should I break up with him?

[Abbie2005]

Hello! I could really use some advice and godly wisdom about a relationship. I have been seeing a guy for several months now and we are officially in a relationship. We are both 29 years old. He is a Christian (that's a deal breaker for me!) and a nice guy. But there are some things I am hesitant about. I am going to highlight some of our differences and my concerns. I'm not sure if I'm "over reacting" or if these are valid?

HIS CHRISTIAN WALK
He has been a Christian all his life. I accepted Christ as a child, but did not start living for God until about 5 years ago. However I feel like my walk is further ahead than his. He is in no small groups and doesn't hang out with other Christians. In fact, his friends like to drink a lot and he has told me how the guys he hangs out with will egg him on in regards to getting physical with me. They aren't Christian, so of course they don't encourage him to remain pure. He does also seem to drink a lot. He will routinely drink 4+ beers with his friends and says he doesn't get drunk, but one of his best friends mentioned something that seemed as though he does get drunk when they hang out. I almost feel like he is a different person with me than he is with them. He will do Bible studies with me and talk about God, but then he goes and hangs out with people like that and he is obviously not having Godly conversations with those people. The vast majority of my friends on the other hand are Christian. It's not that I think hanging around non-Christians is wrong, but I do feel like they are influencing him negatively and he is VERY easily persuaded. For instance, if they take shots, he will. In the past, if a girl he was dating wanted to sleep with him, he would. Him and I decided that we are not doing that before marriage, but I think if I were to say I wanted to, he would go along with it. He seems that he does not have strong convictions.

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items. I make about 75k more than him, which isn't a huge deal to me but I am more worried about his lack of money management. My concern is that if marriage were to come within the next few years, would I be the one having to pay the entire down payment on the house using money that I accumulated on my own before I even knew him? It would be nice for my partner to contribute with me. I guess overall I just feel like I don't know if he is a man who can support himself and lead in a relationship/marriage. Often times I feel that I am the more mature one, and that I'm almost like a mom in the relationship. He doesn't really take action. I would like to see him moved out of his parents and able to live on his own.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
As mentioned above, we agreed on waiting until marriage. However he really wants to make out a lot. I personally don't feel comfortable with that and don't feel like it's God-honoring to be making out for an hour and getting hot and heavy. I know Christians have different boundaries, so some may think this is fine. But for me it creates a lustful heart and I want to avoid that. I guess I just want others opinions on the matter?

Overall, I am feeling so conflicted about this relationship. He really likes me and is a kind man. But we are on different planets in regards to how we live our lives and manage our money. I've also been feeling a bit bored. Sometimes when we hang out it's fun, other times I am the one carrying the conversation and it's just bland. At times I feel like he is more interested in the physical aspect, but then I also don't feel like he would be with me if that's all he wanted because I will not budge on the waiting till marriage thing.

Is it enough that he is Christian and wants to grow in his walk with Christ? Am I over reacting or caring too much about other things that don't matter? We all have flaws. I have a ton of student loan debt and a past. But something just feels off, and I don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or just my fears of commitment and expecting perfection.

 

[Petros2015]

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items.

Uh and he's 29?
Uh... I think you might want to pass on this one.

 

[Freth]

I responded to your other thread. Most definitely break up with him. Read my post on the other thread.

 

[brinny]

Hello! I could really use some advice and godly wisdom about a relationship. I have been seeing a guy for several months now and we are officially in a relationship. We are both 29 years old. He is a Christian (that's a deal breaker for me!) and a nice guy. But there are some things I am hesitant about. I am going to highlight some of our differences and my concerns. I'm not sure if I'm "over reacting" or if these are valid?

