Should I continue attending my Church?

[tripleseven]

Hi all

I am wondering if you can give me some advice on what I should do. Basically, I am feeling extremely despondent about my current church and am questioning whether I should continue attending my current church or if I should consider another Church.

What has basically led up to this is the following.

My church was a mission established church in my country and used to be extremely passionate, community outgoing and just "felt filled with the Spirit" if you get my meaning.

However, that pastor eventually left back to his country, and a new local pastor took over the church.

The first issue that bugged me was the way he approached a member of the congregation. We were having a study at his home when a member called in tears saying her teen daughter was throwing a tantrum and locked herself in her room. This member begged the pastor in tears if he could speak to her daughter, even over the phone, to calm her down. The pastor point blank refused, said he will not get involved, and told her to call the police if she wanted help with her daughter.

the next issue hit much closer to home. I am a single male who lives by himself. My family live hundreds of miles away in other cities so I am really on my own. One day, I had to go into the hospital for an emergency gall bladder removal. I was scared and felt completely alone, so phoned my pastor to ask if he cant maybe come over to the hospital for an hour or so just to keep me company and pray for me. His response? Sorry, too busy, he cant come over but good luck. Not once during my stay did I hear from him (or any other member of the congregation for that matter). That was the time I truly felt totally alone. Even after returning home, during my recovery period I desperately needed help for transport, buying food and even just day to day activities for cooking, as it was extremely risky I could tear my stitches and get infection if I over exerted myself. I asked for help from the congregation and pastor. the response? Sorry.....too busy...cant help. can understand some people can't, but not even 1 person tried to help me even for a day or something? I think that was the moment my passion for church well and truly died. A Christian family? During the one time I needed them, they basically told me to get lost. Btw I did find someone to help me, from a friend who does not attend my church.

This then led to me to stop going to Church for a couple of weeks. I got one call from Pastor and Deacon who asked where I was. I explained and said I just need some time to clear my head and then I will come back. Then the next thing, I got a letter in the post informing me that my membership to the church was cancelled because I was not attending.

(in case you were wondering, I was very active in my church, leading bible studies, volunteered at holiday bible club, was a deacon for a year, on the music team etc. But this was mostly when the old pastor was still around; under this pastor most of these things such as my Bible study etc have been cancelled by him as he wants to lead everything himself or says there is no money to hold such an activity, etc).

I am so angry and depressed, I don't even know if I want to attend any church anymore. What I have picked up is that churches are populated by hypocrites, all saintly on the outside when a passionate pastor is in charge but when you do need them they show their true colours. I just feel so desperately alone now and I am now at the stage where my faith is floundering and my whole outlook on Christianity is very bleak

Is there any advice anyone can give me? Am I over reacting to how I feel about my Church's reaction to my situation? I am so lost

 

[tripleseven]

Mods - if you feel there is a better sub-forum for this thread - please feel free to move it there.

 

[HereIStand]

Sorry to read this. This sounds terrible. Sometimes churches don't show the compassion that they should. I would try to find a another church in the area. God bless.

 

[sfs]

It sounds like you're having a reasonable reaction to really disappointing behavior from your church. Sure, every church will have hypocrites in it, and everybody is hypocritical some of the time, but nothing in what you say about your church makes it sound like a healthy place for you to be. Find another church.

 

[Albion]

Is there any advice anyone can give me? Am I over reacting to how I feel about my Church's reaction to my situation? I am so lost

Hi. No, I wouldn't say that you are overreacting. What to do about it is another question. The problem itself is common--a pastor who is fine leaves for some reason, so another one has to be called and he turns out to be a disappointment. But the unexpected dismissal of you from membership seems much less forgivable IMO.

Therefore, and presuming that you will not miss the people of this congregation (or something else) if you switch to another...I would say to look around.

 

[SkyWriting]

I am wondering if you can give me some advice on what I should do.

I highly recommend attending a different church every week.
It's a great way to learn what type of group works best
for you. Even the same denominations have a hugely
different "feel" to them. Of course if it feels right and
they invite you back, go ahead.

My wife and I attended churches all over town before
settling in one for a couple years.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[rockytopva]

Testimony of a lady getting healed followed by RW Schambach telling of the importance of good church leadership....

 

[Sketcher]

If nothing else, this seems to point out the shortcomings of having one guy - the pastor - be the point of contact for things that a pastor shouldn't necessarily be responsible for. The church should have someone you can contact in your hospital situation, and perhaps the pastor himself should follow up when he becomes available. But if he's running it like a one-man show which is what it seems like from what you told us, then yeah, that's going to happen.

