Should Christian teens date?

[callmeMurph]

Going out and getting to know the person you have feelings for ?

Thats fine. Personally though I'd rather get to know the person before I went out with them. Having feelings for someone who I don't know too well just means to me that they are only feelings. I'd rather get to know the person as a friend and see if those feelings have any merit.

I try not to base most of my judgements on feelings so why would I leave something as important as this up to feelings.

 

[highlife]

Thats fine. Personally though I'd rather get to know the person before I went out with them. Having feelings for someone who I don't know too well just means to me that they are only feelings. I'd rather get to know the person as a friend and see if those feelings have any merit.

I try not to base most of my judgements on feelings so why would I leave something as important as this up to feelings.

I agree but it all boils down to intent and timing. In courting its not like you have to marry that person but thats the intention of the process, you can actually get to know someone pretty quick and know if you are compatable pretty quick if you know the right questions to ask and the behaviors to look for which is why the family was instrumental in the courtship process. Once I knew what I wanted it was pretty easy to set up the critera for what I was looking for but it came with alot of pain to get there, sexual frustration in the early years, pre marital sex, a divorce and finally a happy marriage. You can learn these things on your own as well through dating but it usually results in alot of damage being done, pre marital sex etc to get to know what you like and who you are looking for. Maybe the omish have it right, although the engineer in me is at odds with that life style.

The problem is parents like the OP are doing their kids no good when the only point of their "courtship" is to outchristian their firends and the only result is a series of awkward dates so they can tout how pure their kids are, there is no biblical merit to that what so ever and no marriage results, the end result of what the OP is doing is awkward teen years with no mate. What do you think is going to happen when they are 18, 19 ..... 20 you think they are just going to keep on not getting laid? Either that or they will be on here bi*ching about being a virgin (ie not getting married and subsequently getting laid).

Being single at that age was not natural in the bible times nor is it natural now which is why there is so much pre martial sex and sexual problems.

 

[Aradia]

Wow. There seem to be a lot of people here who don't really understand what courting and dating are and historically were. Dating in a romantic sense typically has the same goal as courting: marriage or "life partner" (for those who don't view marriage as a necessary ritual). And just as the purpose of romantic dating is to learn about someone and determine possible compatibility for a romantic relationship, the same is true of courting.

People don't typically refer to going out with a "friend" as a date (though it certainly can be considered a non-romantic date), so what's the difference between going out with an individual as friends, or going out with an individual as a romantic date?

Although they are technically very similar (if not nearly identical), "courting" does tend to imply an older form/tradition than "dating" does, so use of the term "courting" isn't necessarily just a case of using outdated language.

To the OP (sinner and a saint): Should christian teens date? I don't think it's a matter of "should". If you're interested in getting to know someone for possible romantic involvement later on, then date. If that's not important to you right now, then don't date. Just go out with people as friends, even if said friend is/are of the opposite gender. Or, better yet, don't get bogged down with terminology at all. Just be social with people! Do it from a grounded christian perspective, of course, but there's nothing wrong with being social, even if it's with someone of the opposite gender. I'm single and male (and, admittedly, more than a little obsessed with sex), and I can think of one very good female friend in particular with whom I love spending time, but have no sexual or romantic interest in her (and no, she isn't ugly =D ). It's not out of the realm of possibility to just be friendly and social with people, without romance or sexuality interfering.

There are some folks in this thread who seem to have some very serious issues. =p

And to the dude who does the courting thing (Benevolous): I think it's great that you hold your daughter to a more traditional view of dating/courting. I see nothing inherently wrong with that at all. There's a right way and wrong way to do anything, whether it's traditional courtship or modern dating. Ignore the naysayers who think traditional courtship is outdated or psychologically damaging. If done well, I think it's a great way to go. May not mean much to you coming from a non-christian, but props to you anyway.

 

[highlife]

I think the biggest difference between dating and courting is dating just leaves things up to random happen chance where as courting is a very methodical way of establishing a mate. I almost think courting would be better than hoping you can pick up that cute chick at the party who you have no idea what her story is and you go up and talk to her and she completely ignores you.

If you dont capitalize on your support structure and relationships early on in life then you just that random dude at the party where everyone else may have some unknown history.

 

[Aradia]

Courting is not as methodical as you may believe, nor does it necessitate any particular circumstances in which two people are first introduced. Courting is not like an arranged marriage, nor are period movies necessarily an accurate representation. =p

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Forgive me here but I'll go off on a bit of a tangent from what you posted. Yo said "Best to consult with those you know and actually are concerned about you." Is it this always the best way to get advice? I mean, those who are concerned about you can sometimes have their own judgment clouded by their emotions for that person. Provided they have enough info, could outsiders provide better advice due to their emotional disattachment from the person asking for help?

I think you can get advise from both parties. While people who know you will probably care more about your well being just cause they know you, I also believe they might be biased, even if it' subconscious. On the other hand strangers might not be personally biased, but they also don't know you very well and bring other non personal biases to the table. Everyone has a world view and some sorts of bias.

 

[keith99]

I think you can get advise from both parties. While people who know you will probably care more about your well being just cause they know you, I also believe they might be biased, even if it' subconscious. On the other hand strangers might not be personally biased, but they also don't know you very well and bring other non personal biases to the table. Everyone has a world view and some sorts of bias.