HIS CHRISTIAN WALK
He has been a Christian all his life. I accepted Christ as a child, but did not start living for God until about 5 years ago. However I feel like my walk is further ahead than his. He is in no small groups and doesn't hang out with other Christians. In fact, his friends like to drink a lot and he has told me how the guys he hangs out with will egg him on in regards to getting physical with me. They aren't Christian, so of course they don't encourage him to remain pure. He does also seem to drink a lot. He will routinely drink 4+ beers with his friends and says he doesn't get drunk, but one of his best friends mentioned something that seemed as though he does get drunk when they hang out. I almost feel like he is a different person with me than he is with them. He will do Bible studies with me and talk about God, but then he goes and hangs out with people like that and he is obviously not having Godly conversations with those people. The vast majority of my friends on the other hand are Christian. It's not that I think hanging around non-Christians is wrong, but I do feel like they are influencing him negatively and he is VERY easily persuaded. For instance, if they take shots, he will. In the past, if a girl he was dating wanted to sleep with him, he would. Him and I decided that we are not doing that before marriage, but I think if I were to say I wanted to, he would go along with it. He seems that he does not have strong convictions.

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items. I make about 75k more than him, which isn't a huge deal to me but I am more worried about his lack of money management. My concern is that if marriage were to come within the next few years, would I be the one having to pay the entire down payment on the house using money that I accumulated on my own before I even knew him? It would be nice for my partner to contribute with me. I guess overall I just feel like I don't know if he is a man who can support himself and lead in a relationship/marriage. Often times I feel that I am the more mature one, and that I'm almost like a mom in the relationship. He doesn't really take action. I would like to see him moved out of his parents and able to live on his own.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
As mentioned above, we agreed on waiting until marriage. However he really wants to make out a lot. I personally don't feel comfortable with that and don't feel like it's God-honoring to be making out for an hour and getting hot and heavy. I know Christians have different boundaries, so some may think this is fine. But for me it creates a lustful heart and I want to avoid that. I guess I just want others opinions on the matter?

Overall, I am feeling so conflicted about this relationship. He really likes me and is a kind man. But we are on different planets in regards to how we live our lives and manage our money. I've also been feeling a bit bored. Sometimes when we hang out it's fun, other times I am the one carrying the conversation and it's just bland. At times I feel like he is more interested in the physical aspect, but then I also don't feel like he would be with me if that's all he wanted because I will not budge on the waiting till marriage thing.

Is it enough that he is Christian and wants to grow in his walk with Christ? Am I over reacting or caring too much about other things that don't matter? We all have flaws. I have a ton of student loan debt and a past. But something just feels off, and I don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or just my fears of commitment and expecting perfection.

I suspect you already know the answers to your conflicts and questions. For answers and clarity to any uncertainty and confusion, seek God in His Word and PRAY about this. It is written that we are not to be unequally yoked. It is also written that we will recognize/know fellow believers by their "fruits", not by what they "say".

May God grant hou wisdom and discernment and clarity in all that you are seeking answers to.

In Proverbs we are admonished to "guard our hearts".

May God grant you wisdom and strength to do so.

 

[bèlla]

There's a line in Lee Strobel's Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch that's apropos. He acknowledged the likelihood of unbelievers having greater sway on Christians than we have on them. Given his susceptibility, surrounding himself with friends whose behavior and lifestyle isn't edifying; the probability of influence is greater. They'll have an easier time leading him astray than he'll have of leading them to God.

If this was the only problem you could work with him. But he's demonstrating immaturity in other areas. He's 29 in body but not in spirit. His behavior is more in line with collegiate exploits than a person nearing 30. He needs a makeover. But as long as his antics are serving him he'll never change.

Your discipline and maturity can be enablers if he's determined to remain as is. You'll pick up the pieces and fill in the gaps where he falls short. It's not enough to believe in God. It's who we are in our belief that tells the story.

What are his works communicating? If you answer that you'll have your answer.

~bella

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Hello! I could really use some advice and godly wisdom about a relationship. I have been seeing a guy for several months now and we are officially in a relationship. We are both 29 years old. He is a Christian (that's a deal breaker for me!) and a nice guy. But there are some things I am hesitant about. I am going to highlight some of our differences and my concerns. I'm not sure if I'm "over reacting" or if these are valid?

