Should I end it?

[Lachelle]

You can say I'm experiencing young love, but it is scaring me. I've been talking to this guy for a couple months, almost a year, right after I promised to take God seriously. It been great and I absolutely like him. I've talked to God about it but there is always this sense of doubt in me, that he may not be the one. It feels like everywhere I go, maybe it's me, that I see something and apply it to my relationship, like posts on Instagram about "cutting people off" and "doing better". Even at church, I'm always confused when the preacher mentions a bad distraction, whether they are talking to me. This has always been a problem in all my relationships where it seems wrong, and in a way it felt wrong. However, in this relationship, although there are flaws in him, there is potential in him as well;in a way it doesn't feel like the other relationships I've been in. There are times (frequently)when we text, where are hormones get the best of us and we do tap in the lust and temptation category, but I always bring us back to reality and he does know how I'm waiting till marriage and always apologizes profusely when he steps over the boundaries. He speaks about how he wants to get closer to God, we read the bible every night together, when something bad happens he tells me to pray, and I've taken a break from him before because it felt like God was pushing me to do that and he was very supportive. I see potential in him. I don't know maybe I do already hear God's voice but I times its hard cause there is no verification. When I ask should I cut him off, It's hard to hear the answer. But then a part of me thinks maybe I'm ignoring the answer. I really like this guy and don't want to end it, but I know God knows my future and maybe he's trying to prevent heartbreak . I'm young, 18, and very confused and it seems like my walk with God is never moving forward.

 

[JeffofGallifrey]

You can say I'm experiencing young love, but it is scaring me. I've been talking to this guy for a couple months, almost a year, right after I promised to take God seriously. It been great and I absolutely like him. I've talked to God about it but there is always this sense of doubt in me, that he may not be the one. It feels like everywhere I go, maybe it's me, that I see something and apply it to my relationship, like posts on Instagram about "cutting people off" and "doing better". Even at church, I'm always confused when the preacher mentions a bad distraction, whether they are talking to me. This has always been a problem in all my relationships where it seems wrong, and in a way it felt wrong. However, in this relationship, although there are flaws in it, there is potential in him as well, in a way it doesn't feel like the other relationships I've been in. There are times (frequently)when we text, where are hormones get the best of us and we do tap in the lust and temptation category, but I always bring us back to reality and he does know how I'm waiting till marriage and always apologizes profusely when he steps over the boundaries. He speaks about how he wants to get closer to God, we read the bible every night together, when something bad happens he tells me to pray, and I've taken a break from him before because it felt like God was pushing me to do that and he was very supportive. I see potential in him. I don't know maybe I do already hear God's voice but I times its hard cause there is no verification. When I ask should I cut him off, It's hard to hear the answer. But then a part of me thinks maybe I'm ignoring the answer. I really like this guy and don't want to end it, but I know God knows my future and maybe he's trying to prevent heartbreak . I'm young, 18, and very confused and it seems like my walk with God is never moving forward.

I can't give you definitive advice about what to do in this relationshio, but I can point out a few things that stood out to me.

First, you say that this is scaring you, that your relationship isn't moving forward, and that you've felt God tell you to take a break from them before. All of these point to trouble...
When God told you to take a break from this relationship, did God tell you to go back, or did you decide to go back?

Also... twice, you mentioned that you see potential in him. The fact that you're repeating that after almost a year isn't a good sign.

Do you mean that he has potential to turn into the man of your dreams? If so, you need to look at him for who he is now. There's an old saying, "don't date potential."

It's also possible you mean there's a potential chance of you two falling in love. But, if you've known him this long, you need to ask, "Is this working?" (yes/no) instead of "could this work?" (potentially/no)

One last thing: don't spend too much time looking for clues from the outside and applying every Instagram post to your daily life. Try to see this relationship through your own eyes, not through goggles strangers give you.

 

[Lachelle]

I can't give you definitive advice about what to do in this relationshio, but I can point out a few things that stood out to me.

First, you say that this is scaring you, that your relationship isn't moving forward, and that you've felt God tell you to take a break from them before. All of these point to trouble...
When God told you to take a break from this relationship, did God tell you to go back, or did you decide to go back?