What to do about your situation specifically - if you're not close to anyone at your church, find one that is bigger and better organized.

 

[tripleseven]

Thanks so much for the feedback so far guys, much appreciated.

Gives me a lot to think about. I am just scared I might get caught end up going to a similar church. Really need to try be more discerning.

 

[akaDaScribe]

Can you contact the original pastor and ask him if he knows of any solid churches?

 

[Heavenhome]

None of what you have described sound remotely a Christian response to someone in need- and a member of the congregation, so I would be leaving.
I pray you will find a church home that will truly reflect what Church should be: followers of our Lord Jesus who love and care for one another. You will know when you find it.

 

[Paidiske]

I would write to the board (or whatever the governing structure of the church is) and outline your concerns. They can't fix what they can't see.

My guess - and it's just a guess - would be that there are some issues around what the pastor's role is, and what the church expects of him. I can't fathom not going to see someone being admitted to hospital as an emergency, but I also know that every time I do something like that, all the rest of the work is still there... and there's a physical limit to how much anyone can do in a day or a week. If the church is expecting too much (or too much of the wrong things) from your pastor, then that will flow on to him not being able to do the things you'd really want him to do. He and the board (or whatever) may need to have a long conversation about roles, expectations, and how work is shared amongst a team.

But in the meantime, it does sound like it's time to look around at other churches. Not every church is like this, so don't give up hope of finding a workable Christian community!

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi all

I am wondering if you can give me some advice on what I should do. Basically, I am feeling extremely despondent about my current church and am questioning whether I should continue attending my current church or if I should consider another Church.

What has basically led up to this is the following.

My church was a mission established church in my country and used to be extremely passionate, community outgoing and just "felt filled with the Spirit" if you get my meaning.

However, that pastor eventually left back to his country, and a new local pastor took over the church.

The first issue that bugged me was the way he approached a member of the congregation. We were having a study at his home when a member called in tears saying her teen daughter was throwing a tantrum and locked herself in her room. This member begged the pastor in tears if he could speak to her daughter, even over the phone, to calm her down. The pastor point blank refused, said he will not get involved, and told her to call the police if she wanted help with her daughter.

the next issue hit much closer to home. I am a single male who lives by himself. My family live hundreds of miles away in other cities so I am really on my own. One day, I had to go into the hospital for an emergency gall bladder removal. I was scared and felt completely alone, so phoned my pastor to ask if he cant maybe come over to the hospital for an hour or so just to keep me company and pray for me. His response? Sorry, too busy, he cant come over but good luck. Not once during my stay did I hear from him (or any other member of the congregation for that matter). That was the time I truly felt totally alone. Even after returning home, during my recovery period I desperately needed help for transport, buying food and even just day to day activities for cooking, as it was extremely risky I could tear my stitches and get infection if I over exerted myself. I asked for help from the congregation and pastor. the response? Sorry.....too busy...cant help. can understand some people can't, but not even 1 person tried to help me even for a day or something? I think that was the moment my passion for church well and truly died. A Christian family? During the one time I needed them, they basically told me to get lost. Btw I did find someone to help me, from a friend who does not attend my church.

This then led to me to stop going to Church for a couple of weeks. I got one call from Pastor and Deacon who asked where I was. I explained and said I just need some time to clear my head and then I will come back. Then the next thing, I got a letter in the post informing me that my membership to the church was cancelled because I was not attending.

(in case you were wondering, I was very active in my church, leading bible studies, volunteered at holiday bible club, was a deacon for a year, on the music team etc. But this was mostly when the old pastor was still around; under this pastor most of these things such as my Bible study etc have been cancelled by him as he wants to lead everything himself or says there is no money to hold such an activity, etc).

I am so angry and depressed, I don't even know if I want to attend any church anymore. What I have picked up is that churches are populated by hypocrites, all saintly on the outside when a passionate pastor is in charge but when you do need them they show their true colours. I just feel so desperately alone now and I am now at the stage where my faith is floundering and my whole outlook on Christianity is very bleak

Is there any advice anyone can give me? Am I over reacting to how I feel about my Church's reaction to my situation? I am so lost

Hi; good to see you; lots of things there, but Acts 2.41-42 is a good, basic guideline about basic local church activities.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I pray you will find a church home that will truly reflect what Church should be: followers of our Lord Jesus who love and care for one another.

PS:

John's First Epistle, chapter 1, speaks of those who walk together in the light, who have fellowship with one another, and this fellowship is with the Father and His Son Jesus Christ: a good basis to understand Scriptural fellowship.