HIS CHRISTIAN WALK
He has been a Christian all his life. I accepted Christ as a child, but did not start living for God until about 5 years ago. However I feel like my walk is further ahead than his. He is in no small groups and doesn't hang out with other Christians. In fact, his friends like to drink a lot and he has told me how the guys he hangs out with will egg him on in regards to getting physical with me. They aren't Christian, so of course they don't encourage him to remain pure. He does also seem to drink a lot. He will routinely drink 4+ beers with his friends and says he doesn't get drunk, but one of his best friends mentioned something that seemed as though he does get drunk when they hang out. I almost feel like he is a different person with me than he is with them. He will do Bible studies with me and talk about God, but then he goes and hangs out with people like that and he is obviously not having Godly conversations with those people. The vast majority of my friends on the other hand are Christian. It's not that I think hanging around non-Christians is wrong, but I do feel like they are influencing him negatively and he is VERY easily persuaded. For instance, if they take shots, he will. In the past, if a girl he was dating wanted to sleep with him, he would. Him and I decided that we are not doing that before marriage, but I think if I were to say I wanted to, he would go along with it. He seems that he does not have strong convictions.

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items. I make about 75k more than him, which isn't a huge deal to me but I am more worried about his lack of money management. My concern is that if marriage were to come within the next few years, would I be the one having to pay the entire down payment on the house using money that I accumulated on my own before I even knew him? It would be nice for my partner to contribute with me. I guess overall I just feel like I don't know if he is a man who can support himself and lead in a relationship/marriage. Often times I feel that I am the more mature one, and that I'm almost like a mom in the relationship. He doesn't really take action. I would like to see him moved out of his parents and able to live on his own.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
As mentioned above, we agreed on waiting until marriage. However he really wants to make out a lot. I personally don't feel comfortable with that and don't feel like it's God-honoring to be making out for an hour and getting hot and heavy. I know Christians have different boundaries, so some may think this is fine. But for me it creates a lustful heart and I want to avoid that. I guess I just want others opinions on the matter?

Overall, I am feeling so conflicted about this relationship. He really likes me and is a kind man. But we are on different planets in regards to how we live our lives and manage our money. I've also been feeling a bit bored. Sometimes when we hang out it's fun, other times I am the one carrying the conversation and it's just bland. At times I feel like he is more interested in the physical aspect, but then I also don't feel like he would be with me if that's all he wanted because I will not budge on the waiting till marriage thing.

Is it enough that he is Christian and wants to grow in his walk with Christ? Am I over reacting or caring too much about other things that don't matter? We all have flaws. I have a ton of student loan debt and a past. But something just feels off, and I don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or just my fears of commitment and expecting perfection.

If you are already at the stage of making out for an hour then that is already physical compromise, that is not waiting for marriage. That is just a hair pin between the next phase of intimacy.

If you feel something is off, never ever disregard that. I have learned in life that if I feel something is off, never to disregard it. I may not know immediately what it is, but later on, possibly years, I may find out the unpleasant truth. You have raised some MAJOR red flags throughout your post. Consider your friends vs. his. Consider the fact that his friends are pushing him to devalue your values and push him further into an immoral lifestyle with heavy drinking, whereas your friends support your walk with Christ. You are unequally yoked. Focus on God, take some time to pray and seek His face about this relationship. I am sure you have been praying about him? This discomfort you feel in your spirit and all of these red flags you have raised are just the beginning. Foremost, it seems like you would want to be with someone who would help you to uphold your integrity in Christ. This man who is doing these 1 hour makeout sessions with you is not the man. He is helping you grieve the Holy Spirit by using your body in an immoral way with a man who is not your husband. Hence your discomfort. You point out that you have worked hard, studied hard, saved like mad to buy yourself some good and beautiful things (hats off to you for your diligence, may God bless all of your endeavors with success ) Has he done the same? Not at all. Rather, he is not even diligent with his finances, hasn't saved a dime to his name, and will not even take care of his dog. Trust and believe that the same man who can't care for a dog will not wake up at night to help you change and feed a crying newborn. You will be doing all the work when you get married (run away my sister, don't make that fatal mistake!!!) just as you are doing in this relationship. Please consider your plight, consider what your future will be like. Show mercy and compassion toward yourself. Hold out for a quality man who has the same values you do, who will help you toward those values and goals, and who will support you while you support him, rather than you getting behind this man and lifting him off the ground, supporting all his weight as you are doing now, which is making you tired, perturbed in your spirit, and unhappy!!! Run sister, run...