Also... twice, you mentioned that you see potential in him. The fact that you're repeating that after almost a year isn't a good sign.

Do you mean that he has potential to turn into the man of your dreams? If so, you need to look at him for who he is now. There's an old saying, "don't date potential."

It's also possible you mean there's a potential chance of you two falling in love. But, if you've known him this long, you need to ask, "Is this working?" (yes/no) instead of "could this work?" (potentially/no)

One last thing: don't spend too much time looking for clues from the outside and applying every Instagram post to your daily life. Try to see this relationship through your own eyes, not through goggles strangers give you.

When I said "potential" I meant as in he isnt perfect but I see he wants to change and is trying to build his relationship with God. He wants to. But I see the point of did God tell you to go back but for me I didn't know if he wanted me to take the break in the first place. I wanna hear God's voice more but I can admit I'd be scared of his response. I really don't know If I'm worrying too much or since there is no peace, then it's not right. I really don't know. When I say I'm scared I mean I'm scared that If I let my walls down and fall in love with him he'd hurt me and then I'd look back and say I should've listened to my worries. I guess I'm just trying to figure everything out and preventing myself from feeling unnecessary pain.

 

[SnowyMacie]

You can say I'm experiencing young love, but it is scaring me. I've been talking to this guy for a couple months, almost a year, right after I promised to take God seriously. It been great and I absolutely like him. I've talked to God about it but there is always this sense of doubt in me, that he may not be the one. It feels like everywhere I go, maybe it's me, that I see something and apply it to my relationship, like posts on Instagram about "cutting people off" and "doing better". Even at church, I'm always confused when the preacher mentions a bad distraction, whether they are talking to me. This has always been a problem in all my relationships where it seems wrong, and in a way it felt wrong. However, in this relationship, although there are flaws in him, there is potential in him as well;in a way it doesn't feel like the other relationships I've been in. There are times (frequently)when we text, where are hormones get the best of us and we do tap in the lust and temptation category, but I always bring us back to reality and he does know how I'm waiting till marriage and always apologizes profusely when he steps over the boundaries. He speaks about how he wants to get closer to God, we read the bible every night together, when something bad happens he tells me to pray, and I've taken a break from him before because it felt like God was pushing me to do that and he was very supportive. I see potential in him. I don't know maybe I do already hear God's voice but I times its hard cause there is no verification. When I ask should I cut him off, It's hard to hear the answer. But then a part of me thinks maybe I'm ignoring the answer. I really like this guy and don't want to end it, but I know God knows my future and maybe he's trying to prevent heartbreak . I'm young, 18, and very confused and it seems like my walk with God is never moving forward.

Are you dating this guy or not? You don't refer to him as your boyfriend, but simply a guy you are talking to...for months. It sounds to me like you are stuck in this loop because you are looking for a sign or something to tell you want to do, when in reality the choice is ultimately yours. God can open all kinds of doors and show us all kinds of paths, but we have to walk through them. In other words, perhaps the reason neither this relationship nor your own personal walk is going anywhere is because you must choose where you want to go.

When I said "potential" I meant as in he isnt perfect but I see he wants to change and is trying to build his relationship with God. He wants to. But I see the point of did God tell you to go back but for me I didn't know if he wanted me to take the break in the first place. I wanna hear God's voice more but I can admit I'd be scared of his response. I really don't know If I'm worrying too much or since there is no peace, then it's not right. I really don't know. When I say I'm scared I mean I'm scared that If I let my walls down and fall in love with him he'd hurt me and then I'd look back and say I should've listened to my worries. I guess I'm just trying to figure everything out and preventing myself from feeling unnecessary pain.

1) The perfect person does not exist.

2) Being vulnerable is the risk we all must take if when we choose to love. It sucks, but the truth is you can't be in a relationship if you never let your walls down and fall in love with another person. I understand the fear, I really do, I was crippled at the thought of rejection when I was younger to the point where I didn't even talk to girls. I've never regretted a relationship, I've regretting ending them or cowarding out and not starting one, but I've never regretted the time in between those two. That time is worth the rest.

