Should I Continue to Go to Church or Not?

[GuyNad]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

 

[1watchman]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

There are several issues mentioned here. Going to Church should be for learning about God, and His "...great salvation" for eternity in His beloved Son; and to be worshipping Him, and study of the Bible, etc. So, it depends on what kind of church group you choose to go to and why.

Being involved with a woman who is not free from her marriage is contrary to God. If you want to learn about Church truth, I would suggest you visit the site at Biblecounsel.net to see what a Bible-only assembly should be as God directs for us. Pray much and first seek God's leading for your life apart from any other consideration. That would be my counsel, friend.

 

[Peter J Barban]

The ideal solution would be:
1. You both get marriage/pre-marriage counseling from a good marriage counselor.
2. You both voluntarily stop living together/having sex until you marry each other.
3. You both go (at least weekly) to the best church in your area that is comfortable ministering to divorced/remarried people.

You are free to do as you please, but if you follow these steps you will have the best chance to please God and have a strong foundation for your relationship.

 

[GuyNad]

Being involved with a woman who is not free from her marriage is contrary to God. If you want to learn about Church truth, I would suggest you visit the site at Biblecounsel.net to see what a Bible-only assembly should be as God directs for us. Pray much and first seek God's leading for your life apart from any other consideration. That would be my counsel, friend.[/QUOTE]

Thanks

 

[GuyNad]

The ideal solution would be:
1. You both get marriage/pre-marriage counseling from a good marriage counselor.
2. You both voluntarily stop living together/having sex until you marry each other.
3. You both go (at least weekly) to the best church in your area that is comfortable ministering to divorced/remarried people.

You are free to do as you please, but if you follow these steps you will have the best chance to please God and have a strong foundation for your relationship.

Thanks

 

[Peter J Barban]

I have a dating advice site, that is not for Christians only, and here are a couple of articles that might help you:

Guide to dating a divorced woman

Should dating couples go to church together?

 

[trophy33]

I wonder, when Jesus said that a woman is bound to her husband until he dies, how can we date/marry a divorced woman?

 

[LynnSmith]

There’s a saying about the church being a hospital for sinners. You are in sin. And so is everyone else in a church. Only one sinless person has ever, will ever walk this Earth. And you go to church to grow in relationship with Him.

 

[Peter J Barban]

In the past, I have had Christian roommates that were divorced. In both cases, their wives left them and divorced them against their will. At least one wife later remarried.

Both of these Christian men eventually got married. While it would have been better if they could stay celibate/single, getting married was better than burning with desire and falling into worse sin.

Likewise, many pastors will accept divorce due to spousal abuse. If you have ever counseled someone who is being abused, it is very difficult to tell them the only way to please God is to submit to an abusive husband/wife until death.

My general approach is to avoid demanding perfection in others and instead help them find the most God-pleasing actions that they are willing to commit to. The rest is discipleship- helping people move closer and closer to Christ in love and obedience.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

It depends on how tolerant your church is. If they are a legalistic, judgmental crowd, I would steer well clear of them and not even go back when you are married. But, my view of church is that it is a place of fellowship and that it should be supportive of you, because when people point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at themselves.

You are better off fellowshiping in a church of supportive believers who can assist you to get through your situation in an environment of love, then you will be much better off if you decided to keep clear of the church for the wrong reasons.

 

[Bobber]

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

I'm just curious as to why you've made this issue about church? Why shouldn't the question be should I be doing what I'm doing that is being with a woman you're not married with. It's like you're saying I'm going to continue doing this thing and what God thinks about it is not important. So tell us what do you actually think God in the Bible thinks about what you're doing not how the church responds to you.

Don't get me wrong I'm not seeking to be judgmental towards you but your question of what is right or wrong seems like a diversion of the real issue.

 

[Dave-W]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

We are getting away from the OP question.

Yes; continue to go to church. Study the bible. Pray a LOT. If you have sex with her while she is still married it is adultery. Don't do that.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

You should definitely continue going to church and get married as soon as possible even if you can’t afford to get married the way you would like you should at least get married by a JOP so you will not live in sin. You can always save up to have a nice wedding ceremony afterwards.

 

[Dave L]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

Divorce is not provided for in the New Testament. It was an Old Testament provision. My advise would be to remain single or marry someone not already married.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

You are not free to marry her at present. The question you should ask is whether you should separate from her until you are married. The answer to that is 'yes'.

 

[nonaeroterraqueous]

...and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her....

As someone else noted, Jesus said that divorce and remarriage is adultery. Waiting for her to get a divorce, and then marrying her, doesn't change the circumstances. It only looks better on the surface.