 

[bèlla]

He's doing you a favor by showing himself. Many would hide the truth until they secured your hand. You can't build a future with a man-child. You'll grow to resent him.

 

[Soyeong]

Hello! I could really use some advice and godly wisdom about a relationship. I have been seeing a guy for several months now and we are officially in a relationship. We are both 29 years old. He is a Christian (that's a deal breaker for me!) and a nice guy. But there are some things I am hesitant about. I am going to highlight some of our differences and my concerns. I'm not sure if I'm "over reacting" or if these are valid?

HIS CHRISTIAN WALK
He has been a Christian all his life. I accepted Christ as a child, but did not start living for God until about 5 years ago. However I feel like my walk is further ahead than his. He is in no small groups and doesn't hang out with other Christians. In fact, his friends like to drink a lot and he has told me how the guys he hangs out with will egg him on in regards to getting physical with me. They aren't Christian, so of course they don't encourage him to remain pure. He does also seem to drink a lot. He will routinely drink 4+ beers with his friends and says he doesn't get drunk, but one of his best friends mentioned something that seemed as though he does get drunk when they hang out. I almost feel like he is a different person with me than he is with them. He will do Bible studies with me and talk about God, but then he goes and hangs out with people like that and he is obviously not having Godly conversations with those people. The vast majority of my friends on the other hand are Christian. It's not that I think hanging around non-Christians is wrong, but I do feel like they are influencing him negatively and he is VERY easily persuaded. For instance, if they take shots, he will. In the past, if a girl he was dating wanted to sleep with him, he would. Him and I decided that we are not doing that before marriage, but I think if I were to say I wanted to, he would go along with it. He seems that he does not have strong convictions.

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items. I make about 75k more than him, which isn't a huge deal to me but I am more worried about his lack of money management. My concern is that if marriage were to come within the next few years, would I be the one having to pay the entire down payment on the house using money that I accumulated on my own before I even knew him? It would be nice for my partner to contribute with me. I guess overall I just feel like I don't know if he is a man who can support himself and lead in a relationship/marriage. Often times I feel that I am the more mature one, and that I'm almost like a mom in the relationship. He doesn't really take action. I would like to see him moved out of his parents and able to live on his own.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
As mentioned above, we agreed on waiting until marriage. However he really wants to make out a lot. I personally don't feel comfortable with that and don't feel like it's God-honoring to be making out for an hour and getting hot and heavy. I know Christians have different boundaries, so some may think this is fine. But for me it creates a lustful heart and I want to avoid that. I guess I just want others opinions on the matter?

Overall, I am feeling so conflicted about this relationship. He really likes me and is a kind man. But we are on different planets in regards to how we live our lives and manage our money. I've also been feeling a bit bored. Sometimes when we hang out it's fun, other times I am the one carrying the conversation and it's just bland. At times I feel like he is more interested in the physical aspect, but then I also don't feel like he would be with me if that's all he wanted because I will not budge on the waiting till marriage thing.

Is it enough that he is Christian and wants to grow in his walk with Christ? Am I over reacting or caring too much about other things that don't matter? We all have flaws. I have a ton of student loan debt and a past. But something just feels off, and I don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or just my fears of commitment and expecting perfection.

Hello,

You have raised some serious issues that are important for him to iron out before you consider getting married to him. Whatever you do, do not get married with him on the hope that he will change for the better after you get married. Try to only hold expectations of him that he has given you permission to hold. Also try to make important decisions concerning your relationship together as much as possible. In other words, don't make the unilateral decision to break up with him and leave him struggling to understand what happened and forced to accept what you've already decided. Rather, it would be better to say something along the lines that you are having some serious problems that are leading you to consider withdrawing from your relationship, discuss why you consider them to be serious problems, discuss what can be done to alleviate those problems, discuss the consequences of what will happen if he does not make progress towards alleviate those problems within a certain amount of time, and then leave the ball in his court.