 

[mojoboy31]

You can say I'm experiencing young love, but it is scaring me. I've been talking to this guy for a couple months, almost a year, right after I promised to take God seriously. It been great and I absolutely like him. I've talked to God about it but there is always this sense of doubt in me, that he may not be the one. It feels like everywhere I go, maybe it's me, that I see something and apply it to my relationship, like posts on Instagram about "cutting people off" and "doing better". Even at church, I'm always confused when the preacher mentions a bad distraction, whether they are talking to me. This has always been a problem in all my relationships where it seems wrong, and in a way it felt wrong. However, in this relationship, although there are flaws in him, there is potential in him as well;in a way it doesn't feel like the other relationships I've been in. There are times (frequently)when we text, where are hormones get the best of us and we do tap in the lust and temptation category, but I always bring us back to reality and he does know how I'm waiting till marriage and always apologizes profusely when he steps over the boundaries. He speaks about how he wants to get closer to God, we read the bible every night together, when something bad happens he tells me to pray, and I've taken a break from him before because it felt like God was pushing me to do that and he was very supportive. I see potential in him. I don't know maybe I do already hear God's voice but I times its hard cause there is no verification. When I ask should I cut him off, It's hard to hear the answer. But then a part of me thinks maybe I'm ignoring the answer. I really like this guy and don't want to end it, but I know God knows my future and maybe he's trying to prevent heartbreak . I'm young, 18, and very confused and it seems like my walk with God is never moving forward.

If you're feeling doubts, you should try to pin them down. Something is giving you pause, but it doesn't sound like you know exactly what it is. If you can figure out exactly what's making you hesitate, then you can decide whether or not to accept those things and move forward, or to not accept them, and end it.

It sounds like going on like you are now isn't working for you, and could potentially harm you.

 

[blackribbon]

Are you at a place in your life where you can consider marriage as a real option? If not, this sounds like a dangerous relationship if you plan to stay chaste. If you are considering him as a marriage partner...and he is on the same page, maybe it is time to get some "couple's counseling". If you are not at a point where marriage is an option, then it is time to slow it down a little bit and focus on friendship and less on "being a couple".

The criteria I used before getting married was "could I see living my life without this man?"...and I married the person that I could honestly say that I absolutely did not want to live my life without him. I also married him "as is" ... and although, I hoped his potential would show, I knew I had to love him forever even if it didn't happen. Too many women marry "potential" and then are disappointed when it doesn't blossom the way they hope it will. Too many divorces are based on "I grew but you didn't" or "I outgrew you".

You are very young to be thinking about marriage. However, for some people it does work so I won't make a call like that.

And if you are not in a real life relationship where you see each other on a daily basis (or at least frequently), then it really isn't much of a "relationship" yet and I think you are putting the cart way before the horse.

And please don't take those little quotes on instagram or other social media sites as relationship advice or messages from God. Some have good bones and others are totally wrong and completely flawed ideology ...but they really are only keys to what the poster is going through at this moment, not wisdom for all.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

You can say I'm experiencing young love, but it is scaring me.....

This has always been a problem in all my relationships where it seems wrong, and in a way it felt wrong. However, in this relationship, although there are flaws in him, there is potential in him as well;in a way it doesn't feel like the other relationships I've been in. There are times (frequently)when we text, where are hormones get the best of us and we do tap in the lust and temptation category, but I always bring us back to reality and he does know how I'm waiting till marriage and always apologizes profusely when he steps over the boundaries.....

I really like this guy and don't want to end it, but I know God knows my future and maybe he's trying to prevent heartbreak . I'm young, 18, and very confused and it seems like my walk with God is never moving forward.

I would recommend you don't look at marriage at this age.

I know a lot of people who have married too young and they have ended up in divorce/bad situation.

You are still too young to know yourself properly or what you want in life.

If you are struggling to not verge into fornication, then the temptation is only going to get greater.

I also know a lot of people who have committed fornication, and they greatly regret it later on.

Value chastity and get to know yourself and what you want in life, rather then getting caught up in a thing of the moment relationship.

This is my opinion of course, others or yourself might not like it, but I base this on the experiences of friends who have been there.

 

[blackribbon]

I would recommend you don't look at marriage at this age.

I know a lot of people who have married too young and they have ended up in divorce/bad situation.