 

[lastofall]

[for me anyway] an overseer ought to more abundantly care for the welfare of the flock in his charge, and when he sees one of his in need and opens not bowels of compassion toward them, then how can the love of God dwell in him; especially knowing that carin for others in promise or in talk is not the will of the Lord, but in deed and in Truth? for he is supposed to represent the Lord Jesus Christ, and not himself, but is supposed to deny himself, as is any follower of Christ.
(1 John 3:17-18)

 

[Bobber]

Hi Triple Seven, let me seek to encourage you. First of all be encouraged and KNOW that the Lord is on your side and HE LOVES YOU! Let me say you're talking about issues that your Pastor and indeed your congregation may have to give account before God in the next world or God if he's able might mature them even more so into the image of Christ that is in being loving people From how you've described it I'd say it's not just a Pastor problem but a congregational one as well.

People at church many times are good people BUT you know sometimes being a loving group takes actions by being organized to be that way. Example if a church has an a established plan when they know someones going to the hospital...visits, flowers or cards brought to you or another suffering one.... get my drift It does take some organization to be this way on purpose. If no ones has spearheaded such a set up well yes I'd say because people are walking in the flesh and not walking in the full measure of the love of God then yes people can become neglected. Anyone calling out for help being set aside it should not be so. Of course not.

A single Pastor though well sometimes the whole pressure shouldn't be on him. He could be in much prayer preparing messages for his Sunday services or whatever BUT if he's an enlightened leader he is responsible to have a network set up....In other words he'd say "Brother I'm not in a position right now to do all this BUT I'm calling elder A and B so-and-so and so-and-so to come over to see you right now. No network like this of any kind....well yes that particular gather of believers is faltering. Such doesn't mean God don't love those children BUT how he longs for them to become more perfect in love.

And Seven a thought for you....try not to be bitter about these your mistaken brethren.....consider Joseph in the Old Testament....what did his brethren do? They sold him into slavery! You know the story. I'm sure there were times where he did slip into depression because of it BUT you know what? He made a decision he was going to walk in love towards them and actually be a blessing. Ha, we read even what he said to his brothers in Egypt,

"And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt. Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. Gen 45:4,5

Let's say mentally speaking he released them from their guilt of having done wrong or not having done everything right. You know it took a big man to do that. Joseph was more concerned about establishing things in love and not really always about who was right or wrong...he offered forgiveness freely, and you know that Jesus said on the cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" Saints and yes good Christians are like that at times too.

They don't fully appreciate how they might have let down a brother or sister in Christ and at times they might need to grow spiritually into being more mature. Hypocrites? Well yes but not individuals who perhaps won't grow out of their spiritual babyhood state of existence. You wondered if your brethren showed their true colors? Well yes maybe they did but it's they themselves too who may need the love of God demonstrated to them to rise above their self-absorption. God loves them though and if they don't mature in this life maybe they will in the next. Now Seven you've suggested you feel like you might be floundering. Nah don't do that. I encourage you to see the bigger picture of walking in love regardless of the lack of support whoever didn't give.

Consider you might be that shining star with God's grace to help others who are headed or in that same trial you had in the past. Consider you might even be the one to set up such a care network of individuals ready to go and to be a help perhaps in that gathering of believers. Do not allow your vision of Christianity to become as you say bleak....you know Jesus didn't show you a lack of love. What men say or do is not important. I'm rambling but here's another thing....some folk when they go to say a new church after leaving they check off the boxes of how they assess things...were they a loving people, did someone come up and shake my hand? No?

Not going there then....well as I say God may send that person there for that very reason....to help them become more of a loving kind church. A disciple asks where can I be the most help and maybe strengthen the body yes even out perhaps of their immature way of existence. I'm sure your desire is to help people grow and become all that God wants them to be. Ah, this thing you say that they cancelled your membership due to not going for a period of time. Not sure what length of time that might have been but well no I suggest they perhaps did do you wrong with that too.

And what exactly is that supposed to mean....no man can cancel your belonging to the body of Christ, as some would say just ain't going to happen. That's why I've never been a fan of churches having as the say "memberships" as it can lead to deception....1) that someone says I'm going to heaven because I"m a member on the roll of such and such a place or 2) well for a variety of reasons BUT don't let them cancelling your membership trouble you....Jesus still has your name in the Book of Life. My suggestion is to you Seven is to pray and ask God where he'd like you to go. If you feel you can forgive them all which you need to do anyway and to pick up back in fellowship with that particular gathering of believers well I think God would bless you in that....or if you feel you need to seek out another gathering of believers for say a fresh start well maybe that'd be fine too. But floundering away from God because of it Id hope you'd conclude, NOT AN OPTION. No matter who they are in that church they never have loved you as much as Jesus has. Wishing for you all the best!