For example, you could agree join a Bible study together, where you would both have opportunities to make new fiends or you could agree to help him work on putting together a budget and discuss what you can expect from him about how he spend his money. So you should work together with him as much as possible and value his input in ways that you can work together to take concrete steps to pursue your heart rather than just delivering him a shape up or else ultimatum. This way you are not breaking up with him out of nowhere, you are treating him with respect, you are giving him a chance to have some input, you are giving him time to process the possibility of losing a relationship with you, and you are giving him a chance to make changes to become a better version of himself, but if he is unwilling to do that, then at the very least he will understand what went wrong, he will shoulder responsibility for ending the relationship, and the break-up will be less difficult.

A relationship can be a powerful motivator for both people to become the best versions of themselves, though you do need to try to make sure that he is showing a genuine desire to improve himself and is not putting on a mask while he continues in his old habits while you aren't looking. If he is not readily willing to make a relationship with you his highest priority next to his relationship with God, then that would be a serious red flag, and is most likely not something that you should hope he will change after you get married.

 

[Lawrence87]

If you have to come on a forum and ask whether or not someone is the right person to make sacred vows with to spend your entire earthly lives together, then the answer is in my opinion contained in the very fact that you have to ask.

Of course some doubts are natural about any big life choices, but you raise some pretty fundamental issues. Living with their mother at 29 is a big red flag, especially if they do not cook their own meals or do their own chores. If they get their mum to do everything for them then the chances are they will just replace her with you. Being irresponsible with money is a big thing too. If I was working and living at my parents I'm pretty sure I would have a pretty big savings balance.

The whole lust thing is a difficult subject for men, and probably the biggest area of struggle for young Christian men, moreso those who grew up apart from the faith. If he has slept with women in previous relationships it will most likely be a struggle for him to overcome the effects of that. Essentially you'd need to be very sure that he is not just trying to marry to fulfil a sex addiction. That is not a healthy basis for marriage and he should fix that before contemplating getting married. The whole getting frisky with the kissing thing is a sign to my eyes that he has difficulty on this front. As someone in a similar position I would say go easy on him in this regard, because it is a very difficult path to walk, but if he has issues relating to sex and he is not working to resolve them then I would take a big step back and give him the time he needs to sort himself out. I myself know that I cannot even begin to persue a Christian marriage until I overcome some of my issues in this regard.

 

[mmksparbud]

You've gotten excellent advice! I hope you listen to it! I didn't and ended up in 28 years of drunken hell! Don't be as weak as he is. Being unequally yoked doesn't just mean to not marry an unbeliever. You are unequally yolked in many areas. He has no money management skills, he'll go through his money frivolously and then expect you to bale him out ending up that he will then go through yours and you definitely will resent him. He is not the spiritual leader, which is needed in the home--you are. This is not how a Christian home should be. What will be the example he gives your children. Not looking like an equal partnership in any area, but at the least he should be a spiritual leader in the home. You already know what to do---you are just holding on to the make-out sessions which is clouding your mind. This is not love it is lust. Save the kisses for the one that God has in mind for y0u. You are only settling for a way behind 3rd best. God has a #1 for you---dump this one before you regret much more than make-out sessions.

 

[HARK!]

MOD HAT ON

There has been a thread clean.

The Courting Couples and its subforums is a place for those that are dating, courting & engaged. If you are Married, please do not post in this forum.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Macchiato]

Uh and he's 29?
Uh... I think you might want to pass on this one.

Yes to this. Im definitely in agreement. Ive taken this road so you wont have to OP. The people around me including friends kept telling me to give my ex the benefit of a doubt( they were t christians-) I thought he was so kinda and sweet. Nothing i was used to. Was used to being ignored by my family so i thought well maybe he might be the one. After a series of no's I finally gave him a chance. Well like your guy-- mine drank too and alot came out. Like him being 40 and still at home, no car ect..and Im now too far in..meaning we share a child together.
I used to think id never find anyone if i went by Gods standards and they werent realistic and id be alone forever.