You are still too young to know yourself properly or what you want in life.

If you are struggling to not verge into fornication, then the temptation is only going to get greater.

I also know a lot of people who have committed fornication, and they greatly regret it later on.

Value chastity and get to know yourself and what you want in life, rather then getting caught up in a thing of the moment relationship.

This is my opinion of course, others or yourself might not like it, but I base this on the experiences of friends who have been there.

Kohl....Your signature line gives the opposite advice.

 

[redblue22]

do what you want; really what difference does it make? in time you might meet someone else or you might not meet anyone. either way, so what? I don't see what you are choosing or losing. why so serious? what could be the harm? or should I ask a different question? are you having sex?

 

[sarah_beloved]

From your description, you are mostly praising him. So what is it that is causing you to be so fearful or confused? Pin down the reason. Otherwise this feeling of doubt is going to follow into the relationship and the marriage, if it happens, and you are not going to like it.

 

[redblue22]

is she even marriage age yet?

 

[sarah_beloved]

Did she mention that she is thinking of marriage now? I can only find the part about her waiting till marriage, but nothing that she has plans for marriage in the near future.

Or did I miss something?

 

[blackribbon]

Did she mention that she is thinking of marriage now? I can only find the part about her waiting till marriage, but nothing that she has plans for marriage in the near future.

Or did I miss something?

She is talking about having difficulties with the physical attraction issues....which if you are at that point where you are struggling with this, then you have to make some hard decisions if you want to wait for marriage...either step back in the relationship area or get married.... There is only so long you can play with fire before you get burned. The reason why dating before you are old enough to consider marriage isn't always a good thing. Putting a relationship on a "holding pattern" for years while waiting for both parties to finish growing up and becoming ready for marriage is not really a very good plan in most cases.

 

[sarah_beloved]

She is talking about having difficulties with the physical attraction issues....which if you are at that point where you are struggling with this, then you have to make some hard decisions if you want to wait for marriage...either step back in the relationship area or get married.... There is only so long you can play with fire before you get burned. The reason why dating before you are old enough to consider marriage isn't always a good thing. Putting a relationship on a "holding pattern" for years while waiting for both parties to finish growing up and becoming ready for marriage is not really a very good plan in most cases.

Ah, I see.
Thanks for explaining!

 

[blackribbon]

Christian girls tend to lose their virginity before marriage because they "fall in love" long before they are at a stage where they can consider marriage (in college, parent's don't approve, can't support themselves) but when things get passionate, it starts to cloud their judgement and they tend to start to think "well, we love each other and we are going to get married anyway so maybe it doesn't matter so much"...and they believe the line that "he needs a release" (and hormones at that age do take over logical thinking for both parties) ... and forever decisions are made in the dark of the night when hormones are at all time highs...

Then life continues to happen and they often don't get married...whether or not it is related to the lost trust they have in each other after breaking a vow to each other and God about keeping pure. And the cycle continues because they want to erase that memory or make it less important...and "honestly, does it matter anymore since I am no longer a virgin?" ... and the cycle goes on.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

Kohl....Your signature line gives the opposite advice.

I guess I should add a disclaimer: excludes thread http://www.christianforums.com/threads/should-i-end-it.7938275

 

[EyesOfKohl]

Did she mention that she is thinking of marriage now? I can only find the part about her waiting till marriage, but nothing that she has plans for marriage in the near future.

Or did I miss something?

But if you're not at an age where you are going to marry

What is the use of dating at 18 years old?

Especially when you admit you're struggling with temptation and nothing is going to come further of a fling.

 

[Goodbook]

Listen to God and do what he says or is nudging you to do.
You won't regret it. He is always right.

Let God also work on this boy/lad/chap without you around. The real test for a man is..can they have faith without a woman in the picture? If they do, then they are actually worthy of a woman's consideration. So step back.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Don't look for an ABSOLUTE destination here. Just enjoy knowing him, and don't stress too much about the ins and outs at this stage. You've got years ahead of you to see how this plays out. So please, don't do anything irrational. Because I think you'd regret it; he sounds like a nice lad to me. And it sounds as if you both enjoy each others company. (That's a gift from God if there ever was one.)

