Should Forgiveness Be Conditional?

[homewardbound]

I think I'm having trouble with the use of the word "conditional".

Conditional forgivness, to me, means that if X repents, then Y can/will forgive. But that flies in the face of forgivness. Forgivness does not require that the party who did wrong repent. "I'll forgive him as soon as he says he's sorry." That's not forgivness. I am required to forgive even if the offending party doesn't think they have done anything wrong.

Now, reconciliation would require repentence, but forgivness does not require it.

Ever find yourself in a situation where you have an understanding of something but can't quite put it into words? I'm there!

At the risk of clouding things further, maybe we should look at how forgiveness is applied or granted. Where reconciliation or confrontation is desired, the granting of forgiveness is conditional. It requires remorse/repentance by the offending party. But the DESIRE to forgive must be unconditional and ready to be granted so reconciliation can take place.

I like your example of "I'll forgive him as soon as he says he's sorry". Assuming a relationship is involved, I don't think it's inappropriate to withhold the granting of forgiveness, but that doesn't mean you can have an unforgiving heart toward that person. In a case like that, if the person never apologizes, the relationship remains impaired (or broken depending on seriousness), but that's where I think you have to go to God and ask Him to forgive the person. That's the sign of a forgiving heart.

 

[homewardbound]

If your partner was repeatedly cheating on you, and not willing to repent, why would you forgive them? Would the forgiveness in this case not destroy the relationship, since it tells the other person to keep doing what they like, because no matter what they do you'll always forgive them?

'Shady

In a case like that, I don't think you continually grant them forgiveness because you run the risk of perpetuating sinful behavior and doing nothing to restore the relationship. However, it would be appropriate to end the relationship and ask God to forgive them on your behalf. It may be necessary to ask God to heal your heart first before you can express a heartfelt desire for Him to forgive the other person. But the bottom line is that God knows you have a forgiving heart and are always willing to extend forgiveness, conditionally or unconditionally, as the situation requires.

 

[king-priest]

No, the cheating would destroy the relationship. I can forgive the cheating, but still choose to end the relationship. Forgivness does not equal restoration. Forgivness is a first step toward restoration, but more steps are involved.

Being forgiven does not automatically mean that we will do the same thing over again, and if one does repeat the same offense, it is not becassue they were forgiven, it is becasue they choose to sin.

 

[king-priest]

Remeber, wanting the other person to feel guilty is wrong. Because guilt is sin. God never makes us feel bad for what we do, we acknowledge it, discipline is doled out and isolation of that sin is required to keep moving on, never living in the past.
1 John 1:9 "If (volitional choice)we(the believer) confess(acknowledge) our sins(all known sins), He is faithful(not us) and just(by the work on the cross)to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all(that's ALL) unrighteousness.

that's a clean slate, He will never bring our sins up and hold it against us, because Jesus died for it. The atonement was His blood.
So if He will remember it no more......then who are we that we are sinners bring it up, when God Himself won't.

Remember they sinned against God first.And if they don't want to amend and continue to sin....then the bible said do not associate with them. If they cheat and cheat...then forgive them, divorce them,move on. God can even heal broken hearts.

 

[Veritas]

Should we only forgive someone under certain conditions. Is it just if we chose not to forgive someone if they don't apologize? Is it ok to not forgive even if someone sincerely apologizes?

Here is what forgiveness is not:

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Forgetting/Denial[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Time passing/ignoring the effects of the wrongdoing. [/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Condoning[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Nothing that bad happened. It was only this one time. It won't happen again. [/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Excusing[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]The person did this because.....it wasn't really their responsibility. [/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Condemning[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]She/he deserves to know they have wronged me.[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]"Forgiving" with a sense of moral superiority. [/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Seeking Justice or Compensation[/size][/font]
  • [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Forgiveness is not a quid pro quo deal--it doesn't demand compensation first. [/size][/font]

Here is what forgiveness is:

<LI>[font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Moral[/size][/font]

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]It is a response to an injustice (a moral wrong).
  It is a turning to the "good" in the face of this wrongdoing.[/size][/font]

<LI>[font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Goodwill[/size][/font]

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge.
  Generosity or offering good things such as: attention, time, remembrances on holidays.[/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Moral Love or contributing to the betterment of the other. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Paradoxical[/size][/font]

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer's actions deserve it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not deserve them.[/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves are healed. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Beyond duty[/size][/font]

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]A freely chosen gift (rather than a grim obligation).[/size][/font]

The distinction:

• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Forgiveness: One person's moral response to another's injustice [/size][/font]
• [font=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-serif,sans-serif][size=-1]Reconciliation: Two parties coming together in mutual respect[/size][/font]

 

[bliz]

Remeber, wanting the other person to feel guilty is wrong. Because guilt is sin.

I'm sorry - "guilt is sin"? That makes no sense. If I have done something wrong (sin) and I feel guilty about it, that guilt is not an additional sin, it is a healthy reaction to sin.

God never makes us feel bad for what we do,

Where do you get that idea? When we have done someting wrong, we should feel guilty. We should feel bad!

we acknowledge it, discipline is doled out and isolation of that sin is required to keep moving on, never living in the past.

Recognizing that I have sinned and repenting of that sin, and making amends as best I can for that sin, is not living in the past! And make no misteke, God does not always remove from us the consequences of our sins. He clearly has the power to do so, but He does not always choose to do it.

 

[Pac Shady]

Well according to some in this thread, I'll just go and start stealing, raping, murdering, worshipping idols, etc. and it won't matter I'll still go to Heaven. Why? Because God is UNCONDITIONALLY forgiving me apparently, and therefore I will be free from burning in Hell, because there is no punishment for a forgiven sin.

Better get going now, got lots to sin that I won't be accountable for!

'Shady

 

[Raydar]

Should we only forgive someone under certain conditions. Is it just if we chose not to forgive someone if they don't apologize? Is it ok to not forgive even if someone sincerely apologizes?

Jesus said to forgive 7X70 times. I think He meant always.
Consequences for ones actions is different then forgiveness.