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Should I divorce?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by aphelps28, Sep 26, 2017.

  1. aphelps28

    aphelps28 New Member

    In Relationship
    My husband is addicted to gambling. His gambling has gotten SO bad and no matter what I do he finds new and creative ways to gamble. He has literally gambled almost every month of our marriage but now instead of gambling small money he gambles entire paychecks. I have tried everything. He was depositing his checks into my account but then he opened a new account and had his entire check deposited into this secret account. He told me for a week and a half his manager forgot to submit his time sheet. Me and his son went without because of it. Finally after a week and a half of no check I knew he had gambled. It wasnt like an impulse, this time is was cold and calculated. A year ago he told me he was going to play cards with some friends and then I discovered he was on a date with another woman an hour away from us instead. I am not even over it. Nothing happened sexually. He pretended to be from ireland, faked an accent, faked his name, said he didn't have kids. To me that is purely insane. He made dating pages and was talking to several women. She was just the first one who wanted to meet up. Everytime he lies and gambles I am in turmoil over everything all over again. He also watches porn he doesnt do it as often but still does it. He always searches teen porn so he can watch 18 and 19 year olds or women in their 20s who lool younger. I am 8 years younger than him already. He is in his 30s I am in my 20s. I pretty much dont know why I want to work it out anymore. He promises to change but nothing changes. He can only keep up the act for so long then he starts doing everything again. I know god doesnt like divorce and I am so broken. I am so unhappy. I had two nightmares in a row last night he was cheating on me and then being cold hearted to me. I have nightmares like that a lot. I dont know what God wants me to do? I am dying inside. I hate my life with him. I love him but hate what he is doing to me. So man lies on top of lies. I feel like if I divorced him I would want to die and he would maybe actually kill himself. I am so lost and in despair. I feel so alone in this. I have to hide it from everyone. I am tired of lying for him. I am tired of feeling so awful. I have been disrespected and he just wants it to be fine. I love him and hate him. I feel like God is punishing me. What should I do?
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  2. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    So sorry.

    Malachi: "He hateth putting away".
  3. Willing-heart

    Willing-heart In Christ Alone. Supporter

    United Kingdom
    My heart breaks for you after reading your post. First of all, and above all else, you must seek God and bring forth all these issues to our Heavenly Father. Marriage is work, even if it made in Heaven, we have to do the maintenance work here on earth. Keep praying without ceasing and also seek a Christian counsellor for both of you, preferrably someone you can trust from your local church. May God help you when you cry out to Him.
  4. Paul of Eugene OR

    Paul of Eugene OR Finally Old Enough Supporter

    It is not necessary to divorce to live separately and safely.
  5. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Praying without ceasing

    United States
    :praying: Praying for you. God bless you. God's will be done. In Jesus' name. Amen.
  6. Soyeong

    Soyeong Well-Known Member

    You should seek a Christian marriage counselor immediately.
  7. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    Imo, you should separate so that you are not affected anymore by his financial issues resulting from gambling. A separation will tell you a lot - how he responds to a separation will give you an indication of whether he is willing to seek help or continue in his ways. It will also absolve you of financial responsibility if he happens to incur debts - as long as you can prove you are separated, so make sure you file the separation with the courts.

    During a separation, you can seek counsel on whether to pursue divorce. Divorce is not sin. It is not ideal, but God made concession for distressed marriages that are beyond repair. But this is not a decision you need to make now, and certainly do not make it lightly.
  8. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    An intervention is definitely necessary. Does he have any friends or family who can speak the truth to him and help hold him accountable?
  9. DreamerOfTheHeart

    DreamerOfTheHeart I Am What I Am

    United States

    The fornication bit is grounds for divorce, but understand he is sick, and try to get him help. That is not "him" but sin in him which is taking him for a ride.

    You should consider separation before divorce, I would suggest. I think you probably agree with me, he is better then that, but has an issue.

    I would also suggest IMMEDIATELY, get him an MRI and explain to the doctor his symptoms, as these behaviors are symptomatic of a brain tumor. (I know there is no posting medical advice, and I am not, I am stating go and see a doctor.)