians, but we had sex before marriage. After a long time of wantingto stop but not wanting to lose him, I finally built up the courage to tell him we need to stop, and I told him a., the reasons. He said he understands my reasons and he agrees, but he keeps doing things that I'm not comfortable with, even after I tell him to stop. Not anything horrible, but I just don't want to even be in that zone anymore. He says it's extremely hard for him and he thinks it would be better if we weaned off slowly..so like we don't have sex, but still do hand stuff and then do less and less. I know I don't want to do that anymore, and I'm good with not doing it, but I don't want to upset him, and I don't want him to like do it himself or anything, you know? I know what I want to say to that, which is "Absolutely not. I can't do that anymore." But I just think he doesn't understand, and I don't know whether I should give in, and if not, how do I explain it to him that I really don't want to do that.

Both of you need to repent.

This isn't the man for you YET, if he can't contain/control himself before marriage he ain't going to do it afterwards either.

Wait, do not marry him until he's repented and is "keeping himself in check"...like honoring your "no" as no.

There no slow weaning, this guy is playing you...he's done this so much that it's become
"second nature" to him...he knows that when you play with fire, you get burned...that's why
he be "burning" and doing his best to get you in the same condition he in...sorry, stop seeing him/break up asap!

You be Christian, that means Christ like, so be Christ like, Follow Christ not the smooth talking
guy who's not honoring the Lord or you.

 

[Oloche Moses Okwori]

It is hard to break such habit but since the wrong thing has been done what is left is to repair. The question is are you guys ready to get married. If so get married but as long as you continue to have sex outside marriage that is sin. You must also avoid the mistake of marrying just for sex. So do the right no matter the result

 

[New_2_this_b_kind]

Hiya, Ahilla!

Ok first off I want to say how brave you are!! It takes guts to make a change this big in your relationship! Esp when sex is soo widely accepted in everything from books to tv to films! Secondly, I would like to say that I have been in you bf's position. My bf of 4 years requested that we stop the physical side of our relationship until we get married...

Was I upset at the time? I am ashamed to say I was.
Did I doubt his attraction to me? I am ashamed to say I did.
Did I resent his choice? I am ashamed to say I did.

But then after looking through countless forums such as this one, and a chat with my new minister (as the name suggests I have only recently found my faith) I realized why my bf wanted to do this, he was worried that if we didn't ask for forgiveness now and abstain until marriage, we wouldn't spend eternity together in heaven when God finally calls us home. And that my dear friend is what helped me see the light (corny I know but I can't think of a better explanation lol). Try explaining it like that to your bf, it's not about not wanting each other or losing attraction cuz we will all hopefully be old and wrinkly with grey hair at some point, beauty fades, true love and partnership in marriage and a committed relationship should last until death do you part!

if he is meant to be with you forever more then he will understand and appreciate that if and when you are ready to be married that you will be his and he yours and you can enjoy each other within the sanctity of married until your hearts and libidos are content.

I really hope this helps. I wish you all the best!

Much love

New_2_this_b_kind xx

 

[Phil 1:21]

If he truly loves and respects you he will honor your wishes. If not, then he doesn't and you need to decide what to do from there.

 

[Goodbook]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians, but we had sex before marriage. After a long time of wantingto stop but not wanting to lose him, I finally built up the courage to tell him we need to stop, and I told him a., the reasons. He said he understands my reasons and he agrees, but he keeps doing things that I'm not comfortable with, even after I tell him to stop. Not anything horrible, but I just don't want to even be in that zone anymore. He says it's extremely hard for him and he thinks it would be better if we weaned off slowly..so like we don't have sex, but still do hand stuff and then do less and less. I know I don't want to do that anymore, and I'm good with not doing it, but I don't want to upset him, and I don't want him to like do it himself or anything, you know? I know what I want to say to that, which is "Absolutely not. I can't do that anymore." But I just think he doesn't understand, and I don't know whether I should give in, and if not, how do I explain it to him that I really don't want to do that.

Dont give in. If he doesnt listen to you dont see him anymore. A person who doesnt even bother to listen to you or understand is the worst person to be with.

Cultivate your relationship with God, We are to please Him not man, and you need to repent because what you just did is made your body into a harlot and your bf is treating you as a harlot. You belong to God, not this so called bf who is not even married to you.

 

[welshman]

Stop what you are doing. The Bible is crystal clear...Flee from temptation and sexual sin. The end result is death. If he does not honour your wishes-leave him. No ifs or buts. Both of you need to repent and...Get an accountability partner e.g. deacon, pastor from church.