Not rrue!

It weeds out alot of pll like your ex and mine.
Keeps drama down and keeps you untangled.

Never compromise. Esp on big things likr drinking and drug use. If you have people that try to sway you like my friends and family.. Tune them out or cut them off.

 

[Macchiato]

You've gotten excellent advice! I hope you listen to it! I didn't and ended up in 28 years of drunken hell! Don't be as weak as he is. Being unequally yoked doesn't just mean to not marry an unbeliever. You are unequally yolked in many areas. He has no money management skills, he'll go through his money frivolously and then expect you to bale him out ending up that he will then go through yours and you definitely will resent him. He is not the spiritual leader, which is needed in the home--you are. This is not how a Christian home should be. What will be the example he gives your children. Not looking like an equal partnership in any area, but at the least he should be a spiritual leader in the home. You already know what to do---you are just holding on to the make-out sessions which is clouding your mind. This is not love it is lust. Save the kisses for the one that God has in mind for y0u. You are only settling for a way behind 3rd best. God has a #1 for you---dump this one before you regret much more than make-out sessions.

Yes to ALL of this. I wish i had someone in my corner to warn me.

OP let this go. Please.

 

[Macchiato]

He's doing you a favor by showing himself. Many would hide the truth until they secured your hand. You can't build a future with a man-child. You'll grow to resent him.

Accurate.

 

[Jesusfann777888]

Hello! I could really use some advice and godly wisdom about a relationship. I have been seeing a guy for several months now and we are officially in a relationship. We are both 29 years old. He is a Christian (that's a deal breaker for me!) and a nice guy. But there are some things I am hesitant about. I am going to highlight some of our differences and my concerns. I'm not sure if I'm "over reacting" or if these are valid?

HIS CHRISTIAN WALK
He has been a Christian all his life. I accepted Christ as a child, but did not start living for God until about 5 years ago. However I feel like my walk is further ahead than his. He is in no small groups and doesn't hang out with other Christians. In fact, his friends like to drink a lot and he has told me how the guys he hangs out with will egg him on in regards to getting physical with me. They aren't Christian, so of course they don't encourage him to remain pure. He does also seem to drink a lot. He will routinely drink 4+ beers with his friends and says he doesn't get drunk, but one of his best friends mentioned something that seemed as though he does get drunk when they hang out. I almost feel like he is a different person with me than he is with them. He will do Bible studies with me and talk about God, but then he goes and hangs out with people like that and he is obviously not having Godly conversations with those people. The vast majority of my friends on the other hand are Christian. It's not that I think hanging around non-Christians is wrong, but I do feel like they are influencing him negatively and he is VERY easily persuaded. For instance, if they take shots, he will. In the past, if a girl he was dating wanted to sleep with him, he would. Him and I decided that we are not doing that before marriage, but I think if I were to say I wanted to, he would go along with it. He seems that he does not have strong convictions.

MONEY
I'm a physician and have worked hard to store up money to buy a house and have a healthy emergency fund. I'm pretty good with money and keep a strict budget. I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am very ambitious. The guy I am seeing still has not moved out of his parents house. His mom cooks his dinners for him and he frequently will leave his dog there all day for his parents to take care of while he is out and about. Despite living at home to save money and pay off debts, he has no savings. He says he is financially not ready to move out, yet will spend $50+ on frivolous items. I make about 75k more than him, which isn't a huge deal to me but I am more worried about his lack of money management. My concern is that if marriage were to come within the next few years, would I be the one having to pay the entire down payment on the house using money that I accumulated on my own before I even knew him? It would be nice for my partner to contribute with me. I guess overall I just feel like I don't know if he is a man who can support himself and lead in a relationship/marriage. Often times I feel that I am the more mature one, and that I'm almost like a mom in the relationship. He doesn't really take action. I would like to see him moved out of his parents and able to live on his own.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
As mentioned above, we agreed on waiting until marriage. However he really wants to make out a lot. I personally don't feel comfortable with that and don't feel like it's God-honoring to be making out for an hour and getting hot and heavy. I know Christians have different boundaries, so some may think this is fine. But for me it creates a lustful heart and I want to avoid that. I guess I just want others opinions on the matter?