I won't advise you to abandon church, but I don't think that you're waiting for anything that will make a difference in the matter.

 

[Albion]

GuyNad,

I am another one who thinks you are worrying about the moral implications of the wrong thing, but that aside, I feel that you should put even MORE attention on churchgoing.

Specifically, not just attendance but straightening out your relationship.

This means consulting a spiritual advisor, pastor, etc. about the right way for you to proceed with regard to that issue. Doing that will of course also involve you in churchgoing, but it will not stop with that alone.

For the sake of this discussion here, I am not going to say where, exactly, you stand with remarriage, or not, or her divorce or any of that, but you need to find out.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

Stop having sex until you are married! It is not the other way around...stop going to church until I get married. Get your priorities in order. God first and that means obedience. Celibacy while in a relationship is difficult but one thing it does do is bring you both closer to the Lord.

 

[Josheb]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

Yes, you should continue to go to church. Fellowship and corporate worship should not be neglected; they are necessary "spiritual disciplines." I suspect had by been more intimately involved with men in your congregation this post wouldn't have been posted. The men in your fellowship certainly would have and should have told you not to become romantically involved with a still-married woman.

Which brings me to the more salient matter. Not only should you get yourself back into fellowship and corporate worship but the current relationship needs to be ended until her divorce is finalized and I would encourage you to reconsider it altogether. Why? Because this is a woman who has been abused and not yet healed. Because she is an adulteress (I mean that factually, not judgmentally). Because she's collaborated with the compromising of your own faith-walk. Because the likelihood of a successful relationship is low.

I'm a professional marriage counselor, GuyNad. Statistically speaking, the long-term success rate of partners marrying who began in adultery is only 4%. Seriously. Look it up (Glass, 2003). Two other significant correlates with divorce are cohabitation and premarital sex. If these are also occurring you're stacking the deck against your own marital success.

If your partner has been abused in her marriage then she is suffering from trauma, either acute or post. He self has been compromised and it is likely dependency issues she's not even aware of are at play in your relationship so neither of you are you would be if meeting after she'd healed from the abuse.

Whatever else is going on... the answer to the question asked is, "Yes, it is okay if you go to church and you should definitely be going back to church. You should be getting connected to those in whatever congregation with whom you can share these concerns and those who can speak truth into your life." I would encourage you and your partner to pic up a copy of the book "Boundaries," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and read it. I would also encourage her to pick up a copy of "Healing is a Choice," by Stephen Arterburn. "Disciplines for the Christian Life" will serve you well, too.

 

[Josheb]

I am with a woman since December 2012 now and we're not married because when I met her, she was not divorced yet.

She came out from an abuse marriage. That's the reason she's not with her husband anymore.

But my intention is to marry her when the divorce is finalized.

Now, I started to go to church recently, and wonder if I should stop going to church until I finally marry her or if it is okay for me to go still?

What do you think?

Yes, you should continue to go to church. Fellowship and corporate worship should not be neglected; they are necessary "spiritual disciplines." I suspect had by been more intimately involved with men in your congregation this post wouldn't have been posted. The men in your fellowship certainly would have and should have told you not to become romantically involved with a still-married woman.

Which brings me to the more salient matter. Not only should you get yourself back into fellowship and corporate worship but the current relationship needs to be ended until her divorce is finalized and I would encourage you to reconsider it altogether. Why? Because this is a woman who has been abused and not yet healed. Because she is an adulteress (I mean that factually, not judgmentally). Because she's collaborated with the compromising of your own faith-walk. Because the likelihood of a successful relationship is low.

I'm a professional marriage counselor, GuyNad. Statistically speaking, the long-term success rate of partners marrying who began in adultery is only 4%. Seriously. Look it up (Glass, 2003). Two other significant correlates with divorce are cohabitation and premarital sex. If these are also occurring you're stacking the deck against your own marital success.

If your partner has been abused in her marriage then she is suffering from trauma, either acute or post. He self has been compromised and it is likely dependency issues she's not even aware of are at play in your relationship so neither of you are you would be if meeting after she'd healed from the abuse.

Whatever else is going on... the answer to the question asked is, "Yes, it is okay if you go to church and you should definitely be going back to church. You should be getting connected to those in whatever congregation with whom you can share these concerns and those who can speak truth into your life." I would encourage you and your partner to pic up a copy of the book "Boundaries," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and read it. I would also encourage her to pick up a copy of "Healing is a Choice," by Stephen Arterburn. "Disciplines for the Christian Life" will serve you well, too.