Also, don't try to guess too much about what God's intentions are either. I know that sounds like AWFUL advice, but you'll honestly drive yourself mad trying to understand His plan. As life unfolds for you it'll all become more apparent when you look back through time to where you are at that present moment. The future doesn't even exist, so don't place such a focus on it.

As for lust? Ha, don't worry about that too much. That's just a little nudge for you to get closer to him. Don't see it as anything sinister - not unless you felt that way about him, his friends, AND all of his co-workers.

 

[CCHIPSS]

When I said "potential" I meant as in he isnt perfect but I see he wants to change and is trying to build his relationship with God. He wants to. But I see the point of did God tell you to go back but for me I didn't know if he wanted me to take the break in the first place. I wanna hear God's voice more but I can admit I'd be scared of his response. I really don't know If I'm worrying too much or since there is no peace, then it's not right. I really don't know. When I say I'm scared I mean I'm scared that If I let my walls down and fall in love with him he'd hurt me and then I'd look back and say I should've listened to my worries. I guess I'm just trying to figure everything out and preventing myself from feeling unnecessary pain.

1) I had an EX GF before my current GF. We didn't have sex. Let me tell you that there has been absolutely no regret on my side when I tell my current GF about my EX. In fact I can honestly say that dating my EX GF made me into a much better person and BF. That experience was very valuable to me.

Back then I honestly did loved my EX GF. But I didn't want to be her regret at all. And I didn't want her to be mine regret. I refused to assume that she would be my wife, until we are married. So I stood firm on what God clearly said. And now looking back I clearly made the right choice.

So if it is pain that you are worry about, don't worry the pain won't be that bad. I mean for the first 5-6 weeks after I broke up with my EX, my heart was torn and I thought that I will never recover. But time does heal. And as long as you didn't do anything regretful, I am sure you can recover from that pain of a lost of relationship.

That said God always forgives. So even if you do something regretful it is not the end. The whole point is God loves us and can make great things out of our bad pasts. It will just make it more painful and more regretful when you meet your next Christian BF that's all. I want to spare you from that extra pain for both him and you.

Conclusion: You cannot prevent pain. But God will help you recover.

2) As for if he is the one, it is important to look for Christ-like characteristics in him. If he is truly filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit, you will start seeing young fruits of the spirit in him.

Galatians 5:22-23

Look at it directly. Do you see patience in him sometimes, or do you always have to remind him to be patient? Do you see self-control in him sometimes, or do you always have to remind him to have self-control?

1 Corinthians 13

Once again look at it directly. Do you see him being arrogant and proud, or does he try very hard to be humble and serve others? Does he feel happy when you succeed in following God and encourage/support you when you fail, or does he feel "happy" when you fail in following God so he has an excuse to get angry at you?

Ephesians 5

Does he literally see you as more important than himself? Husbands are asked to give up their lives for their wife, just as Christ gave up his life for the church.

Secular traits are important too. Handsome, tall, muscular, good career, house, money, smart, funny, etc. However these are superficial and can disappear like the wind. Looks will fade. Muscles will become a fat stomach. Career might be lost tomorrow. House might get foreclosed. Jokes will get old. If anyone's faith is in these secular and superficial things, their marriage will depend on luck. Their marriage would depend on the world. But Godly traits won't fail. A gentle person is gentle, no matter what kind of money he is making. At the very least when his sinful nature comes out (we all have sinful nature) and he wasn't gentle, he will repent and see his errors.

If a person makes a lot of money but isn't gentle in his heart, let us all pray that he will always make a lot of money. Because the very second that he doesn't make a lot of money, he might go consume alcohol and beat his wife. Same thing for a person who has power over others but isn't gentle. Just wait till he sees the slightest risk of his power getting reduced. Then we will see his true self.

As Christians we must change our mind set. Prioritize Godly traits over secular traits when we pick our spouses.

If both partners love each other in a Godly way, they maximize their chance of success in a marriage. Of course this does not guarantee a divorce will never happen. But look at it fairly. If a husband literally sees his wife as more important than himself all the time, why would the wife leave? And even if she does leave, the fault is not with the husband. The husband cannot force the wife to love him. God doesn't force anyone to love himself neither.