Overall, I am feeling so conflicted about this relationship. He really likes me and is a kind man. But we are on different planets in regards to how we live our lives and manage our money. I've also been feeling a bit bored. Sometimes when we hang out it's fun, other times I am the one carrying the conversation and it's just bland. At times I feel like he is more interested in the physical aspect, but then I also don't feel like he would be with me if that's all he wanted because I will not budge on the waiting till marriage thing.

Is it enough that he is Christian and wants to grow in his walk with Christ? Am I over reacting or caring too much about other things that don't matter? We all have flaws. I have a ton of student loan debt and a past. But something just feels off, and I don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or just my fears of commitment and expecting perfection.

His Christian Walk:

First, what he know's and understand's are based on what he has been taught and what he reads. God's work in a person's life Consist's of:

1. The Level Of Intimacy they have With Jesus
2. How Jesus Work's with them as an Individual.

The way you stated your walk is further ahead than his, is acting as if your superior to him. communication, Especially regarding how intimate a person is with God doesn't if you are as intimate as you say you are with God, devalue someone.

Generally most people who are Close to God, God being's into situations with other people that challenge our Concept of ourself.

2. If he go's out with his friend's while being a completely different person with you, that is how everyone on planet Earth Act's with someone they take a different interest in. that is psychologically how people are natured.

also, Biblically Speaking, dating frustrates how men and women interact when dating is Conceptually something that Frustrates God's Process between a man and a women who take interest in each other, as in those instance's they were meant to marry. These are the difference's between The Jewish traditional Culture and the American culture which produces two different relational results, Concepts, and outcome's relationally.

When it comes to Conviction's it's the result of life Expierience in Relation to Jesus Christ that determines the relationship a person has.

Money

the majority of people with phd's swim in debt. You can not financially develope a plan for your life when the cost of what you are financially responsible for are deducted from what you earn, on top of taxes, on top of other financial cost's that are going to ensure you like many other people who have tried before, wind up not being able to afford anything when they have children. financially speaking, it's impossible. He's young, what do you expect. If you have delusions you are going to save up enough money to live your dream life, your going to find out that's not possible because I'm sure you have other desires that financially conflict with that possibility so as far as his desires that financially conflict with your own, your setting yourself up for dissappointment. anyone who is financially savy also generally do not mary, and if they do they make sure that there are conditions to a marriage or that they marry those within their social group.
Conversation

men and women talk about different things, so you have to natural expect that when you two talk with each other it's going to be as awkward as anyone else who talks with another person who doesn't have in common with them certain interests that are particular to a person's gender.

I think you should either:

1.) Break up with him to save him and you the trouble of making eachothee miserable. On a psychological level people who different mindsets or concepts are drawn into conflict.

based on your post, you love money, so focus on money and find a rich doctor or something. As for him, let him find someone who is young, and whom he can develope into a relationship with,

or

2. Realize no man and woman are perfect for each other, be willing to understand that a person and individual are going to be different than you, and that most people who are married are very different regarding their interests and spending habits unless one person dominate's the relationship and make's another person miserable.

To be completely honest, and this is not to be rude, your concept of how relationship's are suppose to work don't really reflect the interpersonal qualities and trait's that establish ground's for treating people as 1.) different than you 2.) as someone who may be confused who you can teach.

The fact that you entered into a relationship with him and are evaluating anything other than who he is, really isn't considering he's a human being that can learn and understand certain thing's as do most people as they age.

What you're looking for is:


1.) A 70 year old man with enough life-expierience and financial expertise who specialize's in investment, who has an extensive knowledge of how to build a financial portfolio and who has worked long enough to develope that knowledge who isn't married and has yet to be.