Well said. Those who who know you can have a distinct advantage. Years ago before teh internet took off a lady posted about some romantic problems in an annonimous forum on a local BBS. She got all kinds of advice, most bad. It was all about a romanitic evening gone bad. many said simply dump the guy. I did not give answers I asked questions. I soon was contacted by the lady in question. I knew her fairly well, I also knew the guy involved, her husband who she was very much in love with.

I also knew the problem. Things just were not woprking for her that night and she could not explain why. Her husband was a research scientist and understanding why was central to his nature. Everything spun downhill from their mutual frustration over that one point.

My generic advice to you is listen to those who give advice, but test it yourself. And ask one followup question. Why? The answer to that will help you determine which advice is good, and in really good situations will help you use all advice given to come up with a course of action that is better than ony single suggestion given to you.

As to the original question you asked.

I will not say yes or no. I will just reference one line of The Lords Prayer and give you a question for you to ask yourself.

"And lead me not into temptation".

In a potential dating situation ask yuorself will this tempt me to do somethgin I'll regret later. Then decide on yuor course of action. What tempts one person may well be no temptation at all to another.

 

[highlife]

Courting is not as methodical as you may believe, nor does it necessitate any particular circumstances in which two people are first introduced. Courting is not like an arranged marriage, nor are period movies necessarily an accurate representation. =p

Sometimes I think a quasi arranged marriage would be better than the dating scence in most places.

 

[Sinner and a saint]

To the OP (sinner and a saint): Should christian teens date? I don't think it's a matter of "should". If you're interested in getting to know someone for possible romantic involvement later on, then date. If that's not important to you right now, then don't date. Just go out with people as friends, even if said friend is/are of the opposite gender. Or, better yet, don't get bogged down with terminology at all. Just be social with people! Do it from a grounded christian perspective, of course, but there's nothing wrong with being social, even if it's with someone of the opposite gender. I'm single and male (and, admittedly, more than a little obsessed with sex), and I can think of one very good female friend in particular with whom I love spending time, but have no sexual or romantic interest in her (and no, she isn't ugly =D ). It's not out of the realm of possibility to just be friendly and social with people, without romance or sexuality interfering.

Good points. I think that these are good opinions.

 

[Andrew Ryan]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships.

Of course, that's the fun of being young, young love can be both amazing and tramautic depending on how you approach it and how you conduct yourself. One however should be cautious and careful about whom you decide to court or 'date.' You should also absolutely refrain from premaritial sex. Sex can not only lead to diseases and pregnancy but it also can fool either party involved that there are feelings when there may very well not be. It's best to keep it platonic.

Courtship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Can these relationships glorify God?

But of course.

Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?

If not, then what's the point? What's the point of having a meaningless relationship that is not going to ultimately go anywhere? Speaking from experience, there is a lot of pointless, irritating and hurtful relationships that I wish I had never even decided to engage in. Dating should be qualitative not quantitative.

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Sometimes I think a quasi arranged marriage would be better than the dating scence in most places.

Why do you think that?

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Of course, that's the fun of being young, young love can be both amazing and tramautic depending on how you approach it and how you conduct yourself. One however should be cautious and careful about whom you decide to court or 'date.' You should also absolutely refrain from premaritial sex. Sex can not only lead to diseases and pregnancy but it also can fool either party involved that there are feelings when there may very well not be. It's best to keep it platonic.

Courtship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



But of course.



If not, then what's the point? What's the point of having a meaningless relationship that is not going to ultimately go anywhere? Speaking from experience, there is a lot of pointless, irritating and hurtful relationships that I wish I had never even decided to engage in. Dating should be qualitative not quantitative.

I agree with you completely. I am now even more convinced that it's not so much about if you "date" or "court" but more about your heart attitude as well as your relationship with God.

 

[highlife]

Why do you think that?

I have never had a favorable experience with the dating scene, it is more frustrating than anything. I met my wife online but if it were not for online which is kind of like setting yourself up on an arranged marriage I would be screwed and not in a good way. Even church is like a bar scene without the drinking as far as dating and rejection.

 

[Skaloop]

I have never had a favorable experience with the dating scene, it is more frustrating than anything. I met my wife online but if it were not for online which is kind of like setting yourself up on an arranged marriage I would be screwed and not in a good way. Even church is like a bar scene without the drinking as far as dating and rejection.

Interesting. The two best romantic relationships I've ever had were with women I met in a bar. That includes the one who became my wife.

 

[highlife]

Interesting. The two best romantic relationships I've ever had were with women I met in a bar. That includes the one who became my wife.

You have to not get rejected in the bar first though.

 

[Andrew Ryan]

I agree with you completely. I am now even more convinced that it's not so much about if you "date" or "court" but more about your heart attitude as well as your relationship with God.

Precisely, so long as you keep a sharp mind and cling to the Church and God and follow the teachings of the Church and Jesus and look to the life of Jesus and the saints as examples, you will be alright.

 

[Gishin]

You have to not get rejected in the bar first though.

Even good things come from doomed relationships.

 

[Criada]

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