 

[Soyeong]

Hi all

I am wondering if you can give me some advice on what I should do. Basically, I am feeling extremely despondent about my current church and am questioning whether I should continue attending my current church or if I should consider another Church.

What has basically led up to this is the following.

My church was a mission established church in my country and used to be extremely passionate, community outgoing and just "felt filled with the Spirit" if you get my meaning.

However, that pastor eventually left back to his country, and a new local pastor took over the church.

The first issue that bugged me was the way he approached a member of the congregation. We were having a study at his home when a member called in tears saying her teen daughter was throwing a tantrum and locked herself in her room. This member begged the pastor in tears if he could speak to her daughter, even over the phone, to calm her down. The pastor point blank refused, said he will not get involved, and told her to call the police if she wanted help with her daughter.

the next issue hit much closer to home. I am a single male who lives by himself. My family live hundreds of miles away in other cities so I am really on my own. One day, I had to go into the hospital for an emergency gall bladder removal. I was scared and felt completely alone, so phoned my pastor to ask if he cant maybe come over to the hospital for an hour or so just to keep me company and pray for me. His response? Sorry, too busy, he cant come over but good luck. Not once during my stay did I hear from him (or any other member of the congregation for that matter). That was the time I truly felt totally alone. Even after returning home, during my recovery period I desperately needed help for transport, buying food and even just day to day activities for cooking, as it was extremely risky I could tear my stitches and get infection if I over exerted myself. I asked for help from the congregation and pastor. the response? Sorry.....too busy...cant help. can understand some people can't, but not even 1 person tried to help me even for a day or something? I think that was the moment my passion for church well and truly died. A Christian family? During the one time I needed them, they basically told me to get lost. Btw I did find someone to help me, from a friend who does not attend my church.

This then led to me to stop going to Church for a couple of weeks. I got one call from Pastor and Deacon who asked where I was. I explained and said I just need some time to clear my head and then I will come back. Then the next thing, I got a letter in the post informing me that my membership to the church was cancelled because I was not attending.

(in case you were wondering, I was very active in my church, leading bible studies, volunteered at holiday bible club, was a deacon for a year, on the music team etc. But this was mostly when the old pastor was still around; under this pastor most of these things such as my Bible study etc have been cancelled by him as he wants to lead everything himself or says there is no money to hold such an activity, etc).

I am so angry and depressed, I don't even know if I want to attend any church anymore. What I have picked up is that churches are populated by hypocrites, all saintly on the outside when a passionate pastor is in charge but when you do need them they show their true colours. I just feel so desperately alone now and I am now at the stage where my faith is floundering and my whole outlook on Christianity is very bleak

Is there any advice anyone can give me? Am I over reacting to how I feel about my Church's reaction to my situation? I am so lost

It might be the case that there are stipulations in the bylaws about how long a member can refrain from attending church before their membership is cancelled or for how to become a member again. It may be worth it talk with them again about the situation before deciding whether to leave. However, it is good to keep in mind that we attend church in order to express our love for God and our neighbor, not to be recognized for our contributions, and that love lays down its life for the other while taking no account of its own. That being said, a church should not neglect its own either, and the apparent unfriendliness of the pastor does not appear to be a good sign. Seeking a new church may be for the best, though again, I would speak the leadership about these issue before you decide what to do.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

There be times when you have to be the Light right in your own church...
and this is what we had to do where we are.... during a particular difficult
time we were left "hanging"...my husband was unemployed, had a health
issue that be lingering on and on...the church be informed of all this and
little was done...it be hard not getting visits from church family, no support,
no encouraging words by phone or mail...so, when we made it through our
time of suffering, we began seeking out others at church who be going
through tough times, we prayed for our church leaders and members,
we did visits, had prayer, got involved in situations where things needed to
be done...like church clean up, my husband is retired, has two disabilities but
yet he got down on his hands and knees to do repairs in the church parking lot.
I started sending encouraging cards/notes, putting in visits with ladies who be struggling, sick, shut-in etc. Word got back to them minister and associate ministers and things started changing/improving...others started volunteering
to do maintenance, visits, provided for those in need etc.

 

[Debp]

This has affected and hurt you deeply...I can understand why. If you feel led, you might talk to the pastor, but it might be best to start visiting other churches to see if you can find a more loving and caring pastor and congregation. If any other emergency happens, you need the support of loving Christians.
If you have any close friends at the old church, you can still keep in contact with them.
God bless you and don't let this get you down....there are still many loving Christians around.